empty421

Although I don't particulary enjoy doing it, I do it because I know he enjoys it. Sometimes, when I am really into it, I will actually want to and then I do it MUCH better. I don't know why I don't like it... I guess I just get tired and frustrated if he dosen't finish quickly...

Haha... there are two times that really stick out in my mind, but there have been many. The first is when I was at my boyfriends house about 3 years ago and his parents were supposed to be coming back from vacation that night. Well, it was the afternoon and we were having sex and all of sudden we hear the door. My boyfriend, in a panic, jumps out of bed naked, grabbed his shorts, and ran to the bathroom, leaving his room door wide open with me naked on the bed. His room is very close to the front door, so I freaked out grabbed my jeans, and as I was running to the closet naked, jeans flying in the air, I catch a glimpse of his mom's face. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die! The second (and funniest) in my opinion, was one day when I was giving him oral sex and he was naked, but I wasn't. His parents were home but no where near his room, as they usually left us alone since we were already over 18 at the time. We heard a knock at the door and all of a sudden, his little 6 year old cousin runs to his room!! He hides under the covers, buck naked, and I was sitting over the covers fully clothed. His little cousin starts begging for him to come play and starts pulling on the covers!! Meanwhile, the whole family comes in!! I was trying my hardest not to crack up, and you could tell he was having a heart attack as his cousin pulled on the covers!! Evenutally everyone left, but it was so funny!

That was a really nice poem, but you can't blame yourself! It is better to have let her go, than to have kept her suffering on machines or on medication. One of my dogs, Chance, an 11 year old chocolate lab, is at the vet's right now and he is probably dying. He has had a lot of problems this year, and now he may have liver cancer... We may have to put him to sleep... I am devestated... But I don't want him to suffer...

It took us about 4 months... and that was 3 1/2 years ago!!

It is absurd to anyone but him. He says the most outrageous untrue things!! Just because he really thinks it does not mean that it is absurd or untrue. He says several things that are untrue when he gets defensive. I cannot let him sit there and tell me things that I know are not true.

I let him speak and I interrupt occasionally when he says something so absurd or so untrue that I cannot stand to stay quiet.

I just want the e-mail to lead to a real conversation that is much needed in our relationship.

goes out with friends, or a friend (girl) that i feel uncomfortable with after he tells me that he went to sleep... i has happened about 3 times that i know of. I have confronted him before, but in the past I have not tried to understand how my being controlling plays a part in it. I still do not think it is right and I want him to understand that. I think he would be able to talk over it calmly if he understands that I see my part in the problem. He does not like when I just attack his points of view, so I tried to see it from his point of view.

He is not an easy person to talk to. I tried this earlier and he gets very defensive and does not listen to what I have to say. I do not get to get eveything out when we talk. This way, he reads everything and cannot interrupt me. Trust me, I know him, this is the best way to get through to him at this point.

I was on here last year after my boyfriend and I had broken up for a short time. I received a lot of great advice, and I am so thankful for it. Well, me and him have had issues in the past with trust, and I just foind out today that he betrayed my trust again. What he did behind my back, in itself, was not bad. It was the fact that he did it from me because he thought I would get upset. It was the fact that I caught him in another lie. It is the fact that he shows no remorse and thinks that going behind my back is OK since I "get upset for everything". I am deeply hurt and I am seriously considering ending things if he is not willing to discuss the situation or work on the relationship with me. I see my part in it. He needs to see his. I wrote him this e-mail, I have not sent it yet. It is a big long, but please read it and tell me what you think and if there is anything that I should change. PLEASE help me, I don't know what else to do. Dear -------, Please read this and really look at what I am saying. I feel like this is the best way to talk to you since when we talk on the phone things are never able to be fully expressed. There are things I have to get off my chest, and things that I say later on that show you that I do listen to you and care about your opinion. I honestly don't even know where to start. I am so incredibly lost right now and I am feeling several emotions at once. I am angry, I am sad, I am hurt, and I am trying to deal with it very calmly and rationally. I love you more than you can possibly understand, but I can't deal with the fact that you have the ability to hurt me the way that you do. I understand that I overreact about situations, and that I sometimes make a big deal about things that aren't a big deal. I am not perfect, no one is, and it goes both ways. That being said, that does not justify you doing things behind my back. As I have told you in the past, I would much rather be upset at the fact that you are doing something that I do not like, than be upset because I found out that you went behind my back to do something. You have no idea how stupid I feel when I think about how, when you did these things, you were able to lie to me and make me believe that you were going to sleep. I feel stupid for believing you. It makes me think that you honestly believe that I am naive and that I will not find things out. There are several things that I want to do, that out of respect for you and our relationship I do not do. I can guarantee you that I do not tell you that I am sleeping and then go out behind your back. I could never be that deceitful. Whenever I have even thought about doing something that would betray your trust, I realize that the relationship is way to important for me to risk losing. I just don't understand how you don't feel guilty, how it just seems as if you think it is justifiable so that it is ok to do it. I honestly believe that you have no respect for me and that you think that I am a pushover since I have forgiven you in the past. Last time I told you that if I ever found out you lied to me again I do not know if I would be able to be with you. It's like you hear that and don't take me seriously. It kills me when I think about how you have apologized to me and promised me that you would not hurt me this way again or hide things from me again. I honestly believed you. I honestly thought you were being sincere. I feel like an idiot. Then, when I am trying to be the bigger person and acting very calm despite the way that I was/am feeling, you lash out at me and basically tell me that you do not feel bad and that "you are fed up". Fed up at what? At the fact that I caught you in a lie and was reasonably hurt and upset after what I told you the last time? I wasn't going to dismiss it as if nothing happened, no one would in that situation. You know how I feel about you going behind my back. I just don't understand how you can tell me that you want to be with me, and yet treat me as if what I feel is not important. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to be with you more than anything. I want to be able to trust you. I want to be able to feel as if you are actually going to sleep when we hang up. I want to KNOW that you would never go behind my back for ANYTHING again. I want to honestly feel like you aren't going to do anything to hurt me when you do go out. That being said, I am willing to talk about what is causing this and I will try to change my feelings about certain things within reason. I also have things that I need to talk to you about. It is obvious that things need to change both ways. We are BOTH too controlling with each other, and it is causing problems. We should have time apart and with friends, within reason. There are certain things that I am sure that we can both agree on that are just not right. I realize my part in what has happened, but I do not believe that it makes going behind my back right or acceptable. I am sure you would be furious at me and hurt if I betrayed your trust in that way, despite what you may have done to cause it. I just want you to realize that, to realize that you hurt me, and to apologize. I am sorry that my actions (being controlling, getting angry etc) led you to feel as if you had to go behind my back. I just wish that you would have discussed with me how you felt before you did that. You say that you want to be in this relationship, so do I, but I can't just sit back and accept that you think it is ok to go behind my back because of the circumstances. It makes me sick every time I think about what you told me on the phone earlier. I would never think that you would say those things to me. I hope that isn't how you really feel and that you were just talking out of anger. I know you think that I never listen to what you say, but I do. There are obviously several things that we both have to say that we have been keeping inside. I would like to have a real discussion, no yelling, no cursing, no attitude, no interrupting (like I do sometimes), just talking. If we are going to make things work, we have to make an effort. It takes two people to make a relationship work, just as it takes two people to ruin one. Please give me your opinions. Thank you!!!!!!

oh god i sure hope not..

would anyone else be upset?? what would you do??

thank you so much NJRon.. im going to need your help through this.. you really helped me see this in a different way... rose2summer, everyone who helped me out last time... anyone else have any opinions.. i just want to hear everyones perspective on this... Im trying to take all of this in...

Thank you NJRon... that has really make me think.. You are right, my strong opinion is based on what I would be doing... it just feels so wrong to me... but like you said every family is different.. Should I just be there for him and act like nothing is going on even though it really affects me??

That is another thing I just don't get...as much as I have upset him, angered him, and driven him crazy over the past three years and after every fight we have had, he dosent... so I don't understand how he can just stop talking to his family. What makes me different. There must be something else that happened but I still want to fix things... I was thinking about asking him about "what if they passed away", but I dont want to upset him more than he is right now or make him get defensive.... NJron I know I should support him... I seem to have a problem doing that with him even though he supports everything I do.. It is hard for me to change that when I have a strong opinion on a situation or a feeling about it... I am so lost..

Hey guys.. you all helped me a lot with this a few weeks ago and I need you all again for something else... I seem to think a lot clearer and make better decisions with all of your opinions... please give me some advice... its driving me crazy

Hey everyone... I really need some advice on this situation that I am in because I honestly have no idea how to handle it... My boyfriend of over 3 years (who I have posted about in the Getting Back Together section a few weeks ago) and his mother and sister had a huge falling out about 7 months ago and he has not spoken to them since and vice versa (mind you he still lives with his family while he is getting an education)... it has bothered me since the day I realized that he really dosent intend to speak to them... ever.... they do not make an effort either. The argument, in my opinion, was not worth this reaction from either side, but then again was not involved so I may not know the whole reasoning behind it. But, nonetheless is has really bothered me for a long time now. I have always felt that it was not my place to "fix" it as much as I want to, because after this amount of time I feel as if these people are my family and my family is breaking up. I had tried to talk to my boyfriend, to no avail. I end up getting attitude whenever I try to help. To make matters worse, the other day, the day of my boyfriends graduation from the Fire Academy, his father (whom he was still speaking to at the time) got involved after 7 long months and told my boyfriend that if the whole family was not invited that he was not going to go either... my boyfriend told him that if he does not go to the graduation, which is very important to him, that he would not speak to his father either. His father didn't go. He is now not speaking to his father.... so his whole immediate family is now (in his mind) cut out of his life. His cousin told me that he told him that if we get married that his family is not invited and that he wants nothing to do with them ever again. They used to be a very close family, and now I feel as if I am caught in the middle. I convey messages to and fro when I am at his house, and I get along with everyone. I think they are going to kick him out soon and he does not have the money right now to live on his own because he has been in the fire academy full time. So many things trouble me. This situation bothers me every day. Every day I try to think of a way to fix it, a way to AT LEAST make things better. But, at the same time I feel like it is not my place to give my opinion or talk to either side about it because it is not my family and it is not my problem. I am so torn, but it is really taking a toll on me. If, in time we do get married I don't want my family to be broken apart like this and I want any children we may have to have all their grandparents. Even if we do not, it kills me to see such a close family broken apart. As upset as I have been with my family I can never imagine cutting them off completely or vice versa. Can anyone give me any new outlook or advice on how to handle this situation. Is it my place to try to fix things or speak to anyone involved (including my boyfriend)? Is it a family matter I should stay out of?? Is there anything I may be able to do to help?? Please, any advice you can give would really mean alot... this is driving me crazy and I think about it every day...

congrats!! im kind of in the same boat - minus the LDR, but i wish you the best of luck... it isnt easy, but if you two are really commited to making things work you will....

Thank you so much Viper, I'm sorry it took so long for me to respond.. I try so hard to think of things as "not worth it" but me not acting out towards him dosent mean i dont stay angry...you never know what will happen with millie, but you shouldnt dwell on getting back with her, you should dwell on healing for yourself... so that, in time, you wont feel this horrible pain anymore...i am here to help.. so here goes some venting an-almost second fight i avoided but i have to deal with in some way because it is a BIG thing for me.. when we went to eat dinner last night, after we had let the other disagreement go, one of his female friends from highschool (because he was reunited with several friends at the wake for the guy he went to highschool with) called him, he didnt recognize the number at first, but when he picked up and i heard a girls voice i was like "great not this s*** again (the majority of his "friends" used to be girls and most of them liked him) they made small talk (me fuming the entire time, trying to not let it show because thats the last thing i wanted to happen on our first real date since we decided to work things out).... he told her that he was going to eat dinner with me and for whatever reason she was laughing and he asked her why like 3 times and she didnt answer... wow i wanted to get on the phone and tell her to leave us a alone and go f*** herself... but i controlled myself pretty darn well for the way i was feeling at that point... and i tried not to take it out on him, but i found that the best way to do that was to not say anything just sit and smile and try to calm down and talk to him about it today (this is a big thing for me because i wanted to solve it right then and there at dinner but i knew i irrational because of my anger at the time)... he tried to explain the situation of "starting to see his friends again after what happened etc...and trying to make me feel better about it) without me even saying anything and the rest of the night he could tell it was really bothering me so he tried to make me happy and i tried to act happy but i was really REALLY upset.. it may seem stupid but it just brings back a lot of things from the beginning of our relationship that drove me crazy, the blatant disrespect from girls he was friends with whenever they called him, the constant worry, the constant arguments over the calls, i know its jealousy but it really makes me sick and i dont want to deal with it again...how do i talk to him about how this affects me without seeming like a jealous b****... i dont want this to start again... it really affects me... and to top it off he dosent like when my guy friends have ever called me in the past even if to tell me hi..they have never disrespected him in any way... he just dosent like it... but his defense is that he has known the girl that called him since first grade and that thats different from meeting highschool.. i think that is bull****... i know im not going to be able to handle this calling and/or seeing eachother stuff if it comes to it.. especially not this new into things.. and i HAVE to talk to him about it today.... to make things even better i had a dream about it and it was a really bad dream about the situation... which just pissed me off even more even though it wasnt real when i woke up... so...help me out guys before i do anything stupid.... why do i have a throbbing headache right now? why am i so pissed? why couldnt we have just one, good, really happy night? why did the b**** have to call?? how do i approach the topic with him? what can i possibly say to not start a fight? how do i get her out of his life again? why can he understand and just not do it? how do i calm down? how do i do this?! i never thought it would get this hard in the beginning

ugh... we already fought... why?? arent things suppoed to be "new" again??

things seem ok with everything so far, but i thought it would be awkward... i mean things dont feel completely back to normal (i didnt expect them to)...but we talk like we used to... we are planning on seeing eachother a lot like we used to... he mentioned us living together in the future again... i didnt think things would move along like this... its funny i still feel like i cant call him because i was so used to it... i dont want to mess things up, do you guys think we shouldnt move so fast even though it feels so right?? im trying to be cautious..

i wish you the best of luck...whatever happens, you will come out stronger in the end..with them or without them

thank you all so much for your help and support!! dogheadma thank thank you!! i know its going to be hard at times, and im sure we'll have to give eachother some "firm but caring reminders" sometimes.. i realized that neither of us had much respect for eachother before...that will hopefully change.. at least i know it will change from my half... its going to be hard, but hopefully we can do it this time... if not at least we gave it our all...i already see some improvement in the way we communicate... its been a while since i felt like things could actually get better, rather than worse lozic21, you should be very proud of the fact that although you want him back, you dont let that make you ignore the fact he treated you poorly... no one deserves that and I wish you all the best in moving on... i will be here for you whenever you need me!! i will try to help you in any way, and you will find someone who will treat you like gold, like you deserve to be treated... thank you for all of your advice during this hard time that i went through.. and your support through this attempted reconciliation... i hope to be able to help you guys too!!

i hope to give you all some hope, but im going to need guidance as i try to do this... its not going to be easy.... i know how you feel all too well it was/is one of the most painful things i have gone through and ive learned from it... and it may happen again... i just hope to be stronger when/if it ever does...

yea hes my puppy, "spot" haha very common name but he has a little tiny spot on his back so we thought it would be funny... hes a handful sometimes though!!... you will find someone, you will see!! you are a very strong person, and though it was hard to get to the point where you feel happy with yourself and under only your own control.. you did it, and you should be so proud of yourself, i know i am!