empty421

rose2summer, I feel the same for you and I will always be here for help, support, or just to talk when you need it. I know you will find happiness in your life and a love greater than you can imagine with someone who treats you like you are their world, and no less. You are a wonderful person with a kind heart and a lot to offer, and I know other will see that in you. You have been very strong through your ordeal (a lot stronger than i was) and you seem to be genuinely happy with yourself now.. congratulations... i can only hope to grow enough to be able to come to the realizations that you have and to become a better person for what i have been through... i will be talking to you... to all of you

things are a lot like this for me right now.. although i did the whole crying/begging/pleading things when it first happened... it is when i stopped doing that, that things started to get better... and now we are trying.. and its a long road and we both have to change a lot of things and work hard at it... but if it dosent work out, as much as it would kill me, i would be satisfied knowing that i/we gave it my/our all and we just werent meant to be... i wrote a post about it if you would like to know the whole story, if not just know that things can look up, but you both have to want it bad, the most important things i got out of the experience that I have to love and be happy with myself before i can truly give of myself, and that chasing them only pushes them away.. its is when you love someone enough to give thim the space they need/ask for although it kills you that they realize (if it is what they really feel), that they love you and need you too and they are willing to work on things together... i wish you the best of luck...

LostAngel, thank you and I will still be visting this board every day! All of your advice and kind words have made a world of difference... i am here for you all the time as well... I know you are going through a lot too, we all are... and you can PM me anytime, for any reason... I know i will still need advice and help from you all in trying to fix things... and if it dosent work out I know i have an online "family" to help lift me up and get me through it again... i am here for all of you and you all still need to be here for me... its not going to be easy to change habits that are years old... thank you lealing!! i am still going to be here all the time!! The time that we were apart I realized a lot of things about myself, and things that I did to contribute to what our relationship was becoming, and I have to try to fix them , as I truly believe he will try to work on his shortcomings.. for example I never was "always there for him" as he was always there when I needed him, no matter how inconvinent... i would get angry over petty things and yell at him, not let him talk, force my point on him when all it required was a conversation, I would not give him time when he needed to cool down, whenever he got upset at me I would get angry (usually because I knew I was wrong), I hope I can change these things... or at least get better with them... but like i said i know its hard for anyone to really change forever, and it usually only lasts a while.. we will see where this goes.. i still need you all..

drninga.. i was two weeks since the break up actually happened, but months since we were unhappy, not even happy to see eachother anymore, distant, and fighting all the time... i guess i should have seen it coming, i just thought I never would... the break up was a wake up call, and only by me not chasing him, following the advice of those here (or trying to) from the start, have I been able to grow as a person and try to change certain things for the better and ask him to do the same... things are far from normal still... and its a long road... we will see what happens, but for now I am trying to be hopeful.. im being cautious rose, I know it wont be the same, but I dont want it to be the same, I want it to be new... I hope we cant work things out, and I know it will be a long (difficult) road, but if it dosent work out at least I can find comfort in knowing I gave it my best shot... as much as it will hurt, at least I cant feel like I tried... we will see what happens in the days to come... thank you all so much for your support, and rose2summer of course you were on my list!! you were the first person too give me really good advice and knock some sense into me!! i will always be here for you too..for all of you... thank you

Im sorry this is so long.. It all started two days ago when I finally decided to stop calling (chasing) him like so many of you on here suggested. He would always act cold and annoyed when we would speak on the phone before, and yet when he called me as soon as that night, there was a different tone to his voice, softer, happier. So after the night that I decided to stop calling him, after we hung up I felt better about myself, about the relationship, about my choices. The next day (day before yesterday), I again did not call him/contact him once, and was discouraged, depressed and desperate again, because he wasn't calling me. I was falling back into the same pain that had been killing me since the ordeal started. I once again felt I HAD to call him, had to chase him, but I went on here instead and spoke to friends, and at around 11:30 PM he called me. I could tell he wondered why I hadnt called him all day, and again he sounded calm and happier. Then, out of the blue, he asked me "so what are we doing this weekend?", which caught me completely off guard, since a few days before when I was begging him to see me he told me not to pressure him, that he didnt know, that he would see me when he felt like it and i was making it worse. So in a state of shock I said I don't know but i want to figure things out before we do anything, which I think discouraged him and he hung up to take a shower. He called me before he went to sleep last night about and hour later and I told him this weekend sounded great, and goodnight. Well, yesterday rolls along, and im expecting the same thing, no calls until late etc... when all of a sudden, ten minutes after I get out of work he calls me and asks me if I would please see him today, and I said I would, but that I had to go home and do some things first. So we agreed, talked about some light things, and we hung up. On my way there I was so nervous, I didnt know what to expect, what to say, what to do, but I decided to let him call the shots, HE wanted to SEE me, so its up to him, I want going to push anything, I was fine waiting until the weekend. So I get there, we hug, and we act like friends for about the first hour. Then we ate, and he said "lets talk". So we did, and im not going to get into details because this post is long enough but we basically asked each other what bothered us each about each other/the relationship that caused us to fight all the time, and we apologized to each other and promised to try as hard as we could to stop the things that turned our little disagreements into huge, painful arguments. We promised to treat each other better and speak more respectfully towards each other even though we were upset. We figured out a lot of things last night, and we decided to give it another shot. I am praying that this time we can really be happy, like we were in the beggining, that we can enjoy being with each other, that this will never happen again. And I know its going to be a long road, and I don't know what it will bring, but no one ever does. We are taking a chance, and if in the end, it dosent work out, althouh it would kill me, I will know that we gave it our best shot, and I will be satisfied. This experience has made me grow as a person and taught me that not everything is in my control. That sacrifice and self-respect can make a world of difference and that good people can lift you up and guide you when you cant do it yourself. Thank you all for the amazing advice you have given me on here. You have no idea the impact your advice has made on me and my relationship. When this all first started I was so lost, so empty, and so desperate... and slowly, day by day, all of your kind words and good advice (although "tough love" at times) lifted me up more and more. I thought I would never be able to get through this and come out a better person, more mature, and more prepared for what life hands me, and yet I have with your help and the help of those close to me. All of you are wonderful people and life will bring you all the happiness that you deserve, whether it is with the person you were with or someone who will make your life so much better than you ever thought it could be. It's still going to be a long road to getting things back to, no better than how they used to be in my relationship, and I know I still need support to gt through it. I will still be on here every day to help you all, to help myself learn from you all, and to give of myself like you all did to me. I wish you all the very best, don't settle for anything else. Thank you especially to: sillygurl, LostAngel, Lealing, Viper62382, mysteriousGIRL, lozic21, rose2summer, robowarrior, jman311, loveisaparadox, dogheadma, shelly7, Irishman, menotyou, candy604 you all made a world of difference...I can only hope i can do the same for all of you

sorry mysterious i hadnt realized that you had started a post... i wrote back to you in my post that you had written in and asked for advice... sorry for the mix up keep your head up!

Mysterious, i know im always scared that he will just say "f' it" and mean it... but there is nothing we can do to change that if that is what they decide... when this first happened i thought it was so unfair, so ridiculous, that after so long you have no say in something so important, you invested time too, but then i realized that a lot of things are unfair and that it is part of life... something we must accept... if it is meant to happen, trust me, it will... as for getting your hopes up i am trying not to do the same at this point because whenever i do i seem to get disappointed... try to not expect anything, so that if something does happen you will be pleasantly surprised, and if nothing happens, you wont be more disappointed... i know this hurts so badly... it kills me... but try to do things to keep your mind off it... ad for calling him and begging/crying/asking questions i did that about three times when this first happened and each time it pushed him away further.. what would start off as a nice conversation would end as a horrible argument with me miserable... after the last time i did that i promised myself i would not contact him and would only speak to him if he tried to talk to me... which he did... yesterday night, he called me and out of the blue said "so what are we doing this weekend" which caught me completely off guard... if you see my other post on this forum i say the whole story... but now im here happy that he made an effort and wants to see me, yet staying cautious because i dont want to get burned.. im trying to think that nothing special will happen and that we wont get back together so i wont be disspointed when/if it happens... try to keep your head up i know its hard... but one more thing... if this is the third time it happens i think you should REALLY think about the relationship before you are SURE it is what you want.. i know the feeling of hurt are strong, but like other people on this forum have said, dont confuse them for love and for NEEDING to be with the person..i know its really hard and i had a hard time discerning my feelings... i also think you should deal with your relationship directly with eachother, not through friends.. try to keep your head up (as hard as it is) and do other things that make you happy... if you ever need to talk there is always someone on here and I will be happy to help...thank you for your advice and i hope mine helps

thank all of you for all your support.. i will defintely keep you posted and no matter what i will keep visitng this forum because i can only hope to give such good advice to others... still trying not to get my hopes up.. even though i admit i kind of am

thanks for the advice... i just hope this weekend makes things better, not worse... im kind of nervous right now and im hoping he dosent change his mind about seeing me this weekend... im trying VERY hard not to get my hopes up like i ususally do only to be disappointed.. i should not expect anything, so that if something does happen I will be happy instead of expecting everything only to be disspointed...

good luck!! i hope everything works out for you!! just dont get your hopes up too much.. its better to expect less and get much more!!

thanks... im going to try my hardest to not bring anything up... i just want to know where we stand, because its driving me crazy... and I know he will probably try to do something physical if we are alone and as much as I may want to, I REFUSE to do that if we are not COMPLETELY together again... i wont put myself through that pain... is there absoultely any way to find out without making things heavy? or should i really just let him bring it up unless he trys something and I have to explain why??

am i just getting my hopes up...or is there a small chance that things may just be looking up?

That was an amazing story and I'm glad that you have found peace in yourself. I don't know if I would ever be strong enough to handle this twice, I could barely do it now. Good luck with everything in your future, and you are right, "if it is meant to be, it will happen"

lol i think we can all be "dogs" sometimes!! i dont want to be gloomy around him and i dont want to argue but I do want to know where I stand before we just start doing things again... i cant just act like nothing happened and just go out without at least knowing what he thinks of the situation... how can i have a conversation about where things stand without bringing things down?? any advice??

well... he called me and after some awkward silence he said "what are we going to do this weekend" which caught me completely off guard and confused me.. he was making it seem like nothing ever happened....he didnt say id like to talk to you about this this weekend... just "what are we going to do this weekend" ...i responded by asking him if we were going to talk about the situation before we do anything else....(i did this because i dont want to just become a FWB or a "friend" or a back burner girlfriend and if its not to figure things out i dont want to just do something on a weekend without knowing where we stand).... after some silence he said..."well.... yea" but i couldnt tell if it was reluctantly or making it seem like i should already know that... what is going on.. i dont want to get my hopes up for nothing... the conversation ended because he had to take a shower and told me he would call me after, before he went to sleep... im happy that he brought up us seeing eachother... but im not quite sure what it meant...

i have to call... i cant sleep and i feel sick.... why did he tell my friend he would call me when he wont.. he never used to do that... why... i feel as if he is waiting to see if i will call him... i feel physically ill right now...

thank you viper.. i was thinking about it and i know i cant get emotional.. i have to act as if im OK even though im dying inside and i want to tell him how much i love him and how we should be together right now and how much its hurting me... but i cant... i have to act like im ok... that piece of paper idea is a good one... maybe i will try it... i wish i felt like he needs me.. but if he needed me wouldnt he be with me right now... i have been reading some of your posts throughout the day...how are you doing in your situation?? anything new?? im not calling... im not going to be emotional... i have to breathe...just hearing his voice over the phone when he was there killed me... and he couldnt even tell ME he would call me he had to tell my friend to tell me... why?? we shared our lives and now he cant even tell me things like that... i dont know how i can take this...

Hey guys... i know i said i wasnt going to call him, and i havent, but its only been one day and this is getting very hard for me.. i really want to talk to him and call him... to make matters worse.. one of my good friends (who is the sister of one of his good friends) called me... and a few minutes later i heard his voice because he had just gotten there (he uses his friends pool to go swimming to prepare for the state test)... it killed me to hear him there knowing he could be with me since he probably would be with me if we were together... then he asked if she was on the phone with me and she said yes.. and he said "oh... tell her ill call her when i get home after i take a shower"... he dosent think my friend knows what is going on but still.. like he couldnt just tell me himself or call me on the way there or on the way back home.. it was like a slap in the face... why cant this just get fixed already?? i thought we would be back together and happy by now when this first happened... boy was i wrong and its really taking a toll on me... if you read my first post you know the situation.. and i thought i felt better today.. but now i feel much worse all over again.. why cant things just get better again already?? what does he have to think about so much that he cant think about it by now (8 days) i know it dosent seem like a long time but i never thought he would have to think more than a couple of days... i feel like by me not calling him that he is going to think i dont want to work things out and that im giving up which im not... im far from it.... i cant believe this is happening to me... to us... im in a daze and i want to know when its going to be over..cant i just call and make things work somehow... i love him... so much

i just got back from walking my dog and i want to call him so badly... i know i cant but wow... wont he think i dont want to fix things if i stop making an effort?? he will just think that i dont care anymore.... which i do more than anything.. god i just want to call... i dont have anything to do right now to keep my mind off it.. i just want to call him and talk to him maybe hes thinking that when i call again hell tell me he wants to see me and then we will get back together.. that what i want so badly... i know im losing it again.. afternoons are bad for me... i want to call... stop me!

anyone?? im trying to figure things out rationally... but i know i can be quite irrational right now

if by this weekend i dont have some kind of idea of what is going on.. i am going to tell him something along those lines.. it does help... thank you... if you have read my last 2-3 posts... what advice regarding those things can any of you give me.. have any of you guys done that.. how did it work out??

im glad you are going out! i hope you have fun! ive gone through all those thoughts and excuses so many times over.. but the fact remains that we dont really know what they are thinking or why they are doing this and we never will... they may not even fully know... but we all make excuses at one point... ive made many and i still do... hopefully we will eventually realize that we shouldnt... i refuse to accept that i am the backburner girlfriend too... i really hope that thats not what he considers me after everything we shared... i wish he would show me he cares but i cant make him... i have to stop hoping he will, only to be disappointed and feel worse... my excuses are that maybe he is doing this because he really is overwhelemed right now with other things (he is finishing the fire academy and has the state test soon) and one of his friends from high school passed away and even though they were not close i know it still comes as a shock... but i know they are excuses.. because if he really wanted to be with me right now or really missed me nothing would stop him from showing it.. even if for a few minutes.. i know you will get stronger day by day... and doing other things is the best thing we can do... it wont just go away but it give you a few minutes or hours of peace... and when you start to feel it again.. do something else... i wish you the best of luck getting through this and i am usually on here to talk/respond... i am going through it too and you are definetly not alone

i have felt like this, like i said until today.. this is the first day i didnt wake up crying... the first time i havent wanted to cry.. the first time ive really believed that if we are going to be together it will happen in time, if not i will try to move on... and it will hurt me like hell but i hopeill find hapiness again.. im sure i will cry soon.. or at least want to... but at least this morning i feel strong.. its is in the afternoon it starts to really catch up with me... it will get better day by day.. i promise.. i literally thought i had no tears left to cry for the past week yet, up until yesterday it was all i could do.. at the drop of a hat... whenever you feel like crying or you are desperately waiting for a phone call.. go on here.. it takes your mind off of it and it really helps.. im on here a lot now and ill be glad to talk.... not just about the relationship, but about anything... we should both try to get our minds off of it as much as possible.. even if it is only for a little while...

our situations are, in fact, almost identical... i thought about the blocke dnumber thing over this past weekend too.. but then i decided that i shouldnt sink to that level... you are better than that... but until yesterday all i would do was dwell on the fact he wasnt calling me and call him thinking it would make things better.. it just made things worse and made me more miserable..i can honestly say that i feel better today (at least right now) with my decision to not contact him at all... althouth i will still pick up if he calls.. i took my phoen everywhere for the past week and now i am fine leaving it in my room when i walk my dog or watch a movie... it makes you feel a lot better as hard as it may be... and yet, i will never understand how he can just be fine with everything and not feel like i do.. it seems so effortless for him... but then again he was never one to show his emotions when he was upset, and in this sitation i believe he would show me even less im sure they hurt sometimes... or miss us sometimes.. but i do not believe they dwell on it like we do.. why they feel that way i will never understand... but as soon as yesterday afternnon i felt like if my word was ending and icouldnt take it... but now i feel like maybe, just maybe.. i will be ok one day

i am also very confused... he tells me he wants to be with me and that he loves me but then he acts like he is ok without me.. i have never been more confused in my life.. the only thing i can do is keep my mind off of it and think that if we are supposed to be together, things will eventually work out, if not it was for the better.. as much as it kills me to think that