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pacopaco

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  1. pacopaco
    NO CONTACT is essential to healing. If you can make it by still communicating with your ex, then go for it. In my case, my ex (Who cheated on me with her boss after 7 years with me) turned into a basket case. She kept calling me, going back and forth with me. sleeping with me, inviting me out, saying she wants me back, saying she doesn't want me back, calling to say she was sorry, and then telling me she was not unhappy with her life without me, but telling me how much she regrets it, all while still working in direct contact with her boss, who is her affair partner. She was usuing me for comfort. I was weak and allowed it, thinking every time that we were "working on it." we weren't I was a yo-yo plaything for her. I had to implement NO CONTACT for that reason. her lying, and cheating was too much. I tried my best to work it out with her, telling I forgave her, and that we need to get to counseling, but no. She's happy with herself, i think, and I was not happy being the yo-yo, so I cut her out of my life 100%. Sure we were together for ten years, and we were best friends before that, but now that I think back on the memories, they are neither good nor bad, and that relationship was the biggest nothing that happened to me in all my 33 years alive. will we speak again? I don't know, but right now, I know that I just want to forget I ever knew her. She was a bad partner, and a worse friend.
  2. pacopaco
    The girl you knew is gone. She was sweet, but sounds pretty sour now. Actually, that guy may be a scumbag, but like attracts like, and the scumbag is her. believe me, I know. I was cheated on too, and in time, you'll see through her "clear as mud." I guess that's the most difficult thing to get past, it's the image that you had of the other person, because it is shattered, broken, and no amount of glue will put together again. I'm sorry for you man, I really am. I know the pain, and I wish you weren't going through it. I was together with my liar cheater for 7 years, go fugure! I had a thought that you never really know a person until after you've broken up with them. In my case anyway, it's true. I don't want that dishonest, lying, cheating woman back. She's no good, and anyone who gets her next she is as Peter Tosh said a "Brand New Second Hand."
  3. pacopaco
    man, that's lame-status. it is true, that it isn't about you. it's about them, which is very bizarre, even twisted, if they are someone else. I don't get it, and I think it's best not to care. maybe they feel guilt, or they feel pity for you (us,) who knows, but it is lame, and selfish. I have not gotten a call. I doubt I will, and that will be just fine with me. I don't want to hear from her. You're right, if she felt so bad about hurting you like she did, she'd be ashamed to show her face to you, and to have you hear the sound of her voice. Some people...
  4. pacopaco
    Did she call you? that is lame. I didn't get a call. I told her not to call me, I've been in No Contact since the day before New Year's Eve. Screw all that. She probably feels guilt. send her packing!
  5. pacopaco
    1. I feel more attractive now than I did.
  6. pacopaco
    yeah, this post killed for me, ha ha !The original post is good, especially if you're like me. i was cheated on, and i feel, well, cheated. i guess i'm just in an angry phase right now, so it helped me to read it. I've got nothing against jocks, by the way. past or present. I've known some cool ones.
  7. pacopaco
    I agree robowarrior! totally.
  8. pacopaco
    Has anyone here had an affair with a co-worker? A supervisor? I guess i'm asking because I was cheated on by my ex of 7 years. she had an affair with the boss. I guess what I'm asking is, what happens afterward? I did something stupid after we broke up and snooped her phone bill. there were a bunch of calls between the two. it's weird. they call all day (as if they don't work together) and then the calls will go into the late night, like late night for at least two hours. it seems obsessive to me. now, I know what's still going on, but I guess it makes me angry that she told me it was strictly professional, they had ended the affair. At this point it is none of my biz, and I don't go snooping anymore. but am I right to think that that is a sick and twisted situation to be in? My sister said that it is what it is, and that his their relationship. I agree.
  9. pacopaco
    interesting thread. I think the same things. I was cheated on, and I wonder, if hurting me was the best thing she did. Partying, and going on, etc. A year later, I'm still having a tough time meeting people, and I haven't quite gotten to partying. She told me she felt regret and sorry, but I couldn't believe it. I still don't. I think she covered it all up by taking it to the party stage.
  10. pacopaco
    I was in a relationship for 7 years. She cheated. didn't leave me alone all last year. I was weak, and did not go to full No Contact. the day befor new Year's eve, she said she wanted to be friends again like we used to be (we were friends about three years before we got together.) I asked her to respect my request of not calling me anymore. I have not heard anything from her since then. what is that about a month in a half? not a peep, and i feel oretty good. still have thoughts, but i know that anything that hurts me now is internal. she can't hurt me anymore. will we speak again? I don't know. all my friends and family say we will, as we were so a part of each other, and sometimes i feel the need to talk, and be like old times, and i think if she misses me too, but right now is not the time to talk, only to carry on with my life.
  11. pacopaco
    Hi, I was also in a 7 year relationship, and was cheated on. I am so sorry. I know it hurts bad. This happened to me a year ago, and I do feel much better now. I'm not over things completely, but I recognize that what bothers me now, when it does, is all inside of me. That man is out of your life now, he can no longer hurt you. I hope that consoles you a little bit. Take your time with things, you have no rush and let yourself heal.
  12. pacopaco
    I quit smoking when I was 25. Dropped it cold turkey. I did well. Just last year was so bad, I needed a crutch so I took it up again. Right now I'm using a Miswak. That's a "muslim" toobrush made from a tree twig. It works, and I can sit outside brushing my teeth. That's been helping me a whole lot. In addition, it makes my breath fresh. As I stated before, I don't want anything prescribed or I don't want to get into using patches. I'm afraid that I'll end up moving from one addiction to another. Not for me. I guess I'm doing good with quitting, but whenever I get stressed or think back to last year, I get not the craving, but more the impulse to smoke. It's the impulse that is my problem.
  13. pacopaco
    I took up smoking early last year. I hada rough year, and I took it up as a crutch. I'm doing so much better now, and I want to leave everything from last year behind, including tobacco. I stink, my breath stinks, i can't walk up a flight of stairs without having to catch my breath. I started smoking about a pack a day, and it intereferes with my life! I hate it. I don't want to do patches or gum. I understand that it is a physical addiction to nicotine, but I want to believe that I have the power of mind over matter. I have healing well from a painful breakup, and four deaths all which occurred last year. Any advice, support? what did you do to stop smoking? I really want to do this!
  14. pacopaco
    now you're talking! i worked out and i have a chest and some shoulders now. That's what you need to do Cyp. Take care of you. I'm doing the best in taking care of me, and that's all we can do.
  15. pacopaco
    Of course you don't think she'd lie anymore. That's you. Believe me, until she regrets (if ever) and is truly truly sorry for hurting you, it is still about her. She will lie to you. it gets easier to lie after the first time. Believe me, I know all about it.
  16. pacopaco
    Learning to trust another isn't going to come from your ex. That has to come from you. flow with it. don't push yourself to trust, but don't push yourself in the other direction, either. This will make more sense to you when your mind is clearer. Also, about the anger. Yes, it's ok to get angry. don't do anything bad, and remember that you're angry because you were wronged. Don't hold the anger let it flow and let it go when you feel that you can. As good as that anger is, it can also serve to make you bitter (not against your ex) and resentful so that you will miss out on ever being to trust another again. Know that you can't carry the anger. it needs to come and then go. I feel I'm here now. I met three girls last week. Do I feel good about it? Oh yeah! but I'm also thinking of things, and I am on guard. it's healthy, to be, but it's also healthy to give someone new the benefit of the doubt, at least until you can see what it is you do not want, and I think that's ok too. This'll will all come to you, as I said, when you're not as emotional.
  17. pacopaco
    I agree bigtime, cantexplain. I also knew my ex for a long time before we got together, and it is such a shock! I trusted her with my life. it is such a blow to the psyche when something like this happens. Just as your handle denotes "can't explain," we may get answers, but we may not from these people who were such a part our pasts, that the best anyone person can do is let it go and go. who knows why people become so selfish with the ones they love or loved. what helped me heaps was to realise that it had nothing to do with me. I believe that. we all have our demons, just some of us can't or are too self-absorbed to face and slay them. That's what I think, anyway.
  18. pacopaco
    wonderful wonderful. This is my year too. here's to us moving forward!
  19. pacopaco
    Yeah, just like me! ha ha ! yeah, I went down that road all last year with my ex, thinking that I could help through this "confusion," but the fact is, these people are not confused, they're just racked with guilt and regret, and are looking to the offended party for support and comfort. no, it doesn't work that way. The "confused" can stay that way as far as I'm concerned.
  20. pacopaco
    Hi Cyp, You need to get angry. I was where you were. Similar situation. 7 years down the drain over an affair with her boss (whom she still works with) I got angry, and I'm still angry. you'll get there. It helps to not be afraid of that anger. Anger allows yourself to see that you were not treated right. right now you're thinking "My beautiful girl, she isn't messed up, she only made a mistake." The guy she ran off with, Like my ex's boss did not hold a gun to her head and say "you're coming with me." These girls did not make a mistake, they just weight you over the other guy (me too) and said "I don't care enough about my boyfriend right now to be honest." people change, our needs change. your girl changed, she was just too much of a coward and a liar, or so afraid of her own changes to be honest with you. your girl, like my ex is a coward and messed up in the head. Severe charachter flaw, if you ask me. This I was able to see when I became angry. For me, getting angry also helped me in letting go of so much. I began to think in my anger "This undeserving girl will never hurt me again. Who was she anyway?" let her go, Cyp. She flew off with him, and probably will become so starry-eyed and amazed at being in a new place, that she'll probably end up doing what she did to you, to him. the way I see my ex is that she is still living in last february. Still working in the same place keeping contact with her lover. She hasn't moved on, and I know because she had been calling me all last year. Sometimes people think that what they are doing is "moving on," but what they're really doing is fleeing from something internal about themselves that they are too afraid to face. This could last a lifetime.
  21. pacopaco
    I think you know what to do in that last sentence. You should stop talking to that friend. At least until you're healed enough.
  22. pacopaco
    that's the thing, Moonflower. Sometimes it's all day. sometimes it's everyday. Still, I think this new, as it has been a month of NC, and I haven't not taken it this far all last year. Sometimes I just wish that it never happened. If she didn't want to be with me, I could understand falling out of love, but she ruined the friendship we had prior to being lovers. I know I shouldn't dwell on "what-ifs," and I don't do that too much, but we would have stayed friends and actually would have come full circle if she hadn't left the relationship the way she did.
  23. pacopaco
    is that what this is? no, I haven't down anything too crazy. I just want this hurt to end. I guess I am feeling like everything is really ending. I have been having thoughts as to whether she thinks of me, etc. I guess also having a month of total NC is really pushing my feelings, not that I'm about to contact her.
  24. pacopaco
    I think for me, is that I want her to call saying( sincerely) that she is sorry, and that she missed out on such a good thing, that we had a good life together. She has said this before, along with telling me that I am so much an exception and a bunch of other things. she told me these, but I didn't believe it. I guess, if anything, it's to get a call to hear that she is in pain too. not that it would sway me into telling her "let's give it another shot." I'm just saying that because we were together for 7 years, and knew each other well for ten years before that. we were a big part of each others' lives for ten years, it would be nice to hear some pain coming from her. not to laugh in her face, but to understand that she knows she messed up. I think this is why I was in contact with her all last year, I wanted to hear it, and see it. I never did, or at least I never felt it was sincere.
  25. pacopaco
    thanks joe, I'm keeping hope alive that she won't contact me, actually. Still, a part of me is hopomg she does, but for what? is this normal? everyone is telling me she will call. I told her a bunch of times not to, but she still did. I know what I can do about ignoring her, I've done it before, and she is just persistent.
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