pacopaco

hi. I'm going through the same thing. I need to get my name off the car loan note we both have together. we haven't spoken in 5 weeks, but that is still a matter i need to clear up. I'll be calling her her this weekend to do it. What i'm saying is this: if you want the camera back, you'll have to call or email, but keep it STRICTLY ABOUT THE CAMERA. after you get the camera, the last tie you have will be closed. continue with having NC.

I've been broken up with my ex since Feb. she cheated. I was first feeling that i need to get intop bed with someone just because she did it. Everytime I met someone new, somthing in my heart and mind said "stop, you're not ready." since Feb. i haven't had sex with anyone. I don't feel bad about it, because i don't feel ready. I think having a string of Grudge Fu*ks would have hurt me, and it would have been me hurting me. i still don't have the sexual feelings, but that's ok. i'm working right now on just getting my life together without the Ol'Girl. in the end, everything falls into place, and what's the rush?

I had the same thing happen to me. My ex always has had a problem with the word "boyfriend." having been together 7 years, and lived together, i thought this was very immature, and i thought i was a "partner" more than a "boyfriend." it's very shady, ineed, and probably an insecurity he has of being "attached."

yeah, don't do it. I've been in NC with the ex girl for five weeks now. last friday she sent an email. nothing personal, i actually thought it was a group email about Astronomy. She knows i'm into it, and so she sent me the article. i did respond, but just to say "thanks for the info." i should have just ignored that too. everything, all of it, even a "hi," can hurt when someone has hurt you. I don't even know why she sent it, it's not like she wrote anything in her own words.

more importantly, why do women cheat on a great guy, who is good looking, has personality, and is head over heels for them with someone who has emotional issues, is not as good looking, and works with them, having to see them every friggin' day?

I was cheated on. well, it's easy to bash and get all hurtful, but i never even bashed my ex, so why should i bash you? As painful as it all is, all i can say is "these things happen." They do. I never cheated on her, or anyone, but i think sometimes people become so fearful and begin to rezch out for whatever, anything, even if it is a fleeting thing. what they fail to realise is that they had the support, and the fear could be helped if they turned to someoe who loves them. in your case, seeing that this is a Long Distance thing, maybe you both should have broken up when you left. I can imagine its a hard thing to work at, these Long Distance relationships.

hi, he isn't texting you to make you feel good. he's texting you to make himself feel good. you respond, he feels less guilt, or sadness, because it gives hope. there isn't wrong with hope, but hope can take over your emotions, and you find your head in the clouds, again. take it from me, i had it happen. Stick to NC, you'll feel better about you, which is the point. I don't know why you twon broke up, but regardless; a break up always hurts, and healing is needed for everyone involved. you and him, and it needs to be done separately.

wow voltaire! is she still trying to get back with you after 27 years? man, that's gotta be weird. I the i say it now, i was also dealing with a weak, insecure person. I figure, she got so scared that we were actually going some place together, what with a new car, apartment together, that she saw nothing to do but throw it all awat. Yeah, she scares me, and i'm not usually frightened of people, but this one-I'd rather be far away and separated from her.

I have the SAME EXACT PROBLEM. i just don't use Messenger anymore. i log in to check my emails, but my status is set to "Appear Offline." After we agreed to have NC, she disappeared from messenger, and only recently popped back up. I deleted her (but no block) and she popped up again. I don't know how this is, but it happened. we haven't spoken, but she did send an email last Friday. go figure. If there's no one on your MSN that you really need to chat with, don't use it. I have alll the phone numbers from people i want to talk with, so it's no biggie, really.

why not? i emailed my ex-gril on her birthday. just everyone is telling: keep it short and to the point. it doesn't even have to be sweet. just an acknowledegment.

I spoke to a friend, and he tolm " Be ready to get get emai messages from her for years. the fact is, you left an impression on her. that's why she sent you something to do withAstronomy. As impersonal as it was, the fact that she sent it is personal. she got your softspot." I think it's true. it's weird, but she is the one person who scares me. I feel that if ever i spoke to her or saw her, she'd do or say something just to hurt me. it sucks because we were in love for so long and that's how i feel. I wish i hadn't left an impression, and that she wasn't thinking of me. That's the essense of what cheating is, to the person cheated on. She wasn't thinking of me, when she did it, why is she thinking of me now? I wish she'd stick to that feeling, and not email. Still, I'm doing with keeping up with the NC.

again, what does it all mean? I feel dumb, kind of lost. What does it matter if i'm serious or not about the NC thing? to her anyway, why should it matter? what's the motive? i think i'm thinking too deep into it. that email she sent Friday wasn't really personal, it was just some Astronomy info. I actually thought it was a group email, but it wasn't.](*,)

I had a similar thought about what you sai about the email. I responded saying only " thank you for the information," though it does confuse a little as to why she'd break the silence we agreed on. I have so much heart for this woman, true, but i'm scared too. i guess replying the way I did was the best i could do, seeing that there was nothing personal written in her email, either. I don't know if the email meant she wanted to talk, or as someone put it, if she's just fishing. what does that mean, anyway? I know she hurt herself more than she hurt me. That much is true, and i wouldn't turn my back on her, if it were real. but i'm so defensive when even thinking about her.](*,)

Funny thing this. on friday I received an email from her. it wasn't personal but it was information about Mars and how close it will be in August. She knows i'm into Astronomy, and i guess that's shy she sent it. what i don't know is WHY DID SHE SEND IT? we agreed not to contact each other anymore. the email confused and brought back feelings. why did she send it? we've known each other for ten years, true. that's a lot of time invested in each other, but after what happened, i don't know. obviously, she's thinking of me, but the email made me scared. do i reply with a simple "thank you for the info," or do i just ignore it? the last time she was coming around she was so fickle and backed out on me again in trying to work through what happened. why is she doing it again? is there an alterior motive? I don't know what to do. now my weekend is filled with thoughts and memories of how we lived and shared together. Although i've healed a great deal, I still have some hurt that i know i need to rid myself of before anything can happen, but my question is this: should anything happen? advice? I don't know that she has no respect for me. actually, i think she respects me a lot. it isn't like we were together for a year. I know the family, they love me, and well, it's a strange place to be for me.](*,)

After thinking. i don't think she was ever afraid of commitment. I think she was afraid of intimacy. we were together 7 years withought the stupidity or selfishness of cheating. when we bought the car in November, she immediately began saying to me that she'd pay me back the money i put down for the downpayment. I honestly think that she thought she didn't deserve a new car, that feeling bled into everything. she didn't deserve to live in a nice plae, and she didn't deserve me, so she went about screwing it all up. that's what i think anyway. It's weird, i guess the feeling i have now is, after a while, do i contact her, and see if we can be friends? our foundation is in a beautiful friendship, but right now it feels like she ruined that too. I guess only time will say so.

thanks for the responses. I had to be civil and nice to her. I needed to stay dignified, and the first thing I learned in all this is that I am a gentleman. I could have thrown her things out of the apartment if it had suited me, but i didn't. as she was coming around, i was civil asked what she was doing back and what not. no, I'm not a jerk. never have been, and she knows this. she said it. one time she was over she said "you're such an mazing person, you could have done so many mean things, and you would have had the right." my response was "it ain't me, babe." and it isn't. I don't think she's afraid of commintment. she's afraid of intamacy. self-sabotage. who would throw away a nice apartment, a new car, a new job, and a life with a man who loves them? i tthought about it, and self-sabotage was the only think that makes sense to me.

First off, I'd like to thank everyone on this site. This is my first time posting, but I've read and read and read so many of your posts. It's comforting to know I'm not alone, hence the name of the site. This is my story: I had a friend for three years. She and I had a bond untypical, total chemistry; thinking the same thoughts, finishing each others sentences. Slowly we became closer, and one night, a first kiss sparked the start of a seven year relationship. Love, caring, friendship; what a friendship we had. In the summer of 2004, we decided to move in together. We found a nice apartment near Downtown Los Angeles, and for the remainder of that year, it truly was magical. 2005 came but ended ubruptly and painfully. In November, she got a new high profile job at an architecture firm in Downtown L.A. seemed like a dream for her to be working less than ten miles from home. I was happy for her, and like I always have, I believed in her, and her work. In early December I decided that we should get her a new car. Even though she was less than ten miles away, she was working late hours, and I didn't want her driving her old beat up car that sometimes didn't want to start. I was in school, and I may not be able to get to her to help in the even the car died. Besides, she deserved a new ride. On New Years Eve She went snowboarding with a friend of hers (a female whom I know) and went missing for 36 hours! I was scared, and called her on her phone countless times just to get the voicemail. I was scared witless thinking she may have had an accident on the mountain, or worse. When finally she did call I asked her "are you ok?" she replied "yeah, we just got back, I'm at N's place, what's with all the calls?" I was puzzled and responded "oh, I was scared.. I thought you might have been hurt, I'm going to hang up and have a heart attack now." We hung up. When she came home, she dropped the bomb on me, saying she didn't want a boyfriend, and that she wanted to move out. I was thrown back, and I felt that I did something wrong by worrying about her have been missing so long. This was not typical of her. I asked her" what do you mean?" she had no explanation, really. Come 2006, she began working later hours than before, coming home at 3am to get up at7am to go to work. Deadlines, she explained. She kept this up all month, pushing me away saying things to me like "I don't want to talk about it. We're not together anymore." "But we still live in the same house," I pleaded. I asked her if there was someone else, she said no. I cried, and wondered and was confused. "All I did was call you because I was worried," I tried to explain. To no avail. January passed, and we came into February. Same attitude and behavior for her, going out to "happy hour" with the co-workers, working going out with the coworkers; same limbo for me. I asked again "is ther someone else?" she then confessed that there was someone she had a crush on, but assured me that she wasn't going to pursue it, because she works with him.. I tried to rationalize saying," these things happen. You see each other all day, and if it isn't serious, can you please come home if you don't need to be at work?" her response: I need to put myself first. She had planned back in October a week long trip to Spain to visit her sister. I couldn't go, because school started the day we would have had to leave for the trip. She left for the week, and I was home alone, still confused, still in limbo. When she returned, she went to work, and actually came home early, in a rush. I said "hey, you're home, shall I fix dinner? I'm making soup." She said to me "no, I'm going out with Mark for drinks." Mark is her boss."can I come?," I asked. "no," she said. " we're just going to talk about the job, he understands me." I asked her not to go. I knew what was coming. I said "can't you sit with me? Can't you have dinner with me, or watch TV? Can we talk?" Again, she said " I don't want a boyfriend. I know I'm hurting you, but I need to put myself first, right now." And away she went, in a hurry to meet Mark. She didn't come home all night, and in fact, I drove to the bar where I knew they'd be. I didn't go in, because doing so, I felt, would have reinforced her behavior is saying "this is why I'm leaving you." I've never been jealous, and I've never followed her around to check up on her. Such was my confidence in our love. Somehow I regret not going in the bar, because when she came home the next morning I asked her "where did you sleep?" she said "Mark's house." Did you sleep with him?" I asked, already crying. She said "yes." She then started saying awful things like "I'm glad it happened, because now this is over." I asked her to leave the apartment that weekend. She complied. As soon as this all happened, every week was a phone call or an unexpected visit. EVERY WEEK! She'd come around nonchalantly, like nothing happened. The voicemails were "hi, I'm just calling to see how you're doing." I ignored everything. NO CONTACT! She'd show up at the door. I didn't avoid her then. This kept up until her birthday in May when she showed up crying saying she was so sorry, and that she wants me back, even though she doesn't expect me to take her back. I told her I forgave her for sleeping with the guy, but that I didn't not trust her. She said she could not have me not trust her. For three weeks, we decided to work on things. the funny thing is that we have such good communication, and it all felt as if it could be repaired, but then she backed out again, saying she didn't know where anything was going. I told her that we could not see, email, or call each other anymore. She agreed, but I don't really think she did. One thing she kept saying through everything was that she still wanted me in her life, but to what capacity? I told her it was unlikely. As I said, I forgave her for ruining our romantic relationship, but the way she treated me in January and February, I feel she killed our friendship, too. Friends don't push away friends unless you don't want to be friends anymore. It has been one month today that we have not spoken, or seen each other. I cried last night, as I think I'm falling out of love with her, though I'm not sure that that is the feeling. I don't know how to feel because we had such a good friendship. I do miss my best friend. 3year friendship+ 7 years love=down the drain... I'm proud of myself for not having been a jerk with her, as i think she hurt herself more than she hurt me. as bad as the pain is.:splat: i think right now, my head becaomes filled with questions like "does she miss me?" "will she figure it out?" i don't ever want to go through this again.