joeshmoe

I'm jumping on board as well....same as you guys! it's actually kind of fun realizing how many weekends you "wasted" doing the stuff she wanted to do, just to try & make her happy....like you said: "selfish, here I come"

Hmmmm...not sure, if she said no I'd probably just ask for her number, and think that she's not "that kind" of girl. I guess the thing is, I wouldn't persist...I guess that if I felt like I tricked her into thinking that I truly liked her, I might feel like she did it because she thought I would be around later, and that we might have a relationship...so maybe I'd think she was more dateable/had higher standards. ...really good question, though...I'm not sure I can give a good answer on it

well, I guess i'm just so damn hot that they throw themselves at me!...no, no...i'm kidding... first off, I'm not a huge man- , this is not a weekly occurrence...the sleeping together part just comes naturally (or alcohol is involved) if it's gonna happen...go for a kiss, and if she is very receptive, then things naturally progress until she stops it, or I get the feeling all she wants to do is kiss or make out...so in that sense, yeah, I guess I am the initiator, to a degree...but their hands can move around just like mine can, and things happen... If they go back to my place after several drinks and a couple shots...yeah, it's kind of expected at that point. What would anyone expect? The double standard thing is, as i stated earlier, not very logical. Also, i stated previously, that it wouldn't be a deal-breaker for sure, if there was real chemistry between us, and I felt like we could be compatible... No, I do not think a woman is "worth" dating simply because she wants to be chased. I am sick of girls/women that want to be chased, it's all a stupid game, and I don't get it. If you like me, don't play hard to get, and if I like you, I won't either...to me, it's more than wanting to be chased. If a girl/woman has a set of values that I feel would make her a good long term girlfriend, that set of values will not include sleeping w/ someone on the first date, if she doesn't have that set of values and wants to "hit it" on the first date, I'll take it for what it is, and be thankful for it.

damn, that's not fair at all....have you actually asked her to alternate? I obviously don't know her, but maybe she would if you actually asked? other than that, maybe you can just beat up the new guy, so he'll be scared to be around you! (sarcasm, kinda...)

start looking for a job. If you find something that suits you, you can either move on, or tell them you're going to leave, and tell them honestly why & If they want to keep you around, they will offer you some more money, and maybe attitudes will change...then you can decide whether to stay or not. It's not your responsibility to find someone to fill your shoes when you leave. That's their problem. My dad has always told me "even though you might be working for a company, you are always working for yourself"

believe me, I know it's not fair for us guys to hold this double standard. From a logical standpoint, it makes no sense at all....but from my (somewhat insecure, maybe) emotional standpoint...I think that's where it comes from...Guys want to feel like they are the "ONE" for that girl, even though they won't admit it all the time...and if they're just "another one" they don't want the relationship, just the sex. ...just my take on things, other guys may not agree.

I'll be the first to admit that to me, it's a double standard. But I have no problems with someone thinking that I am not a "good-guy" to date...I guess that will only come about if we both "put-out" on the first date, because I can't put out without a willing partner. And I never would pressure someone into anything, that's not my way. I know it sounds awful, but I am being honest here...so basically if it is obvious that I'm gonna "get some" that night, I'll take advantage of that, I am human, male, and I am a pretty sexual person. I guess if the girl doesn't respect herself enough to wait a few dates and get to know me, then I am not going to respect her as much, because she is not respectful of herself, and she doesn't require respect from someone to have her. I'd also like to say, for the record, that first date/casual sex is waaaay overrated, it's fun while you're doing it, but it is unfulfilling. Making love is MUCH MUCH more worthwhile...so far, I've only made love to one person.

If there was a real good connection, I probably wouldn't just write her off, but it still would be a red flag to me, first off...if she did this with me, how many others has she done this with? I generally start off a date treating them the same, yes...but if she winds up saying "let's go to the bar & take some shots" ...well, then it's game on. haha... I normally would not expect, or "try" to have sex the first date...in fact, I am casually dating 3 girls right now, one put out on the first date, so we've had a couple more "dates" that consisted of drinking, then my place... One girl is more down to earth, and more like a friend right now, but she's nice, and I'd like to see where that goes, but I haven't done more than a quick kiss w/ her (we've gone out 3 times now) The 3rd girl lives far away, & is a friend of a friend, so we sort of knew each other before & she's going thru a divorce as well as myself, so we've had some long phone conversations & hung out together for a couple weekends at a time & I really think I like her, but just don't want to go too fast because I don't want to hurt her. Okay, sorry for the novel, but I guess ultimately it just comes down to the person, and for me, morals are a big deal (yes, I know I'm hyppocritical)

My thoughts are: If a girl gives it up on the first date, she is not relationship/marriage material, unless, like was said before, you had been friends for a while before dating. I'll be the first to admit that for me, it is a double standard, I don't feel like I lower myself at all by doing it, but I will look down a little on a girl for doing it. I know it's not right, but if I have sex with someone on the first date, she gets put into the booty call category, or friends with benefits at best. EDIT: maybe one day, i'll have sex on the first date becase there is great chemistry & a real connection forms on the first date & then I wouldn't hold it against her...could happen

Very true! it's just the world's way of messing with your head!

like others said before, if it's just a generic download, you shouldn't be too concerned. I, being a guy like to look at porn too...it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, or he finds you unattractive or anything like that. It really doesn't. Men just like to look, period. Women have their paperback romance novels, and men have nudie magazines...

Well here's my update (if anyone cares) Lately, I have been keeping very busy since my wife left, and I feel like I am starting to fall back into some sort of "normal" routine with myself (actually getting enough sleep, making actual meals for myself instead of microwave burritos and frozen pizza, I've starteed working out a little again, etc.) ...and I truly feel like I don't need another woman in my life right now...at first, I was looking for booty-calls, etc...got a couple in there in the first couple weeks, but they really do feel hollow, call me old-fashioned, but sex without any attachment really isn't that much fun... Thank God for my great supportive family & close friends, I feel closer to all of them than I have in some time. I also have started re-finding my hobbies that were put on the back burner during marriage & I am realizing now how much of myself I gave up to try and be the "perfect husband" (which, by the way, is part of what drove her away) I now know that in my next relationship, I will not put my fun/passions on hold for the significant other...If they fell for me because of those passions, then I need to keep them! Over the weekend, i went dirtbike riding, and stayed later than I normally would have, and I pushed myself harder, took some bigger risks and jumped higher/further than I have in years (I always tried to be home in time to spend time w/ her & return in one piece) It was a real great day of riding with my good friend... Almost liberating & it helped me let go & realize that I am only responsible for myself now. I've been thinking about getting a dog, too for some company, as I am sure I'll be living alone for at least several years, so that would be a good distraction & a new companion...anyone else done this? Thanks also to this website, I am a "man's man" type of guy, but it sure is nice to be able to let out some feelings without feeling like people will call you a sissy!

coming from a mid 20's guy on the rebound himself: RUN GIRL, RUN!

Hmmmm....that's a bit scary

avoid Indian food at all costs!!! ...I wrecked my ex with that one...now she's got a bad mental block about it...bummer for the next guy!