super ian

Hey everyone, need some advice about this. Its been 10 days since we broke up (talked about my situation in earlier threads). I have made it absolutely clear that I want her back. To summarize briefly, she is just done with all the stupid fighting, done with the way I treat her, and feels that even though she loves me very much, misses me like crazy, she just thinks it might be right to move on. I have maintained the fact that I never really realized how much she meant to me (yawn, sure we have heard that many times)... mostly because this was breakup number 2, and she came back to me first time around... I always had my doubts about us and was insecure, but now I am ready to "man up" so to speak, admit to my mistakes, take the blame, and realize that I want her. Anyways, obviously no amount of convincing on my part will make her give it another shot, so my question is: Do I delete her off my msn messenger?? I kept her on and we did chat 2 days ago, it was nice... yet this is when she first admitted that she is "not completely ready to just let go" of me yet. So what do I do? If I dont have her on my messenger then I will always be thinking about her, always wondering if maybe we are one chat away from getting back together..... If I keep her on, then I will be going through torture everytime I see her online... "should I message her?"... "wait for her to talk to me first?" btw so far, she has always been the one to message me first. however today (after not speaking since 2 days ago) I messaged a quick: "hey whats up" and she never responded... then went offline. Any advice? Should I just delete her for a few days, or keep her online and keep small talk going atleast, keep contact minimal but still there?

hahahah something along the lines as: "yo bud, happy birthday have a good time. peace, your ex" hahah "bud".

I think most of us (guys anyways it seems) have been in this situation before. I feel your pain, because the girl I loved told me in last August that "things werent working out" and I also found some text messages on her phone from one of her "friends" saying sh*t like "hey baby cant wait to see you again xoxox". When I look back at it now, I can see the signs, she does the following: 1) slowly yet surely keeps saying how she needs space and it would be nice to do things separate every now and then 2) no longer invites you out because shes just going out with "her girl friends" (that one really hurt when I found out that all of her girl friends also brought their boyfriends along) Whatever man we both fell for a sluuuuut. Thats the bottom line, there are pleny of girls out there that would do no such thing, and can earn your complete trust.

I understand where you are coming from this (in the end it did turn out that he didnt really care about you), but just because guys do all those things does not mean they are not happy with you!!! In fact the ONLY sure way you can tell if I guy is not interested in being with you anymore... is if they STOP commenting on your clothes, your major, your cooking... because at that point they just dont care anymore.

Ya when I asked to know the TRUTH... i mean the truth.... not necessarily from the person doing the breakup, because even they might not really know the truth.

hmmm interesting.... I asked this question to know what other people felt, but in my mind I still would like to know the truth... 100% hold nothing back. I'm too strong to let the truth hurt me... however im not strong enough to block the thoughts of "why did she leave" and "will she come back"? out of my head.

Guys/Girls, first off I want to thank everyone for this forum, I cant believe this stuff actually helps!! Heres a thought to get everyones mind off their ex.... if we had a way of knowing the WHOLE TRUTH about our breakups, would it make recovery easier... or harder? If we could all somehow know what our ex REALLY felt (not in love with you, interested in someone else, sex was terrible, ...) would it make things easier? Would everyone here deal with things better if they just knew that everything was over with and why? Girls (and guys as well) are always terrible at breaking up because they still care about the other person and dont want to hurt their feelings... but wont being 100% honest actually make things better in the long run? "sorry babe but I just dont find you attractive anymore, and well that brazilian guy Fernando at work looks kinda hot, I just want some free time to myself now" Or do we all want to cling to that hope... that hope that things might work out one day and that he or she still loves us....

Guys if shes sees not "in love" with you then there is nothing to keep bashing your head about. People fall in and out of love for many different reasons: one of the ones being that they werent *REALLY* in love to begin with... but many other more complicated ones as well. I have had the "I love you, but not in love you" bullsh*t spewed to me before. She still cares about you because you have been a great part of her life, but well.... shes not in love anymore. hahaha i love the "how to break up" guide book. seriously how do you break up? honesty is always the best policy, but many girls, and guys as well, just dont want to hurt the other person and try to sugar coat things.

I agree this has absolutely nothing to do with you or who you are. A similar thing happened to one of my good female friends. She was living with this guy for 3 months, then one day, no warning he just disappears. Turns out she didnt even know his real name. And this girl is very smart, really attractive, and has a great personality and is not insecure in any way. There are plenty of jerks out there, dont let this put you down. You have an extremely easy decision to make after all this!!

Sometimes people ask for advice from other people just because they know what they want to hear. This means that she was almost sure about leaving you, she just wanted confirmation from someone she knew would give her the advice she wanted to hear. However, like I said earlier, if that isnt the case and she was actually influenced by her friends/sister/whatever... then she does not have a strong personality, needs to mature a bit more. Move on.

If she lets herself to be influenced by someone else then she clearly has some personality issues. I dont know the whole story but I think she needs to mature. Leave her, move on with your life. In time she will realize her mistakes.

I think the problem with both of you young girls is that you arent communicating or doing enough things in a relationship with your guys. Sure, they acted extremely nice and completely interested in you at first to win your heart so to speak, buts only natural that once he has you he wont show as much affection. Whats worse is that if you girls are not reciprocating anything, he might start feeling insecure and having doubts. You need to actually know if he still feels the same, talk to him, COMMUNICATE, or better yet why dont you girls show your affection as well??

This nice vs bad is getting out of hand I never realized that people actually believe this even after they become adults and have had many relationships in the past. There is nothing wrong with NEEDING someone, and there is nothing wrong with feeling to BE NEEDED as well. Maybe some of you are too insecure to actually open up completely in a relationship and learn to trust each other and support each other 100%, and yes, need each other. You keep telling yourselves that its good to have "space" in a relationship, good to learn to rely only on yourself... but you are wrong and if you continue to do this you will only have half-hearted relationships, and missing out on the REAL THING so to speak

Thanks man that was good to hear... I have to stay strong. Cheers!

wow I've listened to ex factor a thousand times and never really listened to the lyrics... eery how they describe everything I am feeling right to the very detail. Good one, dwbh