Twilight777

Right now, it's a couple hours after I was supposed to leave work...but I find myself not wanting to go home because I don't want to see my roommate and hear her gossiping. She literally doesn't let me have a break, as soon as I step a foot into the door she starts talking and doesn't stop. Some days I just don't want to hear it... like today....so I'm just doing stuff online here at work, and hanging out. I wish I could just go home and relax...but I know she'll be sitting there on my recliner, watching my tv, and maybe using my dvd player. ANd I know that if I do go home she won't offer my own chair to me (it's the only one in front of the tv) and she definitely won't let me watch what I want to. I think I finally understand why so many people (usually guys who are trying to avoid nagging wives) do this. It sucks, I tell ya.

That's funny, I also tried Yoga and different aerobics and didn't find any guys. Where are they?!

The funny thing is that when I try to talk to a guy (doesn't necessarily mean I want to hook-up, sometimes it's just because I'm bored), they kinda brush me off, but when I ignore them and act completely uninterested in what they're saying they wanna talk? What's up with that? I'm so sick of games. Why do guys do this? I honestly, have not had a long conversation with a guy in YEARS (not since high school in fact)...and it made me question myself for a while. I'm not ugly so I don't think that's the reason for it. I'm not someone who just yaps and yaps...I like to ask questions. But I think that's about the time that the guy starts being uninterested, when I keep the conversation going by asking questions...but then how the heck am I supposed to keep the conversation going? Am I supposed to tell stories about myself? I'm just thinking out loud here. What are your thoughts?

Physically most of my exes were all about 5'10" to 6'1" and around 190lbs. But that's just stating my track record, I'm honestly open to any body shapes and sizes, it's the whole package that counts with me (i.e., I think Doug from King of Queens is on the larger side, but I have a huge crush on him because he's so funny). Some of the interests I have I wouldn't necessarily want a guy to have. I love dance (been dancing since I was a kid), but I don't need to date a guy that can dance (definitely not if they do ballet). I like to read and read EVERY night before I go to bed, but that doesn't mean I necessarily NEED my S/O to do that. There are some TV shows that I'm addicted to, but again he doesn't need to watch them with me (although my ex ALWAYS watched Desperate Housewives with me and pretended to like it I think he just thought Eva Longoria was hot ). Anyway, the only thing that I would be really concerned about that the guy needed to have is an interest in having a family one day. Being apart (hopefully the leader) of a family unit. Someone who's going to be faithful and honest and loyal. Someone who knows what commitment is. Okay, am I rambling or what? But basically yeah that's it. So now, where do I meet someone like that...and please don't say church, I can't even begin to tell you how many wannabe "players" there are in the church I attend.

At my gym (in Hollywood), all the guys are 1 of the following: 1. Conceited and vain 2. Gay 3. Too old 4. Doesn't speak English (I'm not a racist, I'm a mix myself, I'm just being honest) I'm not trying to stereotype or be rude, but I've been going to the gym for YEARS and there's not one guy that I've come accross that doesn't fit one of the above. I'd prefer to meet a guy that doesn't live in Hollywood or the general vicinity. I've tried the internet thing to no avail. And all the guys at church are either too young or too old....I honestly don't know where the guys that are in their mid 20's are but they're definitely not at my church. I may take up martial arts at your suggestion...that does sound like fun. Golf, I don't think I'd enjoy it too much. I've been to the driving range and had fun for about 15 minutes and then got bored. Where else do men go? Where do men go to meet women (other than aerobics)? Just wondering.

I don't want to go to a bar or a nightclub. Where else can I meet men my age?

Hey Chillins. Maybe you need to change your standards a bit. You might just be a little to picky. Do you tend to find the faults in people and dwell on them? I'm just curious. I know you say that you meet women that you're not interested in, but have you really given it a chance? I know that I personally come off shy and perhaps a little boring when people first meet me....but after 1 month of knowing me, my inhibitions start to disappear and I become a crazy, sky-diving, life-loving freak. I just don't let everyone see it on the first date, and it's not because I'm purposely trying to hide it...it's because I'm not comfortable with being so vulnerable, or allowing people in. It takes time to get to know people, so if you're just getting girls numbers, having one conversation with them and then discarding their number if they seem boring on the first phone call, you just might be missing out. I wouldn't give up just yet if I were you.

I used to believe it when guys told me that too (that they didn't like fake boobs) then I started watching their faces when a girl with big ones would walk by, and let me tell you their actions were WAY louder than words. I know a lot of guys like small-breasts too, but I think most guys are just trying to play the "sensitive" guy card when they say they hate big breasts. They'd sound like morons and jerks if they'd ever admit it out loud. Breasts are breasts, fake or real, small or big, most heterosexual guys like (if not love) them regardless.

That's really good advice. Especially if your gf is thinking about getting an enlargment. I have to say that I thought about it before my ex said anything, but when he said it, I dove headfirst into research about it...and now I have it, and although I'm happy (very happy ) with it, I think I still would have been "okay" with having a small chest if my ex showed me and told me that he did love it...and didn't stare at big-breasted girls all the time.

Look buddy, you didn't do anything wrong. I know deep down inside she knows that it's just "guys being guys", but it's gonna effect her regardless. A similar thing happened to me. The guy I was dating (for a few years) mentioned something about being flat to me. Soon after that, I started wearing extra padded bras. I know it seems ridiculous but 95% of women I know really do care how they are percieved physically, and if someone of the opposite sex (whom they are trying to impress) makes a comment about something, they'll usually do something about it. I know someone's going to come on here saying that's shallow and superficial, we should be happy with who we are despite what other people say...blah blah blah. But those people are blessed with great confidence...and MOST people aren't. Otherwise we wouldn't be on here asking for advice, right? We'd be so confident we'd know had to handle any situation right? Whatever. My point is that I know you didn't mean to do it...but unfortunately there's no way to reverse it. My ex continually made efforts to make me feel better about my body, but it was stuck there in my head. Now, several years later...I am a D, and I don't wear padded bras anymore, and he wished he would have never said anything in the first place (so he says now). Sorry, I wish I could help ya, but I'm on the other end of this, and I really don't think there's a way to "unsay" what you've said. Just being purely honest with you.

I feel your pain! I really do! I'm not in the exact same position as you, but similar. Mine has to do with my roommate, and while she doesn't talk politics, she constantly talks about herself, her family...basically her life is the only subject she can talk about apparently (usually repeating the same boring childish things over and over, as if I cared THAT much about the stuffed bear she had when she was three... I mean, come on!). I got so sick of it, and I realized I was making myself sick. I felt like my blood pressure was going up everytime she opened her mouth, I constantly rolled my eyes, and said, "can't you f-ing shut up about yourself!" in my head. It was not good. One day I actually felt like I was going to pass out because I was bottling everything up inside and not letting this out, and not being able to express to her that I didn't want to listen to her anymore unless she wanted to have a discussion with me (usually it was her talking and me listening) about something other than herself. In her mid-sentence, I literally walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I thought she'd get the picture....she didn't. And as soon as I came out of the bathroom, she started up again. Yeah, she's THAT oblivious. Unfortunately, all the advice in the world about talking to your co-worker won't change her. They are who they are (this is something I've come to realize), and most people who are that oblivious, won't change, even if you tell them. So I decided to change myself. I chose days where I'm going to be tolerant and just be a good listener (ask questions, pretend that I've never heard the story before) and just be kind to her. And then there are days where I feel like I deserve my peace and solitude if I so chose, and those days I won't perpetuate her conversations (I don't nod, or say "uh-huh"). She'll go on for a few minutes even if I do that, but she apparently eventually gets sick of talking to herself that she either shuts up or finds something else to do. I know that that probably makes me look bi-polar or something. But it's my compromise to ensure that our living environment doesn't become a complete disaster. I wish I could give you advice to help your situation, but I think it would take a lot to change your political co-worker (she seems very passionate about her beliefs....and set in her ways). If nothing else, you can always come here to vent...that always helps me... atleast a little Keep us updated!

Good point! When I get interrupted or someone turns a subject around to talk about themselves, I'm no longer listening to them anyway. I'm thinking, "how selfish"…but I continue to nod my head and pretend that I'm listening, and eventually I'll have no choice but to listen and "help them" carry on the conversation, but I guess that's what I'm just so sick of. But I can't imagine ever saying anything to them. In the case with my roommate (who happens to be a gossip as well) I know that if I ever say anything (like telling her how rude it is to interrupt and such) she'll likely tell people that I'm a b*&ch because of it. So what I've been doing lately is just not responding at all....when she goes on and on and pick up a book and start reading until she realizes that I'm not listening...and I feel HORRIBLE about doing that because I think it's rude...but I've just figured that she's never going to stop. But it sucks because I don't want to feel like a horrible person just because she doesn't know when to stop talking about herself!

That was an example of something I tried once just to see what would happen if I acted like her with a bunch of "I" statements. I'm NEVER like that in a conversation. It sounds ridiculous. I've definitely tried before what you've mentioned...but the conversation ALWAYS gets steered right back to her and then she acts as if I never said what I did. And there's the other thing...she hardly ever asks questions...if she made a statement like, "I haven't talked to my father in 5 years" i would've asked her why (if she didn't mind telling me). If she makes any statement, I usually keep the conversation going with a question, but she doesn't do that for me, so I know about trillion things about my roommate, and she barely knows that I have a sister.

What's funny is that I tried this with my roommate one time... She always talks about herself, things she's done, things she's tried, how she's feeling, what happened to her in the morning afternoon evening, what's going on with her and her family etc...and almost every sentence starts with "I" with her. When I come home from work, she doesn't even give me a second to just relax she just starts talking about herself, when I get out of the shower same thing...and in the morning when we wake up...not even a few seconds to open my eyes.... So one morning she starts in with the random "I"'s. We were both getting ready for work and she said.... "I have no idea what to wear...I have so many clothes, but can't find an outfit". To this I didn't respond, because to me that's just a stupid thing to say... pick out some clothes and get on with your life! And then she starts saying stuff about how she wore this one thing one time...and blah blah... so I decided to start doing the same thing to see if she would "get it". Everytime she said a statement that started with an "I", I would do it it back, so our conversation was like this: Her: I can't believe how brave I am that I went cliff-diving Me: I went bungee jumping Her: I'm just so proud of myself Me: I can't find my socks Her: I think I'm going sky-diving soon, I know I can do that Me: I've thought about that before Her: I just need to call daddy to get some money.... Me: I haven't talked to my dad in 5 years Her: I think he might be visiting.....He spoils me so much, I love him Me: I think I'm going to go hang myself.... Okay, so that last part I didn't say out loud...but do you know what I realized from that conversation? is that I'm always the one who keeps the conversation going smoothly by asking questions, sounding interested in what she's saying and trying to stay on topic...because as soon as I don't do that the conversation turns out to be a bunch of "I" statements that don't flow (like the example above). I'm not even sure if she pays attention to anything I'm saying EVER. So I guess with the attempt above, I've tried to steer the conversation towards myself, only to find out that my roommate doesn't give a shat about me.

I'm 25 years old, I'm an adult and I feel like I'm very capable of carrying a conversation, but I just find myself constantly being interrupted and having the subject being changed on me... and I don't want to "sterotype" anybody, but it's these certain people that have one thing in common that CONSTANTLY do it to me, and I wonder if it's because of that one common denominator. I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do...somtimes I just feel like saying, "are ya thick in the head? Are you THAT selfish that you always have to change the subject to make it about yourself? Will you ever freakin' let me finish my statement?" Ugh, it makes me mad. And what sucks is that I try to be a good listener, I don't interrupt people, I really listen and ask questions and try to give good advice, and rarely (unless I'm giving an example) do I turn the conversation around to make it about myself. I'm just having a hard time with it because it happened last night with my roommate (who is definitely selfish and spoiled and self-centered anyway, so I expected it), but it just happened with a co-worker just now, and I just want to give up on these people! I'm so annoyed. ](*,)

I think I might be settling, too. I always thought of myself as the person who gave "misunderstood" people chances to prove everyone wrong. so I think that's why I put up with the bragging...because to be honest, it does bother me. And while we have great conversations, when it gets to the point where he starts putting on the "macho man" routine, I just want him to shut up. The sad thing is that if someone just saw him, and heard him perform (he's in a band), they would probably fall for him, but the minute he opens his mouth it all kinda gets wiped away. Is that awful for me to say? But in a way, I feel like if I can get passed that, I'd be okay. Do you think it's possible to just get passed that? Or would that leave me with something way superficial? At this point I haven't said anything to him about it, because I don't want to hurt his feelings. Is there an appropriate way to bring it up and tell him that it bothers not only me but others people as well?

I met a guy a couple weeks ago who showed a lot of interest in me. He's good-looking, talented, and very sweet to me... but there's just something that bothers me. I couldn't really pinpoint it at first, but it's something about his personality. He tends to brag about things/situations.... like he's in junior high school or something... he's 24 years old. There's also the fact that no one seems to really like him that much. The last guy I dated everyone was so excited and LOVED the guy... With this (current) particular guy everyone's attitude seems to be, "are you sure you like him? 'Cuz you can do way better." I've had more than one person tell me that, and it's also nothing that they can really pinpoint either. Can anyone relate? There's just something me that's bothering me... 'cuz otherwise he's great, he's very gentlemanly, he seems to be caring (yet selfish at the same time? Does that make sense?). I'm so confused... My friends say he's really becoming more and more interested... but the thought of calling him my "boyfriend" kinda terrifies me at the moment.

It's been almost a year...and believe it or not...I thought I'd NEVER get over him....now HE'S the one that's getting all riled up about me dating someone else...and the fact that he's sleeping with other girls doesn't bother me a bit. There's just a part of me that wants to be friends with him...which is why I called him, but I don't know if it's possible with the way he's acting.

So I called up my ex on Friday...and we were both shooting the s*&t and all....and the convo somehow ends up on new relationships...well, it turns out that he's been sleeping with a few girls (which, since we're broken up, I have no say in anyhow) and I just kinda laugh at it. But then we come to me and that fact that I merely dated (not slept with and he KNOWS this) another guy...and he starts getting all pissy and ends up hanging up on me. Which starts the whole cycle of him hanging up on me and me calling back repeatedly. I feel like maybe he gets a power trip out of it...and I feel like I can't help it, once it starts, it's hard to stop. Well, we did that for all of 30 mins and then I said to myself, "what the hell are you doing? He's not your boyfriend anymore, he's not your problem!!!" . And then I was fine because I left town with a girlfriend of mine and we PARTIED!! =) Fortunately, I didn't really think of him during the weekend...but now that I'm back at work, I can't believe how stupid and immature my ex is, and why I let myself (even if it was just for a short moment this time around) get sucked back into our old fighting ways. Well, atleast it made me realize how much I DON'T want to be with him...but I'm just wondering why is there a double standard in this type of situation? He's obviously moving on...sleeping with other girls...going to clubs and such...but gets pissed off at me for dating another guy? What the heck is going on in that messed up mind of his?

I love my friends and for the most part they're great...but I'm starting to get sick of the pattern of them leaning on me when they're all broke...and then when they get money the NEVER pay me back...and I have no idea where their money goes. But I'm sick of it! I'm sick of being the driver and paying for gas, and paying for their food because they realized after getting to the drive-thru that they didn't have enough money. I used to not mind it once in a while....but now I'm starting to feel mooched on. I spend my money wisely and I hate being taken advantage of. Can anyone relate? Thanks for letting me vent.

Wow, thanks to all of you for your responses (and I hope I didn't start any arguments between members...so sorry). I was starting to regret my decision and then I read all of your responses... and I want my CREME BRULEE! I really hate jello anyway. The whole booty call got started with him joking around, saying "when are you going to let me tap that....", I don't know what could be attractive about that...but I guess he was so charming that I fell for his "flirts". I took them as compliments, when they were actually insults to my dignity and self-respect. And the fact that he wouldn't really acknowledge me in public.... how did I stand for that???!! I've never had a type of relationship like this, so I just assumed that's the way it had to be. But last night, I got really upset about the whole situation. Here's this guy that I've been "hooking up" with, giving him little presents, giving him massages, cooking him dinner once in a while, and he didn't even "look" at me last night. He had time to go and sit by another colleague and shmooze it up with her for 15 minutes and then passed right by me without saying a word! I couldn't believe it. He has/had absolutely NO respect for me...probably never even thought of me as a REAL human being... just a piece of meat....why was I so stupid! ](*,)

...and then regretted it later? This weekend I ended it through an email, and just said that I don't want to be anyone's booty call anymore. I was starting to feel like a piece of meat... but I didn't tell him that. Some of my friends say that I'll regret not having that kind of physical relationship with him....he's really hot.... but deep down inside, I knew that it was pointless because it would never go beyond what it was, and at the same time he really wouldn't talk to me in public. I hope I did the right thing...and I hope he's not mad at me...he hasn't spoken to me since...and we worked together on Saturday. =(

...I just feel like there's nothing I can do...I will never change...I will always think a certain way, react a certain way, do certain things. I feel like I'll never find someone who really cares about me (friends, boyfriend, or husband). I'll never be able to connect with people the same way other people can. People will never admire me, want to be me....heck...I don't want to be me. I've read self-help books, confidence courses, tried to improve myself by going to school, playing new sports, trying new "hobbies", and nothing ever changes. I still have a few flakey friends, guys that call me "hott" but never ask me out, and I feel ALONE almost all the time. I'm sitting here at work.... almost 4 years here, and I absolutely can't stand it. I'm afraid that there's nothing left for me to do....I've tried so many ways to make this life better (heck, I even resorted to plastic surgery at one point), but nothing seems to change...and everyone around me is having fun, always smiling, getting married, starting families, hanging out with their best buds.... I can't take it anymore.

Yeah, I like it that it doesn't seem like a game...we're just "convenient" for each other, and neither of us minds, or resents the other for it....and we don't nag or bother eachother at all. A friend just mentioned that he might start thinking that since I say yes whenever he wants to hang out, that he'll start to wonder why I never say "no" to him...but I never say "no" because I actually do like hanging out...and getting close physically...and it doesn't happen too often, maybe just 2 or 3 times a month. But I was thinking about what she was saying and wondering if it was valid or not. Thanks for easing my mind! =)

I don't think this is something I can really talk to him about....like I mentioned before, we don't really chat on the phone, we don't really talk about serious things....and to be honest, I kind of like it that way. I just wanted to see from a guy's point of view (or even a girls point of view, really) if he's more likely to get sick of me if I'm always willing to "hang out" when he wants. I don't want to seem "easy"...but I don't want to seem uptight either by refusing. Just wondering what you guys thought he was thinking. Thanks.