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octopus

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Everything posted by octopus

  1. octopus
    I'm sure if you look back now, you'll see signs that you ignored earlier. At least I saw them, but I chose not to acknowledge them then. It was going sooo well I didn't want to even think it could end
  2. octopus
    curly1, hang in there. I never had a break up like this before (when i was in love AND was dumped) so i don't know how the timeline goes. I'm in LC for the past 6+ weeks. It has gotten easier, although the thoughts of "what is he thinking, is he regrettting, is he seeing someone, is he back with his ex" are still eating me sometimes, and I still cry at random times in the day. I miss him sooo much - everything we did together. I miss things I had long ago forgotten we did together. But I'm better than I was at week 2, 3,4 or 5. Time takes care of it. When that urge comes to call your ex, tell yourself that even if his feelings will change, it wont happen in week 2. You can call, but he'll probably not care, and will think you're weak. Don't call until you're indifferent. As hard as it is, that's what I'm doing. Focus on yourself: Like someone said, the best revenge is to live well. (Although I'm not sure whom we're taking the revenge from: they're already done with us, forever. Nothing we ever did for ourselves or them would concern them anymore...)
  3. octopus
    wants to be friends, because that comforts them...
  4. octopus
    Starfish, he broke up with me. when i moved out of his place he said "call me if you need anything" but since then he hasn't called me once to ask how i'm doing, so I'm assuming he reallly doesn't have a sincere interest in finding out how my trip was, he's just trying to be "friends".
  5. octopus
    My ex sent me an email on Friday before I went away for a long weekend trip and after some small talk wrote at the end: "Call me when you get back." Now,a quick recap: the last time we talked was when he called me to bring me my mail a week ago, and I'd told him "Just forward it to me" and I said I had to go while he was in the middle of explaining something. I don't want to call him. He probably said "Call me back" because he wants to be "friends" and still talk(that'd make him comfortable that I don't hate him but am his friend), like he is friends with all his exes. I am soooo angry at him, at this point I don't see him as someone I'd call and joyfully share my trip details with. So, I am not going to call him despite he said in his email "Call me when you get back". In this case, if he really wants to talk to me, he'll call me at some point this week, or he just won't. If he does call ,however, how should I sound to him? The natural way that I'd sound now is cold, distant and hurting. But should I sound really happy, talk to him about the great a trip I had? Like I said the truth is I don't even want to talk to him because I am so angry, and I can explode at him, probably only to regret later. I find it hard to justify to myself giving another minute of my life to him - without him winning that minute. I don't want to not answer his call. If he ends up calling, I will take it. But should I sound like I feel right now (angry), or sound happier and as if I don't give a f...k about him? In terms of healing, I'm ok with moving on, I might have already moved on since I think about him less and less and he doesn't come to my mind when I'm doing something (i.e. work, or sports), but I miss him and I think that he's a fool. Thanks....
  6. octopus
    Natalie, melrich is right. Are you over those issues? Because unfortunately if you go back exactly where you left it, it won't be any different. Sure, time has gone forward, and people tend to forget things in time, but other issues that haven't been dealt with may come up again. How are you feeling? At least now that you're aware you've put him thru so much AND he's still there, I'd say go forward, but I hope it won't end for the same reasons.
  7. octopus
    make him beg, make him work to get you back... if he really wants to, he should go to the end of the world for you.
  8. octopus
    I am going to sound selfish but I'm glad you posted. I was looking for cases when one realized he/she loved the other after wanting to separate. But of course the reasons and conditions may be different, so every case is different...
  9. octopus
    I think it also depends on the reasons for break up too. In my case, he told me he didn't love me "the way he's been capable of before" (= like he loved his ex). So in order for him to come back to me, time has to pass, things have to change, he has to get over his ex, he has to open his heart ... But if a break up was because of long distance, or someone had a drinking problem, or an affair, i'd think the post-conditions and stages would be different. I might sound selfish, but all those other reasons sound fixable to me at this point, but when there isn't love in someone's heart, how do you fix that? I should go kill myself now
  10. octopus
    Hi Dako, It sounds like you are at peace with everything, and that is just great. What more could you have done? You gave her everything, and as it always happens, she didn't know the value of it. She took it for granted. You did everything possible. What more can one say... Great post, thanks...
  11. octopus
    i think it's both time and space that heal... you learn to deal with you feelings, so learn to look at the relationship objectively.
  12. octopus
    I am in the EXACT same situation as you are. So to begin with, you are not alone. As for her business, that made me think she just wasn't that into you. If you have THAT feeling, you'll go to the end of the world for the other, we all know this. As for dealing with NC, I don't know what to say. I just cant stop myself from thinking "What is he doing, does he miss me, has he moved on?", but I will never know the answers, and yes, he probably already moved on before we even broke up. Try not to break NC, so that you dont regret later, and keep yourself busy. Go walk - i started taking a percussion class - and fill your every minute. It gets less and less everyday, you miss them less and you wonder less. Although it is in cycles, one day I feel great and excited about moving on, the next day I'm back to break up day 1. Write to this forum and we'll respond to you- that's something to look forward to as well. Good luck and stay strong. Don't break NC - it's good for you. At least don't initiate contact. She wanted to be without you, let her have it.
  13. octopus
    I agree that NC for a while and then becoming friends, if it's really worth it, is how it should happen. For the dumpers it might not matter much, assuming they've lost that loving feeling anyway, but for the dumpees meeting them can't be that pleasant - not even as pleasant as running into a friend. I remember one time when I went to the store with my ex, he ran into an ex of his, they talked, but that was it. No feelings, nothing.If I ran into him now, with his GF or whatever, i'd go shoot myself. But that's just now, maybe 2 months later I wont.
  14. octopus
    Thanks, lonelydays. Secretly, that was what I wanted to hear
  15. octopus
    I'm sure he hurts because he knows how hurt I am, and I know that he does care for me... But I want to call him and say "Are you as happy as you thought you'd be without me?", and I want to scream, but I probably won't like the answer I'll get. Like you said, he probably did think about whether it'd work out, and this was pre-meditated when he came to me to end it. What can I do? There was a Cinderella song from ages ago: I can't tell you baby what went wrong I can't make you feel what you felt so long ago... There's nothing to do. A break up is permanent.
  16. octopus
    lgirl, I don't know!!!! They must be over and moving on like we never existed, because most of the time the dumpers end it in their heads first, get used to the idea then the actual break up occurs. To me, mine was a shock but he'd been thinking about it for 2 months... How can we be at peace with this when they are available to any other woman in the world but US? I guess it's a self confidence issue?? Or do even the strongest people go thru this loop of denial, anger, acceptance, indifference, then anger, denial again...?
  17. octopus
    I do think going through pain like this makes you stronger, like weight training makes your muscles stronger... However what I can't figure out is, here I am going through so much pain, and I'm still thinking "It'd be impossible to get back if he comes back" -- He's NEVER coming back! Otherwise he wouldn't have broken up with me in the first place! WHy can't I get over this? It is permanent, and no matter how much I think & hurt about it, it shouldn't affect my day-to-day progess because we have NC and I'm in DC for the next weeks and he's in Boston, and even i weren't, there's nothing I can do to change his heart!!!!
  18. octopus
    Thanks Selfi! What was their reason for break up and how old are they? I hope they're happy together now..
  19. octopus
    Thanks yelloemail! As much as I understand everything I wrote, I can't accept them or feel them. It's sooo painful...
  20. octopus
    I believe in God and until now in everything I needed help and support with, praying to God had put peace inside me; I had always thought there was a bigger picture I wasn't able to see and that everything happened for a reason; God had something better in store for me. Not this time. It is probably the case again, but praying to God does not ease my pain one bit. It does not help anything. What to do now?
  21. octopus
    I did ok talking to him, maybe, but I have nightmares every night. i.e. i go to his place months later, and he's added a new room, everything looks more organized than before, everything's white, he's so happy without me etc... And waking up alone is a shock. In a new bed, in a new apartment. Anyone else have these nightmares and the shock of waking up alone? I still haven't gotten used to it. What do you do?
  22. octopus
    I used to post in the "getting back together" forum, but as of today, I think I understand that it is impossible to get back together even if the ex comes and begs for 40 nights straight. How could a relationship turn back, pretending none of the pain happened? It just can't. A break-up is permanent. I also realized the thing (5 weeks after the break-up) that still makes me down is NOT knowing what he might be thinking. Does he miss me? Does he think of me? Does he regret it? Has he already started dating? Is he back with his ex? When I feel strong and that I'm moving on and I don't need him, I feel that he will come back to me. When I feel weak, when I feel miserable and fight myself to not call him, I feel that he thinks we're over forever. At these two extremes I have, what is he thinking? Is he even thinking of me or while I spend hours on this forum reading other people's posts, he's already holding someone else? What is going on over there??? I just want this to be over and I hope all of you who are going thru this will find the strength to be strong, to do NC, and that you'll be blessed with the EX coming back to you and begging, only so you can enjoy saying 'NO'.
  23. octopus
    I think it's OK to keep hoping they'll come back as long as you move on. I'm going to give you a sad example (sad for me). My ex, 32, only fell in love with 2 women in his life. 1st lasted from when he was 19 till 24, and she left him and moved away. He says he was devastated, he thought he was going to die. Then It took him like 7-8 years to fall in love again, with a girl he met last year, when he bought his house ( she was the real estate person i think ). She dumped him about a year into their relationship, and he dated some other girl after that and me, but he never got over HER. It took him 7 years to get over the 1st girl he loved, and of course when we met, he wasn't over the 2nd girl (we met about 6 months or so after they broke up). Although he gave me 100% the entire time we were together, because he wasn't over HER and I thought that he could immediately dump me if there was any hope for HER to come back, our relationship that had a great few months, ended. [His phone rang differently when she called, he still had keys to her apartment and a parking permit... which didn't bother me, but I didn't think were respectful for me; his new GF] So the bottom line is, he moved on, hoping either SHE would come back, or that he could find HER in other people he dated. What did that cause? He * * * *ed up my life, because i had serious feelings for him, and I am sooo hurt I don't even know if I can ever see him again, for any reason. Will his ex come back because he's moved on and hoped she would? I don't know. I don't know why they broke up in the first place (I should've asked the right questions) but it's very possible that she will, and he sensed that and ended our relationship, for the hopes of getting back with her. So if you're not in a rebound relationship, move on and do hope that your ex will come back. But if you're seeing someone new, please don't screw them over.
  24. octopus
    Settinuplife, I hope so. I hope he'll realize I am not there anymore. If that doesn't do it, there's no reason for me to keep feeling down about it. It wasn't meant to be. But even now, I have confidence that his feelings for me arent ZERO.
  25. octopus
    Yeah.. take it slow.. I'm in no position to offer advice as a dumpee myself, but think all your moves through and allow enough time for both sides to digest everything... And always remind yourself; don't keep your hopes up... Assume the worst...
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