octopus

For two people who were together with a strong attraction for a while, but broke up because of certain doubts (i.e. there are ex's not forgotten), is it possible that after a period of time of separation (i.e. 4-5-6 months) and space (i.e. no contact at all) and change of conditions (i.e. lived together before, everyone's back to their own lives now, those ex's not forgotten showed no interest, others dated meanwhile etc) there is another chance down the road? I just want to know your opinions, and experiences.. Thanks...

I'm there right now. I'm alone, I don't think I'll ever find someone like my ex, and -ok call it immature, whatever you want - it drives me nuts that he will be happy with someone else... But I'm not in as much pain now, I'm not fighting myself to not call him; I know I will never call him until he does. I want this to pass and I want to be able to love again...

The book is about the feminine side of God. Or a female God. It's a good book, although not the entire book is as moving as these 2 pages. I just find that these words speak my heart exactly.

6 month very intense relationship; we lived together. At month 4 he was *implying* about us getting married, at month 5, he decided he didn't feel the way his EXGF made him feel. Broke up 2 months ago, haven't seen him or talked to him for 5 full weeks since I moved out of his place. He emails me articles from the papers, or other "friendly" things, which make me SO upset, but I respond in a cool way, sometimes he IM's and I say I have to go. I begged the first night after the break-up, asked him if he missed me on week 4, but I got my answers and I will never, ever contact him again. If there is any chance of anything working out it has to come from the dumper. How am I doing? I lost like 10 lbs the first 3 weeks because I just could not eat anything. I couldn't sleep either. I'm better now; I feel like I'm moving on. I go to a different place every weekend, keep myself busy, I started playing djembe, I go to a salsa club every monday... I miss him deeply, and I feel like if I never see him, I will be fine. But I know I will see him at a conference in March, and I'm already sweating about it. NC definetely is the only way to go. Not only do you block all means of getting hurt or rejected again, but also you (probably) make them wonder what you're up to, too.

This is from Paulo Coelho's book "By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept". I love it and every time it makes me cry. If I had written it, i would have used the exact same words. Hope you'll enjoy it too, it's very powerful. ******************************************************** "By the river Piedra, I sat down and wept. There is a legend that everything that falls into the waters of this river, insects, the feathers of the birds - is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed. If only I could tear out my heart and hurl it into the current, then my pain and longing would be over, and I could finally forget. By the river Piedra, I sat down and wept. The winter air chills the tears on my cheeks, and my tears fall into the cold waters that course past me. Somewhere, this river joins another, then another, until - far from my heart and sight- all of them merge into the sea. May my tears run just as far, that my love might never know that one day I cried for him. May my tears run just as far, that I might forget river Piedra, the monastery, the church in the Pyrenes, the mists and the paths we walked together. I shall forget the roads, the mountains, and the fields of my dreams - the dreams that will never come true. I remember my "magic moment" that instant when a "yes" or a "no" can change one's life forever. It seems so long ago now. It is hard to believe that it was only last week that I had found my love once again, and then lost him. I am writing this story on the bank of river Piedra. My hands are freezing, my legs are numb, and every minute I want to stop. "Seek to live. Remembrance is for the old" he said. Perhaps love makes us old before our time - or young, if youth has passed. But how can I not recall those moments? That is why I write - to try to turn sadness into longing, solitude into remembrance. So that when I finish telling myself the story, I can toss it into River Piedra. That's what the woman who has given me shelter told me to do. Only then - in the words of one of the saints - will the water extinguish what the flames have written. All love stories are the same."

I hope it will. So far for me, it comes and goes. But losing something beautiful is painful. Knowing it will never be the same even if you tried... But on the other side, having lived something beautiful is good too.

ItHurtsRightNow, You see how powerful NC is? It's making you go nuts that she's ignoring you. Do the same and take the power in your hands. It's hard, but your other option is to be miserable.

Don't tell him what you feel. You will open up everything you have in your hands and besides, it won't change ANYthing on his side. Please believe me, I've been there, done that, not long ago, 2 months ago. When I look back now, I wish I'd just disappeared from him life then, and cry as much as I wanted to on my own, deal with it, be on my knees, starve to death coz I couldn't eat, pass out at work coz I couldn't sleep at nights, but do it all away from him so that I take care of myself, on my own. Then, after those painful, oh, so painful days, when I feel like I do today (Moving on, but missing him and hoping he comes back, but I underline: Moving on), then make up my mind about whether to tell him what I feel or not. Just 3 weeks ago, I emailed and told him whatI felt, and he told me he didn't think he was making a mistake by breaking up. Is that what you want to hear? Because that's what he'll tell you. If he thought he was making a mistake, he'd be at your doorstep now. Bottom line: Don't tell him * * * * until you get yourself together - and that might take MONTHS. I didn't listen when people on this forum told me to completely disappear from his life. Maybe you can.

Ohhh listen texasman... I was THAT girl. My ex was dumped by his exgf that he loved, and then met me. He was flying for a few months when we were together. Then, the exgf decided to get back in his life, and he let go of me in a heartbeat because he wasn't over her while he was with me. What happened? I got screwed in between the two of them. I ask you, PLEASE, either make you intentions clear to your new GF or don't get in a relationship at all. Do you intentionally want to hurt someone, like you were hurt? Make sure both of you know about each other's feelings and expectations and maybe even tell her you're still thinking of your ex. Don't USE her. Please.Hear me.

Two weeks is when it is the hardest. Don't forget: Nothing will have changed if you break it only after 2 weeks. Your ex won't have changed feelings, you won't have moved on. Do us a favor, don't do the mistakes we've made, and don't break NC.

My ex told me it wasn't a problem to leave my stuff in his place until I was all ready to find a place of my own and a place to store my things. Despite that I moved everything out in one day just because it hurt so much to go back there. I think while it is more civilized to hold on to your ex's stuff until she's ready to get them, it's interesting that she doesn't - she obviously found a new BF but not a means to come get her stuff?

My 2 cents are: 1. Can fear of commitment scare someone so much that they lose the spark? Yes, I think so. Intentions on both sides need to be on similar levels. 2. If she lost the spark, can time away from me re-create it? I hope so. For myself, before, I've been attracted to people i weren't before after some time passed and I found out they've grown - or I was with other people and realised what I wanted. But in my current case, with my ex who dumped me, I sure hope the same thing, but honestly I see it impossible. 3. Should I call her? Some of my friends are saying "No way" She broke up with you, you move on. If its meant to be, she will call back. That's true. Unless contact is initiated by the dumper, i think it always sounds desperate. I try not to contact my ex unless necessary. And I still hope that one night he'll call me, like before. But i know he won't. 4. Have anyone had an experience where you dumped someone, maybe because you didn't have a spark, or you lost the spark, only to have it come back when they left? No.

I agree - the reason why I was over my previous ex was because I'd met my current ex right after. Now I don't have anyone, not even remotely, and so feels impossible to forget him. Worse - I have this feeling that I will never meet someone like him again. Which has got to be wrong...

It's been 2 months for me, and I'm sure I'd be in the same situation as you 9 months later IF i didn't do the following: As much as it hurt, I tried to accept a life without him, and tried to survive in it. Don't get me wrong, I know it's SO difficult. I couldn't eat the first month, I still can't sleep. Every time I felt I had to contact him, I told myself "If I don't call him today, I will be stronger tomorrow, and then it'll all be over", and so I tried not to call him. I planned something for every weekend that I could look forward to doing, and I enrolled in a new class. I'm sure you've tried all, but actually when I DO something, i.e. not sit by the computer and actually do something, I think of him less. Also, think about it: Your ex is probably with someone else now. Even if she isn't, it's safest to assume that. She's moved on. So should you. One last thing about your last comment: Don't say "never spend a lifetime chasing dreams". Life is all about chasing dreams. But those dreams should involve you, and noone else because as you see as soon as they go away, the dreams you had fail too. Have dreams for yourself and chase them. I can't think of a better reason to wake up every morning. By the way, it's her loss, and she'll realize it one day. But hopefully you'll have moved on then.

I never had a bf during valentines day, so I don't think i'll be hurting that much. But I feel that when I do something, ANYthing, I don't think of my ex. So maybe take a pottery class, or go out running or do your taxes. Until the 15th. Then we can all be back to normal, missing every single thing about them but realizing they've allllreadyy moved on and don't care one bit what the hell we're up to.

Let her have all the UK boys she wants. Living well is the best revenge. Go out and invest in yourself, and maybe once she gets a taste of someone else, she'll miss you so much she'll come back.

NJRon and Orlander!! I dont know why you guys are so pessimistic.. My boyfriend who broke up with me 2 months ago, is 32 and I'm 24. The first thing he told me when we met was "Just so you know, I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with" He has a 'schedule' for getting married, and he's ready to settle down. He broke up with me after we spent months together sooo much in love and he was convinced he'd finally met his wife. His reason for the break up was because, all of a sudden (i.f. 3 months after) he realized he had a different feeling for one of his ex's in the past, which he'd lost with me, he wanted to feel that again (that ex broke up with him and they're still friends). So although we were 100% compatible, had the same hobbies, same background, same future plans, and he said that he thought he loved me, and a good sex life (he's still very sexually attracted to me) he still broke up, and went back to the dating scene, hoping he'd find someone who'd give him that feeling and that it would last. He was desperate to find someone, and yet he let go of someone he said he loved. He thinks he'll find another one out there who'll make him feel that way. What makes YOU guys think you won't ?

Just a note about what your dad said. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and they are great, well educated people. But maybe not in emotional issues. I saw them 3 weeks after my break up, and all they told me was to give it time, to forget him, etc etc. They never said emotional healing is a process, it is proven, there are papers,books written on it, it goes in cycles, ups and downs. It goes in denial, numbness, anger, pain, hatred, indifference, acceptance etc...These are all expected, all natural, they will all help you advance in the path to healing and moving on. It's ok to miss him, it's ok to want to get back together - it's a natural reaction to losing someone you love.... I hears all these from the counselor I've been seeing (besides enotalone.com) and I went to her initially as a relationship counselor; then a poster in this forum pointer out i did not have a 'relationship' anymore! Anyways, what I want to tell you is, getting professional help, helps. Time, helps. Know that until we completely heal, all these are normal and they are expected, and there is a way to deal with each feeling, good or bad. Don't blame yourself for anything you are feeling; just don't feel weak and contact your ex. Anyways, you'd think after reading this, i've 100% moved on, but I have a post from 2 days ago that I couldn't stop crying and I turned my phone off and hid it so as to not call him and beg for another chance. Today, I realize and acknowledge that he's chosen to not have me in m y life anymore, and yes it hurts like a * * * * *, but what can I do? I have to take it one day at a time... Unless the request to get back together comes from the dumper, nothing will change. Hope you'll have more UP days than DOWN days waiting for you . You're not alone.

Selfi, Can you help but think "What happened to all those great feelings we shared?". He was head over heels, he loved me, I know it. WHat happened, where did it go wrong? Is it over FOREVER? Is there absolutely no hope, even for one year down the road? This is going to kill me. I was doing soooo well, but this week I'm a wreck.

OK, here's a new topic that I'm sure many people would be intereste to read. Similar questions might have been anwered in different threads before, but if we can compile them here, it'd be better. 1. Did you get back with your ex after a break-up? 2. Until then, did you move on? Did the ex move on?(I mean seriously; assuming the ex would never come back) 3. Did the desire to get back together come from the dumpee or the dumper? Or did you just run into each other one day 6 months later and felt "that way" again? 4. How long did it last when you got back together after breaking up? [edit] 5. When you got back together again, after breaking up, did it feel better than before? Or after a while things became the same? [Another edit]6. Did you remain "friends" while you were broken up. If yes, do you think that helped in getting back together or would it have been better to disappear from their lives completely to give them space?

I think another question posters should answer is that "after the break-up, did you move on, assuming they're never coming back?"

Hello all, It's been 2 months since he broke up with me (no physical contact for 1 month, and LC), and I was doing great for the past 2-3 weeks. But something happened, and this weekend I've been terribly down. I went to an IMAX theater to watch a movie (alone), which happened to be where we went for our first date... Then while cleaning my inbox, I saw his emails from 6 months ago, when he was head over heals for me... Then I started to think "I know this guy loved me, WHAT HAPPENED???" and I couldn't sleep all night tonight; I thought I was done thinking about him, and that I was indifferent to getting back together, but this morning I'm miserable again. I have to go to work in a few hours and I have class until 9 PM tonight. No sleep and he's on my mind, good memories and break up memories haunting me. What happened? I thought I was over it and moving on... I prayed all night so he'd get out of my mind and I could sleep, but nothing.... Today is going to be a very bad day....

I want to give an example from my previous ex (not the one i've posted here about). I've had some memories with him, that could have been movie scenes... We did a lot of 'first's together, and after our break up (right when Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind came out), I just wanted to have ALL those great romantic memories erased - for good. I wanted to go get a tattoo, so when I look at it, I would tell myself to be strong and not think of him again. So 1 full year after that, I think of all those great scenes in my head, and I feel SOOO good we lived them. When I think of those scenes, I can not feel the love I had for him, or the pain I went through afterwards. Those memories make my life richer, and make me smile, and make me feel lucky. And with my new break up, just like yours, all memories were good. Except for the break up of course, when he looked in my eyes and told me he didn't love me as much as he loved his ex,pronouncing her name. That i wish I could forget now. But i know it'll be a loooong time before I forget how cruelly he did that. So my 2 cents is, this too, will pass. Although it's ups and downs now, that will fade away one day. Most probably when someone new comes into our lives. Until then, we will torture ourselves with 'what if's' and 'I miss him's.

I'd say don't go alone. Get friends to help of you can. Seeing him again, being there again will probably make you more upset.

You get rejected,again. Like I did tonight, after 2 months of sucesfull NC. Don't break it - it is for YOU. I was almost indifferent, so it didn't set me back all the way, but made me pretty upset. Being rejected by ANYone would do the same, let alone a man I loved. Don't break NC. Let them come to you. As much as you want to believe there's hope, it's best to go on living like there isn't.