sukerbut

being a man..i always regret breaking up with my ex's but thats just me.. now with the women..i agree..when a woman sais no its no..but what if they dont know what they want..how can someone love you so intensly in july and by aug..that feeling just disspears...like i know this girl loved me..but i also know that the marriage talks should of not been discussed so soon..especiall when i am 30 and she is 22 just getting out of college.. not that i want her back but i am just wondering..maybe all the excuses she gave me were just to fortify her reasoning to dump me..because her life just started and i wanted to settle down in a couple of years..do you think one day she will be like dam i made a mistake? i dont know i am just wondering..

My ex too..she does not deal with problems well..be it schoold work..be it family problemsa etc. she just shuts down..never let me help her when she needed me the most..i woudl just back off till the gears i her head stopped spinning..When she broke up with me it was the same scenario..she became cold and unwanting...i ean i have broken up with people but compasionatly..she just pulled the gate down and closed up shop..immediately. she could not even tell me she loves me any more..months prior i was her future husband ..oct ..i dont love you any more, but i do care for you deeply..great THANKS for those kind words.

tony i feel you bro..listen mine did the same thing..called me once a week..i disected every word she said..the last time she called i proffesed my love to her, asked her why everything went wrong..all her answers were crap! she assured me we were never getting back togehter then iwas like you want to go out for coffe..she said ok i could do that..i was like how bout dinner..she was liek what is that going to accomplish. I had it with her..i told her please dont call me any more..the pain of listening to your voice is not good for me. i wish you the best good bye. At least now i can never call her because i am going to look like a chump and liek this she has enough pride as to not call me..My friend that is the only way we will fix ourselves. I was adement on winning her back..but you know what? I am done..sure she was hot and sure she was great an d sure i love her very very much..but i am tired of putting myself through this crap. Tiem to be a MAN i said to myself and move on. As time passes and you dont speak things will get better..but everyt ime she called me my heart would race just like yours..no idea what her intentions were.. We cant get better if we talk to them. and i am tired of playing this game.it has exausted me mentally and emotionally. WE need to MOVE on

I am a guy and my recent ex whom broke up with me 2 months ago.was just like this guy you are describing. She too has way to many male friends. Still keeps in touch with ex boyfriends. NOT COOL. if she loved me like she said she did , she would have put the cabash on all of them. I should of put my foot down a long time ago, but i did not and guess what i am on this web site heart broken looking for answers. From day one i gave her some lee way .. but i told her it botherede me. she assured me the calls would stop , for a minute they did..when she was head over heels with me..which was maybe 2-3 months out of a 10 month realtionship. All the phone calls made me feel insecure..very insecure..and her lack of respect made me realize that she really did not love me..and guess what i was right. When you love someone you sacrifice certain things to make your partner happy. I never inhibited her from going out or anyhting like that..but i was never able to trust her..just like your ex..my ex has a tarnished past. believe me right now i am in super pain. of course i want her back..but i do have piece of mind at least and dont have to worry about getting playd..because i think i would rather get dumped than played. At least if i broke up with her..i would of kept my dignity and my pride instead i let it drag on and on just to be eeling this pain anyways while looking liek a weak pathetick man..which i am not. RESPECT is very important and if he can not give this to you..i suggest you do what is right for you.

man you are so right...my girl got out of college..thought she would get a job right away..she did not..now she is waiting tables at a rest. to top it off..i think she lacks self esteem that is why she migrates from guy to guy..i guess to make her self feel better. She has also told me she was not happy towards the end..how could she be..crazy mother..no job..i became a hinderence in her life..so like a coward she left for no reason. all the outside stress blinded her from realizing what she had..instantly she started hangin with shady characters and ex b/f's that are the equivilant of georgi vodka. She needs to surround herself with losers because it makes her feel better. I am top shelf all the way so i guess with the low self esteem and the fact that i am pretty successful tore her up inside..probably could not deal with it. She also has deamons from the divorce . So i know she is unstable and is not very capable of loving long term. I know she is 22 but i know alot of 22 year old woman from good families that know what they want and are matture. This one wants to be matture unfortunately that is not the case with her. and i guarantee you she did not leave to find herself..she partied haaaaard in college.

My dumper wanted me in her life full time in jan. She begged and pleaded..even told me i would not go out with you if i was not sure i could marry you..granted i know she is 22, but thats pretty intense to say words like that..for 5 months i did not trust her..i was weary and cautious knowingly she had dumped me before..3 years ago.(.but i forgave her cause she had just started college back then)..until she proved herself to e for a couple of months..she went really out of her way to make me feel special and loved. she announced to every one that i was the one. We even booked a super trip to costa rica. As soon as we got back mid aug. she became flacky. i was confused and became confrontational and so did she. I mean it got bad towrds the last month of the relationship..i mean she led me on.."it was a mistake to discuss marriage so soon in the relatonship" So why did you open your mouth and bambouzle me into beleiving we were on the same page. now i am left trying to pick up the pieces while she is hussing around town wiht her new man/men. Please Dont get me started. She was a self absorbed selfish immature girl that hurt me so much. And yet i still give excuses as to why she left. She got bored or found a new man and descided i dont want to do this any more and i dont care if i hurt the only one person that ever truly loved me unconditionaly.. MESSED up s $it man

why does that always happen..i too just came back from vacation in aug. costa rica..we had the most amazing time...i thought this was it. the honey moon vacation to fortify our relationship. HA what a joke..as soon as we got back..she started changing. Gave me the same answers. I dont have those feeling any more for you. Dont get me wrong the sept was a bad month, but thats because she started building this wall against me. i mean you forgive and forget. especially when you love some one, and especially when that someone loves you and treats you like a princess. She decided not to forget and forge a wall so strong that could not be penetrated. Mid sept. we were done. She tried a number of times to make me break up with her, but i would not. eventually i said something real stupid one night in a drunken stuper and she found out..that was the green light for her. She told me..its not even the comment, this was going to happen regardles...G thanks! I can assure you it was another man. Thats the only way i would leave my exs! When i was with another woman i had no problem dumping my girls. I had my back up. Well the only thing that makes me happy is that ts going to take a long time for her immature a ss (22) to find someone that will love her unconditionally and treat her the way i did...for a long time. Then again at that age..she probably will not even realize how good she had it right?

actually i think i have answered my own question with my last post..what do you guys think? this woman is flighty..she is an attention w hoar which in turns makes her inot an easy woman..after we broke up..i told her i wws cool with it, but could we casually see each other once in a while go to dinner and have sex..to my surprise she said yes immidiatly...but when we are around mutual friends please dont hold my hand..i dont want them to think we are a couple..hmm..i was assured that this was not going to bring us back..so this girl has no problem with me entertaining her to dinners and the bedroom..but she does not want ohter to think we are going out so she could date other guys and not look like a $lut...all that kid / career stuff was just bull..just like that song sais..so many men so little time..i think thats the song for her..i mean even in our relatonship i had suspision that she was still talking to ex's and other dudes..she called friends..when she could not take the temtation any more..cause i do believe she would not cheat..she disided to break up with me so she could persue these other guys and not look bad infront of her family and friends,,thats it!!

yeah i know but here is the problem..i had a partner like that for 7 years..she is an unbeleivable woman..loyal.makes a lot of money..attractive..and she wants to marry me..and what do i do ? i keep rejecting her..i dont even want to sleep with her..its so bizarre...i mean to this day she still wants to be with me..now that love..and what do i do. nothing..so i have a great woman that wants me and i dont want her..and i am this great man tht treated this $lut great and she does not want me!!! can you say carma coming back to bite me in the *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* . i think that could be the case my friends..see the only thing that bothers me is that this chick still (well not now but after the break up agrred to it) be casual lovers and date..of course i tried that but it was not working for me...see with my ex ex ..i dont even want to kiss her..no lust..but this chick wanted to fu** me but not hold my hand..nothing makes sense to me..

no i completely understand...thats why i sent that e-mail..so at least she knows not to call..plus it gives me a reason not to be weak..if and when i have one of those moments..i can say to myself..if i call i will look like a complete chump..i know her so well...she is really out of her mind..she went and told her cousin..."i dont think i am ever going to get married" she comes from a broken family..took a lot of verbal abuse from her mother early on..i mean they all love each other.but the mother is a lil wacked...she is just a confused girl..never had a relationship longer than 8-9 months..she is i think pretty insecure with herself (i mean she is 22 and has slept wiht at least 15 guys that i know of..forget about the ones i dont know..jesus i cant believe i am dying over this woman..i feel liek a fool) ..i thought by loving her completely she would see that love really does exist..but she has been brain washed by her mom to be independent and npt need a man..it just a totally messed up situation

yeah i have read your posts ac..i was soo good to her..the worst part is that i dated her briefly 3 years ago..she broke up with me back then also because college life was to temptipng..i wrote her off moved on with my life..we accidentally ran into each otehr 19 months ago..and started dating again..every body including me and her thought it was fate..i was happy liek a pig in s***t . i had my life planned out with her..in my eyes she was the only woman that i ever wanted to give my all to..but now it feels just liek when she left for college..gave me the same i dont love you liek you love me shpeel..things got pretty bad after our vacation..i thought it was going to bring us together instaed it tore us apart..i feel liek she finished college ..used me for that short period of time she needed me and now she poof gone again..ssex was great..when we hung out together we had a great time..sure we had out moments..but i forgive nad forget ..she held on to thosse bad days and built a wall..on purpose..she even attempted to make me break up with her..but i was not going to do that..because i did not want to lose her again..i guess she never really loved me..casue if someone loves you loves you..they dont give all these crappy excuses..plus she is talkign to all her ex b/f's again..probably seeing them as well..i know this actually for a fact.

hi guys..i know i said i would stay off for a while but i need a little help...as you all know she called me last weds..she was mad that i said some stuff to her ex boyfriend about her...she even had the audacity to say...if you ever talk behind my back again i will..." you will what ? not call me once every two weeks..what a joke..i was nice i apologized..because i was so hurt that night..i saw her ex b/f and her best friend..it made e crazy...ok so here goes.. she gave me some excuses as why she lost feelings for me..supposedly her career..whch in truth has not even started yet..(she is waiting tables till she finds a journalism job in fashion) she mentioned that i am greek and she is catholick and she wants her kids to be raised catholick..she said that maybe our timimg is off..her being 22 and me being 30. she mentioned also that our constant fighting in late aug and sept..made her realize that we could not be together for longevity..it was fun when we went out to dinner and had a good time..but in the long run she did not see us working. i asked her out for coffe ..she said yes then i went over board and asked her to go to dinner..she said no.."what would that accomplish" . iwoke up the next morning and realized i did not want to hear an occasional hello from her..she would call maybe once a week or once every two weeks ..so we could chat..about things..i sent her an e-mail friday and told her ..that i know what i want and i cant be friends with her right now..the pain is too much for me..now i know that was a bad idea..but i did this for me..so now i cant ever contact her and if she does i wont pick up because i sent the e-mail and i dont want to look like a chump. i guess my question is: are her reasons valid or are they just excuses because she is young and does not know what she wants? i mean first she is telling me .. its a shame you did not better yourself before (in terms of being abnoxious and loud) and then she is telling me maybe our timing is off..and then she is telling me about her career and her being catholick . i treateed her very well..gifts , poetry , trips, love and affection..time .. top shelf entertainment..i was willing to accept her for who she was .. why did she give up after our vacation in aug..when in july she was announcing to the world we are getting married..i am just very confused. i am sorry for the burden..and i would liek some help..if any one out there is willing to help me..AGAIN! ugh i hate for the burden..i know i sound liek a broken record

First and foremost i want to thank all my new friends for the support and help you all have given me. i cant imagine going through this pain solo. its truly a pleasure to know that caring and compasionate people exist in this world. I am sure all of you have read my threads and posts..after speakig to her yesterday and getting the final closure..i will try my hardest to put her in the couffin and bury her for good. i will also at least for a month stay away from this site..i love it but i think it might be the best move for me right now..becaause for some reason i keep reading the getting back together section.. well after the conversation with her yesterday i realized a number of things...i realized that this womans mind is warped..she does not know if she is coming or going..she is not a stable person..and she is very young and immature..the excuses she was giving me were all bogus..i told her..why dont you just say you got tired of the relationship and end it liek that..she admitted to me that she just wanted it to end..i am not going to go into detail as to all the jargon that was coming out of her mouth because i would be here forever..i will give you two quotes just for fun..just so you can realize the immaturity she has.." i know this is going to bite me in the butt one day but i am all about me..and my carrerr and my future..i know i am very dificult too deal with " best one.."even if i have to i will wait till 35 to have kids in order to fullfill my career moves cause that is very important to me..i dont want to have kids early and resent them" WOW !!! hello you are a waitress at a rest!! you finished college 7 months ago you could not find a job in journalism so now you are waiting tables..i mean i know there is a lot of preasiure on her .. itried to be her rock..the one person that would be there for her..but she rejected me..she made it very clear last night that there is no way we are getting back together..which was the best thing for me..as you all know i would get phone calls and disect every single word she would say..i was like man she wants me back..well at least my mind is clear now and as much as it hurts..at least i can move on with a clear head. once again my friends i will give myself a month to get stronger..then i will be back to say hello..your friend sukerbut!!

dude cant help but post..this has happened to me twice with the same girl...when we were dating she was in high scool..once she went to college .. she busted out the i dont love you like you love me line! 3 years later we found each other again...and for 10 months had the most unbeleivable time...she started talking about marriege etc.. as sson as the summer was over and reality set in..new job..neew life..new frineds ..i got the same line.." i dont love you like you love me" truth of the matter is unless there is a real real love bond it nevre works...its just about bad timing...i treated her very well...but i knew when she started really breakig up with me...right after costa rica in aug..she started changing and i knew this..it does not matter if i becae clingy or not .. becasue i did..because i knew my heart was going to be destroyed yet again...well oct 3 she finally built enough bad experience (which in all fairness were nothing major..just a couple of stupid fights) to break up with me..she even started working on friends and family and bad mouthing me just so she can look like she made the right move...i have been nothing but loving and caring to her..but timing was off..she needs to start living life she is 22..i am 30..i am already were i want to be...she is just starting her journey..good luck my friend..

i love you guys...and as to why i have so many emotions .. i ll tel you wy..i have been in long successfull relationships .. i have been in short term flings..i am 30..never did i even think about spending a life time with these people..i have dated young , i have dated successfulll..etc..you get the picture..this is the only woman that i ever thought about spending my life with..GOT IT!! GOOD! she is not just some girl that dumped me..actually i am always the dumper..exept this time..go figure. this is not about a challenge nor is it my ego being hurt..i mean of course it is..in the short spectrum of things but long term she was my forseable happy future..I WILL BE DAMMED if i just give up so quickly..but dont think i am home ready to slit my wrists..cause that not the case..this forum gives me the opportunity to unleash all my emotions..(since my frinds got tired of hearing me b!tch ) so yes..one day i hate her..next day i want to kill her but unfortunately when its all said and done .. the only emotion that lasts is love..love for her ..unconditional...i understand the game .. i know i cant play it by myself..and i am not saying that there will not be another love for me..but i can assure..after all is said and done..she will always be te one for me..this is not some fly by night break up..this waas pretty devasting for me..because for the first time i saw the house with the white picket fence..i apreciate all the adviuce i have been given..believe me..my actons would of been 1000 times worst thean they are now..i can guarantee you! she would of probabably changed her number by now...so once again i have all my friends here to thank for my strenght and controll..THANK YOU ALL

i know you are right..but why does she call me every so often..it kills me because i dont know what she wants...the last two times she has called she has been very nice..een invited me to the rest she worls at.. what are the purpose of these phone calls? guilt.? self satisfaction that this loser still picks up her calls? i shod of not called..this was the first time i called since the break up

no i can control my emotions when i talk to her i just feel foolish for giving her the satisfaction that i called.... i really did just want to talk about her interview...and her of course .. but i never belittle myself to her...

bro i just called mine...its been 2 months now...she has called me 2 weeks ago and the week before...i started reading old e-mails and i broke down..bad..so i called to see how her interview went. i feel liek the lowest piece of cra p in the world..why did i give her this satisfaction..anyways she did not pik up..but as i was about to leave a message she called my job..since thats were i called from...she was like i am out to luch ill call you later..click...i feel like dying right now

Oh man did i mess up..i have been feely really bad the past 2 weeks...i have been reading the nc posts all day long today..then i wentinto my outlook account to erase all messages to/from her..and then i starteed reading all of them...i broke down and i called her..what a mistake...i had already sent her an e card for thanksgiving without a response..she called me two weeks ago and the week before that..and i just wanted to hear her voice..arghhhhhhhhhhh i am so mad right now..first of all she did not pik up..then i got a call at my job since i called her with my work munber..it was imediatly after i called.."hey whats up" oh nothing i just wanted to see how your interview went? "i am actually out to lunch can i call you back?" sure click. my god people what the hell is wrong with me..when she calls she is always warm and inviting..now that i called she was a cold fish. guys i really need some love right now cause i want to hit myself over the head with a brick..the only positive thing that this phone call did was reassure me that when she calls its for her own personal satisfaction...dam it..i have been so good !!! dec 3 will be 2 months since the break up...did i really mess up today? please be honest

guys i guess this is going to take some time...it sseems every week i have diffrent emotions running through me...last week i was hopeless..the week before i was trying to be understanding towards her needs and trying to show compassion and love even though i knew she hurt me..i was trying to be the bigger man..this week i am just mad..mad at the fact that she is running around or should i saying ho in around while i ma here grieving for her.. are you kidding me..i am not going to be this womans slave..i am the man..she is a nobody..thats the end of story..i am sure she is not going to have a problem finding another host like me to leech on...but thats her life..and gher insecutritys .. not my problem any more. i started this last night..i know its been only one day but every time i start thinking of her i say F*** that F****G bI**Ch...and suprisingly enough .. i orget about her. good luck to all..i am sure next week i will have another wave of emotions to deal with..thank you for posts..they are all greatly appreciated

AC i treated her like gold..i gave her my time money and love..i gave her keys to the apt..i let her drive my benz..this was the girl that i wanted to marry..problem was i gave too much..the mystery was gone..she had me completely and she knew this..there was never any fear of losing me so she gotr bored...her respect for me started to diminish..all of a sudden weird phone calls started coming in...restricted numbers she woulod never pick up when i was with her..guys she used to be frineds with starterd calling again...i became insecure and crazed..i felt unappreciated and used..i felt disrespected..soinstead of putting my foot down i put it in my mouth..i was so scared of losing her i bacame a submissive uncofident person..i became very jealous and needy..eventually she lost all respect for e that she dumped me..this is the first time i have given anybody so much..andf it was a huge mistake

sorry i cant help myself but dogg..we all a have been reading and responding to your threads..i am feeling low and depressed .. i made the mistake of sending an e-card for turkey day...she called me 2 weeks in a row..so like a fool i bit the bait..and even though i dont call her..i was liek i am going to send a funny happy neutral e-card..well..she has not responded to it..actually i think it might of even empowered her a lil more..believe you me..you ex does not care about a text or a card or anything of those sorts from you...sorry to be blunt but its the truth..i am sure she has something new and exciting in her life right now..the last thing she want to do is get a card or rose from you...it will only be a nuisance...last time i talked to my ex she is a waiteress at a nice rest.. she tells me why dont you come with some friendss.. i just want you to know you are welcome..are you kidding me..i am dying over here..and you want me to come to a rest..so you can wait on me..what the hell is that all about! PLEASE DONT SEND anything. you are killing yourself...and only making it harder on you...she is nothing but a stranger to you..thats it..just another person in this world ...

i hear you my friend ... the worst part is when you are stroling through soho and she tells you..my god i cant imagine ever not having you by my side..we have been to so many places that it would haunt me for the rest of my life...please dont ever break my heart..you make me so happy..two months later i dont love you liek you love me..you even said when we started this thing again that there were no guarantees .. i am sorry i cant even say i love you any more you do ean alot to me though .. you freak me out when you look it me..i just feel weird when you give me those googly eyes...WHAT???? are you kidding me...and i am here strssing like an idiot while she is out there partying it up! WHAT A FOOL!

ok i dont know what triggered it but that helpless feeling is starting to take control over me again after 2 months of break up. things started looking up..i was feeling good..getting my life in order..even giving advice to all the other people suffering out there.. now i feel liek i am backa t square one..i have been training like a warrior..i have been going out..i have been meeting newpeople..i staarted flirting with girls..even went on a date 2weeks ago. SO WHY did this feeling of hoplessness come back to haunt me. it started last weds..i went out .. i cae back home..and i could not stop thinking about me and her..i thought i would snap out of it after turkey day..but now i am just a miserable wreck...i guess she started calling again..2 weeks in a row...like an idiot i talk to her..but i felt good when we spoke..never belittled my self...so last week..i dont get a call..and now i am feeling liek this? What happened to the confidence..what happened to not casring..what happened to she does not deserve me..i ll tell you what happened i picked up the phone and talked to her the last two tiems she called. to make things worst .. i went out weds..night and ran into her first boy friend and her best friend whom now are casully dating each other..it was too much sensory overload..i wish i stayed home that night..i think that might of did it..seeing her ex and her best friend..i became a drunk mess..great!!! i am just so scared because i want her to call e but i also want to fully start no contact..i also think now that the 2 month mark is setting in and she has not been very aggresive in seeing me..reality is starting to settle into my brain and its driving me crazy...there a re so many strategy's running through my mind..do i cut her off completely..do i love her 100 % like that stupid book..how to get your lover back and make it better...i just dont know what to think any more...i feel alone..i feel hurt and betrayed..i thought i was getting stronger and more confident..which i am but not towards her...i feel like i have regressed to stage 1 again..of course not as bad..but still close to it..DAM IT WHY! ?? i am sucessful good man who loved her with everything that i had..and she humiliated me. she tore my heart out yet again after she falsly made me feel so secure..how ca some one do that.. the problem is that i love her..i love her next to me..she compliments me so well..but what good is that when she cant return that love back to me.. i lost her for 3 years she came back only to crush me yet again..but this time it stings even more..because she made me feel secure and loved..even talked about marriage and children..just to rip me to shreds once again..WHY cantr i HATE this woman..dam WHY?

i suggest you stand up for yourself..i regret i did not...my ex was the same way..always keeping contact with her exs! towards the end it got to the point were i was losing my mind..she called it insecurity..i called it no respect for me...well to make a long story short i showed weekness and she dumped me...if he cant stop talking to his ex for you..then there is no mutualk respect or love on his part..how can my ex tell me i love you so much and talking about marriage...when she is still derespecting me by keeping contact with the old flames in her life...do yourself a favor and confront him..be preapred to leave the relationship if he sais anything than you want to hear..i am being serious..dump him or prepared to be on this web site very soon..on the healing after the break up threads...RESPECT yourself if you want to be respected..i did not and now i am here two monmths later feeling used abused and even more insecure