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sukerbut

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  1. sukerbut
    no i know .. i know she was wrong for me..i know all this stuff...What i do not know is why to this day..this was the woman to steal my heart...its just very perplexing..i have always been teh one breaking up..twice i broke off potenital engagements with very solid women..but this one..i dont know soemthing about her that wanted me to spend the rest of my life with...So i do not know if i will be laughing after 6 months but i definatly will be healed more...i was thinking how every body with a broken heart on this web site (me included) lost their soul mate... its so funny.. we are not their soul mates..so how funny does it sound when us dumpees say this...! I think we all fell in love ... and love hurts..rejection hurts..so when we lose these people we truly love..we try to justify the amount of pain we are going through by calling them our soul mates...my soul mate would not do this to me..three times...it takes time but we have to take the love blinders off and realize that these people are not the people we want them to be..Beer googles and love goggles are the same .. once you take them off..the real truth comes out..my love goggles are almost completely off...i still put them on from time to time..but not as much as i used to . Cheers to all my friends
  2. sukerbut
    Hi guys just wanted to say hello...its been a coupel of weeks since that horrible night...(i am glad my post sparked so much nterest haha..coolsome thanks for the support friend) Anyways last week was officially three months since the break..Things are moving slowly...I started dating a lil..but so far all have been flops...I really have not beaten my self up too much since that night..I have come to the realization finally that its done done...you know what i mean. I think the initial 2 month period there is always a lil hope left in all of us..especially if we are competitive in nature.. i still think about her but i have given up trying to figure out what happened and why the relationshp failed. I also have torn down that pedastal that i had put her on becuase i was blinded with love. I have discussed my situation with many many people, and they all have agreed that this girl is not emotionally or mentally sound...i went upstate this week and for some reason i started thinking about her a lil too much on sunday..hence the update today...we all need alil support from time to time. i needed my e-notalone fix and thats why i am here. I will tell you one thing though..even though that night sucked..it was a blessing in disguise. The reasoin for it is becasue after that night i woudl never haev the audacity to call her..(i did send her an e-mail stating if her frineds ever need a clown for a kids birthday party to give me a call) .and she i am sure has no interest of contacting me again after that poor display on my part. But thats the best FOR ME anyways. I dont know what i feel any more..i am guess i really dont care about her as a stranger. the only thing i am sorry for is myself..i miss having my partner with me ... someone that i really loved and wanteed to be with forever...that person died 3 months ago..i guess right now i am more upset that i don;t have that partner in my life (be it her or anyone else) and it sucks thatr my life plans are misalligned.it suks that i invested so much love time and money just to be bamboozled by her again. i guess thats whats upsettign me more. she will be replaced just as she was 4 years ago when she left me the second time, but right now its jusst an empty lonely feeling.
  3. sukerbut
    my friend diablo...i am sorry to tell you this i do not have the social skills of a child. I was extremly messed up. i have had many successful realtionships...unforutnatly i chose to end them..this one is my kryptonite. this one is the only one to do this to me. of course i wanted to be cool..but i could not even remember the context of the conversation..there were many emotions running through me plus my drunnkeness... shock for seeing her there..shock of seeing her and her seeing me in the horrible state i was in..and just plain shock of seeing her after 3 months. it sucked..i know but it happened...when people are drunk they make phone calls..i do not..but seeing her there..all my emotions came out. believe me i did not want them too..they just did..due to the exess of alcohol and whatever else was in my system. i know what it takes to be in a successful realtionship..she on the other hand does not. i have dated sucesful women , young women..and i have always been in control...i know what ti takes to be happy in a relationship. she does not know anything..her longest relationship was with me..10 full months. she goes from guy to guy until the going gets tough and then she leaves..she is like a parisite..feed of the host and when she is done goes to the next. I KNOW THIS her friends know this..what .. you think i acted lie this on purpose..it happened. its over..but guess what the relationship was over months ago also..in the end it all means nothing. I was weak. I missed her..my natural instinct was to run to her...have 15 jack and diets and then you tell me how you would act...
  4. sukerbut
    YEAH but you see my drinking was an issue for her.especially towrds the end of the relationship..the drinking helped destroy the relationship that why i am nervous to tell her anything..i have told her that i have been good with it.i am not an alcoholic..but when i go out..the flood gateds open..towards the end of our relationship it starting becoming a problem..i have told her i have been controlling it and i have..but since we broke up there are times that i slip..like friday!...what do you think? i dont really think she wants to hear it. (but then again when i confronted her with her exesive pot smoking she never changed..and i still loved her...i was thinking as time passed she would slow down but she did not..it was a big issue for me) i dont know waht to do..i am just in a bad place right now. i just keep digging a deeper whole for my self ..the way i see it..is that she is done with me..why further the pain but at the same time i want her to forgive me..i just dont know waht to do
  5. sukerbut
    i dont think writing a letter is going to do anything but annoy her more and make me feel liek a fool..again..i think i need to just disappear. she knows what she means to me..no need to embarrass myself any more..i am just going to sound liek a liar if i tell her the story of the stand by...i started writting the letter ad then thought i have written one too many letters..i have already made myself look so small in her eyes..no need to give her further ammo..right now or ever the letter means nothing..that night will mean nothing . an apology is not due..i love her.she does not love me .my feelings came out thats that. i care but i dont care..its not like we were in the verge of getting back together..i was reasureed that we were not goign to ever get back togehter a while ago..so i am just going to leave the situation alone..live my life and get out of hers..friday made me realize that i am not even close or ready to see her any time soon. i dont want to talk to her..i just want 2006 to start of bad and end up great..2005 startedof great and ended bad..so lets hope the roles reverse this upcoming year.
  6. sukerbut
    no the loving part is fine..my actions and my appearnce made me feel liek a loser. this is not what i wanted her to see 3 months after the break..i complete drunken bafoon. i have lost 20 punds i have really bettered myself..but it was liek it was meant to be liket his..maybe this is what i really needed...me to mae a total fool of myself in order to realize that i have to stop thinking about ehr ever coming back..about em implementing strategys..after fridya night of hitting the lowest point ever any attempt to ever talk to ehr again will just make me look horrible..not that friday night did not make me look horrible..but that had to be the end...i had been good .. strong.etc...but friday was the truth coming out. i cant do this to me anymore..i say i respect myself..i say i am a somebody..but when you act and look the way i looked friday...i am now having second doubts about me . I jst feel really low and pathetick right now..i am trying to forget about the night but its hard
  7. sukerbut
    just when you think i cant get any wosrt it does. jesus folks i completely destroyed myself friday night..as you know i called her and wished her a merry x-mas..i told her i was going to go to colorodo fro teh weekend.i was but i did not tell her i was flying stand by..well i could not get a seat so instead i went home and went out..friday night at the club..i am a complete mess..liek real bad..not loking good..its 3:30 am i turn around and its her and her 2 friends that i knwo standing there. all looking at me. i say hi and then i stumble to her hug her and profess my love to her in front of her and her friends looking like a total disaster..she sais no you dont you are just really messed up right now...Guys this had to be the worst feeling ever..i felt liek a total loser..a) she thinks i am a liar about colorodao..b)she saw me in teh worst most pathetick state ever. c) it happened in front of ehr friends. I have not seen her in 3 months..i have been preaching how i have been bettering myself and then this happens. This had tobe one of my worst nights ever in a very long time..i just wanted to crawl up into a whole and die. I dot even remember the conversation or the reaction from her,or even how she left..i completely embarrassed my self and fortified her decision on why she dumped me...Back to stage one..after a sei productive 3 months...i have to completely disapear from her now..i have never felt so low in my life..i felt liek a piece of trash on the dirty floor..IT WAS A DISSASTER night. I did not want to share that withyou guys becasue i am soembarrassed but i thought it would help for all of you to tell em what a lose ri am..unfortunately AGAIN!
  8. sukerbut
    i know this is probably the wrong thing to do after 23 days of no caontact but i just called her to wish her a great holiday. i want not to care any more..her voice was distant and felt empty .. which was good for me...my heart is not racing..but i know i mightt feel it a lil later...i am hoping i dont...i dont want her back..i want to heal...i want to be strong enough to be the better person. personalyy i hope she fails in life big time. that woudl be my sweetest revenge. i hope her life is filled with heart break..becasue all she does is break other people hearts..the only guy to ever break her heart after 6 months was gay...NICE. Well thats it..i am out of here...wishing you all very merry x-mas ..and happy holidays. I hope this call does not come back to bight me in the butt. I know no contact...i just wanted to know my feelings for her even after talkign to her..right now there are none..will post you guys next week. the only way i can be sure of this was talking to her. I HATE HER!
  9. sukerbut
    i hate her for making me hate myself ! you know what i mean... i feeel liek tis my fault..i knew better when i got into this mess again..but she roped me in..i should of been stronger. instead i completely showed my hand...she was bluffing i folded my winning hand.. i hate her i really do..at the beginning i was reading the getting back together forums over and over creating strategies in my head to get her back..she would call my heart would flutter..finally i decided enough is enough...once someone breaks up with you its over...all your power has been relinquished...you are weak and voulnarable to the abuse this person gives you..oh lets be frineds..oh i called to see how you are doing! PLEASE! if you dont know how i am doing after you ripped my heart out to shreds then you truly are an idiot! And the best part is ..us the dumpees try to be nice and cool...FOR WHAT! masking our pain and frustration for nothing..for a bi monthly pitty call..THANKS but no thanks.
  10. sukerbut
    I have realized a number of things after reading hundreds and hundreds of posts. I have realized that being a good selfless person to your mate usually turns into heartbreak for the good person. You all know my story and like i said i have started frogeting about her...i dont want to love her any more.i dont wasnt to talk about her..i want her to suffer. one day she will get hers and even though i might not be there to witness it i will feel it..i am sure. anyways i must admit (not proud of it) that when i was a total self centered bad guy all my exes..were infatuated with me..I WAS THE PRIZE. i cheated they wanted me back..i was always a gentleman, but at the same time i made myself very unavailable..and they LOVED me. I was not good at supporting them emotionally..Now that i thought i found the person that i wanted to be with forever..i decided..i am going to change my ways and be a great b/f. I will take care of her to the best of my ability , i will support her, i will be there for her when she needs me..WELL GUESS WHAT!!! I became the girls that were infatuated with me. The situation just does not make sense..dont get me wrong its good to taste your own poison once in a while...gives you direction and understanding of your actions, but at the same time..I regret giving this person my heart..i feel like a fool.. i think my ego has been really hurt..I feel small and emprty inside. I FEEL PLAYED. I guarantee you if i had something on the side she would of been jsut like the other ones. But i decided to do the right thing and i got played..Now i am not promoting this type of behaviour, i just wanted to let my feeling out..because i truly am angry at myself for letting this thing happen..I ruined this relationship by following my heart and trusting her instead of trusting myself...I will promise you i will not be blinded like that again...I hate this game..I wanted a appy life with this person..just like my exes did everything to have a happy life with me...there has to be some balance somewere.
  11. sukerbut
    I KNOW. she needed the love and comfort and goot times for a while and then when her love tank was full she bolted...i was hesitant dating her again, but she introduced me to her entire family as her future husband..may - july she really went out of her way to prove to me that i could trust her..made me see that we were on the same page..i knew what i was getting into..everybody around me tod me pete be careful..i said i know what im doing...as soon as i felt comfortable in the relationship..her feelings changed...we had history i thought maybe just maybe it was meant to be..wrong!!! i am starting to get more comfortable with the situation though...i really think she wanted it for a lil bit but then got bored..again i feared this would happen but i let my heart down by trusting her completely, but she was so sincere. i think our 17 motnh stint was the longest relationship she has ever had...they ususaly only last 6-8 motnhs for her..i know this because i know her history very very well.
  12. sukerbut
    i know but this is the third time she bamboozled me!! you woudl think i learned..oh well..time to move on...so much for fate and soulmates..more like pain and heartaches
  13. sukerbut
    yeah i guess you are right..i just dont uderst mid july i she told me not to break her heart..we are going to get married right? and the week before the vacation i saw us bickering alot..as soon as we got back thats when i really started noticing...i think she liked the idea of marriage..for a brief moment..i also think she realized ..wait a sec..this guy is 30 and wants to get married soon..i am 22 out of college looking for a job..this is just not going to work..so she started i would not say necesaraly falling out of love voluntaraly but forcing the situation....knowing that i would want to get hitched sooner than her..it just sucks..i relaly think thats what it was..she is not really the marrying type. not now any ways. i dateed a young girl before who weas dying to get married because thats what she wanted out of life..this one wants her carrerr etc. so i do respect her, but i also dont understand why we could not suceed together..wrong place wrong time wrong people
  14. sukerbut
    well tehn my quuestion to you on fallign out of love is can it happen in a onth..july iw as hwer favorite person..aug..trouble started after a super vaction feilled with happiness and smile..sept come and now you dont love me any more..i can understand if it was over a period of 4-6 months , but one month? is that possible
  15. sukerbut
    I'll tell you what pisses me off...the fact that i did everything in my power to bring happiness and stability in this girls life. Support love talks, etc. she forgot all teh good times we spent together..everything i did to make our relationship special..cooking dinners for her, writing poems, spending time talking for hours on the balcony watching the world go by. taking her out regularly while all her other losser g/f's habve not even been to a dinner. vacations...how are all those things forgoten..last time i spoke to her 22 days ago..she made it a point to real throw some hurt on me...she was like when we go out to dinner its fun but we can t hang with each other for extended periods of time .. its just does not work...what the hell are u talking about for 8.5 months we had the best time together...july you are telling me i am your favorite person in the world and i make you so happy...we have one bad month and now all of a sudden the only thing i was good for was entertaining you....what the {Censored by Moderator}! How do you go and say that to some one after they have done everything in their power to bring haappines and stability into your life...I will never forget those words..It really pisses me off that she would say soething like that...Like i said i am just venting and i have hit the hate part stage of this break up. How do i go from future husband to your personal entertainment..thats what hurts..how can someone be so cruel and belittle something so special. did she forget all the wonderful times...at least she could of said..i just got out of school..the pressure of me marrying you, getting a job and my family life are too much for me...at least i wouyld of accepted that..i would of at least felt some sort of grattitude..but for her to coem up and say these things really makes me think of what my realtionship truly was..and that really hurts so much...I thought she was the one..i will be nothing but a emory of dinners to her..ugh! i really hate her...Why would she go and say these things?
  16. sukerbut
    we will my friend..i regressed a lil today...talked to my cousin whom dates her cousin..was on the web site all day today..i love this site but sometimes it clouds your mind..i sway back and forth as to loving her or hating her..recently i started being very angry with her, but then i get on here and i realize i miss her and i want her back..BUT I REALLY DONT!! 2006 is going to be a hell of a year for all of us. i made a breif appearnce today...but it has to stop because all i am doing is driving myself crazy..she does not care if i am hurting..she is happy that she no longer has this burden in her life (love , compassion, gifts, dinners, support) unbeleivable...The only way to start healing is to start hating...i sit here and wonder all the things i did wrong..guess what the only reasaon i was needy and clingy is because she made me into that person...she is the real reason for the break up. We all make mistakes..she made more than i did..all i did ws give 100% its not my fault she did not want to do the same..THATS IT. no more torturing ourselves...what we did..if i beat her and treated her with abuse and neglect..fine..then it would be my fault..all i did was love and give ..and all i got was resentment and rejection...If you dont hate you will never forget.. HATE HATE HATe... she ruined my dreams, she ruined my happines and then she has the audacity to tell me i thought we ended it well..andf lets be friends...how bout you step in front of a truck!!!
  17. sukerbut
    my girl also fell out of love with me..she told me she just did not feel it any more...i felt that i gave and gave she did give back but only in the middle when she was really into me...i think what happened was that we both starte resenting one another towards the end..i felt like i was giving too much and not getting enough in return..she felt pressured because i woudl express my lack of happines towards her not giving me enough...she just got out of college had a lot of pressure gettign a job...her mom was a bit cookoo and then she had me bickering and acting like a baby...but here's the thing...she was a priority in my life..i was not in hers..she had so many other things going on that eventually she got tired of giving. she would show up late for our meetings without even calling me to tell me she would be late..she stopped communicating with me like she used to..in july she was madly in love .. by mid-august i felt her pulling away. the arguments would be weekly..i would just forget about them and try to fix things but she would build on them and escalate them to another level. i tried making an effort to make things better, she was making an effort to buid enough conviction against me so she could feel better about breaking up with me. towards the end it got so bad that she told me . i dont even want to hug you or hold your hand any more..OUCH! she attempted a number of times to have me break up with her, but i did not want to lose her..eventually the inevidabe happened and we ar eno longer to gether..i wanted it she did not...it hurts.. real bad..especially since i heard the same phrase from her mouth 3 ties..i just dont love you liek you love me. this si the 3rd tie she had done this to me..i dont know if its because she is only 22 and i am 30..or because we just are not compatible..when we hang out we have the best time..i just dont get it
  18. sukerbut
    i have been reading your post bk. i feel you brother..i too feel hopeless and empty, but the last coupel of weeks i have been putting things in perspective. my ex three times over now. does not posses the same life values that i posses. that is huge...how can i be in a relationship were she does not respect me. she had supposed male friends that would call her regularly..she had a life frind that was in jail for 5 years ..he would call her from jail..now he is out and they are hanging out..i mean you want to be a some one you tell me but you want to associte yourself with losers like that. she still talks and sends care packages to her ex in korea..he is in the army...i love her, but she can not drive me crazy like this..make me feel so insecure in the relationship and then have the ba lls to tell me that i am insecure..well maybe if you did not make me feel insecure and showed me a lil respect i would not..i treated her very well..yes i drank at parties alil too much..but that never seemed to bother her before..now all of a sudden i am a reckless drunk..which i am not..she forgets that she smokes weed every day..of her life..please...they got tired of being in the relationship so they gave up on us..they never truly loved us.. love does not turn sour in a month. i really cant see it happening unless the other party makes it happen. i still think my ex talked herself out of it..again for the third time..but this time will be the last. my life will continue to be filled with enjoyment. yes i am hurting a lot now, becasue i thought it was fate and that hse was the one..but she is not...I HAVE COME TO REALIZE that this woman has used me for her own personal enjoyment and self centered selfishness. i mean i was entertaining her at 17 at top shelf rest. in ny..took her to expensive vacations..then when things get tough or she decideds hey i am bored again..she does not love me liek that any more..please ... I did nothing but love her.care fo her and support her..she did not love me back.i forgot her past i believed her when she said she wanted to marry me .she did not respect me..i should of canned her a ss a long time ago, but i did not..and in turn i get to hurt, while she is out cannoodling with losers. F&*k her! We will be better off with out this caancer in our lives. and the best part was that iw as begging her to take me back becasue i would change for her..what a joke
  19. sukerbut
    Hey guys..i am in my 21st day of NC just wanted to give you an update. Well she has not tried to contact me since that e-mail i sent her 11/30 about not being able to be her friend..personally i dont think she will ever call...i have cut contact from her social circle as well..my cousin dates her cousin..and it was hard for me to be around these people.. things are getting a lil easier..i have tried dating but have not reallly been lucky in that dept. not yet any ways..i am working out like a mad man...getting back in redicoulos shape, but i still to this day wonder how some one can so quickly fall out of love with you(vacations , dinners, love, passion, good sex) ...like i said it is getting easier..i am coming to the realization that i fell in love with the wrong woman..my love blinded me...made me see something that really was not there..i mean i saw glimpses of that person when they were really in love with me but those glimpses were far and few in between. it sucks becasue we really cant help whom we fall in love with..my real ex of seven years..makes 150k a year..is loyal , loves me to death, wants to marry me, and i am stuck on this 22 yr old that does not know if she is coming or going , sure she is nice arm candy, but thats were it ends..she is not very sexual..she cant find a job 8 months out of college..her family values are warped to say the least. and etc. i was sitting and thinking about this last night and i was chuckling..thinking i cant believe that i am here torturing my self over this insignificant woman..Dont get me wrong i miss her and i love her, but now there is some sort of hate rolling in my emotions after 21 days. i hate her for ripping my heart out again..i hate her for being so selfish and cruel. i hate her fro the hurtful things she said to me i hate her for making me feel so insignificant and foolish....i hate her for giving me up so she could instead hang out with losers..i hate her for talkign about marriage when she was not sure what she was saying . i hate her because i love her more than i hate her. i am still struggling with her b-day..i have said i am not going to call her fo x-mas or new years, but her b-day is the 14th of jan..i think i am going to have to stick to no contact. Thats my story so far..i will keep you guys posted. i am still so very confused as to were my lover went and why she was replaced by the ice queen again for the 3rd time..like i feel she really wants me. do you think my love scares her? 3 times she has acted so in love with me..just so in can come to an end again..i just dont get it. i know hse is young, but what the hell is going on in her mind. we will never know
  20. sukerbut
    Folks i am done..last night i buried her and sukerbut...My name is Peter i live in new york i am an institutional bond broker on wall street..i want to thank you all for the support, but its time to move on..I love you al..you have been nothing but great support to me..i have also met some really good people on this web site. i know i said good bye before but this time its for real..i am a done..mournign and wanting this cancer in my life back..i dont know what happened last night but i value myself more than a 22 yr old h oar. GOOD BYE and GOOD LUCK
  21. sukerbut
    no i have not!!! I am trying to it..but i just dont understand...i know i have always loved the people i dumped..i know its weird but both girls i dumped before i still love and care about..one the flame just died..i did not even want to have sex with her..the other was way to young and even though the sex was great i could not be with her becasue i had some serious problems with her family..this one..the sex was great..and i am not just saying that..i treated her well..i just dont understand that all..if there were things lacking ..excitment. going out..appreciation etc..i could accept it and say..you know what suker you messed up..but when u did all the right things ..it just is very perplexing...like i said we had some bad moments towards the end..but was that enough for me to turn her off so much..I just have to accept it..going NC i think will help me a month from now..because even thouh we have been broken up for 2 months communication was always there..she would call me..so i thought maybe i could be cool and try to win her over...finally i lost my cool and she gave me the closure that i needed..i will never date ou again because i dont want to break your heart..i guess thats why i am so bummed out .. NC all the way from now on..i have no choice but it stings so bad
  22. sukerbut
    hey not myself..i talke to my ex a couple of weeks a ago..she assured me she would never break my heart again and that me and her going out would accomplish nothing..so i decided maybe she does mpt need to call me anymore..i sent her an email the following day telling her i cant talk to her any more..but now i am feeling even the small conversation we had might bring us back together..but now i feel like i totally killed it by telling her not to call me any more! it wsa a nice e-mail..loving and courteous..i am just confused..because she did agree to go have coffe with me but then when i suggested dinner she said no. Since you did th3e same..not saying my girl is like yours..how mong before she called you..for me now its been a full 12 days of no contact
  23. sukerbut
    see the most perplexing thing for me is how can some one be so happy with you..and telling you this is july and totally just do a 180% turn in a matter of two months..including a wonderful vacation in aug..and tell you i dont love you any more..it just drived me crazy. I really do believe deep down in my hurt it was pressure of me being 30 lookign to soon get married and this person being 22 just getting out of college that made her buid this wall up against me. As soon as we got back from vacation mid aug i felt her trying to escape..i just felt it..and that was the worst feeling for me..because i knew it..i said once she gets out of school, and start thereal world..looking for a job meeting new people that i woud be toast..I WAS RIGHT! but why did she have to be so ruthless towards my feelings. so cold .. i think thats what hurt the most. sometimes i relaly hate her for doin this to me.. i mean towards the end..she told me she did not feel love for me anymore..that she just wanted out and this would of happened regardless..i think the unsertanty of why you are being dumped is the real reason i ave a trouble moving on..i can understand if was a jack a ss towrds her..buti was so good .. did all the right thigs for the first time i was on point because i wanted to be with her for a long time..but deep down inside i knew this was just fantasy. I REALLY HATE this feeling. WHY WHY WHY? left with no answers just some crappy excuses fro her part.
  24. sukerbut
    Ok its has been 2 months since the break up..I have become a regural here and people are starting to A)worry about me and B) make fun of me lol. This is also my 12th day of NC. I am not sure how and why this is happening but my progress of healing has really been put on hold and even degressed. The past 2 months i have gotten back into redicoulos shape. I have made some new friends went out bought a new wardrobe..partied etc. So why is it that i feel so deflated and empty. The first month iwas back in the saddle..talking to girls getting numbers , looks and smiles. i was happy and confident. but since thanksgiving i have become miserable again. could it be that reality has finally hit and now i realize that she is really never coming back..especially since she said all those hurtful things to me. could it be that i am addicted to this web site and being on it everyday does not give me proper healing time. (i tried to stopmreading last week but i could not..i will try to start tomorrow and give my update on NC in a months time..again the key word here is TRY!) I guess I am not good at handeling rejection and knowing that this was the third time we tried and i have done everything in my power to make her love me and yet ahe still rejects me..is really bearing down on my self worth!! even though i know what i am worth it hurts that she does not want it. I have not been rejected by anyone but her in the past 10 yrs of my life..so why do i allow this woman..should i say kid 22 yrs NOW ! make me feel like this. I am not blinded with love..I just hate the fact that she was the one for me at this time anyways and i am the rejected one..now i know how my ex's feel. The best part is that the guy i thought she was going back to..(remember after 6 months he dumped her...the only guy to break her heart..we think is gay) i mean that just does not make any sense to me. Now i am left scurrying for more answers..since it hought it was him and its not. And i dont want her because i cant have her..i want hewr because i saw a good future..maybe iwas delirious and delisiouned..i dont know. I am tired of people teling me to get over her..i am tired of people telling me your a loser and move on..I am just tired of people in general with their stupid emotionless opinions..BE A MAN ..etc. I am a man who is still madly in love with this piece of cra p. and yes i know she has her issues and i still love her unconditionally but none of that makes a diffrence since she has contionously told me she does not love me like that...who knows if she ver did. I am sorry i just thought i woudl be ina better place right now but it seems like the light at the end of the tunnel a month ago was just a mirage...when is this dam light going to show up again? I hate her I love her..I am tired of fighting with myaelf as to what emotions and strategys to take..I know NC is the way to go..and that is why i have to stick with it..sorry for the long thread just me goign berzerk today. arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
  25. sukerbut
    Hey pilot you hit it right on my man!! right on the money with your last statement..Listen brother i love her .. for me she was the one..the only woman i ever even thought about sharing a future with..(messed up stuff man) but her eis the bottom line...As much as i love her..i LOVE MYSELF more..i forgot that towards the end of the relationship.. i was her butler , lover , gofer, door mat...I was not me any more..I saw the red flags and i tried to work on them..but she would never want to resiprocate the process..in turn every week we would fight for a month. Eventually i B itch ed myself out to her and she was gone. We decided friends with benefits would work..but after three times i realized .. holy crap if this woman loved me she would of never agreed to this union..i could not deal with it..it woud be a slow and even more painfull death..because eventually she would find a new man and say good bye..so i decided to end that F with B union. Then she started calling once a week..I too had hope..disecting every word that came out of her mouth..read my posts..i thought iw as strong and i thought i could play it cool..but you are we kidding..this is the woman that i envisioned a future with and now she is chatting to me like a mate once a week for 5 min..SCREW that..You know what i did..I kileed the hope. she called me last week. 11/30 to be exact and we talked..she told me all these stupid excuses as to why we had no future and assured me we would never get back togehter..i asked her to go out for a cup of coffe..she said i can do that..(I really wanted to put the breaks on this hope thing) so i asked her out to dinner..she said no i dont think thats a good idea.."what is that going to accomplish" BINGO!!! what is me talking to you once a week goin gto accomplish..NOTHING.. so i sent her an e-mail (not a nasty one) telling her we must cut contact..and hearing her voice just makes me feel pain...good luck and good bye.. Every day i torured myself. i woudl go back and forth..was it me? was ithe reason of the break up? i hate her..she messed up..every day i would have a million diffrent emotions torturing my brain..at least now..the hope is dead and i am looking forward..no more disectind as to why things happened..the only hope i have right now is to move on and become the bes amn i can be..I treated her like a princess..she got bored and tired..she wanted it to end. So goodbye...If there was a legitimate reason, i would fight and try to win her back..but i think she just got tired of us..and did not want to make a future..because she did not love me..she loved the idea, they way i treated her, but she did not love me..i know who loves me!! ME
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