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Trax

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  1. Trax
    Sounds like a good plan and in all honesty is probably the right thing to do. Would you be more willing to reconsider if you weren't involved with anyone else right now though? I know that's a "what if?" but something to consider while you now get to ponder what it is you want. You're in complete control now. The ball is in your hands. Hopefully I will be in that position soon. After reading through this forum quite a bit it seems that there's really only a couple of scenarios (that I could come up with anyways) where a reconciliation could happen and work out in the end. 1. If both parties agree to a mutual "break" without seeing anyone else and setting a time table of say a few months and then getting back together and seeing if the feeling is still there. 2. A break up occurs where both parties have completely gotten over each other and have started other relationships. After testing the waters both parties split (for whatever reason) with the new and slowly start trying to build something back with the old. Rekindle the flame if you will. I think in both scenarios each party is given a lot of time to reflect on what it is they want/desire in a partner and to work on themselves to correct their own flaws. It also gives them time to see if they are more compatible with someone else although you don't necessarily have to be with someone else to realize that. These aren't black and white cases of course because there's always going to be shades of grey. This is just a general consensus of what I feel would need to happen in order for exes to be successful at working something out in the future. Either way, congrats on being strong. Things will only continue to get better.
  2. Trax
    That's how I feel too. Betrayed. Lied to. I'm not sure if my ex was seeing/talking to this guy before we broke up (I honestly don't think so) but she certainly never mentioned seeing anyone else and pretty much denied it. I had to find out the hard way. I am very loyal too and would never do something like that. And if I had met someone else quickly after breaking up, I would certainly be honest about it and not go hiding it. I always felt that if I was in the situation I was in that my love would be replaced by hate. Yeah, I got angry and I still go through the gamut of emotions but I also know that I will always love my ex to some degree even after that "good" feeling has faded. You never forget someone you were that close to for that long and not feel something. I *know* she must feel something too. Its only a matter of time before she realizes the grass ain't greener on the other side. By then, I hopefully will have gotten over it completely.
  3. Trax
    Wow, you've come a long way man. That must have been a tough thing for you to do. How long was she seeing her new bf for and how long after she broke things off with you did she start going out w/ him? It sounds like you've completely let her go. Good for you. Its coming up on 3 months myself. I had to find out the hard way my ex was seeing someone else. It was devestating. Especially so soon after she ended things. I've accepted it and there's waves of emotion now and then, but she's basically dead to me. She's the one initiating whatever little contact there is. The drunken call the night I caught her, the e-mail the next Monday...one month NC, then the IM last week. I knew it would happen. Her foundation is starting to crack and the realization is setting in. Our stories are quite similar. I know eventually I'll get the call you received as well. Its only a matter of time...by then I will probably have completely healed and will be able to let go as well. You've done well my friend. I suspect this won't be the last you hear of her.
  4. Trax
    Thats exactly what you should do....nothing. You owe her nothing. She ended it with you, thereforeeee severing all ties that come along with you. You're doing really well. I kind of wish I was in your position, but you've made it clear to her that you only want to talk if she's interested in getting back together. I say leave it at that and continue NC.
  5. Trax
    I think what you should do is talk to him first and tell him exactly what you've said here. I can see why he'd feel this way especially if you were off meeting other guys when you were still together. He obviously is having trust issues here and feels that if you left once for someone else it could happen again. But like I said talk to him, let him know how you feel...ask him if he can let the past be the past. It may take some time for him to get over this. Its not going to happen overnight.
  6. Trax
    I thought that this is was how I would feel. I can't seem to shake her off though. Crazy as it sounds I still love my ex. Not as much since time is making the feelings fade away, but deep down I will always lover her in some way. As for men coming back, they do. One of my good friends broke up with his gf in college. I think they had somewhat regular contact afterwards and after maybe a year or so apart they got back together. However things didn't work out for them because I think in the end they realized that they weren't right for one another and were better off as just friends.
  7. Trax
    Dogg, I think the best thing to do at this point is to not send her a card. Seriously, who cares what she thinks? She jumped ship on you, you are no longer obligated to her in any way. Its like SuperDave said, if you do nothing you can't screw anything up.
  8. Trax
    NJ, this is nothing but a rebound for him. Sometimes they are the complete opposite of what you are or are somewhat similar. Either way they are there to fill a void, nothing more. Guess who's going to call you when he falls on his*edit* ? Yup, you. What you do at that moment is up to you, but I recommend NCing him and not letting him get to you at all. Dude's got some issues and is taking it out on you, instead of dealing with them on his own.
  9. Trax
    Oh, believe me I was certainly not going to initiate any contact. I guess I should have been more clear. What I meant was the next time she contacts me, should I do A or B, but your point is still well taken.
  10. Trax
    It was inevitable Ant. You handled the situation well. Keep up NC and you'll be fine. Seems to be a theme around here. The ex's are trying to creep back in...kinda spooky its happening all at the same time huh?
  11. Trax
    Thanks for the input fellas, but it looks like this one's not even going to get off the ground. Since I called her last Wed., I have heard nothing back and haven't really asked around about her. I'm kinda bummed because I thought we hit it off really well and she was giving me signs she was interested. Not sure what happened, but what can you do? I thought I had at the very least, made a new friend. I'm hoping someone else comes along soon though. She really helped me take my mind off the ex.
  12. Trax
    Exactly. I'm in the same situation as you man. Ex of a year and a half dumped me a WEEK after we had spent a week on vacation with her and her immediate family. What happens? 3-4 weeks later starts seeing someone else, but doesn't even tell me (could have possibly started seeing him while we were together but I strongly doubt it.) Couple weeks after that, friends and I see her making out with this dude at a bar. How pathetic. Calls me that night pretending nothing's wrong, I call her out on it. Total disrespect. E-mail the next Monday. Weak attempt at apologizing. NO CONTACT. Guess who IM's me just this week? You guessed it. Who knows her intentions, but more likely than not, the grass ain't greener on the other side. NJ's quote there sums it up well. I wasn't perfect nor was she, but if there was something she needed to deal with she should have came to me to talk about it. Instead the problem is swept under the rug. It will be a continuous pattern until she realizes what her deal is. No contact for you my friend. I guarantee that your ex still thinks and cares about you. I had to learn the hard way that people try to "move on" and "forget" about an ex by jumping at the first thing they see. They always get burned. Her fall will be your revenge because you won't be there to pick up her pieces and will have moved on to be a better person. Stay strong, everyone here is with you.
  13. Trax
    Here's a link to my story so everyone looking at this thread knows my situation. Basically, I feel like I have a couple of options here as I see it. I have no intention whatsoever of being her friend. I'm not going to sit on the sidelines while she sees what else is out there and be her emotional pillow. I don't think I should be anything to her at all. However, I also know that I still love her. I know I can't be with her ever again, but there's still that what if? in my mind. I just think at this point there's too much to overcome. This brings me to my options. I can respond to her and basically tell her off. Very immature on my part I know, which lowers me a level and may give her back some control. I know it would feel good to get that emotional side out of me so she can see how badly she hurt me but, I don't know what it'd accomplish. However, I think she'd react in one of two ways: A) She'd get pissed and argue back and that would be the end hearing from her for a long time, if not forever or B) It'd make her realize (if she doesn't already) how badly she hurt me and make her push further contact. Next option, I allow her to contact me, but don't respond. I know blocking her is an option, but at the same time I feel that I'm playing the role of a hockey goalie, deflecting away her attempts. It honestly felt good to have the control to not respond to her. She may put one past me, but I have to shake it off and get ready for the next shot and stay on my toes. It'll only make me stronger. I can only imagine why she decided to break NC. I guess its A) She realized what she had and is trying to nudge her way back. B) Wants to keep me around in case things don't pan out otherwise or C) New guy(s)? she is dating/could be her BF now isn't working out so well and is pushing towards options A and B. This is exactly how I feel. There's absolutely nothing to talk about. Unless she wants to apologize or give me some honest answers that I'm looking for there's nothing she can say to me really that will make me want to talk. I guess I'm looking for some suggestions for the best route to take...respond and let her know friends is not an option or stay steadfast, aloof and greet her with silence?
  14. Trax
    Sometimes its really scary how well my gut instinct works. After seeing her sign on to AIM for the first time last week in months I knew the ice would be broken soon. Hell, even before that I knew she'd eventually contact me. No messages were exchanged. I was certainly not going to contact her. She stopped using AIM because I did. I started using it again to get back in touch with old friends whom I hadn't really spoken to when we were together. So when I came home today, I did my usual routine of checking my e-mail and seeing if any of my friends were on. Sure enough there she was. I honestly thought the only reason why she signed on was to get in touch with her friends because her favorite band played this past weekend. Didn't expect to see her again. She IM's me after a few minutes...Hi...just wanted to see how you were doin...I just want you to know that I hope we can talk someday again...as friends of course...I ignored it. No response, nothing. She's trying to slowly ease her way back in. I knew this would happen. I cannot bend now. Not after over a month of NC. I know that this will only happen again probably with more frequency. I'm just worried about the phone call that will come...I know it will happen...my gut tells me so. I don't have caller ID so there's nothing I can do to avoid it. I just hope I'm ready for it. I cannot be there for her. She treated me like garbage and thinks I'm just going to take whatever crumbs she throws my way. I honestly still haven't gotten closure from her, or the answers I was looking for or a real apology. If she does that, maybe I will speak with her, but her actions must speak louder than words. For those of you worried about whether or not your ex misses you...they do...if you're the dumpee they will eventually contact you. Whether or not you want them back is up to you. Proceed with caution.
  15. Trax
    Hello all, I've posted my story before so I'm not going to re-write everything. Here it is for anyone that's interested in reading it. Things had been going pretty well for me lately. I started talking to other girls and even had a date. The girl I was interested in hasn't called me back after I tried getting in touch with her a couple of times. So, I guess that she simply isn't as interested as I thought. So, whatever I can deal with it. I even started talking to a lot of my old friends that I hadn't had much contact with once I started seeing the ex. For some reason I've been feeling kind of sad the past couple of days. I thought I had moved on because honestly I had been emotionally drained from everything that had happened. When I thought of my ex, it no longer bothered me and I didn't have that sadness or anger or anything else. But, today I felt that empty feeling again and the questions and images resurfaced. Was she seeing someone behind my back? How could she have treated me this way? How could she move on so quickly?, etc. I'm just at a loss here since I thought I was done with this nonsense. I know I still love her and probably always will even though those feelings have dissipated dramatically since the break up. I know in my mind that no matter how I feel about her, that I can never go back based on principal alone. I think what triggered it was the fact that I saw her on AIM the other day. This was the first time in months she's signed on. She stopped using it because I did. I'm guessing she just did it to get in touch with friends since I know her favorite band was playing this weekend. No messages were exchanged, and I certainly will not get in touch with her. Been NC for probably a little more than a month now. It just made me surprised a little I guess and started stirring emotions. I feel that she may try to contact me in the near future but I know I'm not ready. I guess I just needed to vent my feelings since I know all my friends are sick of hearing it and I've made it a point not to talk to any of them about it anymore. I'd still like an explanation from her for total closure, but she has to make the effort not me. I know what I have to do to move on, and I have been doing those things, but I don't know why I'm feeling this way over nothing really. Thanks to everyone who has given me input in the past, this site has been very helpful. I wish I had found it when my break up first happened. It may not have changed the outcome I wanted, but its helped me learn a lot of what not to do.
  16. Trax
    Well, I gave her a call yesterday. Left her a voicemail. Have not heard back. The ball's in her court now I guess, but this is not a good sign. At least I tried. Unless I hear back, I'm moving on. Sucks too because I thought she was an interesting chick, but oh well she doesn't know what she's missing out on. Such is life.
  17. Trax
    I really thought of this the other day. No matter what my feelings for my ex are or were or what they could possibly be in the future, I know that I can never go back because of A. How she handled the break up and B. The way she treated me afterwards. What was can never be again, and what could be can never happen because of what happened. Strange. My ex was signed onto AIM yesterday for the first time in months. She actually stopped using it because I did. After the break I started using it again to get back in touch with friends. She probably did to talk to friends since I know her favorite band is playing soon, but nonetheless it got my mind churning. No messages were exchanged, I certainly was not going to send her one. It probably has no meaning, but I have a feeling that contact will be attempted by her soon. I'm not ready for it. I don't know why but today I've felt a little sad for the first time in weeks. I have to keep pushing forward. I've been doing well for so long now and I can't afford to have any set backs. The more time that passes the better.
  18. Trax
    Ok, but should I give her a call or hold my ground still?
  19. Trax
    I was in this situation with my ex girlfriend. I'm 5' 5" and have an athletic body. She was 5' 6 1/2", 5' 7" maybe and was overweight. I can tell you we never had any problems with our sizes (she was insecure about her weight) but we were in love so that never bothered me. We were very affectionate towards one another and had a very rewarding sexual life. We were both very attracted to one another. It depends on the guy though some are ok with it others won't go for it. I consider myself open minded so I never had a problem with it. The girl I'm seeing now is 5' and is petite, so I'm open to all types of body sizes. I think it'd be difficult for me to be with anyone over 5' 8" however since I like to be able to look my woman directly in the eyes. I generally go for same height, slightly taller, or shorter and those are the types of women that come to me. But, it all depends on the person though.
  20. Trax
    You're kind of in the same situation as me. My story is over in the other forum, so I won't get too much into it. Basically I met a really cool girl and we really seem to be hitting it off well. I however, did not mention to her (yet) that I'm just getting out of a serious relationship. She brought up she had, but was quick to drop the subject. I simply didn't want to talk about it because what's the point? Eventually I will tell her because I don't want to be deceitful or whatever, but I also don't want to dwell on our pasts when the present situation is so much more appealing. Bottom line is this: ask her out. Don't put too much behind it though. No expectations. Have a good time, be yourself. I was nervous asking this girl out, but I sucked it up and just did it. Then, I was worried about not having enough to say or whatever, but we wound up talking the entire time and really hit it off well. I'm into her, but I know I can't let my guard down just yet or get too attached since I just met her. At this point I'm just seeing where things go and at the very least I've made a new friend. I too feel like I'm in high school again, wondering if I should call her again even though she didn't call me back Sunday, and stuff like that. Just go with the excitement of getting to know someone and take it from there. Good luck.
  21. Trax
    Ok, so Saturday was a strange night to say the least. As I mentioned before my friend is going out with her friend and a couple of my friends and her friends all met up at a bar for one of her other friend's birthdays (kinda confusing but it provides some background). Needless to say it wasn't the best situation for us to talk or enjoy each other's company since she was talking with all her friends and I was talking with mine and it left little room for us to chat. She's a very attractive woman so guys were hitting on her a lot, but I honestly didn't mind since A. She's not my girlfriend, B. We're not exclusively dating and C. We're both single and can talk/mingle with whomever we feel like. I think she was just being friendly and at the end of the night when we were leaving she completely ignored this guy that tried to get her number. Anyways she got pretty wasted and I wound up giving her a ride. I didn't know exactly where she lived and she was basically passed out in my car and unresponsive. I figured it would have been a bad idea to take her back to my house (I moved back in with my folks) as that probably would have freaked her out. So, I called my friend (the one who's dating her friend) and he said it was ok for her to crash at his place. She finally comes to and decides she doesn't want to stay there and that she'll crash at one of her guy friend's places near by. I say ok and we gave each other a hug goodnight and went on our way. I was kinda pissed that I had driven all around, but whatever I didn't know what else to do. The next morning I get a voicemail she had left me in the night basically apologizing for everything. She apparently tried to drive home and fortunately for her only got a ticket for not wearing a seat belt. She also said someone had snatched some money from her wallet. She said to call her whenever. I was concerned and gave her a call on Sunday afternoon and left her a voicemail basically making sure that everything was ok and to call me back. I haven't heard back yet. Am I overanalyzing this way too much (something I tend to do a lot of anyway) or should I just calm down and wait for her to call me? I don't want to seem like I'm desperate or whatever, but I also want to know she's ok, so I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?
  22. Trax
    Forget this guy. This guy is very immature and selfish. He does not know how to treat a woman. You're the one putting in all of the effort here. Go to NC immediately and never look back. Believe me you can and will find so much better than this guy. Good luck.
  23. Trax
    You should absolutely go out and have fun tonight. Forget about your ex. I know its hard. I'm in a similar situation, but it took me a little while to realize that if my ex truly loved me and cared then we would be together and she wouldn't have treated me the way she did. Her contacting you is her way of keeping you on a leesh so she can go out and have her fun and keep you there as a backup. Don't let her do it. It will hold you back. The more you let go and accept that its over and the less contact you have, the better. Just go out and enjoy yourself and don't worry about what your ex is thinking/doing or if she will call or not. Quite frankly, she broke up with you and the bottom line is what you're doing now is none of her business. I've begun seeing someone else and at this point I couldn't care less what my ex is doing or if she ever gets in touch with me again. I know she will, but I've moved on and can focus on seeing what else is out there.
  24. Trax
    So, we went out on Wednesday and had a really good time. Talked the whole time. We hugged at the end of the night and I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. She said to giver her a call again. I found out she is just getting out of a relationship. I am too if any of you have read my posts in the other forum. I didn't mention this to her yet and am not sure if and when a good time would be. I really like her a lot, but know I need to take things slowly. I went over to my friend's place last night who is going out with her friend. We all were talking and it sounded like that her friend and her and a couple of my buddies are planning on going out tonight and talked about getting together. I haven't talked to her directly about it, but am wondering if I should give her a quick call and see what she's doing tonight. Should I call or just let things happen on their own? Thanks for any input.
  25. Trax
    Bad idea to show up unannounced as well. NC isn't there for you to win her back. Its there for you to heal yourself. If you feel that you can accept whatever reaction she gives you, good or bad then go ahead and contact her, but just showing up is not a good idea.
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