Trax

Sounds like a good plan and in all honesty is probably the right thing to do. Would you be more willing to reconsider if you weren't involved with anyone else right now though? I know that's a "what if?" but something to consider while you now get to ponder what it is you want. You're in complete control now. The ball is in your hands. Hopefully I will be in that position soon. After reading through this forum quite a bit it seems that there's really only a couple of scenarios (that I could come up with anyways) where a reconciliation could happen and work out in the end. 1. If both parties agree to a mutual "break" without seeing anyone else and setting a time table of say a few months and then getting back together and seeing if the feeling is still there. 2. A break up occurs where both parties have completely gotten over each other and have started other relationships. After testing the waters both parties split (for whatever reason) with the new and slowly start trying to build something back with the old. Rekindle the flame if you will. I think in both scenarios each party is given a lot of time to reflect on what it is they want/desire in a partner and to work on themselves to correct their own flaws. It also gives them time to see if they are more compatible with someone else although you don't necessarily have to be with someone else to realize that. These aren't black and white cases of course because there's always going to be shades of grey. This is just a general consensus of what I feel would need to happen in order for exes to be successful at working something out in the future. Either way, congrats on being strong. Things will only continue to get better.

That's how I feel too. Betrayed. Lied to. I'm not sure if my ex was seeing/talking to this guy before we broke up (I honestly don't think so) but she certainly never mentioned seeing anyone else and pretty much denied it. I had to find out the hard way. I am very loyal too and would never do something like that. And if I had met someone else quickly after breaking up, I would certainly be honest about it and not go hiding it. I always felt that if I was in the situation I was in that my love would be replaced by hate. Yeah, I got angry and I still go through the gamut of emotions but I also know that I will always love my ex to some degree even after that "good" feeling has faded. You never forget someone you were that close to for that long and not feel something. I *know* she must feel something too. Its only a matter of time before she realizes the grass ain't greener on the other side. By then, I hopefully will have gotten over it completely.

Wow, you've come a long way man. That must have been a tough thing for you to do. How long was she seeing her new bf for and how long after she broke things off with you did she start going out w/ him? It sounds like you've completely let her go. Good for you. Its coming up on 3 months myself. I had to find out the hard way my ex was seeing someone else. It was devestating. Especially so soon after she ended things. I've accepted it and there's waves of emotion now and then, but she's basically dead to me. She's the one initiating whatever little contact there is. The drunken call the night I caught her, the e-mail the next Monday...one month NC, then the IM last week. I knew it would happen. Her foundation is starting to crack and the realization is setting in. Our stories are quite similar. I know eventually I'll get the call you received as well. Its only a matter of time...by then I will probably have completely healed and will be able to let go as well. You've done well my friend. I suspect this won't be the last you hear of her.

Thats exactly what you should do....nothing. You owe her nothing. She ended it with you, thereforeeee severing all ties that come along with you. You're doing really well. I kind of wish I was in your position, but you've made it clear to her that you only want to talk if she's interested in getting back together. I say leave it at that and continue NC.

I think what you should do is talk to him first and tell him exactly what you've said here. I can see why he'd feel this way especially if you were off meeting other guys when you were still together. He obviously is having trust issues here and feels that if you left once for someone else it could happen again. But like I said talk to him, let him know how you feel...ask him if he can let the past be the past. It may take some time for him to get over this. Its not going to happen overnight.

I thought that this is was how I would feel. I can't seem to shake her off though. Crazy as it sounds I still love my ex. Not as much since time is making the feelings fade away, but deep down I will always lover her in some way. As for men coming back, they do. One of my good friends broke up with his gf in college. I think they had somewhat regular contact afterwards and after maybe a year or so apart they got back together. However things didn't work out for them because I think in the end they realized that they weren't right for one another and were better off as just friends.

Dogg, I think the best thing to do at this point is to not send her a card. Seriously, who cares what she thinks? She jumped ship on you, you are no longer obligated to her in any way. Its like SuperDave said, if you do nothing you can't screw anything up.

NJ, this is nothing but a rebound for him. Sometimes they are the complete opposite of what you are or are somewhat similar. Either way they are there to fill a void, nothing more. Guess who's going to call you when he falls on his*edit* ? Yup, you. What you do at that moment is up to you, but I recommend NCing him and not letting him get to you at all. Dude's got some issues and is taking it out on you, instead of dealing with them on his own.

Oh, believe me I was certainly not going to initiate any contact. I guess I should have been more clear. What I meant was the next time she contacts me, should I do A or B, but your point is still well taken.

It was inevitable Ant. You handled the situation well. Keep up NC and you'll be fine. Seems to be a theme around here. The ex's are trying to creep back in...kinda spooky its happening all at the same time huh?

Thanks for the input fellas, but it looks like this one's not even going to get off the ground. Since I called her last Wed., I have heard nothing back and haven't really asked around about her. I'm kinda bummed because I thought we hit it off really well and she was giving me signs she was interested. Not sure what happened, but what can you do? I thought I had at the very least, made a new friend. I'm hoping someone else comes along soon though. She really helped me take my mind off the ex.

Exactly. I'm in the same situation as you man. Ex of a year and a half dumped me a WEEK after we had spent a week on vacation with her and her immediate family. What happens? 3-4 weeks later starts seeing someone else, but doesn't even tell me (could have possibly started seeing him while we were together but I strongly doubt it.) Couple weeks after that, friends and I see her making out with this dude at a bar. How pathetic. Calls me that night pretending nothing's wrong, I call her out on it. Total disrespect. E-mail the next Monday. Weak attempt at apologizing. NO CONTACT. Guess who IM's me just this week? You guessed it. Who knows her intentions, but more likely than not, the grass ain't greener on the other side. NJ's quote there sums it up well. I wasn't perfect nor was she, but if there was something she needed to deal with she should have came to me to talk about it. Instead the problem is swept under the rug. It will be a continuous pattern until she realizes what her deal is. No contact for you my friend. I guarantee that your ex still thinks and cares about you. I had to learn the hard way that people try to "move on" and "forget" about an ex by jumping at the first thing they see. They always get burned. Her fall will be your revenge because you won't be there to pick up her pieces and will have moved on to be a better person. Stay strong, everyone here is with you.

Here's a link to my story so everyone looking at this thread knows my situation. Basically, I feel like I have a couple of options here as I see it. I have no intention whatsoever of being her friend. I'm not going to sit on the sidelines while she sees what else is out there and be her emotional pillow. I don't think I should be anything to her at all. However, I also know that I still love her. I know I can't be with her ever again, but there's still that what if? in my mind. I just think at this point there's too much to overcome. This brings me to my options. I can respond to her and basically tell her off. Very immature on my part I know, which lowers me a level and may give her back some control. I know it would feel good to get that emotional side out of me so she can see how badly she hurt me but, I don't know what it'd accomplish. However, I think she'd react in one of two ways: A) She'd get pissed and argue back and that would be the end hearing from her for a long time, if not forever or B) It'd make her realize (if she doesn't already) how badly she hurt me and make her push further contact. Next option, I allow her to contact me, but don't respond. I know blocking her is an option, but at the same time I feel that I'm playing the role of a hockey goalie, deflecting away her attempts. It honestly felt good to have the control to not respond to her. She may put one past me, but I have to shake it off and get ready for the next shot and stay on my toes. It'll only make me stronger. I can only imagine why she decided to break NC. I guess its A) She realized what she had and is trying to nudge her way back. B) Wants to keep me around in case things don't pan out otherwise or C) New guy(s)? she is dating/could be her BF now isn't working out so well and is pushing towards options A and B. This is exactly how I feel. There's absolutely nothing to talk about. Unless she wants to apologize or give me some honest answers that I'm looking for there's nothing she can say to me really that will make me want to talk. I guess I'm looking for some suggestions for the best route to take...respond and let her know friends is not an option or stay steadfast, aloof and greet her with silence?

Sometimes its really scary how well my gut instinct works. After seeing her sign on to AIM for the first time last week in months I knew the ice would be broken soon. Hell, even before that I knew she'd eventually contact me. No messages were exchanged. I was certainly not going to contact her. She stopped using AIM because I did. I started using it again to get back in touch with old friends whom I hadn't really spoken to when we were together. So when I came home today, I did my usual routine of checking my e-mail and seeing if any of my friends were on. Sure enough there she was. I honestly thought the only reason why she signed on was to get in touch with her friends because her favorite band played this past weekend. Didn't expect to see her again. She IM's me after a few minutes...Hi...just wanted to see how you were doin...I just want you to know that I hope we can talk someday again...as friends of course...I ignored it. No response, nothing. She's trying to slowly ease her way back in. I knew this would happen. I cannot bend now. Not after over a month of NC. I know that this will only happen again probably with more frequency. I'm just worried about the phone call that will come...I know it will happen...my gut tells me so. I don't have caller ID so there's nothing I can do to avoid it. I just hope I'm ready for it. I cannot be there for her. She treated me like garbage and thinks I'm just going to take whatever crumbs she throws my way. I honestly still haven't gotten closure from her, or the answers I was looking for or a real apology. If she does that, maybe I will speak with her, but her actions must speak louder than words. For those of you worried about whether or not your ex misses you...they do...if you're the dumpee they will eventually contact you. Whether or not you want them back is up to you. Proceed with caution.

Hello all, I've posted my story before so I'm not going to re-write everything. Here it is for anyone that's interested in reading it. Things had been going pretty well for me lately. I started talking to other girls and even had a date. The girl I was interested in hasn't called me back after I tried getting in touch with her a couple of times. So, I guess that she simply isn't as interested as I thought. So, whatever I can deal with it. I even started talking to a lot of my old friends that I hadn't had much contact with once I started seeing the ex. For some reason I've been feeling kind of sad the past couple of days. I thought I had moved on because honestly I had been emotionally drained from everything that had happened. When I thought of my ex, it no longer bothered me and I didn't have that sadness or anger or anything else. But, today I felt that empty feeling again and the questions and images resurfaced. Was she seeing someone behind my back? How could she have treated me this way? How could she move on so quickly?, etc. I'm just at a loss here since I thought I was done with this nonsense. I know I still love her and probably always will even though those feelings have dissipated dramatically since the break up. I know in my mind that no matter how I feel about her, that I can never go back based on principal alone. I think what triggered it was the fact that I saw her on AIM the other day. This was the first time in months she's signed on. She stopped using it because I did. I'm guessing she just did it to get in touch with friends since I know her favorite band was playing this weekend. No messages were exchanged, and I certainly will not get in touch with her. Been NC for probably a little more than a month now. It just made me surprised a little I guess and started stirring emotions. I feel that she may try to contact me in the near future but I know I'm not ready. I guess I just needed to vent my feelings since I know all my friends are sick of hearing it and I've made it a point not to talk to any of them about it anymore. I'd still like an explanation from her for total closure, but she has to make the effort not me. I know what I have to do to move on, and I have been doing those things, but I don't know why I'm feeling this way over nothing really. Thanks to everyone who has given me input in the past, this site has been very helpful. I wish I had found it when my break up first happened. It may not have changed the outcome I wanted, but its helped me learn a lot of what not to do.