selfi

Agreed Blender.

Thanks for the reply Aschleigh, quick question; why do you find that LC is the best thing for you as opposed to NC? May as well put my own answers in; 1. How long have you been in NC for? About 3 weeks 2. Are you doing it with hopes to get the ex back? (Thruthfullly) Im not doing NC to get him back, but to be with him again is what I am strongly hoping for 3. When you were on the verge of breaking NC, what strategie/thought process worked on stopping you from doing so? Reading posts on this forum! 4. Do you generally supress your feelings about the break up to those around you? Close friends know how I feel, but even so I tend to play it all down as I dont want to be a burden 5. If you have been to counselling, has it helped? Only a couple of times, I think I may need to find the right one as councillers Ive spoken too dont really know what to say. Ive found this free website to be more useful in all honesty

We're all here for a similar reason, but I thought to start a thread relating to how fellow females are dealing with No Contact, as I believe women have a different coping mechanism to men. 1. How long have you been in NC for? 2. Are you doing it with hopes to get the ex back? (Thruthfullly) 3. When you were on the verge of breaking NC, what strategie/thought process worked on stopping you from doing so? 4. Do you generally supress your feelings about the break up to those around you? 5. If you have been to counselling, has it helped? And there we have it, I think these are questions that Id really like to know from others as...we may be able to draw from eachothers outlooks. - Selfi.

jessicake i feel the same way as you very often; i try my hardest to find some justification to make contact, but in reality, its just so i can get my 'fix' snoop into his personal life in hopes that he isnt living it up and fish for hope crumbs. Our ex's know how to reach us, and if/ when they do call, I know that it will hurt alot if he isnt calling to say lets get back together. Anyway just wanted to let you knw that youre not rambling, but dont do the regular call thing, its useless for you

Whoa, tightly wound silentalways. Everybody is here for a valid reason and I dont think any of the posters were meaning to demean the pain of what we are going through.

The way you were a few months ago is how I used to be as well, so that advice was very useful for future reference

The holidays are always the hardest but as many people have told me, YOU shouldnt do anything but get better from now on. To help you get through the present you need to live in the moment or you will drive yourself insain

Hey poetsheart, I am currently going through the exact feelings you went through the other day about being on the urge of texting (I just found out he went out to see a couple of females of whom have always been conniving b*tches to me and its slicing me in half) im only a few weeks into NC but the pain is excrutiating... i knew i had to go straight to your thread and live by your example. At the moment feels like a blow to the gut, but just letting you know that THIS thread is the only thing keeping me from texting him, as I know I can rise above this p.s im on Australia too! (Melb)

at least you got to dump HIM (positive outlook prehaps?)

At the moment im counting down the days till he rings me is pretty much the only thing I look forward to, does this mean that im just waiting for "crumbs" ? I dont want "crumbs"......

Scotcha, your reply pinpointed how I feel. I briefly read through my last thread, it gave me perspective yet also hurt so much to read. I suppose factors like work, friends and family expect me to 'suck it all up' have a cry then be done with it, which Im finding impossible. Everymorning I wake up and remember what has happened all over again, its like some sort of terrible Groundhog Day! As you wrote, you know that I am waiting for him to come back but time will only tell ay, guess I shouldnt be waiting at all...

"Shes The One" - Robbie Williams

Yes, I agree with you all, I cant analyze his mixed signals which waver hope in front of me constantly. (But the fact that he has come back to me previously is the main fuel to the fire; ie, will he do it again?) I also see so many posters like myself here who are trying to reconcile with somebody who has vanished, each one of us secretly thinking our case is different and may carry light at the end of the tunnel. I suppose I realise on this forum that there are no answers to questions im posing, no matter how I word them; just advice, opinions and support, which im so very appreciative to have been given

Yes, there is nothing I can do but accept. For weeks I have been racking my brain as to why he left again, but my contradicting thoughts have been so painful which predictably led me to ring him yesterday. I told him striaght out that I was calling because I just WANTED to and the conversation involved; him telling me that he wants to call me but know he "cant" right now, he misses me, finds himself checking his phone regularly for my calls and similar things along those lines...in other words crumbs, which is heartbreaking in itself. no promises of anything except that he will be in touch. I know he isnt wondering around having the time of his life apart from me, so what makes a person disappear with no substance/ reason? I very well could be too young to have the clarity I need right now, but that doesnt make this any less traumatic. Having this done a second time round by the same person, only makes NC harder.

I did no contact for three months and my ex came back. Eight months later he left again. I did NC for the purpose of getting him back, which it did, but now truly realise that those intentions are no good

Thanks for your responses guys. I always swore to myself that I wouldnt be prepared to go through the same sort of pain twice and here I am again. There is alot of shame and embarrasment asociated with my grief because its with the same guy and people seem to offer less sympathy, assuming I should of learnt my lesson. It only makes this so much worse. I wasnt a strange and tempremental girlfriend, I was loving, considerate and most importantly his best friend. On the phone last week he read (whilst crying) out a long letter which he wrote, explaining how he feels. The letter entailed no explanation, just empty declarations of his endless love for me that must be ended for now. I know the dumper goes through a hurting too so Is this just his guilt speaking? The reason I want to contact him so badly is that oddly, after we speak, I dont cry as much and feel temporarily calmer, feeding off hope once the conversations over. Sorry if it seems like im looking for some sort of backup to break NC, im not. As much of a state as im in now, the advice I ever gave to anyone else on this forum in the past I feel is not valid now, because all those months of healing I did last year seem put to waste.

Hi everybody, As I sit here trying to type out what has happened to me in the last two weeks all I feel is like somebody is sending a knife throughout my entire mind and body. Im not sure whether some of you would remember me from nearly a year ago (you can go through my first few topics posted here if you wish); I came to this forum to help cope with my boyfriend leaving me with no apparent explanation, and I struggled with NC for three months. Anyways, early this year we got back together and for the past eight months things were going so well. The relationship was stronger than before and we had both grown up emotionally, and were appreciative that we were in eachothers lives once again. We finished our last year of college together, and as my trust was built back up in him, our love for eachother felt infinite. Sure we had the odd argument here and there, but the good outweighed any negetivity undoubtedly. Three weeks ago we went a magical holiday to The Gold Coast which for both of us was one of the best time of our lives. To cut things short - three days after we returned he rang me up as usual to wish me goodnight. But just before he hung up he quickly mentioned that he and a group of his friends were to go on an overseas holiday for two weeks. I told him that I was happy for him yet at the same time I felt a little bit offended as our trip to the Gold Coast lasted only four days (due to his request) yet he had no problem commiting to a much longer holiday with his male friends. There was a pause on the phone. Suddenly said "Im leaving you" It felt so surreal I couldnt even react. He came to my house two days later for 15 minutes to say goodbye in person. He wouldnt negotiate working things through, having a break, or even explaining to me in detail his decision. He told me even though he loves me more than Ill ever know and knows in his heart he doesnt want to do this, he kept saying "I cant be with you anymore" And that was it. Evan said he cant see or speak to me indefinitely and though its led me to utter mental chaos, Ive only called him twice since and written him a letter, opting to take the pain out on myself, than ruin any chance of reconsiliation. I dont want to write too much and burden you all with other details, but I would love for any of you to please send me some support, as I dont know what to do this time round. Should I be actively trying to save this relationship with contact? Is disappearing from Evan's life all of a sudden, the easy way out for him? Has anybody else here been gotten back together than been left again? Was his entire decision based on that comment I made to him about going overseas? Thanking you all in advance, - Selfi.

Dogg im familiar with your story too. . .all I have to add is that you should be posting in the Healing From A BreakUp forum, because a crappy text message does not mean you are not going to be getting back with your ex, and you are clearly in need of some proper healing to get over her once and for good.

yep, thats why tomorrow both of us are going to sit down and have a good talk about things, not plan our relationship of course, but discuss issues that may have been a concern from last year. that way we go into everything with the best attitude from the get go. im very excited as both of us are so happy, confidant and realistic right now! (so much of that is attributed to Enotalone!) thanks for the well wishes everyone

yes Midgi, my ex did the same thing, and its great to no longer have that needing isnt it? I know when I was healing, the pivotal point in my progress was when I could wake up in the morning and not feel that gut pain in my stomach knowing that he wasnt going to call. Of course, the situation is different now, but I'll just stress again, that I wouldnt be with him today if NC wasnt implemented. (He told me recentely whilst we were totally apart, the space made him realise he still had feelings for me) It worked becuase i stopped using it as a tactic to get him back, and got myself back first and foremost (sorry for the cliche)

Read the above first link I put up on my post Torchbearer, it follows my path when I too wasnt sold on NC and didnt do it. You'll see how not only it got me nowhere, but totally hindered any progress, I could of made.

Hi there, Everything that I thought would never happen,has happened. And Im absolutely happy and grateful, as me and Evan are now back together again after nearly 6 months apart. I was tossing up whether to explain the situation again for most of you who are unfamiliar with it, but Ill save you the lengthy post and just summarise. He left me in October last year, citing no reason for the split at all. Though we both knew it was due to emotional burnout, too much, too fast. This left me with my first proper heartbreak and I didnt know how to deal with at all, until I somehow stumbled accross this forum. Due to my unwillingness to let go, he pulled my strings for another 3 months after that, we slept with eachother during that period which made it all the painful for me. (The brute of it is in this thread here ) I had the power to stop all of this pain, but CHOSE not to, as I thought, as many posters on this forum think, 'theres gotta be something other than NC that will show them the way back to me' On the 1st January, he had enough of my almost daily call ringing him up sobbing and pleading and initiated indefinate NC for us. At first I didnt know what to do: I look back now and am so glad he did that because Id hate to see how things would have been without it I spent the college break, doing all the cliched but essential things that must be done whilst healing, like setting goals for myself etc etc Time seemed to pass really slowly but posting on here was always thereputic On the 1st of March, college started up again, and as we are both in the same class the ex and I started talking. As predicted it felt quite strange as we both didnt know how to approach things, but for the most part, we were getting along really well, and an obvious chemistry was still there. Weve been contacting and seeing eachother since then and,havent been physical at all (bar this ONE incident which funnily enough decided we shouldnt do anything together until we are concrete with a decision) Now we have decided to take things very slowly, and most importantly start fresh. This isnt a continuation of what we had last year, nor are we forgetting we were together then, its just that we want to start things new. I dont have any pioneering advice or pointers to offer anyone to be honest, what I can stress though is for three months last year, I suffered a case of depression I wouldnt wish apon even my greatest enemy. When I think about how sad and low I felt back then, it actually brings me to tears to think I let a break up do that to me. The only thing I regret, is not doing No Contact as soon as the relationship ended. So to anyone out there who thinks they have a better plan than NC, trust me, you dont. I'd just like to thank with utmost apprecition and love everybody who ever read and offered me advice. (and for staying patient with me when Id declare things like "I hate NC, but I want advice right now on what to do" !) In particular Liquid Cherry, Charliek, Pikey, Veritas,Cantforget, cooolsome, bkjsun, hawk, and outoftheblue. Ive probably missed some whilst scrolling through but there ya go... If I didnt have this forum to go to I dont know what I would have done! THANKYOU!

Well I dont wanna jump the gun but if you look back on the threads ive started about my ex and i, im pleased to say that we are now on the getting back together road. ** ill post something on this board in greater detail soon enough.

we are both still openly physically attracted to eachother o_o

good post but..sleeping with over 20 guys by the time ur 22 is not an issue o_o