selfi

Ive just come back from work now and I must admit Im still sort of in denial that Im never going to speak to him again. (I will HAVE to see him in class at the start of March though but ill worry about that when it comes) Its like I dont fully realise this is going to happen, especially since as of late we were planning to do many different things these hols. I had a feeling he would do this after his NYE night. The thing with him is that he has this fickle attitude towards his social life. As soon as people start calling him to go out, he'll build up his confidence again to shut me out, because he doesnt feel lonely or unpopular anymore and he gets his much needed validation . Anyway analysing him is useless. I know either him or ill call him tonight regarding meeting up. Partr of me really wants to hear what he has to say to me. It will be some sort of soppy goodbye predictably. I havent had any sleep. I cant believe things have ended up like this. On the phone last night I said to him "Just two days ago you were saying on how we are going to work on things, you cant just change your mind like that!" "Yes I can." He replied bluntly

please help me, my ex just called me and told me he wants to have permanent NC, and doesnt want to see me again for those who dont know heres my (longish) story: im an absolute wreck, he has surprised me with this i feel so bad that im numb to everything thats going around me. i cant even cry. he said im just bringing him down and dont make him happy. i have been going through other personal problems as of late (mainly my family may go bankrupt) and have confided in him and looked to him for support. but he doesnt want to put up with it anymore. my minds a mess right now, i dont know if im making sense,he wants to meet up tomorrow so he can say goodbye forever, but im so scared it will just hurt more. just two days ago he was saying how we are going to work through things, we were laughing and had dinner together. please i need some help and guidence, i never knew it was possible to love and hate somebody so much at once, but what he is doing to me now is the final straw. i feel exhausted, like im gonna pass out. so many of you were urging me to go NC, as of late, and im spewing that i didnt do it, coz now he has and ,,well,,, icant even find a describing word to how i feel right now. should i see him tomoro? should i yell at him for all the ways he has strung me around for 3 months? ill listen to the advice i get this time i promise.

I went to his house for dinner last night. How can something I WANT to do (seeing him) end up feeling so hurtful? I think I cant handle the friendship thing well. During the time I was there Ill have these bouts of great conversation and happy mucking around, then the smallest thing he might say will trigger me into a sad mood,because he makes me feel insecure. So its up and down all the time, /I cant handle this silly friendship thing too well. I drove home crying after I left. Does 'letting go' involve falling out of love with the person. Does it mean not caring about them anymore? Or is itjust about taking care of your own feelings and needs before his?

. read the book NJ. prehaps i have missed its main contention, as i dont see it as a strong enough read personally. and i approached it with an open mindedness... is there a particular section should re-read into?

sounds like me! Are you working on this NJ? If so, what are you doing about it? Id love to know so I could apply it to myself ](*,)

We talked on the phone tonight and we agreed that there are still things to be ironed out and we will talk about them. He asked to go out on Friday but im not too sure, for me New Years Eve is a big deal, and im sad that he doesnt care to spend it with me or even see me sometime during the day on NYE...its just a day i value alot. I suppose my question is; Do you think the way we are 'breaking up together' is going to bite me on the * * * in the end? Im no longer 'actively trying' to get him back, but in the end if he is in constant ccontact with me indefinitely then it is more likely a detterent for him to EVER see me as his girlfriend again right?

bkjsun, its been three months and if i dont hear from him, I still feel as bad as the first day it happened...I think writing down all my qualities is a good idea, it might cheer me up and change my outlook, thanks for the suggestion. I couldnt sleep ALL night last night...ended up attempting to call him at 4:30 in the morning : ( After work he send me text a message saying he will call me soon. Im at this stage where I cant stop thinking back on all the beautiful memories we had, and I start breaking down, they just creep up on me unexpectandly. I just wish I understood not only him but mysef better to do this.

Our situations are somewhat similar NJ. I really dont have any advice for you, I wish I did, but Im here if things get too bad for you

thats very interesting now why cant it have the scientific solution to ending the heart ache?

im falling apart, I feel so helpless, I need some support bkjsun, I want to be able to do NC, but I dont think im strong enough. I really want to be, but Ive tried it before and I cant. I just got off the phone to him, and he brung me down. He is so unwiling about wanting to work things out. he doesnt love me, he loves himself. I wish I had more friends or something that will actively keep me occupied from thinking about him. Im his last priorety now, he has had his fun with me (sex and all) now he has no problems about confidently saying he doesnt want to string me along, and to "get over it" I know I can only find the strength within myself,but right now Im not handling things well at all. It seems Evan got such a great end of the deal, and I got nothing. In the laws of Karma something should of happened to him by now, to teach him how to treat people!

Hello. It came to Xmas eve, and I was still unsure about whether we should do the whole exchanging gifts thing. When I told him that, he said he really wants to do it blah blah and offeredd to read me a letter he wrote for me to convince me to come. Anywho of course I went, (he spent a lot of money on me,) and in the letter he wrote of how special I am to him, that he loves me etc etc wonderful things he has said all before. This all made me very happy of course, then he did the switch. He said maybe we shouldnt see each other any more. The very thing he has continually kept me from doing, he now wanted to do all of a sudden Predictabllly I got very upset, we both cry and argue, then after much duress, he agrees that we WILL still see eachother. *sigh* Ive become a mess, so emotionally unhealthy by all this 'effing around. Im starting to have really bad dreams again which affect me greatly, I know he cares about me, but Im just exhausted. We are supposed to begin working out some sort of a relationship between eachother, but I dont have much faith on his part effort-wise. If im not doing NC, Do you guys think there is a way we can have even a friendship between us, if we work hard at it?

Ive been waiting three months. Each time he contacts me I fool myself for that brief moment that everythings definitely going to be okay, and you are right- I have become comfortable with a situation that ultimately makes me an emotionally unadjusted person. When the reality that he isnt my boyfriend hits me, it still hits me hard. For instance, I was going through my old mobile phone which has a bunch of text messages from him, (some were just days before he ended it) In everyone one of them he would write how much he loves me etc etc. I compared it to how unfortunately different things are with us now, and I realised the true degree of how comfortable ive become taking the 'scraps' of affection he throws at me; That's all it takes to make me happy these days. Its probably is too long,but I think I will wait until the end of my school break (which is at the 1st of March)

A personal deadline sounds good. Whats a period of time you reccomend? Im certainly not going to wait according to his '6 months' thing.

He is an interesting fella my ex. And it will never cease to amaze me, how with such ease he will manage to take the upper hand with any situation involving me. Last night he called me to have a chat, I mentioned that it would be better to not exchange presents on Xmas eve, as we dont live live close to eachother and it will be too rushed. So I asked if he wanted to meet up earler. Evan then proceeded to try and 'fit me in' to his schedule like I was an inconvienience. I told him that I didnt want to be 'fitted in' and I found it quite rude. Then he went quite and told me that the reason we cant meet up tonight is because he wanted to go out and "buy me another gift" And with that, suddenly ill find myself apologising to HIM. I hope no one else here is as easy to control as Im being at the moment ](*,)

that was the same problem with me and my ex. The problems would never be talked out properly and we would just tread on glass.

Are you saying there is only so much hurt i will be able to take before i end it myself when im at the end of the line? But until then it will keep going and going?? If only he didnt do the 'little' things he does... Like today on msn, he wrote next to his name 'I do it for you' He reffering to the fact he comes online, (as soon as he came home he did to see if i was on) Stuff like that hints that he has true feelings for me, and that if i give up on him ill loose what for the most part, makes me happy

First off all I would like to say im sorry if I seem to be ignoring the advice ive been given. I appreciate it so much, but its like when I make contact with him , everything seems to go out the window. evan called me last night, and I told him I need a bit of time to think as to whether we should be continuing to see eaachother ever again. And he started crying and pleading for me not to get off the phone but I did anyway and went for a walk. But I keep weighing everything up and even though it hurts not being with him, the THOUGHT of not even being able to talk to him on the phone hurts even moreso. He makes me laugh and essentially makes me feel good...of course its only when the realisation that he doesnt love me comes into play that I begin to feel down again. I called Evan back and he said he feels like he doesnt deserve me. I told him that I made my desicion and that I dont want to leave for good. Its strange because as soon as I show my vulneribility he seems to swoop down and take the 'upper hand' because then he told me "Oh well prehaps after Christmas then we shouldnt talk to eachother for a while" This is coming from the man who was just crying an hour ago on the phone telling me that "He wants to see me on Christmas Eve so badly that I dont even have to look at him when he gives me his gift" I dont know what to do, I essentially still love him and want to stay in contact with him but I dont want to be hurting like this any more

after chatting to him on the phone all week today we went shopping and hung out at my place. Problem was, that in the period of not seeing him for the previous week, I got very touchy feely with him while we were out (like hugging alot etc) This wasnt a good idea at all. when we got home he told me that he didnt know how to react to my 'clingyness' I apologised, and he said that even though HE ENJOYS IT, he doest know if that "leading me on" I told him that I wouldnt do it again, but since we are open to getting back together that the 'leading me on' term is getting abit old. THEN HE TOOK BACK THAT HE'S OPEN TO GETTING BACK TOGETHER! I was shocked. After the whole 'hoo-ha' on Sunday and everything! I started crying again, and said I couldnt do this anymore. He literally took it all back! All he stated was that "if it happens somewhere down the track then it will" (Apparently to Evan somewhere down the track means at least 6 months or so) What a complete jerk. I dont deserve this and neither does anyone else going through this. So I told him not to worry about exchanging Christmas gifts then, as everything seems be a lot of BS... and then he started crying! He got really upset saying that he wants to give me my gift more than anything to make me happy and that he's going to give it to me no matter what. And so he is ALWAYS confusing me with his screwed up behaviour. He says he has no idea why I care for him so much. Well I have no idea why he declares that he wants me in his life, misses me dreams about me, flirts with me to NO end, buys me extravagent gifts and then at the end of the day doesnt love me. One of the last things Evan said to me today was "tell me how to feel" ... (?) I think Im beggining to hate him.

congrats on re-uniting! i love these stories (as rare as they are) I sincerely hope one day I will be starting a thread like this in time to come lady bug - TRUST me, there are really no tips you can receive that will get him back. when i first came on this forum i didnt believe that there was really nothing one could do, so because of that , i tried every tactic under the sun to win my ex back. and so far, after doing EVERYTHING (which also included Nothing or 'NC') we still are not together. So far the most effective thing for 'us' so far though has been time. As time has gone by, he has revealed to me how much I do mean to him, and not only that, but he is now open to the POSSIBILITY of us getting back together! (There was one time where he wasnt open to this at all, so essentially this is progress) So stay the beautiful woman you always have been, and let things happen, whatever they may be.

thx LC its true, maybe he does like seeing me beg. prehaps he is keeping me as a safety net or something...after his busy xmas season is over than he's gonna have all this unfufilled time, i wouldnt be surprised if he 'fits me in' then. Grrrr anywho i just have to wait till i hear from him next, i wont make ANY contact till then. i like your analogy, it makes sense to me. keep ya's updated!

he called me last night and we talked on the phone for 2 hours. just nice general things,(exchanging xmas gifts etc) I also cleared up issues i had with a work mate of his that was sending him very *friendly* text messages. then we ended the conversation on a bit of a downer, I was disappointed he didnt bring up wanting to see me again and just gave me the "talk to you soon" line. the reason i expected more was because of the intense previous weekend we spent together, so it seemed like nothing had changed and i had felt like i was back to sqaure one at the end of it all. when i put down the phone i cried and cried and cried. (and then cried some more) i didnt want to be feeling like this after 2 and a half months, its ridiculous. so i did the not so smart thing and picked up the phone again after much deliberation i called him back, sobbing. it didnt take him long to figure out what was wrong, this is what Evan told me; -that HE wants to be the one to initiate the asking me out coz thats what will make me happy and its better for us - That he didnt want me to feel like nothing had changed since that weekend because he knows it will in time - And not to worry that what im doing will chase him away because it isnt. When we said goodbye, he goes "goodnight beautiful" Which felt wonderful and strange at the same time. Is this progress or Am I still being strung along?

the only contact we have made in the past couple of days has been through MSN. he hasnt tried to call me or anything since Sunday night. Ive explained my weird situationto a few of my friends and they all seem to say that he is stringing me along. I suppose I have to see how things go...

I know im going to sound tottally anal here, but These days people are posting topics in the Getting Back Together form incorrectly. Eg; This one could pretty much be in the dating forum, and a lot of others on here should be placed in the Healing forum as alot of you claim that your goal is not to get your ex back, or have begun dating other people. *oh well* Im right though!

Thankyou! I will let him lead from now on regarding calls etc . He knows exactly how I feel, and what I want. This process hurts because Its sort of renewed my hope, which I dont want to be hanging onto at the same time.

I also forgot to mention that while we were fullly prepared to do strict NC, after he came back from his outing that night, he told me he realised that he missed me so much while he was gone for a few hours and couldnt imagine cutting me out of his life and that he definitely did not want NC. I also told him that the next time he sleeps with me, will be when he calls me his girlfriend. He agreed.