selfi

you gals are lovely! quick question a little off topic, but for you guys who did rekindle, while being apart from them, how did you deal with things like X-amount anniversary's coming around and not being together on those days?

well heartbroken, what i decided to do, is take his affectionate behaviour with a grain of salt, until he says he wants to try it again. but saying this, i have given myself a time limit of about 2 more months when ill say, 'listen here, from now on you no longer have my friendship, youve knowilngly strung me along, and im putting an end to it. have a nice life'. in my case though, i have to stop responding so keenly to his cutsey gestures, which is about as easy as sleeping on a bed of nails for me right now. this man knows exactly how i feel, and is the king of contradictions. Dont cut him out of your life completely, you need to show him a very subtle balance that you are still a happy attractive girl on your own, and that signs that your interested in him. but then again it depends on how he is treating you right now, coz if he has moved on with another girl, or is verbally rude to you, ignore what i just suggested!

thx redandblack, no, im certain that unless he makes the move to get back together before the end of the year, i can in no way be his friend as my feelings are otherwise. im not going to block him (even though he has done this to me, then unblocks me, then blocks me again ) i love him so much still, and im at a stage where right now, i go about day to day thinking he is going to come back again.

I wonder if there is a success story where NC wasnt used at all. . .if such a thing exists. And if it doesnt, that would be irrefutable evidence that you have no chance getting back together if NC doesnt come into play.

Last night he instant messaged me and we chatted online for about 15 minutes. i managed to stay pretty neutral in the conversation for the first time ever. (even though it was an online convo, this is still a big deal to me!) in summary it consisted of the following; -he starts off asking me if i got his text msg the nite before - he emails me a picture of him when he was a kid, as he thought "i would like it" - he asks me what he should buy when he goes clothes shopping next - talks about whats on TV and what he did during the day - wishes me goodnight technically some would say this is a breach of NC. i dunno. Yet, im going to try my hardest to not allow this form of communication from now on. because at the end of it i honestly come out thinking that all his affectionate gestures just mean he's gonna come back, and it is screwing with my head Its not fair.

my situation is v.similar as well, the ex makes so much contact with me, yet my motivations behind staying his friend, supporting him etc is so that he will come round, and give us another chance. i also cant be just his friend-the love is too strong on my behalf. i too, wonder if he is oblivious to the fact that every time he calls me by the pet name he gave me, buys me gifts, texts me goodnight, if he knows that im not interpreting this as friendship behaviour, but as hope for us together again. i hate knowing that all this hope im having right now, could be meaningless. NC is the only option for us right now.

thats so true.

Echo, I agree with your post, some people just do expect that NC can be done straight away, and if you dont, then its taken as ignoring their advice. Which isnt the case. Up until recently I actively did everything thats ill advised to do in regards to getting another chance, but i take a look at all the progress ive made since i first visited this forum and thought everybody here was 'out of their minds' with this this notion of not contacting their ex. Im proud to say, even though slow, i have made so much progress over this past month.

what is emotional blackmail?

coooolsome, i really liked ur post directed at Rickster. some of ur points got me thinking; Are you saying here that ANY form of chasing, even subtle, is useless? also; this is exactly what i have been throwing out to my ex since the breakup; that i am his best friend, and will be there for him no matter what. my situation is different from Ricksters as he hasnt treated me at all poorly- he does call me, buys me presents etc.. but does it apply to everyone? are you saying that being the best friend has lower chances of getting back, because they are just equally emotionally available?

I didnt want to go to work today (terrible job -im unhappy there) and the just the thought of not finishing work and having the usual 'after work SMS' from him just put me in the mood that theres no point. But i did, and its been nearly 24 hours of NC. Last night I didnt sleep properly, and woke up at 5.30 in the morning because this NC thing is making me very scared. *sigh* just dont want to get weak, and try and communicate with him tonight. ...so is the first night the hardest? I know we havent been together for about 5 weeks, but is it going to be even more strenuous not hearing from him all day and night? ***LITTLE UPDATE* Ya know how I mentioned about those 'after work' text messages he used to send me? Well he just sent me one now! It read: "Rah ( What do I do now? Im freaking out! Why did he make a point of NC last night only to brake it again?

forever? i dont think so

Hello Some of you here may know that ive been broken up with my (former) boyfriend for over a month now and (against all advice) havent practised ANY form of NC. Ive been begging, crying and am close to bordering depression. Well, no more because ive decided No COntact, starting tonight! I had ONE LAST phone chat to the ex tonight, I told him that I wanted to initiate NC from now on, and that i wont call him anymore. He told me that he believes that this is a Very good thing, said he wont forget me and at the end of the talk told me that "this isnt goodbye". (dont care for what he means by that) Thought id start this thread as I think it will help me (and others worried about the outcomes of NC) get through it all. I DO want the satisfaction of him calling me, and I DO want the satisfaction of no longer needing to talk to somebody who no longer cares for me. The relationship didnt brake down because I needed an attitude change or because we fought. He doesnt need to see that im a better person - he needs to miss me again, and there is nothing I want more than for him to return thereforeeee NC is the way to go. Enotalone, you guys have taught me so much so far, and now im finally prepared to do this! btw: quick question; the ex said our 'terms' of NC are that I should wait for him to call me first, and that contact via SMS and instant messaging are fine. But it isnt is it? Ideally its best to temporarily cut all communications (?)

I have been broken up with the ex for over a month now and it was a 4 month relationship. sounds short i know, but it was like i was dumped right when it couldnt be more perfect. ANYWAY how about i tell you the outcomes of NOT doing NC. (which i havent since he left) For about 2 hours today (and also with short bursts in between) i have been crying my eyes out.today i called him on the phone, as usual the conversation starts out wonderfully, we laugh and yada yada. then it comes time to say 'bye' and i ask him if he wants to see me this week. he said no. this brings me to tears, and i spend half an hour on the phone with him crying begging him to see me. this doesnt change his mind and essentially i feel like i have been dumped all over again. he also told me first hand, that all this is doing is pushing me away from him. at this point im still crying so i ask if i can talk to him later on when ive composed myself. he says 'no'. i cry some more, and eventually he gives in, and says he will call me goodnight. this doesnt make me happy, but at the same time i want to hear his voice. truthfully i feel pathetic, hurt and generally in a wreck. so stay on a roll if uv been doing NC, coz if im anything to go by, its better to wait till they contact you. now i just wish i could take my own advice

ill try to remain as non judgemental as possible, but think about how many people who are out there, and would do ANYTHING to reconcile with their ex's- where you have been handed this on a platter, and are destroying a wonderful opportunity. if my ex said he wanted to give it another go, i know the thought of wanting to take charge of the relationship and put his balls in a vice for making me a wreck all this time would appear in my head but there IS NO WAY IN HELL i would ever do anything to ruin things. ..id move forward and learn from mistakes made by both parties, not hold any grudges or plan revenge. doing things like this and karma will bite you on the As.s i can guarantee it.

thanks Super Dave, I realise now that i AM just waiting for people to tell me what I want to hear. Its hard to accept getting any other advice other than ones of hope, and the outcome i want. For the first time last night, I think I did something somewhat to the extent of NC...He text messaged me twice yesterday- one said to call him if i want to chat, the other simply was to wish me Goodnight. Against every urge in my body. I didnt reply By not replying would he take this the wrong way though? Ie; Like im angry at him or getting over him? And do I continue to ignore things like messages and emails? Or is there no harm in replying now? Because if doing what I FEEL like doing is completely the opposite of what I should be, I just want to know the best way to manovure from now on?

what do u do wen u find it by all means IMPOSSIBLE not to contact the ex? no matter how much more turmoil it puts me in, i still cant help it. its been little more than a month since he left and i am not even a smidgen closer to feeling better. i loved him inexplicably and the surprise end to our relationship has left me in such a bad state. now that college is over it would be possible to initiate NC, but i cant. last night i spoke to him on the phone and asked him to tell me how he's been feeling. he started crying and told me that he feels like crap everyday, still hangs my drawings up in his room, cant stand the fact he's hurt me and wishes i was with him every night. but to end it all off he said "but I know we cant do this because I dont want a relationship" earlier on that day, i asked him if theres no chance that we will get back together. he said that is not true, but he isnt leaving things open either. i dont understand. he still buys me gifts and cares for me alot by being there for me etc etc, so im finding his still somewhat affectionate behaviour baffling... ?????? so what do i do? i love him immensly and things he says and does confuse, but at the end of it all, he tells me he doesnt want a relationship. i just need advice as to whether, these are signs he needs space, or if it really is the end.

sometimes i feel as though the hurt i am feeling now (from just being dumped by what i thought was a perfect relationship) is due to what i did with my previous ex Costa. i was with him for 2 years, he treated me like a complete godesss, showered me with gifts affection and support, but we never had much in common, limiting the connection i could ever have with him. then i met my Evan . we got along like fireworks, and had an undenieble sexual spark and got along on a special level i never had with my costa. i dumped Costa and told him the PATHETIC REASONING that i fallen out of love with him. the truth was i was in love with someone else. so i do reccomend u dont wait for this, because getting this reason does indicate another that she is just hiding from you. . .well thats what was the case for me anyways.

i must be a fool because i dont learn from my mistakes. it was our last day of school today, and after it ended the ex asked if i wanted to get something to eat with him. so together we ate and talked merrily. then we sat down at the park for a bit before going home. we hugged and play fought etc etc. twas so much fun. but as i had to leave i started to get emotional again: i told him stuff like i want to 'spend more time' with him, 'its felt like too long apart' and that 'i miss kissing him'. he as usual just nods silently. then my train came and i didnt get on it because i still wanted to spend more time with him. he was so disappointed in me and was just a LAME thing to do. i told him that i want to see him these holidays and he said he does too but not as much as me then i said that i wanted to ring him and once and for all talk about us properly. he said he doesnt want to and to just let him think about things. what sort of human being spends time with another person they know loves them; flirts with them, buys them lunch and continues to act somewhat like a boyfriend then bales when it comes time to telling me how he feels? ?? ? is this what all men do?

first of all biacd im so happy for you! reading your post has made me quite content, and you deserve all the progress you get secondly, it was actually NJulie who advised me to ask him about us, which of course was entirely disappointing. i knew i was taking a big chance and took it and am now dealing with the consequenses in the worst way possible. so i will definitely not contact him myself this weekend (which i guess means we arent gonna be talking.) at this point all the outside advice i receive is that 'He Is Not Worth It. ' I understand (sorta) where they are coming from alas I think he is,and, if i keep hoping and staying postive then prehaps he'll come around.

i cant stop crying. i asked to speak to my ex about us after school today for a bit. The first thing he said was "oh I just want to go home because im so tired" So I talked to him at the train station for 5 minutes or so. I asked him, without pressure and in the most neutral way, weather or not he would be open to taking things slowly and having the possibility of getting back together over the coming holidays without making any big promises. He said that by saying that its like he still having to make a promise in a way. I also said that he knows exactly how I feel about him, and that after all this time everything i feel about him is as real as it ever has been. He told told me that im very special to him, he misses me and that he thought these holidays that maybe we could stay friends. I then told him that we have been friends for the pastt month and that I still want to see how we can go from there. He didnt give me any answers, he just looked at ground the whole time and said nothing then said goodbye. He's going to talk to me tonight on the phone, for no particular reason. I cried all the way home. This wasnt what I was expecting. The way we act towards eachother is clear to even outsiders that we having something beetween us that extends much beyond friendship. Now Im still crying. Help.

its just a few days till the end of uni, and im so scared things arent going to work out. most times heaps of hopeful signs are there, but others they're not. i spoke to him on the telephone this morning, just a nice chat. we have a theatre performance we are putting on tonight, and on the phone he thanked me for supporting him and listening to him when he got stressed out etc during rehersals. now correct me if im wrong, but doesnt this sound very much like all he wants is to be friends or else he wouldnt have to feel obliged thank me, like i was doing him a favour (in reality im there for him because im still very much in love) ??

*sigh* well i did the wrong thing today at school. i broke down in my ex's arms. it started when i got upset at him for scheduling his post-semester interview on a different day to me, and not changing it when i asked him to. one thing led to another and im crying my eyes out to him. telling him stuff like; - that im scared that we wont be together this summer break (he replied; "im not making ay promises but we'll see how things go) - i told him no matter how much time passes, that i wont stop loving him etc etc. i know this is a big rule breaker, but i couldnt help it. and now i think ive just delayed any signs of hope. Even though he didnt say so and was there to comfort me, its most likely he's not impressed right? im really worried now.

That is such a beautiful way of expressing things. I wish you lots of happiness hun! You deserve it

Im all up for having hope- ,heck, *all I do everynight is wish apon a star,* however, life isnt like the movie The Notebook. If anything, if you move on, get another GF it may just open her eyes.