selfi

Its been a while since ive last posted...in the meantime a few things have happened and i feel like jotting it all down I almost completed two weeks of NC - almost. But he called and I answered. Grilled me on why I havent been responding to his texts etc.. Anyway I agreed to go out with him to find something for us to wear to a dress up party. It went fine...until we 'hooked up' We didnt have sex but were close to it...we agreed beforehand that it would be no strings attached but afterwards I got upset with him when he straight away told me to take him after we were 'done' and his overall attitude was overall pretty foul, so it ended on a bad note. A couple of days later I talked to him on the phone and told him how upset his behaviour was that night and that I wanted him to speak to me again when he realised what e had done wrong. The next night he rang and apologised to me. Over the next couple of days we talked to eachother over the phone quite a lot. Then came Friday, which we had planned to atend a 21st party together. I came to his house earlier on that day, we had lunch...then slept together. After that marked the first episode of 'emotional outpour' : It would start with him making a remark while we were lying in bed together like "You know we will probably never do this again" then I would start to get upset, and it spiraled into him breaking down because the conversation stressed him out. After the party we went back to his place to crash and then came the second 'emootional outpour'. We agreed that we shouldnt talk to eachother ever again as our situation is too sticky. Then we started to get very scared and both started crying. He told me a hell of alot of things; eg: he loved me, that no one willl ever compare to me, and that if we are truly meant to be together, then we will find a way to be some time in the future. We cried for what seemed like 3 hours at least. I was emotionally exhausted and fell asleep during the day, so he left me at his house alone while he went out for a few hours. We agreed that when I was ok to drive that I would just leave, so we wouldnt have to say goodbye. But I must of been really tired, because when he returned late that night I was still sleeping. Evan woke me up and told me that he missed me and that he was so glad that I was still lying in his bed. We slept next to eachother that night and I woke up in his arms the middle of the arvo today. It was like we were together, it was the most lovely thing that has happened in a while... Before I left, he told me that I was beautiful and that when he initially broke up with me 'because he was no longer physically attracted to me' was a lie. Evan told me that he knows my feelings are stronger for him, than his are for me, but that he is open to the idea of us getting back together. And thats it so far. I suppose what you'll all tell me is That the bottom line is that we are still not a couple and what I did was wrong...but Im in love with him all over again, and want him back more than ever...

thats so sad!

FCTex u deserve a wealth of happiness, just as everyone on this forum does and Im so proud and inspired by your story. You refused to be played by your ex, which is amazing strength on your part. She even wants to get back with you despite being with another man. Congrats!

your right he hasnt hinted getting back with me. i have done so far a week of NC. i feel like he will probably call me either tonight or tomoro. at the moment i feel like i have two choices; should i not pick up to stand my ground and not settle for less than what Im after? Or answer the phone, ask him what he wants,then tell him im busy? just not sure

hello, it seems blocking him on MSN has caused him to writeme. ive just been sent an email. it reads: hello Rah! i've been on the net lately and you haven't been on, so i thought id email and say 'hello' ive been pottering along, i re wrote alex lloyds amazing to talk aobut the game show, so ill have to show you it. i love the thirsty merc cd, thanks so much for the burn. i really like that 'build a bridge to get over myself song' it reminds me of myself sometimes. download 'you don't bring me flowers' its a beautiful song by babs streisand will call you soon Rah, hope your well ive attache a funny picture, so i suggest you look at it to laugh huggles, Evan There you go. My NC so far has caused him to email me. What do I do now? Its this type of stuff that makes me really weak! Is it a big deal and hinderence on my progress if I answer? I really need to know. And if he calls me tomoro do I answer? Arggh, I wish he hadnt written to me. Help. Please.

Nah I didnt end up responding. I had the phone in my hand all night thinking about it but I didnt. Its true that NC is the hardest thing you can do as im finding it to be so difficult. Apart from text messages, The ex hasnt really made any effort to contact me for 5 days. Summer always promises a lot of good times so I am looking forward to that Hawk

He just sent me a text message telling me that our favourite Simpsons episode is on television. And ... I want to respond so much, sorry, I know I shouldnt say this

If you say Im doing well, then judging by your latest posts, you are doing fantastically. The part you wrote about not setteling for less than you want is something I totally forgot about about. I remember at one point, Evan felt like we shouldnt speak anymore as he was sick of my constant crying on the phone, and in no time I found myself pleading to him and saying all I want is friendship so he wouldnt stop talking to me ... which isnt even what I wanted! So silly! Great Point. Ill never forget it.

I too had a period, where Id constantly dream of being intimate with him, wait a minute, I still dream of being intimate with him! I dont know what its about, prehaps the brain is compensating for what we miss and no longer have. This NC thing is strange, I have endless questions and endless insecurities about it. But I look at it this way, Ive got nothing to loose, as only something to gain. . .

Yes, once again, as always you guys are right. *sigh* He sent me another message, (I hadnt written to him) late last night it said: "Rah, I have to go bed and dream before work, so I wish you the best sleep, goodnight : ) " Question: After a couple weeks of ignoring him, When I eventually do have to contact him, what will I say when he interoggates me about having no contact? Do I tell the truth? Make up some sort of story? Because its certain he will ask, especially since its coming out of the blue. Thx for the encouragement too!

*sigh* Just checking in because he has just text messaged me, and im distracting myself by typing here because I want to write back so much! It says: "Hey Rah, hope ur well, left my phone at home last nite, sorry for the late reply. Text tennis time!" (Sending msg's back and forth to eachother was something we used to do alot) So im not going to reply, right? Because that would mean im giving in? #-o

I dont think its all that important on whether you send her one or not. She sent you a generic text I woud send to most my friends. There were no signals in it or nothing. She was being friendly and civil. So respond to be polite, or dont respond to stand your ground. Up to you.

Funny, its been harldly any time, and one little thing makes me feel like caving in. He has 'unblocked' me from his MSN (yes, again) and the temptation to speak to him is very there, where I begin to rationalise that contacting is no big deal, and wont do any harm. But ive re-read Veritas post of harsh reality and decided to write here instead. And now begins the process where I lean on this forum more than ever.

You are all right. For two continous months, Ive chased, hoped and waited. I am weak! Ive become the type of woman I used to laugh about and ridicule. Now thats me. Up until now, as much as Ive tried, I really havent taken any advice ive been given on this forum. The whole title of my thread is mis-leading! But ill do it starting today, no more being at the beck and call of some skinny, buck-toothed Star Wars geek... ...for two weeks

I like your input VERITAS! *hint* *hint* send your pessimism to my thread lol*

I was in two minds about seeing him today for a day out. but of course i went anyway. it went fine. we went for breakfast, did a bit of shopping then lay down in the park together and finally had lunch while we were out we did 'close' things; he gave me a massage, and CONTINUALLY flirted with me in a very forward and sexual manor, which, now that i think about it, was entirely inappropriate i think its true though...i should wait before i can be his friend...im am 100% attracted to him, and its paining me to know that we arent with eachother... i dont know why, but as i was in a clothes store changingroom today, i could hear the shop assistant asking him how long we've been dating for, and i begun to cry in the changing room, quitely, as he explained that we were not. In conclusion it felt like a temporary fix; whilst out with him I felt fantastic, now as i sit here typing this i feel quite the opposite, i miss him, care for him but i dont think i should do this anymore.

One of the worst parts of our talk yesterday was when he told me that that its true that even though he wants to care for me he doesnt love me enough to be with me... I hope I feel better soon as well, because i feel like i have gone 10 steps backwards because im crying all over again. I held onto hope because basically apart from his mixed messages he told me to wait until school was over for him. so this is the end...and why is NC important if i want to be his friend though?

we were on the phone and the conversation was going fine and we were planning to go out this week. then efore the convo ended i told him about how his mixed messages were confusing me he said he had no idea what he was doing and that he isnt confused and just was doing what he thought was right. he got upset that all this time i was being confused by him and his affectionate behaviour. he said he didnt know any better. then he said its best we dont talk to eachother anymore and that he doesnt see me this week. im feeling really bad now, i find it almost impossible he had no idea what he was doing. i dont know if ill come back on this msgboard anymore, its wrong to post in the getting back together forum anyhow. im feeling so terrible. no more hope for me

thanks guys. part of me wishes he treated me like crap, then i would be able to get over him much easier. ive heard people say that they feel that the good outweighed the bad in their reltionship so thats why they still feel like they wamt them back. but with us there was no need to say that. we didnt have bad points like clingyness, verbal arguments etc. .. i still dont fully understand why he ended this. its been almost 2 months. but i know what i have to do: i will tell him exactly this.

LiquidCherry thankyou so much for all your insight so far. I know there isnt anything I can do to get him back, just as there isnt anything right now that will make me fall out of love with him. Its so hard to deal with. I had another conversation with him on the phone last night. I told him that he knows how I feel about him, he knows what I want out of this situation, and that seeing as though we are not together, is he open to doing strict NC for about 4 months (which is when we both go back to college so we will have no choice but to contact) That way, even though it will hurt, I will be able to well and truly move on. I told him that Its not fair that he is sending all these mixed signals. The texts messages arent fair because they confuse me etc. .. He said it felt like I was giving him an ultimadem which I absolutely was not. All his answers involved "would that make you happy?" I told him to stop asking me that and for him to tell me what HE wants. He said he doesnt know. Then he started to cry. Then I said goodbye as I had to go out. After I returned home that night, I found that he had sent me an EmAil. (We were supposed to go out today to an Olive Festival) Hello _ _ _, its me, _ _ _! just wanna say sorry if we ended the convo on a flat note, we shouldn't i know it ment a lot to you to go to the olive walkabout today (tomorrow if ur a geek on the net late at night... like me), and i'm sorry i can't go, so i thought i'd do my very best to research all the goody goody info on OLIVES! YAY! YIPEE! i will blow you away. T hings i bet you didn't know! ^the most part of this email was information he found on olives. i hope you had a really good night out with the gang. you may think "why did evan do this? to make me happy or for him?" i did it for both of those reasons, i love knowing your happy, and the thought of you bopping up and down on ur computer chair and clappin your hands together and making the noise of 'hee-hee' or 'ho-ho' just brings a huge smile to my face and happy tears to my eyes. i still remember when you would ask me silly questions like 'pumpkin by itself or potato with butter?" so i shall leave you with one aswell a talking olive.... ohhh how cute, or.... a talkin egg.... will talk to you soon Rah, keep sharing your beautiful smile with the world... or if u cant travel the world... just those around you Long post sorry. I cant help but feel like he shouldnt of sent this email either. I mean, when I read it it just makes me want to be with him even more. Is this just his guilt overiding his other emotions? Or do you think he may be confused as well?

So what should I do then? respond or be detached? So not even contact via text or email? Was this your reaction to him stringing you along? Did you show him that you were resentful of him while you were split, or did you only tell him how felt about his prior actions AFTER you two go back together?

i think its possible to carry a happy medium of hope and moving on. if your looking at getting back together you have to have the balance. you do have to take care of yourself first! because nobody else is! i dont think its as cut and dry that if somebody wants to be with you they will be. thats a very "Hes Just Not That Into You" method...hmmm but then again, how much pain and waiting do we have to go through in the meantime?

Dogg your Ex sounds alot like mine with some of the things she says, but she seems more adament on her desicion of breaking up. so she doesnt want to talk to you because she loves your company, only coz she has noone else to talk to? but she did it so she doesnt feel bad anymore, for her own conscience. in fact that could be the reason for the whole call in the first place you never know. its seems she cares about you, but in your case you need to give her scrict NC!

sorry for another update so quickly but i have to share and get insight on this: ! i didnt end up calling him. instead he came online and i told him everything thats been annoying the sh!t outta me as of late. most of u will say that ive taken a step back. but i havent! i told him that i dont want rules on how we can contact eachother, and i never want to speak to him again if thats how its going to be. at times i was quite blunt and even a little rude, but it all sort of worked to my advantage. i had reached the end of ,my teather and now he knows it. and it upset him. I could give you the other little details but it doesnt matter...ANYWAY we ended on fairly good terms, and he sent me this email just as he logged off: im sorry if it seems i haven't wanted to talk, i have, its just i havnt known what to do or how to approach it, i just think ive tried my best to help in this situation... but we shall work through this okay, sleep tight rah you will always be special to me you will always be my rah and i will alwasy be there for you goodnight precious one And there you go. Thats my "progress" so far. I took a huge chance on addressing these issues as I see most people attempts on these boards go down the toilet. but prehaps mine hasnt been too bad

Ex just called and we spoke for two hours on the phone. Apart from telling eachother what we have been up to and making small chit cha about various topics in the conversation the following happened: - He told me he missed me, said it was good to hear my voice etc etc - He cancelled an outing we had planned for Sunday saying he is still too sick to go. However he is going to work on that day so I know he is full of B***S****. I got upset about this over the phone, and he got annoyed saying that it isnt his fault that he is sick, and wants to see me as soon as he is better. I dont know, I want to believe him but I dont for some reason. - He asked me why I dont reply to his text messages.)Ah maybe because you broke up with me wise guy. ) At the end of all this I havent come out of it feling better. In fact I feel worse, im starting to realise he is jerking me around. He thinks he can talk to me like nothing ever happened, then when it comes around to me wanting to know something, like whether we are in contact again he gets all weird on me. I also feel like im wasting time and derserve better. One more thing, after writing all this I wat to call him up TONIGHT and tell him how angry I am about this behaviour- How he is confusing me and screwing my feelings up and down. Stop me right now if thats a bad idea though, but I think he should know its not acceptable.