selfi

thanks for reminding me not to contact him pikey, as i was actually stupidly goin to send him a text message today. . .i know im being hard on myself, i just felt ashamed that im still not over him and he made me cry all day last night. i had no idea the effect would be this great. its really for the best that i leave him be until we see eachother at college again in one month, right?> ... and how are you feeling today?

Keep visiting this forum Pikey whenever you feel down I had to break NC today out of neccisity, but please, I dont understand anyone out there who would volenterily break it. .. ...Because, Im not feeling good at all I went to college today, to re-enrole and he was there of course. As predicted he stopped to talk to me, to find out how I was. I remained happy, confident etc He sort of forced a hug onto me, which I could of gone without, meh. I asked what was new with him, he basically said "nothing" After other menial chit chat we joined back up with our "group" and that was it for our one on one converation. It was an uncompfortable and upsetting experience. I drove all the way home crying my eyes out for the first time in a month. I feel like im in square one again. So much for hope, I wishI didnt have to go today, its not fun seeing him with the 'better deal' so to speak, whilst I use every strength in my body to fake happiness and being content. Now what? O_o

your the best Pikey, I promise to do that !

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real. i like that one the best

I have to see my ex tomoro morning at college! HELP Its 100% certain he will approach me to talk. I dont want to talk to him,Im scared it will make all my great progress go down the drain! I need at least another month before I will be fully prepared to see his scheming, lying self again. (yes I do want to get back with him btw ) Can someone please help me plan what to say, how to compose myself, how long to keep the conversation going, EVERYTHING! Pleaseeeeeeeeee

yeah doing the same thing made me miss my ex even more too.

'cup of tea' ! oh ur so charmingly english, its great! Its good to hear you feel better already. Theres this great thing our bodies naturally do as to protect us from breaking down tottally. I call it the 'safety switch mode' It assures us that we gona be alright, and you wont hurt as much as you pre empt NC will. Well for me, in my mind I made it out to be alot more painful than it turned out to be. As long as you face NC with a realistic approach, not thru rose colored glasses, or with a hindering 'this is the end' outlook, you will heal like a champion You know that, I know that so lets continue kicking * * * *!

Thx Fran they will be my next purchases

Welll, after 1 month NC, I dont cry everyday anymore. But I wont lie and say its all easy breezy. Many things still remind me of him, like I will remember little 'in-jokes' we shared together, start crackin up laughing at their sheer silliness, then feel down that I dont have that anymore. I probably cry on average once every 4 days. But they are little crys that only last for about 30 seconds. I have no urge to contact him! Its such a change from how I was last year! Yet at the same time would love if he called me again. I have started getting on with my life career wise, go out with mates more regularlary, yet have also rediscovered I enjoy spending time alone thereforeeee do not have to be constantly 'out' or 'away from myself' Again I cant stress to you how long this process is going to feel. But grin and bear it! And yes he will be upset about it, but you've made your desicion for now, just as he did when he ended it, right? Right! So like I have been saying everything seems to contradict itself in terms of my process. I started a thread in the other forum asking how to let go of hope - coz unfortunately I still gots it in bucketloads. Today I did something, that for me personally, gave me a bit of closure.Last year I had ordered and paid for one of his christmas presents, that got lost in the mail. Since he initiated NC I had been dreading seeing the package arrive at my house, and was somewhat happy it got lost. ..But yesterday somehow the PO found it again. Well today I posted it out to him, just the present in a bag, no note or anything And I feel like this weight is lifted off my shoulder. Like ive done what i had to do, ahhhhh im babbiling. But yeah, time has been my best friend in all of this, ya just gotta look after yourself darls Peace

I guess when his final words said to me were over the phone, while he was crying, were; "I know this is Goodbye for now, but hopefully not goodbye forever." Makes it a little hard for hope to creep its ugly head out of my mind!

You said it will 'probably' be the last time. NO PROBABLY! you have to stick to it, for a definite amount of time. Like with me, it essentially hurts to go out with the ex as a buddy. So... we stop hanging out with them! Stay strong please, Dont go back to contact for now. (im sure it's not a goodbye for all of time. He does care about you and should understand why you doing NC) Just let the one of the hardest two weeks of your life pass by with NC. It will feel like an eternity, but it will get done. Then the rest of your NC will be a breeze.

really? great.

(last update of my story; Hello Ive been broken up with my ex for 4 months and been in complete No Contact for just about a month now (has felt like an eternity!) I dont cry everyday anymore, and have really started to feel genuinely happy again. . .Problem is, I cant shake off this damne feeling of *hope* i have. I try hard to convince myself that he's never coming back and that there is no chance, but my subconscience is telling me otherwise Next week will be the first time I have seen him this this year, (college re-enrolement) and I hate to admit it, but secretely in my head something tells me that when he see's me again, NC will have worked its magic and he will want to be in my life again. (??) Arghhh! Question is; how do I completely get rid of this ever so hindering hope? What do I need to start telling myself or do? As only then can I 100% heal from this 'saga' he put me through.

i know its not what you want to hear but i predict when you finally meet someone ELSE whos beautiful inside and out, and who wont put u thru the same junk as your lover, then YOU will become the dumper of this woman and experience true happiness you never thought possible with a girl out there who does exist

i agree with the whole visual stimulation theory for men. it may sound too simple, but for guys its a sure fire way to get sparks going.

Mariah Carey - always be my baby

Natalie I think its time you stop beating yourself up for the things you did in the past. Im sure you have apologised to him him about it, and why would he even hang around you if he hadnt already forgiven you? From your posts I can see that you have really been trying so hard to work on things you did that hindered your relationship, so now you two should just be starting fresh, not from the mess you left off in months ago. Judging by your commitment, he must essentially be a really great guy with all the effort you are putting in. So I have confidence that whatever steps you are taking will only make you both happy in the long run. But I do agree with everybody else here, to stop having sex with him until he says he wants to be your bf again. You know why, and you know its for the best. take care

my entire wardrobe reminds me of every event we went to and what i would wear on that day. making toast makes me think of when i used to make him toast. and yes i too think the radio is out to get me how crazy!

very true!

I always love your advice LiquidCherry

They are 19 and 21 respectively. The reason for the break up was that he was confused about his feelings, and thought she was gonna break up with him (for god know why) so he left. She was just like us on the bored, but I was first hand to witness how much stronger NC/very LC made her. Now she has the upper hand so to speak, as she is control of her emotions etc. I am only a week in NC, and will have to see my ex again in two weeks time. I wish to god i didnt have to but we atted the same school. Never thought Id be wanting to NOT see him, but it feels so good to finally be putting MY needs first for once! there is ALWAYS hope, but you dont live and breathe it. alot of people on these boards tend to get pessamistic, and i can see why when the odds are against you, but it doesnt have to be that way when you have two people in a situation, who finally have their heads in place, willing to give it all another shot.

my friend rennee just got back with her boyfriend she dated for 9 months before he dumped her in late september. she was so devastated, she wrote songs about him, and couldnt think striaght for a long time. the longest they did NC was 3 weeks. but other than that was LC over MSN, but they didnt see eachother for 3 months. he left her alone, even though he cared for her and missed her (which i wish my ex did for me) anyway he had a function at the place she waited at, and he begun talking to her that night and waited until after she finished work. that night they kissed. fast forward a couple weeks (they started hanging out alot, talking heaps etc) and now theyre together again. she is very happy, but isnt expecting anything and is taking it slow, not having expectations, and not declaring her love for him. (even though she REALLY loves him)! well though id share that with you, as this girl had NO hope, but had for the most part, let go, before things came her way again

i dont believe in being so closed minded about the situation. NOTHING is impossible. (or am i just naive?!) im trying really hard to have a 'kay sera-sera' attitude towards love. if my ex ever wants me back, and i felt the same, then i would let that happen. but if he doesnt, then i wish him well.

natalie, im so sorry to hear what happened. when my ex unexpectandly called to tell me he didnt want to see me again i was gutted. our ex's are good at dealing out the blame but have trouble taking it. i too made alot of mistakes during our relationship, ive said things to him that i dearly regret, and put alot of expectations on him. sounds like ur ex is in a fragile state and is losing faith in you. are you going into NC again? I know you still want to get back with him, but you're going to wait for him to do all the groveling back right, really put in every bit the effort?

we decided not to meet up, he knew it was a bad idea to do so. we said goodbye over the phone. i did tell him that i will be there for him if he ever wants to make things right, just like you told me newts. I also told him how I truly feel about him and what he has given me. And I did that because I wanted to, without any other intentions. I didnt shed a tear over the phone. (unlike now) I stayed strong,coz whenever I felt like crying I looked at my computer screen with all the advice you guys have given me and then i thought clearly again. But he was crying thats for sure During the talk he thanked me for everything I had given him; for believing in him, for being there always even though at times he felt he didnt deserve it. He told me he kept checking his phone to see if I had called today. He said in his heart he will always love me. He told me how beautiful I am. He said sorry for every time time he hurt me. He said even thogh we arent contacting eachother he will never stop thinking of me. He told me how lucky he was to have loved and been loved by me. He said even though we are saying goodbye, he hopes this isnt goodbye forever. He called me by the name he's only ever called me while we were together and said he will miss me. Then we said the last farewell. No matter how much I work on myself from now on, I know I will deep down always hope to see him again. But I am looking forward to the future, without him, with a new me.