antigravity

I guess the problem with drinking too much, is that it can have a gradual negative effect on someone's life. So at first, it may not hurt anyone, but after a while, it may slowly get worse without the drinker realising it. They might start neglecting certain things in their life without noticing, until it's too late. I've never quite understood alcoholism. I get down quite often, but not once have I ever gotten the urge to drink as a cure. Drinking makes my down mood feel even worse! Back on topic though, if you're feeling that you need to drink to improve your mood, or improve the way you think about your life or situation, then I'd say you've got a problem. Not so much with drinking, but with your life in general. Whatever is causing the problem that's making you want to drink to forget, try and look into that, and think about ways to get yourself out of the rut your in. Until you address the core issue as to why you feel you need to drink to feel better, you won't get anywhere.

Thanks... Yeah I've spoken to her quickly about seeing someone, like a mediator or something, but she didn't say much. I'm thinking of going to see a councilor or something by myself, just to help myself. This morning we fought again... Here's a perfect example of one of our fights. She's feeling sick so I went out to buy her some medicine, some mnm's that she was craving, a paper for her and some nappies for her younger son. I came back, and this is what I got from her: 1. Nappies packet has too many in there and are too expensive. 2. MnMs were the large packet and I should have gotten the smaller packet. 3. She doesn't read the saturday paper, only the sunday paper. First words she said were 'ahh {mod edit} hell". And she walked off into the kitchen. I still had the bags in my hand and she started questioning me.. asking whether the smaller pack of nappies were there and why didn't i get another brand etc. etc. I told her i was there for a while because i'm not used to getting nappies and I got the ones she asked for (but just a larger packet). She kept saying why didn't you get the other ones, etc. etc. so I had enough and threw them on the floor and said 'get them yourself then'. It escalated from there because I threw them on the ground, then we started yelling at each other, which ended up with her in tears. I just don't know what to do. I try and do the right thing, she treats me like crap, I react to her attitude and then she gets upset.. aggghghh!

Thanks for your honest opinions... I'm surprised that a few of you are saying that I'm being selfish or immature, but that's fine, maybe I am. I'm really not sure what to do! I'm definitely learning as I go with this. But basically, I'm in a situation where i'm trying to weigh up whats more important; my happiness, or doing the 'right' thing. Please don't think that i'm somehow putting the blame on her for the pregnancy. Not at all, and in fact, the pregnancy isn't, in itself, a problem at all. It's more the clashes we have in personality. When I said I was 'strict' about some important things, I wasn't suggesting that being 'strict' was a good thing, I was just pointing out that we are different. I may be blaming her for a lot of things, that's because in my mind, it is her actions and attitude thats causing me to be unhappy (simply put). I do agree though, that I shouldn't threaten to leave, so I'm not going to do that, no matter how heated an argument may get. I've decided to keep trying, and i'll try and be more loving and caring towards her, in hope that this might have a positive effect on her attitude towards me and the world in general (she's gone through some tough things in life which has given her a negative view on things). Although I would like to note that 95% of the time when we're getting along, I am an affectionate and caring partner. However, if it doesn't, I may have to leave. I'm going to seek advice from my family and friends on the situation also.

I would leave asap.

I'm of the opinion that if its possible to take full responsibility for the child, then I would love nothing more than to look after my baby girl full time. So like I said, supporting the baby emotionally and financially isn't the issue here. Its my terrible relationship with her mother that's the issue and whether it's worth staying with her.

Thanks for the feedback guys... seems pretty mixed, much like my emotions right now. Don't get me wrong, if I leave, I'll feel terrible and feel like a real cop out. But please let me stress that if I do leave, it's got nothing to do with her being pregnant. Not at all. I've always wanted children, and it I am more ready for the responsibility. I'm not blaming her for the pill not working, I think it was a mistake on both our behalf for maybe being a little careless. Her two children are from a previous marriage where she cheated and left him. When i've threatened to leave her during our fights, its because I am at the end of my rope with her attitude on a lot of things and her high stress levels have started to rub off on me. Like I said, i'm normally a calm person that doesn't like to fight, but when we're arguing she pushes and pushes until I can't take it anymore. I do think that eventually I will leave her, if she wasn't pregnant I would have left by now. What I want to know is, morally, should I stick with her during the pregnancy even though its quite clear we won't make it? Or should I not bother and move out now? I would be quite uncomfortable if I left her now, but am I doing her any justice by sticking around when I want to leave anyway?

It wasn't a conscious decision for her to get pregnant. She was on the pill, but contraception isn't 100% fool proof. But I do want honest advice. That's why i'm here. Cheers

Hi, Me and my girlfriend have been together for 10 months, and she's 5 months pregnant. I lived in Melbourne, Australia, and she lived in Brisbane (about 2,000km's apart). We flew to see each other every 2 weeks for 3 months and because she couldn't move to Melbourne (she has two boys, aged 2 and 5), I got a work transfer to Brisbane, left my family and friends to be with her and her boys. I sold my car to get a family car because of the boys (i had an mx5 lol) and moved in with her. She's now 5 months pregnant with our baby girl (which I'm very excited about), however we really don't get along and we fight almost every day. I'm really not happy, as she is very short tempered and highly strung. She's always stressed because of her kids or for something else, and I really don't want to be with a person like her. I'm a very patient person, but i'm finding that gets the worst out of me, and i've also become quite impatient and can get really nasty when we fight. In all my past relationships, i've never really fought like this before. We don't have much in common, and she's done some things in the past that have made me lose respect for her (she's slept with a lot of guys, cheated on her ex husband and her first boyfriend). We fight alot because we think differently about parenting (i'm stricter), finances (i'm more strict/responsible), relationships with others (she doesn't like me having female friends or speaking to ex girlfriends who i was friends with before meeting her). I could go on and on. I know that her hormones might be making her worse, but even before she was pregnant I was having a hard time staying with her, because of these problems. She's a very negative person and always sees the worst in everything, and I'm finding that its bringing me down, and i've also been quite depressed lately. I'm confused, because I feel i have an obligation to be with her because of the baby, however I am really unhappy with her. I want to be a part of my babies life, and hate the thought of my baby girl growing up without me or with another man, however I also hate the thought of being with my girlfriend much longer. It's really killing me inside. I was quite happy being single before I met her. I know this is only my side of the story, however she does know how I feel, and I have threatened to leave her many times when we've fought, and this has made things worse because she's now even more insecure. Please help, I really don't know what to do! Should I stick around while she's pregnant to help her, and leave after the babies born? Stay with her regardless? Leave but support her? Please help and don't worry about hurting my feelings.. If i'm being a * * * * * and should shut up, then say it! hehe

Thanks for the feedback guys... It's suprising that you say I don't sound like I'm into the latest relationship, I am, maybe I'm just feeling a bit rushed. She's pinning everything down on me moving to be with her, and she's so so excited about it. I just can't bring myself to tell her I need more time. She'll think i'm never going to come and get sad and upset, and I can't do that to her. About my finances, i'm thinking of selling my car, getting rid of the payments, and paying off the credit card debt with the rest. I'm also getting a bonus through work shortly, which will help too. So hopefully that helps me get through everything, but yeah, just feel like i'm being rushed a little. Rushed into something maybe I'm not completely ready for now. WHat should I do?

It's my finances that i'm worried about, not hers. She wouldn't expect me to fix those for her...

About a year ago, my girlfriend of 5 years ended our relationship out of the blue, we were living together, and within 2 days I was living back with my parents and trying to deal with what had just happened. We attempted to stay friends, but I found it too hard because I wanted more. I took advice from enotalone people (yay!) and went NC for about 2 months. I found it really hard to deal with, as there was no warning signs and I loved her very much. I was 17 when we got together, and 22 when we split up, so I'd never really been an adult without her by myside, and this scared the crap out of me. I was also dealing with an avoidant personality at the time (scared of people judging me so avoided situations with people and was extremely anxious when around people). Anyway, a year later, we are no longer speaking. No particular reason other than her new boyfriend probably doesn't want us talking. We stayed friends after my NC, even though I had a new g/f in January but as soon as she got a new boyfriend she stopped answering my txts. I sent her 3 without a reply and haven't attempted to speak since. It's a sad way to end a relationship with someone who knew me better than anyone else. The last time we spoke in person, she admitted she kissed another guy a few times while she was with me. Since the break up, i've been going out with friends most weekends, gotten over my avoidant issues by taking anti depressants/anxiety tables and have had two relationships (one shorted lived, 2 mths, as she left overseas to study, I didn't want to make her stay, and the other I'm still in). I'm now living with a mate from work, so it's just me and him in an apartment. The girl i'm seeing now is great, however she is a mother of two and lives interestate. I'm moving to her to be together, and i'm looking forward to the change of scenery. However I've still got some worries... The fact that my ex doesn't speak to me anymore when I did nothing but my best for things to be good between us really bothers me. The person that knew me better than anyone else, not only dumped me, but then after wanting to be friends for a couple of months, starts ignoring me as soon as a new guy is on the scene. I just feel sad that she doesn't want to know me anymore. Im not in love with her, but I do see her like a sister, and I care about her. I wish she cared about me. I'm also worried about my finances. I've got quite a lot of credit card debt and can't think of a way out. This gets me down a lot. Also, i'm worried that I might not be making the right decision with the new girlfriend, who i've been seeing for almost 3 months. We get a long well, but she has 2 kids and i'm only 23. I'm not sure if I'm ready to live with children and take on that responsibility. Everything else is ok... I was pretty bad when my ex broke up with me. I was crying everyday, staring at nothing all the other times, thought that no-one would ever want me again like she did, and thought the world was over. But things do get better, as I guess my story shows. But nothing will ever be the same, but try your best to deal with what comes. Everything will be ok in the end. I do have trouble trusting people, and find myself always wanting to escape at the start of a relationship. Obviously this is because I don't want to get hurt again. But I'm trying my best. If you've been good enough to read all of this? Could I get some comments as to what I should do with the new girlfriend? Or maybe your situation is similar to mine? Any discussion would be great. Thanks

Yeah it was a damn hard thing to do. She gave me important things of hers to keep, so that I could give them back to her when we saw each other again. I had to give them to her close cousin last night. Her cousin was really supportive, and had tears as I told her the story. She knows how much we love each other as she's close to both of us. I think I still want her in my life, but I told her I need space, to get over her, and to let go of her. Once I do that, I'll email her, and get back in contact with her. She's so amazing, she completely understood, and although she loves me (slept with my photo under her pillow... listened to a cd I made her everyday) she didn't argue, or try to convince me to do otherwise. I really do love her. Just wish things could be different. But it's ok. I get upset and down from time to time, but Im dealing with this a lot easier than my past break up with my ex. Thanks for the support guys

I've just had to force myself to say goodbye to someone I love. She's gone overseas to study for 3-4 years... We had plans to see each other (i'm travelling later in the year, but I'll have to come back to Australia) but it's gotten the point where I couldn't handle missing her anymore. I need to let go. Because it hurts too much to hold onto something I may never have again. One part of me wants to hold on no matter what pain comes along with it because of that small chance we'll be able to hold each other again. Look into each others eyes, feel each others skin. Feel each others love again. The other part is saying that, that may never happen again, and is the pain worth it? Why am I putting myself through all this hurt? She's travelling around the world, doing what she truly loves. Her first priority is travel. My first priority is her. That's not really fair. All I think about is her, is she ok? Is she having fun? Has she met someone else? Is she going to call me, or email me? All these thoughts are just too much. I can't do it to myself. I love her more than anything... And I always will. She's opened my eyes to so many thoughts, and ideas. And I learnt so much about myself by knowing her. She helped me gain the courage to meet my father for the first time in 15 years. She held my hand as I made that call. I was shaking, and she was crying. I've never met a more beautiful person, and that's why I have to let go of her. She means so much to me that it hurts. And I can't handle the pain. Have I done the right thing? Am I weak? Should I be stronger? What

Hey Everyone, I met a really nice girl, and we fell in love and had a really good 2 months together ( ) but she already had overseas tickets booked, as she's studying in Argentina for 3-4 years. I've been speaking with her via email/phone every 3 days because she was in India for 2 weeks. Now she's in London and is living with a guy she shared a room with for 4mths in Argentina last time she was there. Apparently there is nothing going on between the two, however he did kiss her last time (supposedly spur of the moment thing). Anyway, she got on MSN last night for the first time and I was on too. She messaged me, said hello, but seemed to take ages to reply to me (assuming she was speaking to others). She quickly said that he was different now, and that he's more open about his feelings. And that she's different too. She sorta spoke to me for about 10mins, and then she says (got to go.. going for a walk. see you later, i'll be on same time tomorrow night). This is after her saying 3 days before she misses me and it upsets her thinking about it. And that God was giving her signs that we're meant to be together. She sleeps with my photo under her pillow etc. etc. But you'd think she'd rather talk to me than go for A WALK! I'm really disappointed and hurt. I don't know what to think. I was so excited to see her online. Help...

I'm starting to worry about myself and my willingness to be single/alone. I'm only ever truly happy and content when I'm with a woman. I love cuddling, and holding a woman and being intimate in that way. Without one in my life, I get feel down and my confidence drops About 6mths ago my first ever relationship (which lasted 5 years) ended, and I've been with 2 girls since then. I ended it with the first one because she didn't ever want to go anywhere, just wanted to sit around, and the second one we got along perfectly (we fell in love). But she had tickets booked to travel overseas, and she left over 1 week ago. We have plans for me to go overseas and travel with her in about 6mths. She'll be overseas for 3+ years studying though I still speak to all three girls (incl. the ex) because for some reason I can never let them go. I need them around. What I'm worried about is why can't I be happy without a woman? Why do I feel like I need a female in my life to be happy, to feel confident in my own worth? I am confident in being a good hearted person, but over the past 3mths i've been told i'm "Hot" and "cute" countless times, but every time I go anywhere, I still think i'm the ugliest guy in the room, and no-one will ever be interested in me in a romantic way. The only time I feel attractive or worth anything is when a girl is in my life. What can I do to change thinking like this?! How can I stop wanting a woman to feel good? Please help!

Awesome... Actually I'm starting to feel good without her. I miss her a lot obviously, and she's been emailing me and calling me from overseas which helps, but my friends have been wanting to do things all the time, so I really haven't had time to feel lonely or anything like that. Life is good at the moment It's even better with her, but without her, it's still really good. Thanks for the advice (or opinion in NJRon's case hehehe) guys...

Yeah well i've been feeling good without her. I don't feel like my life is over or anything like that. I just like being around her.. I guess I just like doing what makes me feel good. Being with her makes me feel good But if I go overseas, it won't be SOLELY for her. I'll get to travel around the world and gain heaps of things from that. Having her there is the kick up the * * * * I need to do it.

Yeah I agree with what you say... However she did say that if I was to come over, she would definitely be with me and want to be in a relationship. She just doesn't want me to leave everything I have, JUST for her. Which I kind of agree with. However it would be nice if she said "yeah I wish you were here, i'd do anything to have you here with me". Or something along those lines. I dunno... She emailed me today, and said she misses me more than she thought she would and that she loves me. And that she'll call me soon. I dunno...

Hey everyone... I need help! I've fallen in love with a beautiful person who I've been seeing for just under 2 months. We share the same views, have the same hopes and views on the world, and get the best out of each other. Now the problem is, I said goodbye to her last night. She left to study in Argentina (we're in australia) and won't be back for at least 3-4 years. She may never return at all. We are compeletely in love with each other. So much that not once did I ask her to stay, or to contemplate not going. This is going to make her happy, and I can't stop her because of my own selfishness. But what should I do? We're staying in contact, and we've made plans to travel around South America together on motorbike. But I have to save enough money to get there, and then travel. But I've never saved anything in my entire life. I have a few debts to take care of, but my car is up for sale, and once that is done, i'm doing a course to let me teach english overseas and then i'm leaving. I'm scared that when we meet again in a few months things won't be the same, or that i'll expect to much from her. She has told me she wants to be with me, and that when we meet again, she will still love me and want to be in a relationship with me. But she doesn't want me to go overseas just to be with her. She doesn't want me to change my life for her. But I want to. Can anyone give me some advice? Thanks.

I've seen two girls since my relationship of 5 years broke up 4 months ago... The girl i'm currently seeing (call her D) is everything I could ever ask for in a person. I won't even go into that because i'll be rambling for weeks! hahaha. Anyway, this morning I ran into the other girl I saw (call her C) (for a month). It was pretty much a mutual break up between us, I had enough of her being lazy and not wanting to do anything. So I had a go at her, and it ended. We still speak once a week via email, but never see each other. I saw C this morning, and all these emotions came rushing back. I realised I still have VERY strong feelings for her. I'm surprised these feelings exist because I'm currently seeing someone who is perfect in every way, and is everything C wasn't. I couldn't be happier with D, but C is just so gorgeous. I started speaking with C again, more via email and she came straight out and said she's not interested in seeing anyone, and nothing further should come of us. I told her i'm not thinking that as I'm seeing someone else (hmmm.. maybe bull * * * *, but that covered my back). Do I want C because I can't have her? Is it purely a physical thing? What the hell should I do? What can I do? Oh and D (the one i'm seeing at the moment) is going overseas in a month!! So that's not a long term prospect. Just enjoying each other while we can.

I can taste yuck at times, make sure she's clean and there shouldn't be a problem. It is an acquired taste though, so when you first do it, don't expect it to taste 'nice'. It does have a particular taste, but every girl does taste different.

Everything is still going magnificently... This is crazy... Why do I find that person i've always been looking for, but then not be able to have her? Yesterday she told me she's travelled all around the world, and has never felt these feelings for someone else. She said she knows already that she loves me, but thinks that I need to let go more. It's something I just can't do yet... I'm trying to, but it's all going so fast and I don't know how to handle these feelings I have. Especially when she's going away in a months time. Mumma!!!!

Little moans and breathing heavily are definitely the way to go.... When a girl does that with me, I completely lose control.

Thanks everyone... It is strange, the girl i'm currently seeing is amazing, and I really really like her and feel completely comfortable with her. She's physically more attractive than my ex so I can't see that as a problem. I do find myself thinking about whether I'm going to come or not when I'm in the middle of things, so next time I'm just going to try and not think about it at all. Thanks everyone.

Wow.. can't believe i'm about to say this in public... Basically I came out of a 5 yr relationship in September, and since then I've been with 4 girls sexually (two in a dating type situation, two 1 night stands). The problem is I can't orgasm... I came once after about 2 hours on one of the 1 night stands, but all the other time I haven't been able to come. And it makes me feel horrible. The girls think they're doing something wrong when they're not at all. I don't know what the hell is going on. When I was in my relationship I had no problems coming at all... Sometimes I was quick, sometimes I took ages. But 95% of the time I didn't have any problems. Now here is the bad part, the only time I did come, I had to pretend my ex was with me, and then I had an orgasm. I've since tried that again, but it doesn't work. I can orgasm fine by myself. Have any other guys experienced this and gotten through it? What can I do?