Napoleon Bonaparte

Shy I said artificial arrogance. And I explained in detail what that meant. If i recall the last time we went to a private chatroom you yelled at me and left abrupty and I had been playing it sensitive. And honestly, I am not gonna try to hurt you shy. There would be no point in it. I am trying to save you from what I see as self-destructive. As far as seeing what something bad is and holding on to your beliefs -- I believe in calling a spade a spade. Why hold on to a belief you held prior to new evidence?

You won't like me saying this, and its not an attack. It's simple what is evident from your posts and I don't think I am alone in seeing this (I'm just the only one thats going to say it). You have experienced bad things, and it has convinced you that the world is a bad place. So to maintain some kind of control you look to instigate fights, though you disguise them as debates. You need to come up with as far out there and outrageous things as possible so the spotlight is on you. I doubt you'll listen to anything I say, but in your heart, you know it--------------- Shy on the contrary I don't mind anything you have to say about me. Trust me, I actually stop well short of most of my attacks, ESP with you, cuz I find you slightly innocent. This is kids gloves. Yes I think the world is a bad place and yes I do so not just because I have experienced bad things but also cuz I have seen them, read about them, and noticed them. That is called an observation. Do I think there are good things in this world? Usally. Unless I am in a bad mood. Do I enjoy the spotlight? Yeah, I am a total maverick. Most the ourageous stuff though is very much me being me and cuz it is fun. You said you wanted to believe in what I was saying and doing, and that you were my biggest supporter. If this blows your cover on here and demonstrates that you aren't as committed to the things you post about as you want to come off.... fine. ------------ I am not nor have I ever been tempted to believe in anything you have had to say. I might have pondered it. I usually consider everything anybody says cuz I like trying to have an open mind. But that wasn't because your viewpoints were espcially tempting. I said I was your biggest supporter because I do indeed want you to get this girl you want. I am not sure how you think that is inconsistent with who you think I want people to believe I am. I have always been honest with who I am. I have never claimed to be anything different. I am aggressive. Provocative. But I never claimed to be a bad guy. I argue cuz that is how I learn and disect. It works better than simple debate. And usually I find myself censuring myself. I disagree shy. I don't think you are very confident. Not sincerely. You don't argue or present yourself confidently. You are too threatened by viewpoints that are not your own. Not just passionatly opposed but outright threatened. I do however think you will be condfident one day and I do believe things will turn out very well for you. But right now you are posessed of a slightly artificial arrogance.

Annie don't play hard to scurtiny with me. It's such a pain. Just PM me and save me the time of sifting through your past comments. Don't worry, I am harmless.

so share them with me. I know a few of your link removed stories. Tell me something horrible about what has happened to you. Don't worry, everybody who sticks at out at all eventually gets annalyzed and peaks my curiosity on here. Just like... in real life.

Annie what makes these men idiots?

Shy I find your attitude very arrogant. Women say you understand them because you worship them. What they say about you and how they behave are totally different. When you talk about women being more reasonable and logical while talking to a male and then call him boy (even joking) of course he is going to find you patronizing and irritating whether or not you are joking. He hasn't insulted you. He has reacted torwards you insulting him. When you start talking about how other people laud you of course it is pompous. It is a retalitory hubris however. One that is based less off legitimate self-confidence and more based off low self-esteem turned into sudden self-approval. I am NOT attacking you. I am pointing out however that you have very inspired beliefs that depicts a safe and secure world view for you and after having suffered from self-doubt you suddenly are overpleased with yourself for your special wisdom. However you need to start paying attention less to what people say and more of what they do. Words are cheap. What you see working (not sure what your examples are) hasn't actually worked until the results are in. And this ain't florida.

Those are two polar extremes shy and I thin a nice shy guy's advice is only a tad worse than the macho bad guy's. Neither are usually pragmatic in general nor do I think any of my advice is immoral. That being said I am pleased to see my opinions have at least generated discussion.

Actually it is a state by state law. I read that some states go as low as fifteen so if you live in one of those states you should be fine.

Shy If a girl did this to me and she was somebody who was capable of being a healthy great relationship I wouldn't be okay with her doing it I would HOPE she would do it to me. No, there isn't anything wrong with judging. What I am suggesting is that your such an idealist it closes you off to so many possibilities. And you yourself knows how much everything I say is working, we've talked about ---- What you tell me doesn't change any of my opinions nor do I think you go about things in the manner that I think is usually best. Things are early for you. I hope you are lucky but that doesn't mean your right. The problem is, what you tell me shy is taken in confidence so rather than say anything you may or may not want me to talk about publicly about your private life, I avoid debating those specifics. It isn't my business to talk about. So I stick to the examples i have given.

A lot of women want it to be natural. The thing is what she is suggesting is still natural. Do you know how many times we inadvertently do this stuff and it sparks what she is suggestioning? You CAN'T make somebody fall in love with you if there isn't anything there already. You CAN't make somebody fall in love with you if they don't want to either. What this advice is basically doing is nurturing a growing seed that is already there instead of drowning it in a torrential downpour early on so that it kills it and they become "just friends forever." Ladies you might not realize this, but almost all men play games to woo you. Seriously. Almost all of them. That was sort of a joke alluded to in the movie Hitch. Of course your gender plays games just as much in a very DIFFERENT way. You would be shocked and horrified by how much men play games, some of it moral like this advice, some of it immoral. Bt there is no reason to be horrified. It isn't artificial it is competition. And rarely will something happen naturally unless the person really wasn't that interested in the beginning. The people who are constantly straight forward are the ones who often end up being "just friends". Ladies often punish men for not following this kind of advice and then complain when they do. The thing is, now more and more women at a slowly rising pace seem to be suffering from a "just friends" scenero, although that just friends is often followed by friends with benifits. Shy, you really should be less judgemental. When something offends you you should ask yourself why it offends you. A lot of thought, quotes, and experience goes into this kind of thing. You are free to have your own viewpoints of course, but nothing is being said to harm anyones mental health. As far as out of sight, out of mind, that tends to mostly happen during prolonged absense of far too long or if there wasn't much there yet to begin with. The advice here is enhancing what already has come naturally. Most people, me included, if they aren't constantly annyalyzing themselves, tend to take the presense of people for granted before fully digesting what that person means to them. Good men for example often end up in the ' just friends' category because they are seen as not a challenge even when he would be a more suitable choice in every way over the jerk who is the one who gets the dame. Alot of times people talk about the girl having poor self-esteem. It's more than that. Players (men or women) who want to boost their petty little egos, get more broken hearts not just because they are playing the odds but also because they are unconsciously following Tracy's advice by being available and not available. It is one of the rarely considered reasons of why the only semi emotionally available player is so much sexier than the unconditional guy or girl. This advice can make those truly nice guys and girls (who are complaining all the time about finishing last) more attractive and more able to compete. I believe what people call natural is actually unnatural and is only considered natural because that is what society has prepped them to believe in part through plays, books, movies and television. What is natural: To fall for a very close friend who you have a lot in common with and who understands you. What is unnatural: what we have now. The emotionally unavailable guy or girl who really isn't a friend or honest who is sexy because they are unavailable. Why are they unavailable? Cuz they are either damaged or so busy focused on as many possible mates at once for their own ego that they thereforeeee appear naturally more challenging. The consequence: More rejections while people are busy searching for that more permanent healthy relationship. This advice isn't dishonest. And it isn't going to define a future relationship. It is simple competition. What does it mean? That we should all be busy "getting a life" and we should on some occasions take our time getting back to a potential lover unless there's an emergency. This goes out to everybody but esp the ladies and idealistic nice guys. If you wanna watch movies where the kinda thing happens that she is suggesting watch Love & Sex, Swingers, and first half of Hitch. You might say oh those are just hollywood movies. The difference between those hollywood movies and movies like Alot Like Love is that the jokes are less based on romantic "oh that's so sweet but'll never happen" than they are based on people laughing and saying "Oh jesus who hasn't experienced that?" and shuddering. Don't knock this advice if it helps improve your own life. seriously. (NOTE: This advice is to help you get into a relationship. Not help you once you are already there. Games, even trivial ones, are not healthy during relationships since the obligations, expectations and dynamics have completely changed. Once you are in a relationship the idea is to solidify it through communication and intimate interaction while giving someone their own personal space that everybody needs.)

I want to make it clear as I mentioned above that no strategy is flawless or perfect for everybody. We are talking math, odds, and different approaches. I am considering other possibilities that are similair to this line of reasoning but are more consistent overall so somebody doesn't feel snubbed. But in life, ANYTHING can happen and is happening somewhere. This wont ALWAYS work. The reason why there is no absolute strategy is because we as human beings are not absolutes. We are as much feelings and moods as we are personalities and what might work most the time might not work some of the time. So it all comes back to playing the odds.

This is a few suggestions that I have found helpful. There is no magic in dating. No definate strategy. There is only odds. This can help the odds for either gender. Just a little background on the author Tracy Cox who is being quoted from her very useful book Super Flirt. Tracy Cox is recognized by scientists, writers, professors, and philosophers to be both genetically and culturally the most sexy and beautiful woman over thirty-five in Britain today. Taken is a quote from her book superflirt (I only removed the advice on this part that I found helpful and agreed with here). ---------Some people will read this and think what I'm suggesting is wrong. I admit it's about manipulating and meddling with people's emotions. Most particularly, people you wish to God would meddle with you. In an ideal world, I'd agree. It would be preferable if everyone you wanted just fell in your lap, without having to play games. Unfortunately, real life doesn't always work that way. Sometimes you can spend six months living, breathing, dripping, drooling, loving and lusting after someone with zero result. And it's when that happens that the techniques that follow suddenly seem like a gift from heaven. Besides, it's not like I'm proposing black magic or suggesting any of these techniques will force someone to fall in love with you against their will. (If they did, I'd currently be shacked up with Brad Pitt.) What they will do though is nudge the odds a lot higher in your favor. Is that really so bad? I don't think so. Go on, keep reading. You know you want to... Hang Around Lots...but Then Be Unavailable The more you interact with someone, the more they'll like you, says David Lieberman, a U.S. expert in human behavior. He's right actually. Several studies show repeated exposure to practically any stimulus makes us like it more (the only time it doesn't hold true is if our initial reaction to it is negative). So forget about being aloof, evasive, and unavailable in the beginning. Instead, find lots of excuses to spend time with him. Now, pay attention, because this is the tricky part. Just when you're convinced you've won them over and they like you, start being a little less available. And then even less, until they hardly see you at all. You've now effectively instigated the "law of scarcity." We all know this one: people want what they can't have and by constantly being available, you diminish your value. If every time you walked outside your front door there was a huge pile of diamonds to step over, you'd hardly see them as precious would you? The law of scarcity only makes them want you. Be around and then not around and they'll want and like you. I'm stating the obvious here, but liking someone is important. We talk endlessly about chemistry, passion, sexual attraction, and even more about love, yet "like" rarely gets mention. Opposites don't attract long-term; we search for similarities in a partner. Most of us can't see the point in hanging around friends we don't like, so why do it with a lover? -------------- This of course means you have to be the friend first. Being available does not mean being a loser who has nothing better to do other than to talk to your crush. Have a life! Have several options! Do this while make that emotional connection. And if it happens, this advice can improve your chances. Of course people, esp women, will talk about doing it naturally. I very unscientifcally found that they are less likely being the ones just being stuck as friends. I also might add that I strongly believe Tracy isn't right about everything. Some of her advice I still think is outright silly. But then nobody is right about everything, least of all me. And this particular advice I have observed working successfully. For most of you it will seem the oldest trick in the book. Tracy was a trickle in her father when the first person thought of this. But it has very strong uses.

Dn is right. Move her stuff out into the street and and then give her an empty glass but tell her you hope it stays empty on her merry way to hell.

What was the negative stuff that happened with ex? Did he ever cheat, lie, steal, use you, emotionally or physically abuse you? Why did you break up with him? How long ago has it been (if you haven't already said) How long have you been on NC?

Asdf I read his post. Now tell me something unique about your case. We gotta play this cool. How much time do you spend with her. What kinda things do you talk about? She's gotta do half the work here after you take the initative or be ready to let go of pursuing more. Also, don't say the words I love you. Don't come on to strongly. Hmmmm. Send me an e mail at email removed

AsDF DON"T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give me detailed input but post it publicly not in PM. Do not do anything until I have given you advice and send me your e mail account. You need to becareful you do NOT get stuck in the just her best friend's category or else you will be miserable. you gotta play this cool man

A baby esp one that is your own I suspect is less disgusting then a stranger who is either mentally ill or a complete barbarian crapping in a footstool or deciding to splash it all over a bathroom like a broken pipe from Willy Wonka's choclate factory.

She has made it quite clear that that is her only function in the relationship if that is what she tolerates. Either leave or enjoy what you've got until you find something better.

I find talking bad about the other spouse to the kids to be utterly contemptable behavior, but that isn't guaranteed with every divorce even if one spouse leaves hating the other.

I always hear about the health of the kids. BLAH! Kids are soo overrated. We are teaching them to be pansies. I would worry more about the husbands mental health than the kids. Certainly drawing off my own experiences I suspect I would be more traumatized as a rejected spouse than as a son of a marriage turned disaster.

If this guy's wife is asking him to pay for her breast implants and is treating him like that after twelve yrs it isn't a councilor he needs but a hitman. She sounds like a self-centered monster who is beyond a healthy relationship.

Hello notalone. I am writing because I need help. Last night I was working at my cruddy retail job (which i just put my two weeks in for so i can move on to bigger and better things) when I smelled something hideous while working in the fitting room. Now I work in an upscale department store on fifth avenue and to smell something hideous in the fitting room means something must be dealt with to avoid driving away our pretentious upper class customers. So immediately, being the heroic stalwart dedicated to our brand of clothing and not wanting our customers to instead choose to shop at Saks, I searched the fitting rooms in the VIP section until I found the room where the offensive reek was coming from. I was obfuscated to find that there was no presense of anything out of the ordinary. Gasping, I sprayed the room with cologne and was disheartened to fin d that the room still smelled funky. My coe worker also was dismayed and noted that the scent seemed more formidable than even the strongest deorderizer. And so I, like any outwardly dedicated employee trying to hide his utter ambivalence about my temporary occupation while I am not finished with school, went and informed my manager. My manager glanced around the room, said I don't smell anything, don't worry it'll go away -- basically leave me alone, I got better things to do. I shrugged and said, as you wish, and went back to doing what I was doing. Finally, customers started to complain. I went back there with my coe worker and we begin by moving a foot stool with a drawer. My coe worker suddenly screamed OMG and dropped the footstool and I let out a gritty bark of what the (expletives). There in the foot stool (and I know who did it, it was an old woman) was an disprportionately large piece of feces sitting there. Nothing else was in the room. It defied logic. Our bathrooms were clean and available. No other evidence of this foul crime. Immediately I let out high pitched sardonic laughter as I informed my manager why he should listen to me next time cuz I am usually right about everything. He looked like he was about to have a nervous break down. The scene turned into a cornocopeua of mayhem as other employees learned of the horrific nature of what had happened here under our very own noses. When a group of my black coeworkers accousted me and jokingly suggested I was the culprit I said, no I find this appalling, but at least it wasn't wet and juicy, upon which they turned whiter than me and dispersed with expressions that looked as if they wanted to vomit. Now here is my problem. I can't seem to get this hideous image out of my mind. I am very sensitive to how disgusting people are. As a matter of fact, I wish I was something more evolved, like say a diety, so I didn't have to claim I am a part of the same species as many other people, but now the presense of yet another one of their atrocious markings on this planet seems to play itself out over and over in my mind with nightmarish clarity. Thank God I am leaving that job to work for a politician, but what I want to know is why did God let this happen to me? Do I need therapy now for post traumatic stress? Is there any chance that it could have been one of our competitors at Saks or Armani Exchange? Has anyone ever had this kind of thing happen to them? I am now afraid to leave the house.

Walkin let's face the facts pal. I took a chance even letting him into my home. You know people who would do that? Not many. He could have stolen from me and been out the door the next day. I took him in when he was in trouble. If that isn't a good deed what precisely is? Yeah what happened to him sucks but don't point fingers at one of the only guys who HAS tried to do you a favor while you were here. I already said I sympathize with what happened to em. But since I didn't take it, it is irritating I was in this position. As far as being a nice guy. I am not a nice guy or a mean guy. Sometimes I can be cruel, sometimes I can be friendly. I am what I am. I am what I am not.

Ah so another weekend has come and gone. Last year I met this kid at my job who was from Poland. His English was good for having never really lived in a English speaking country. He had a personality I found trust worthy. So we talked and made friends and I tld him if he ever comes back to New York City he is free to hit the local clubs and bars with me. Fast forward a yr later. He is back from Poland on a people to people student visitor. He is studying physics and enginnering in Poland and is relaxing here before his last yr of school and wants to go out with me so he can meet some chicks. Sure thing. He was a nice kid and I'd be happy to show him around town and maybe we can even hit Greenpoint so he can see how his local native immigrants are living here too. We are both busy so we don't meet up the first month and a half he is here. (plus i was avoiding being around people cuz I was angry and sanguine and in no mood to be around lots of people or be expected to entertain anybody). It turns out he gets screwed over where he is staying by some seedy people. They stick him in a basement in soho with four guys who don't speak any English and who have two dogs that crap on the floor. Roaches everywhere. He wakes up to find several huge new yorker rats crawling all over him. His employee is an italian immigrant who constantly refers to him as a stupid pole. He flees where he is living and takes up with a guy who then tries to collect tribute by requesting sex (he is straight) so he flees there too. He calls me desperately and puts me in a bit on the spot. I am like man I am disgusted by my fellow new yorkers. You can stay here with me for the next three weeks before you fly home. So he brings his stuff over and buys me a burger, later some subway, and pays the laundry mat to get some of my blankets out so he can sleep on em. He stays for one night then gets an offer to have a whole apartment to himself else where so he moves in there. Now I have terrible eye sight and have lost my glasses. During the one day while his stuff was here I ruffled briefly through his bag thinking it was my backpack which was nearby and then put ALL his stuff back. Next he comes takes his stuff and leaves. Next thing I know he has lost four hundred in cash and thinks I have stolen it. I told him I didn't take anything. (In fact I have never stolen once in my entire life even as a kid). He says I am not accusing you but you can see how it looks. I said yeah I guess so, buy him taco bell since he is broke and tell him honestly I didn't take anything. He nodded, picked up my pill bottle and examined it talking about how expensive this stuff must be. I said actually no, my stepdad pays for it. As you can see the prescription is shipped to me from 1100 miles away. I offern and let him look through my stuff while he apologizes and tell him if I find it I'll tell him. So I am irritated but I can understand. Here is where I suddenly find myself ready to explode. I get a call from him asking me to pay him back for the lunch and blankets. I said sorry I can't and besides, you bought that stuff for me and the blankets were so you could sleep on em. If I had it I would but this is New York and you still have the option to leave whenever you want, even if it means ruin ing your trip, where as I gotta eat. He said yeah life is brutal. I said well I didn't take anything. He said yeah you know everything. I calmly ignored the comment and that was that. Now, I realize he is desperate and confused but the fact is I still can't help suddenly feeling this rage and desire to throttle him. This is the second instance in six months of my generosity turning into something bad. I of course have no intention of hurting the poor kid. I feel crappy he is in the situation he is in and he will have to fly home. But man when he told me yeah you know everything after all the ^&&*(^(* I did sticking my neck out for him I wanted to rip him in two. I have a great deal of cruelty at heart. Cruelty as pitch and ravenous as anybody in this world. And here I sigh and resist it and act the nice part. But man it is tough sometimes. This seems to happen alot when I am playing the good guy. Not asking for advice. I didn't do anything wrong. But man I was furious. And to make things more annoying, for a split second I wondered if maybe i did take it and I had gone insane or didn't know myself. I was so friggin loyal to that guy even though I didn't know him that well too. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I feel better now.

Hope actually I got my data from a psychology class (three) that estimated from statistics around 70% of men and 40% something of women reported cheating in their lifetime. (I personally think the figure of would be cheaters is much higher) What am I exaggerating? I presume you act like we define many as the exact same thing since you are so vociferously arguing against my point of view of the term many people. I don't necessarily hang around any specific sort of people. Finally instead of calling my statement stupid (calling it obtuse is the exact same meaning) and ignorant because it offends you maybe you need to have more of an open and less emotional/sensitive mind set and think about what I am saying. To dismiss my experiences as all purely coincidences or that I am lying is a really convenient way to not ponder the feasibility of my argument. The reason why you are so hostile to me is that you are afraid there might be some truth in what I am saying. Odds are fairly high I have experienced a far greater range of things than most people. Ah and no I haven't been burned by that meany people in my life. My last relationship was five yrs and we remain best friends. Of course even if I had it wouldn't invalidate my argument. Nice...failed attempt to hurt me... Finally ray, I made it quite clear I don't closely associate myself with most of the cheaters, players and liars I have met.