arrgy

Yes, she still denies that she went to see him. I told her that I saw her car at the airport, she denies it was her.

I confronted her about everything. Basically told her that her lack of intimacy and sexual interest had happened just about the time that she started calling her ex. She denies anything is going on. She claims she only talked to him a few times this past month, when I know for a fact it is more like almost everyday. She told me that he has a girlfriend and has one for months, when I asked her if HE knew that SHE had a boyfriend (me) she said no, that would just muddy the waters. I asked her if you know if he has one what difference would it make if he knew that you had one? Never got an answer to that, and If you count the emails, she talks to him like twice a day everyday. She got very very defensive, started yelling, etc. She defended her relationship with him by telling me that he is just a good friend that she has known since she was a kid, and that if there were any problems he could be someone to count on. I told her that he emotionally and physically abused her for 8 years and I am worried that if she starts talking to him again then she is opening the door for him to do what ever he wants again. When she gets totally flustered she just tells me that she doesnt want to talk anymore and she goes into the other room. The next day I came home from work, she was polite but it was obvious that she did not want to talk to me at all, she stayed in her room most of the night, and when she did come out she didnt say a word. I asked her what she wants to do, she told me "get a job and get out" I told her in a calm voice, "ok, thats fine with me." So it is friday afternoon, if I am lucky she wont be there when i get home, and decided to take another weekend away from me. I usually have no spine and cave in, and I think she realizes that I am not going to cave in on this one. So she is still lying about everything...going to visit him, talking to him, the frequency of calls, etc. Just a total and complete liar about everything, so do any of you guys want her?

I came home on Friday afternoon from work to an empty house and a note. It basically stated that she is going away for the weekend to visit her Gomother in NY. We are about 8 hours away. I discovered that she arranged a flight to visit her ex for the weekend to discover if they should get married or not. She left about an hour before I come home and about 3 hours before her flight. I decided to drive home and see my parents for the weekend, I stopped off at the airport she was supposed to fly out of, and I found her car in the parking lot. She comes home this afternoon, I will just ask her how the trip went, how the drive to NY was, and play cool. Go take a shower, come out, rip her a new one, and kick her butt out.

Dude I am in the EXACT same boat. My girlfirend dated this guy for 8 years and then she broke it off. She even cancelled two weddings. Too make a long story short, everytime I bring up his name she gets angry (red flag #1). Everytime she calls or takes a call from him she goes into another room (red flag #2). He still sends her gifts, packages, etc. (red flag #3) He, the other guy does not know that I exist (red flag #4) She even kept his stuff in her house for him (red flag #5). I went to my gf and asked her point blank, and she lied and told me that he meant nothing to her, etc. I have cell phone calls as proof as well. I even went so far as to tell her that it is either him or me, and she got angry for even thinking she would date him. I put a keylogger on my computer, got her password (not ethical I know) and checked her email. I discovered over 100 emails between the two of them since the time she started dating me until today. That was it. I hate to say it, but if you see those red flags then there is an excellent chance she is going to leave you for him. Dont buy this crap that she just wants to be friends and help him out. No one stays in an abusive relationship as just friends. No one. Get out now, before you end up like me. Not trusting ANYONE!

ya I am angry actually. I just had a lot on my mind about other things. I know it is over, it was when i moved accrossed country probably. Since last week I have found out that she will be taking the weekend and she will fly and visit Joe. She still has not told me that she will be leaving for the weekend but I saw the receipt for the flight that she is going to be taking. Dumping her at this point isnt the problem, there is nothing romantic between us. My next question is...should I tell Joe all that is going on? She has lied, used and manipulated him as well. Joe has no idea that she has no job (he thinks she does), or has been living with me, or anything else. As far as Joe is concerned, she is single, working, and thinking of getting back together. She I at least let him know, email, phone, etc. as to what is going on, so she doesnt do to hiim what she did to me. i cant blame the guy if he doesnt know that she is seeing someone else. As a matter of fact, Joe is or was seeing a woman and he admitted that to her. Thoughts?

Thanks for the advice everyone. Last night when I went home we had a huge huge argument over all the little problems that we have. She just brings up every little thing that a normal person would just blow off, but she claims that it reminds her too much about the past and so everytime I do anything remotely like what happened before it sends her a red flag and reminds of her things that have gone bad. She also says that there is no hope for the future and she has no assurances that things will get better. I smiled and told her that things have improved and I can not change the past just move on being a more positive person that can give her what she needs, and that is something I will work on everyday. She got really upset, broke things, didnt want to talk anymore and went to bed. But the weird thing was she woke up 20 minutes later and turned on the television and laughed like nothing was wrong. I did tell her that what concerned me was the fact that we had a great month together, took two vacations, we have communicated better, etc...all of which she admits has happened, so why all of the sudden is there an intimacy problem? Why no sex, or intamacy at all for the past month if we have been communicating? (I know the answer is because she has been in contact with Joe for a month, and decided that she will go back to dating him. But she doesnt know that I know) I just wanted to see her reaction, which was nothing but silence. She goes to bed, I get on the computer and notice that she has already checked for flights to where Joe lives this weekend and next, and she has already looked up expensive hotels in the area we live. From an email I saw, she was going to wait until they met face to face for the first time before they made any final plans. So obviously she is looking for an excuse to get out of this relationship with me without telling me the entire truth about it. So I think we came to an understanding that we arent dating, she can still live in the apartment until she either gets a job or JOE is ready to take her in. What she doesnt know is that when moves out her stuff, I will casually just wish her well with Joe, hope she gets everything she ever wanted from him and give her hard copies of the emails I saw, and wish her a nice life. Thanks for listening people.

Hi all...new here. Anyway, I am dating a woman who I orignially dated in junior high and then high school and finally college. We separated about 14 years ago after dathing for over 10 years. Last year I received an email out of the blue after no contact all this time, and she was looking for something that her parent had made for me. We started talking and naturally we got back together, I even quit my job and moved all the way accross country for her. We went through a rough year, she is currently unemployed and has been for a while and she has very negative views of herself. I tried to constantly remind her of how worthwhile she is, etc. To complicate things, while we were dating she seemed to think that I had ADD, which I ended up having and after almost a year of being with her, it is being diagnosed and treated. This is important because my ADD was a problem for her and our intimacy. We ended up moving into her house which at the time she shared with a guy who was in the military. She had dated him who we shall call "Joe" for the ten years after I had orignially dated her. She loved him very much, but Joe was very involved with work, she called off two marriages with him because she didnt think that he was there for her. She always talked negatively about him but somehow I didnt really buy it. I have always been suspicious of them together. They sell their house together, and she decides to move into an apartment with me, all the time she is still getting emails and an occasional phone call from him. Outside of our relationship things are bad, I lose my job she doesnt have one and things are tight. One day I came home from a part time job kind of early which startled her. She was in the middle of working on her resume. She asked me to help her fix it, and i sat down at the computer and started typing away, when I got finished I closed the doc and discovered the email she was working on. To sum it up, she wanted to get back together with him, it was all a total mistake--she wanted to marry him and have his children. He apparently didnt want to go down that avenue. I was devistated, and I left the next day, but I did not tell her why, I just gave some excuse that we needed time apart. I was devistated of course, went home to my parents and got a job two hundred miles away. My gf calls me and we talk about things, and we decide to get back together, she will move down and live with me again, and she will try to get a job. Remember she ties almost her entire existence to being able to have a job. She is also very superfical and is attracted to money like a magnet (this I found out later) We have been doing well for the past three months, but last week almost the same thing happened to me. He has been calling our cell phone, and she just tells me that since his mom is sick he is filling her in with info. I know she uses her pre-paid calling card to use a pay phone down the street to call him so I can not know when she uses the cell. Well yesterday I discovered more emails that were written. She is planning to meet him after not seeing him for a year, and he wants to be with her badly. She is telling him that she will move out of our apartment sometime in October if she does not get a job that she just interviewed for. She also told him, that she is ready to get on with her life with him. Apparently he has some money he is sitting on. Last night we had a huge fight over our relationship. We hadnt had sex in a long time, and she started distancing herself, she brought up all sorts of excuses even though we hadn't had an argument in two weeks and she admits that we communicate much better now than ever before. She tells me that she just keeps remembering how things were before and she resents being with me, and allowing herself to be used. The interesting thing is that Joe is someone who she has broken off two weddings with, and has gone back and forth and told that she doesnt think things will work out and then she says she cant wait to see him. I am going crazy, and we will not last. Should I admit to her that I know what is really going on with Joe in which case she will get angry and accuse me of spying on her? Or should I just say that yes we should just break up because things are not working out.