Shadows Light

Personally.. I don't see anything wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. My "X" used to tell me he had a friend at work. A female co-worker. He described her as a hot babe. And went on to tell me her story. She had a husband who was ULTRA jealous. If her husband knew... that she talked to, had lunch with or took breaks with a man, he'd accuse her of an affair. Since he told me..but she didn't tell her husband.. could this be an affair??? Not to me. I didn't consider it as such. And if you need to keep your spouse on a leash...then whats the point. I think you have bigger issues than worrying about if you have an "emotional affair" going on. The word "emotional affair" bothers me. Why?? well.. we make friends with people that we hold in great esteem. Becuase we like them.. they do something for us in some shape, way or form. That is why we are friends to begin with. You can LOVE your friend. How many times have you heard one friend say to another friend.. "I love you". To find a "friend" attractive is also not a sin. I wouldn't consider it so. I have some good looking friends.. male and female. And then I have some friends who I don't find physically attractive (they were hit by the ugly truck), but I love them just the same, they have wonderful hearts. And somepeople may consider me to be ugly that a case of beer couldn't even cure. While someone may consider me a raving beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. LOL.. and yeah.. my mirror tells me I'm a raving beauty. (Don'tcha love a mirror that lies to you.. its worth millions). Now... I guess we need to put a definition to "LOVE".. you can love your child, you can love your mom and dad, you can love your neighbor or your friend.. Love your Dog even. But.. you feel an Attraction or a romantic inclination toward a person.. its a whole different ball of wax. I'd question... Why are you both hiding your "friendship" from your spouses.. and how would it look like to your spouses if they found out???? And if they find out.. what do you intend to do about it??? Be very careful. A spouse who is not jealous today.. can turn on a dime. Boy don't I know it. And the most innocent of relationships will be miscontrued. In this case.. I'd say if you were HONEST and TRUE to yourself.. then let them say what they want. If my spouse can not trust me... then he shouldn't have me around either. And thats that.

YES .. ASDF... Thank-you... remember that from my ethics classes...lol... makes me want to go back and dig up my old books and notes. Thanks. Refreshing that such a topic turns into something more... intellectual. LOL

BARNEY.... Metalica... LOL.. okkkkk... will have to try that one.. how about something classical... like Mozart... or Chopin...

The topic was orginally about "paying for sex" How did it vear off into religious beliefs?? ahhhh Morality and Values... yes. And that is what organized religion does.. it covers the Laws of behavior that man made laws of a government do not. But they are man made laws none the less... spiritually inspired or not. The beauty of it is... that we have choices... which religion we will prescribe to.. .hmmm which fits us best. Some... don't make a conscientious choice.. they get programmed in..and never question. And life is just grand for them. Being human... and having free will.. and being allowed to QUESTION is a beautiful thing. I also do not believe in the devil. Not part of my religious belief system... not part of my dogma. WHY.. well.. here's the ticket.. believing in the devil takes personal responsibilty and places it at someone elses doorstep. "The devil made me do it".... noooo I believe that I am personally responsible for my actions. Morally and ethically. "And it harm ye none... do what thou will" if you are mindful.. that your actions and behaviors do NOT harm yourself.. or others.. then you are taking personal responsibility. To the poster. Good for you. You went. You saw. You experienced. Wonderful. There is a good reason these "red light districts are legalized..and are monitored." It the oldest proffession in the world. And if these people want to participate in it.. weather its selling or buying.. then at least its SAFER than in areas where it is happening illegally..and the spread of disease is rampant. Historically... lol.. houses of ill repute... or cat houses.. were sacred places. The women who worked in them were teachers, priestesses.. oracles. They were there to teach... to help young men cross over into manhood. With the advent of patriarchial religious movements... such temples were disbanded... destroyed. And painted as evil places. Six dozen of one.. half dozen of another. The golden rule applies... Treat others as you would have them treat you. Same as the code listed above. Different wording. And I believe that the greatest prophet said... "Those who have not sinned... let them cast the first stone." Again... we are all responsible for our own actions... its best to be mindful. Karmic retribution is he!!. LOL. Peace.

Romantic, first of all you have to realize that it is NOT YOUR FAULT. You are not responsible for his behavior. You have a right to your feelings. You have a right to feel depressed or down over missing family. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. He was upset with you.. because its all about HIM.. he needs the focus on HIM... and HIM alone. It is his problem not yours. There is a book called... The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Look for it on amazon.. I believe the auther is Patricia Evans. Excellent book. I am in the middle of a nasty divorce with someone who is ANGRY. He's been to anger management 8 years ago. And it helped albeit briefly. I don't know if it helped actually or I capitulated and just changed... to accommodate him. We went through marriage counselling a few times. Again... in these sessions.. it was me crying my eyeballs out and him strutting out of there as if... the problem was with me. I had think skin. I was too sensitive. Last year... I'd snapped. I'd finally said NO MORE. And the divorce roller coaster started. Ohhhh yes... he tried the sweet stuff... the tears, the suicide threats, the "I have nothing to live for if you leave me." appologies...and even stooped to bribery.. if come back, you can quit your job, and we'll buy new furniture for this room...and that room..and how about that new bedroom set you always wanted. We'll go on vacation next year.. every year.... I'll fix this.. I'll paint that... and he was all over himself with being tooooo nice...and toooo sweet and toooo helpful. But behind it.. I could see.. tic toc.. tic toc... he would explode anyday. And he did... took a few weeks. And in marriage counseling.. same scenario.. I cry.. I get attacked. I'm not good enough. I'm weak. I'm overly sensitive. etc etc. They don't change. They only change if they want to change. Its cyclical... and the cycles get closer and closer together where it seems that the GOOD TIMES.. only last for such a little time. Its a bloody battle in divorce court. And... he's quit anger management..and off his medication. He said... he's realized that he's not angry anymore. He doesn't need anger management... I was the source of all his anger. Without me in the picture.. he's fine. lol. well... why does he still explode in court.. or when he picks up the kids???? I like you blamed myself. Felt worthless. Felt less than. Tried everything to fix it. LOL.. intellectually.. YES.. I know that it is not my fault. Intellecutally.. I can work it all out. However, I"ve been programed to believe.. I"m less than. I'm the weaker one. Its my fault. Something is wrong with me. And just tonight... I sat here with my mother...and I said.."was I such a bad wife??? mom, was I such a bad person?? where did I go wrong?? what could I have done differently??" and I think.. .I will ask that question of myself for a long time to come. Until I debrief..and re-program. I hope you are seeking counseling for yourself. And talking to someone. It helps. Look for the positive. Look to the good. IF you have to write 3x5 cards and plaster them around the house.. telling yourself affirmations. lol.. and have a set of 3x5 cards sitting next to your phone... so that if you do have to talk to him.. and he blasts you over the telephone.. you can read the cards that say..."Its not my fault" "what he say's is not true"... "HIS problems are not my Problems"... etc etc. PM me anytime... I'd like to hear how you are doing.. and maybe exchange ideas on what books you've read etc. Stay strong. And stay true to yourself.

Wow... thank-you Miss M for taking the time to write that up. I'll certainly jot the name of the book down and take a look-see myself. Interesting. I think I'm more in the extrovert catagory. I do get charged from being around people. And yes... certainly too much of a good thing is draining. And I am a generalist... jack of all trades master of none. GREAT GREAT Write up. Thank-you sooo much.

Euopean style to wear wedding band on right finger. Also very old roman Catholic...European style. what kind of ring??? most guys opt for plain jane bands... anything else.. NO way not married. Agree with the posters... ask. "hey... nice ring? So does that mean theres a mrs. ring somewhere?"

Emtional... There is actually a name for it???? ambivert.... serioulsy??? ohh this I will have to look up. And here I thought I had an alter ego... a double personality... lol. Thnx.

Wait... knowledge is power... and you've got a ways to go little lady. Don't sell yourself short. The more you know... the further you will go in life... FACT.

Questioning the posibility of getting pregnant having "Dry Sex" hmmmmm... well... I guess I don't have to question the standard that our school systems. I can see that my hard earned tax dollars are doing a lot of good educating our future. When you get an A+ in your general bilogy class.... then..and only then.. will you be ready for sex. Rule of thumb. Serioulsy.. its an unwritten law that says.... A+ in general bilogy and you've got permission to have sex. Answer to your question: YES... dryhumping can cause you to become pregnant. Those insidious.. (look it up) commando sperm swim through clothing. Whiley little guys... best of the best.. they can make it through a pair of Levi's like nobody's business. Sooooooooooo........... my advise to you. Keep your kevlars on... keep them zipped. And get good grades. And sssssssshhhhhhhhhhh Ill tell you a little secret.... the largest sex organ in the human body is the BRAIN. And the Sexiest part of a Womans body is her BRAIN. Don't believe me??? ask the guys that question. And see what response you get. Seriously.

Exactly. Thank-You Napoleon. As for the Wiccan code.. I don't know all about that... but [b]And harm ye none.. do what thou will.[/b] Means that if you choose to do something.. as long as it doesn't HARM anyone.. yourself included... do what thou will. Nothing sinister in that... its just being mindful. Just as the golden rule "Treat others as you would have them treat you"... same thing.. basically. No.. he opened a converation and didn't give us anything to chew on. But lord knows our minds will take to the bait. A woman/man... who marries for money.. yep.. same thing. A person who stays in an abusive relationship.. be it physcial, mental, verbal, or emotional abuse... Whats the PAY-OFF.... selling "YOURSELF" is selling "YOURSELF"... at least a hooker is straight up with it. Sex for money. How about SEX for good behavior in a marraige. OR no sex for bad behavior in a marriage. or as someone pointed out.. a THANK-YOU for dinner and a movie.... same thing. But lets see if the poster comes up with the rest of the story.... lol Or maybe this was just it... to see who'd nibble and bite.

Ok... Lonely Whats your point? Judge not lest thou be judged. Passing judgement on the worlds oldest profession. As long as there is a demand.. the supply will exist. Right... Wrong... aaaahhhh a debate that has raged on for centuries and will continue on after our life times. R u looking for advice??? Do what thou will. And Harm Ye none.

Saphho... honey... whats wrong???? It didn't make it better did it??? Take a page out of Tigris book. Look for a counselor and keep looking till you find one you can relate to. Ultimately... only YOU can put this behind you... they are just here to guide. You know whats scary... I felt super super bad today... and I needed someone to pick me up. So I picked up the phone...and low and behold.. who was picking who up. A friend of mine has hit rock bottom. And is cycling through the same DRAMA I'd cycled through a few months back. And as bad as I thought I was today... he said. "I hope that I can have the strength and the wisdom that you have today..having almost come out on the other side....." Sometimes... on these forums.. its easier for me to give..and to see every other situation better than I see my own. Have you tried that... its almost like group therapy... helping other cutters...not to cut. Listening to their stories and counseling on why its NOT a good idea. Why... its just like anything else Sappho darlin... drinking to forget..and guess what.. your problems are still there when you sober up. Drugs.. to forget...and your problems are still there when you come down from the high... Anything you do to forget...and guess what... its still there when you come back and look at it. I had an wise old friend tell me when my drama kicked off.... he said.. "honey, remember what I told you when you were 13... when you walked into my office with your mama..and you were helping with the family business.. I saw that glint in your eye...and I saw what you were made of... and I told you you'd go far.. and I told you... what my daddy told me... ALWAYS go for the HEAD OF THE SNAKE not the tail." And that my dear... applies to any situation. Cutting is NOT your problem. You are using cutting as an escape and a means..... The problem that you need to get at...and the head of that snake... is what is driving you to it. Get your self a big ol note book. A blank piece of paper. And have yourself a come to jesus... WHAT is drving you. NAME it. CALL IT. And then write down all the whys..... and then write down what you can do about it..... Gotta stop this train sometime honey... you've got a long long way to go. You are sooo young and vibrant. And LIFE. ... OMG... LIFE is just too damn beautiful.... absolutley undeniably beautiful. And if you don't think soooooooooooooo..... then MAKE it so. So Mote It Be.

Yes...its very normal... and sometimes when you sleep.. to travel on the astral to thier side..and snuggle up next to them. And feel thier arms around you and just breath a >>>. Then you wake up.. blink.. its am. And you're hugging your pillow... and you smile.. because you think of them... Surely it must have been real. And on some level... it was. LOL.

... lone sperm..swims through gallons and gallons of soapy water on a mission... leaving his buddies to float. His objective.. .THE EGG... water swirling around him..as arms and limbs.. crash near him.. but he swims undaunted... fearless... couragous... moving his little tail for all he's worth... all he can think of his his objective... GET THAT EGG!!! Likely hood this Commando Sperm will succeed.... and reach his objective.... zero to none... If he succeeds... he'll one day make a great great MARINE..and commander in chief.

I can certainly empathize.... its not all about the sex..(shysoul)..she's not even getting the cuddles, snuggles or warm and fuzzies.... sooo how long can this go on. With me.. it seemed it came when he wanted it. Oh it cycled... way up high to way down low..and when it was wayyyyy low... well...but they highs were always on his terms. Looking for it elsewhere? yeah.. you'll bury yourself in romance novels... or movies... and live in fantasy land..and then you get yourself in trouble with fantasy day-dreaming about.. hmmmm who ever crosses your path. And that SPELLS trouble... with a capital "T". I did all those things shysoul... counseling... talking... lingerie... wine and dine him... be the love slave..lol... and still........................ Mine spilled over into other areas of our marriage... uuuuggghhhh.. it hit all 5 of the big things you want out of a guy... (1) A guy who knows how to fix things.... lol. (2) A guy who will dance with you (3) A guy who has a job and is upwardly mobile... keep pushing the envelope instead of pushing you. (4) A guy you can talk to ..and laugh with. (5) A guy to have sex with..... and ya know... if it isn't hitting any of this five areas... your screwed.. ION.. do what you can. But don't cheat yourself by cheating.. you'll hate yourself. Have a come to jesus and make him go to counseling with you... and if not.. then you go talk to someone and sort out WHAT you want your life to look like. Obvioulsy you arn't happy GF... soooo you can only change you. If you keep doing what you've always done.. you'll always get what you always got.!!!

Damaged.... I just.. just read your last post AFTER I posted mine. I still stand by my idea that boundaries matter on what you find acceptable and you don't. You need to make it perfectly clear. The joke he played on you... was offensive. I think that the responses to your orginal post was in accordance with the way you explained the "JOKE" . The joke he played on you was offensive... and the rest of us agree with it. What we are saying is... obvioulsy you vented on here for a reason. You wanted advice. And you got some darned good stuff. What I heard was, Tell him, set your boundaries, follow through and if.... it continues.. YOU descide how important "THIS" issue is to you.. the joking with you..and you either ACCEPT IT... or WALK. That really is good advise.... Change the things you can change.. YOU and what is acceptable to you and how you react. And if you don't get what you want... or those boundaries arn't working... then you re-evaluate and do what you have to do... STAY or GO. No one is swaying anyone... and I don't think anyone can "MAKE" anyone do anything. Heck, parents have been preaching to teens about teen sex...and look we still have Teen Pregnancy. hmmmmm... you'd think they'd be swayed wouldn't you??????

Love this quote: I think it came right out of Dr. Phil McGraw Relationsihp Rescue... which I read when it was already to late...lol. Not that it would have helped. OK... HE JOKES. He is insecure. Its a control mechanism he's using on you. Because when he jokes... what is the PAY-OFF. These jokes are allways at your expense...WHAT is the PAY-OFF for him. Obviously these are not cutsie jokes to put a grin on your face... these jokes hurt because they are personal in nature. I like the ups and downs idea someone had on this thread. You can not know happy withouth knowing sad... ying and yang... scenario. It works. Makes sense. However.. most people do not operate at this astute level of complexity or skill level...and what he's doing is really self-serving. I KNOW... everytime my "X" would lay it out there.. even wtih a serious face.. he would back-peddle... and tell me "he was only joking".... Now... he is involving outsiders to be participants in these JOKES. And his X-GF no less. And you know what??? thats really disrespectful to you. And making you look very stupid infront of other people. A BF... Spouse... Mate... Lover.. is supposed to talk you up and pick you up. Not shoot you down. Not like this. And it sounds like he's doing it on a consistant basis. I loved MUNECA's quote.....Dr. Phil said.. something to the effect of... Would you put up with this kind of treatment from a friend???? No. Then why would you put up with it from a mate?? What give them the right to disrespect you and hold you in ill regard. Familiarity, Shakespear said, Breeds Contempt. BUT... it is YOU who draw that line in the sand. AND you who accepts it or doesn't. My best friend and love says: IF YOU DON'T LET IT IN... IT CAN'T HURT YOU. And this is very difficult to learn and to master. It is such a simple.... basic... tenent. But if you don't give "IT" power... it can't hurt you. IF you don't give it "Permission" to enter... it can't get near you. Do you follow? Another poster said... you turn the tables. And they are right. YOU need to draw your boundaries on WHAT is acceptable and what is not. YOU ARE THE GATE-KEEPER. If you allow him to joke... then he will continue. Don't give me that "but he loves me, bru-ha-ha"... love doesn't hurt. Love doesn't sting like this. Ya'll are in the beginning stages of a relationship. And sounds like you need to build some fences... and set some boundaries up so this PUP learns where he can play and what lines he can cross. You'll cross this same line in the future. When you descide to have kids. Really... you will. You will see a cute cuddly little face.. and think.. ohhhhh how cute.. and that CUTE little kid is gonna kick you in the shin and run. And what wil you do????? set the boundary for him. Becuase you love him. So set the boundaries for your BF. And stick to it. Don't give him reactions he's looking for. Pull back. But do let hm know... that what he's doing... is OVER that line. And see what happens. You'll feel lots better if you have said your peace...and stated your needs in simple terms with him. And if he can't follow through??? There are what???? 3.3 billion people on this planet!!!

You know DARKBLUE... you do have a point there. I can see where a man would be offended...and maybe thats why we PU@@Y foot around (no pun) without being direct... so we spare the guy his ego. But its the same for women... we'd like to hear.. I like this and I like that... OK asside from the obvious..."I LIKE BLOW-JOB's"...... no brainer there...hearing that a guy likes the way you run your hand up and down his back... or what a turn on this or that is... HELPS... NONE of us are TELEPATHIC... we can agree with that much. Again.. it goes back to being comfortable with yourself...and being comfortable with the one you are with. Confident.. maybe is a better term.

Mega.... darlin... if a "boy's mama" hasn't taught him good manners and he happens to get a "SPRAINED" Ligament.... then I'm sure MY MOTHER would show her the fine points of raising children.. FIRST HAND. lol. Getting in trouble... uhhhhh "I don't know what you are talking about... I sneezed and my hand slipped.. WHACK!!!!! Had he not been that close..... Wouldn't be a problem..Now would it... lol OK... I'll end this post here... lol.. ITS Been fun. Honeslty I am not a MAN HATER... I love men... "they taste just like ..chicken... . Well.. can't state that for a fact... the ones that I've actually bitten, were not only not cooked properly... they were alive and kicking"..... lol

Well... you could say... hmmmmm.. a little moan when they kiss you..that is always a sign of approval... Or you can say it in there ear.. hmmm that feels good. or simply tell them.. "I love the way you kiss.. you have the sweetest lips and that tongue is.. ummm to die for.." Or.. sometimes you are with a partner who will touch you the way you touch them... MIRRORING.. and then you say hmmmmm.... Or.. you ask them.. out right. Or... you take their hand and..........shadow it. lol Get the picture. I think the older you get and the more comfortable you get with yourself... you will feel confident to voice your likes, dislikes etc. And... it is partner dependant.. I think if you "TRUST" the one you are with and you are comfortable with them... then you will open up more to them.. without feeling... embarrassed or wanton... etc.

Well DARK.. you maybe right there... I mean how many guys would complain about let say... A "BREAST" in thier face. hmmmmmmmm???????

Yes, VERT... and he had me convinced there was something wrong with ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!!! Many many moons!!! 3... 6... 9...

Yep... I agree DARKBLUE.. the surprise kisses are very very nice... lol Playful...

oh oh... now she's armed and dangerous... Tigris on the loose.. lol