Shadows Light

Miscom... soooo now you are going to take all the blame on YOU? You are insecure... and something is wrong with you??? OK.. there's enough blame to go around in most relationship situations. The fact that you are 33...and feeling your age not withstanding. Its normal. BUT.. at 33 you arn't competeing any more. Do you feel you need to???? You are telling him point blank. Look... I don't feel the luv.. I need more intimacy. Period. Can we do something about this? Period. And he makes excuses...he doesn't feel sexual as much anymore now that he's in his 30's. You on the other hand are saying... hmmm wait a minute.. if you arn't feeling sexual... why are you viewing all the porn. THAT is pretty darn well sexual. Ask yourself... WHAT IS THE PAY OFF for him. He's not looking at the porn as he would... ummm a football game or field and stream magazine. The PORN viewing PAY OFF is some sort of SEXUAL gratification. I mean come on... you seen one you've seen them all. Whats the difference. Whats he get out of it??? I can understand your frustration. But don't take all the blame and say.. welllllll I've turned this into a SEX thing...and we get along in all other area's... and gosh I feel like a heel because... it just might not be important. If I tell anyone about it... I don't want to sound desperate and CRASS. What would be enough for you? And if its intimacy you are looking for... cuddling.. hugging... touching... is that too much to ask for? Are you missing him looking at you ...and treating you like when it was NEW???? Thats a normal phenom that most married couples get into. The ruts. The valleys of a relationship. And my opinion for what its worth is.... you didn't get married to pay bills, clean house, or work. These things are necessary evils... have too's. You just do them. But they are ALL worth while and worthy every second of drudge... if you feel LOVED. And what you are looking for is a little bit more loving..and you arn't getting it. COMMUNICATION... is a 2 way street. "Honey, I have a problem....." and then he listens... and he responds with a way to work the problem out. You both find a solution to your problem. IE... maybe.. setting up DATES again. Maybe you go away for a weekend and spend a night at a hotel. Away from the everyday, the bills, and the phone... somewhere neutral. MAYBE... you start sending each other love letters... or make a game out of.. surprising each other with little things here and there. Those little initimacies...build for good vibes..and maybe greater intimiacies in bed. Darlin... don't sweep it under the rug. There's only sooo much room under that rug..and one of these days..there will be sooo much clutter under the rug, it will get pretty darned lumpy looking..and have no more room for STUFF to hide. You need to talk about it. And deal with it. If one person in a relationship is NOT feeling good about the relationship... Both people have a problem. And problems are best dealt with... nipped in the bud before they grow tentacles. Don't cut yourself short. OR Take full BLAME for it. There's enough blame to go around. You take full blame for this now.. and I'm telling you.. you will wind up soooo GUILT ridden later down the road.. your sense of self and self-esteem will be zip. You might as well be that chickie babe with 2 teeth in her head and dead airspace between your ears... you'll feel it. Buck up girlfriend. There is more than one way to skin a cat. Let 'er rip.

HOPE75... good write up. Best advice... relax.. start a conversation up regarding the weather or whatever. Count celing tiles. Or talk to the gyno about how the ceiling would make excellent advertising space! Anything not to think about it. You'll be fine. Its quick & Its painless. Funny Story: I once had a Gyno that looked like George Cloony... I had to really concentrate on distracting myself and thinking about BASEBALL GAMES...Football games... anything but George Cloony. And one time.. I had a gyno that was teeny tiny... about 5 foot nothing... with teeny tiny hands... OMG.. I had visions of him getting lost in the GRAND CANYON... he was such a teeny guy and his hands so little.. it freaked me out.. totally. Never went back to him. I've always stayed with female Gyno's.. who better knows our system and our horomones and empatizes better than another woman???? am I right.

No tongue piercing... uggghhh it would hurt, I'd venture to say. And I've got a tattoo accross the small of my back... hip to hip... and yepppppppppp........... it hurt like heck. (to put it mildly)... but then again.. after having natural child labor 2x... NOTHING is all that painful. lol. Cost... its size dependant. Mine would have been some $$$ but I had a friend do it. So I lucked out. Luck to you miss Sappho...

OCS|Virus"][ ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh I like this!!!!!!!!! TRUST TRUST TRUST TRUST TRUST... if you don't have it.. you don't have a marriage. Why bother. You have a fear of marriage... you should. Its hard work. As Shakespeare said: "Familiarity breeds Contempt." And as for your Trust issue... DeCarte "Dont put the cart before the horse".... Do you have anything to worry about??????????? Why would you worry???? and if you are worried... you shouldn't be thinking about marriage.... don't use marriage as a leash to keep him to you. NOR should a marriage be used to BIND someone to you. Being married is to be a witness and a testament to someone's life... Susan Serandan..(can't precisely remember which movie she said it in..but its stuck with me)... you are a testament and a witness to the persons life that they LIVED and that they existed...and that they do exist..and that they matter. And sometimes... you should listen to your little guardian angel there It just may be telling you that you are not ready yet... you haven't worked it out yet... or something is a little off. Intuition. It hasn't failed me yet.... only when I chose to ignore it has it failed... and that was my mistake.

yes.... thought..... works for me.. and no.. it doesn't mean you just want them for sex... it means you are climbing the flippin walls... and miss them like hell...and wish they were there...and if you don't do something to take the edge off.. the neighbors will think they have a PANTHER in heat in the neighborhood with the cat-erwalling... LOL

GREAT POST DRAGONGIRL... !!!!! Laughing Sam... soooo true... so very true... where u been sweets? Tigris... are u following??? ADDING another 2 cents... Expert Muff Diving Secrets: * DIVE IN... Nothing compares to wild abandon. If your not covered in it.. your not doing it right. * START SLOW: Take your time.... * TEASE: Tease with your lips and your mouth...till she's so excited she'll grab you by the ears and beg you to dive in. * Suction: Add a wee bit of suction: gently... lol. Be careful of those pearly whites.. its not just you guys that can be senstive... * Mix it up: side to side... up and down.. figure eights... Great excersise.

IN YOUR FACE??????????? ON purpose? What a jerk!!! ***** OK GUYS.. DISCLAIMER... DON"T READ THE FOLLOWING... IT might make you suck wind and wince.... ********************* Here's what you do... you take your hand.. palm out...and drive your heel into the bump... in one swift motion.... "Ohhhh I'm sorry... I thought you had a RAT crawling around in your pants" as you pat his back while he's doubled over.... Then the heel of your shoe on his foot... while you whisper in his ear... "do that again... and I'll cut it off." That should fix the problem.

Nice Commentary DAY-WALKER..... "If you keep doing what you are doing.. you will keep getting what you always got."... so yes.. if you FAKE IT... then its your own fault... how the heck is he supposed to know to change things up. FAKING IT.. just makes him continue doing what he thinks you like. Pavlov's dog. Learning by repetition. OK.... Bounder.. we are all different as you have already surmised. And I can't promise the next one you will be with will be a GODDESS... but don't worry about it to much. Communication is the key. And you teach by example. Telling her what you like... whispering sweet nothings in her ear...lol. That works. And...you never know... you might find a girl.. who "USED" to fake it and now with you.... doesn't have to because you are such a good and caring lover. Does that make sense??? feel better??? One of the keys to being a great lover and giving pleausere is ... knowledge... knowledge is power.. read read read...and learn. AND above all communicate..and share the knowledge with her.... learn to laugh... and have fun... also... very very important.

It was sarcasm... OMG... ROFLMAO... TOTALLY... DARKBLUE... OMG OMG OMG.. darlin.. I think I had an orgasm reading that play by play... it had me in stiches.... lol

Sex drive way to high??????????/ hmmmmmmmmmm... wow.. can't say I've heard that one before... there being a problem especially when GF is into it too. OK... have you tried working out.. going to the gym.. tiring yourself out. Don't know... it may help.

PM me anytime if you need to talk.....

Wow.. .some of this sounds like me. I tried it all. I mean everything... lingerie, games, fantasy, seduction, talking, being patient... Reading books like 1001 ways to drive a man wild in bed... getting step by step directions... thought maybe I had something wrong with me. YEP.. felt like crap about it. Undesirable. Unwanted. Unloved. Thought that this was it. He told me .. this was it. It was normal... all couples in their mid 30's slow down... due to stress, kids, jobs, careers... "no body has sex that often in their 30's.. its a myth..." and "anyone who tells you different is lying through their teeth"... ok.. so I"M CRAZY. And the porn... yep... lots of porn. He didn't have a problem with that. In fact.. I caught him watching porn before coming to me... and ya know... when this becomes a habit.. you do think.. you must be the ugliest.. most digusting piece of refuse that someone has to get jacked up before hitting on you. lovely. YEP.. our line was.."take a shower???" or anouncing.. "I'm going to take a shower"... and I'd think... ohhhhh Yiiippeee... and much like you.. I'd want to HOLD out then and make him SQUIRM... but.. as he pointed out.. "HEY.. it only hurts you." I felt like a slave to sex. Having a treat dangled infront of me... and rewarded for good behavior... Weight gain??? yeah...there was. But he didn't care..and wouldn't do anything about it. "For what? I'm married.. he he he..." he'd say...okkkkkkkk Whatever.. floats your boat. No.. I never made fun of him.. or said anything. The weight thing.. I said we could both go out to the gym together. The weight thing... came up when he'd gone up yet another pant size...and I had to go buy him a new wardrobe.. (yes.. I had to) my job. gotta luv it. But ya know.. the minute I'm in the gym... or I'm sprucing up...and AHA!!!! I have to be cheating. OKKKKKKKK..... I don't know what to tell you...except.. I think the porn desensitzes them. I think they become mentally desensitzed to sex and they need the porn to jack them up... You need to feel good about yourself. You need to know that its NOT YOU. And you can only do so much. Try talking to him.... and if all else fails... ask him to go to counseling... and/or... start thinking about... all the scenario's and choices you can make. IF THIS is an important aspect of a relationship for YOU. Then... why should you settle????? just because he's great in other departments. Thats something you have to decide for yourself. How important it is to YOU.. sit down..and list your options...or things you can do. And then follow through. If and when you've gone down the list..and it still doesn't work..and you still arn't happy... Then girlfriend... you need to come to terms with yourself. It is what it is.

Vert... thats not funny. Once a month from my guys was a treat... whhhooo hooo... and if there was a holiday in that month say XMAS.. yyyipppeeee.. I can throw myself a party... Sometimes.. there were lulls... of many many moons.... Thank-you all for your candor.. I'm hoping that you were honest. Now I know I'm not going NUTS..(no pun)... Excuse me... I need to go give my "X" a piece of my mind... and have a ok.. .many many I've been jipped big time... what the hay!!

I agree with DARKBLUE.... 14???? Yes.. you should be screaming STATUTORY.... something something.. because you shouldn't be having sex this young. Or are you writing a biology paper for middle school????? The direct answer to your question is. "NO" you do not "HAVE TO.." do anything during sex. Its a voluntary thing.. its not a matter of "HAVE TO's"

I don't believe all men cheat. And I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater. Sometimes its hard watching a friend walk into something you wouldn't. And all you can do is offer your opinion and advice (when asked)... and if she takes it great... if not. Great. Be a friend. And listen. Thats what we do. Everyone has to learn their own lessons... and all in their good time. Its unfortunate that sometimes we learn the hard way. But sometimes the hard way of learning things is the most meaningful and lasting. It creates charachter. lol. I agree... seeing something from the outside of a circle... and it looks like its gonna be a "TRAIN WRECK"... is difficult. But if you think of it from that point of view... can you really prevent a train wreck??? there's only so much you can do. Help shift the tracks... offer advice when asked. Watch it happen and be there for the fall out.. to help with collateral damage. OR.. turn your back and walk away ..becuase this is gonna be bad bad bad.. and you have a weak stomach..and can't fathom watching it. Your choice. You are her friend. And friends hold true. and friends listen... even when you've heard it for the ziillllionth time. You listen. Thats what being a good bud is all about. Its nice that you do care about what happens to your friend. But there is only so much you can do. AS to this guy... he he he... well.. I am of the persuasion that believes that everything comes around in its own good time... its inexcapable... what you put out.. comes back to you. Its the 7 fold rule. What you put out . comes back to you 7 fold... "and harm ye none..." He'll get his karmic justice. Don't you worry about that....

Fallen... WOW...WOW WOW WOW....!!! I'm with you there... I think that people forget that making love involves all 5 of the senses. Slow and Easy is the ticket here. Sight... looking at a lovers body in the glow of candle light... the hills, the curves, the valleys, the muscle and sinew, looking into their eyes ( the mirror of the soul)... Touch... feeling those muscles under your fingers.. using light pressure and heavy pressure to make them quiver, to see a response, to see the muscles flex... exploring those hils..curves, valleys and sinew. Running your hands... up and down their spine and feeling every vertibrate and the perfection of the spine and gods creation. Touching thier belly and the contours of ther body... feeling thier hip bones... and feeling a quiver... squeezing their muscles.. the glutus maximus and bringing it to you.. closer. Smell.... the arrousing smell of thier essense... burying your nose near their ear and breathing them in... breathing their soul into you.... Hearing... hearing their breath in your ear.. hearing a moan escape when you run a hand up their thigh... or on their chest.. hearing them gasp... as you run your tongue and nibble... on the thinnest part of the human body.. along the coradid artery along the neck. Taste... the wonderful wonderful taste. As the bodies heat up...and the phermones make thier way to the skin surface releasing their own fragrance.. the essense of thier being...and you taste them on your tongue...a slight salty sweet taste..a taste unigue only to your lover...and one that makes your senses... reel with antciapation... of want.. need... yearning.... to blend and mingle the souls.. Fusion. Making an energy called love. YEP... I'd say ... Slow and EASY is the preferred method. LOL. And the... if you add in all the other cha-ki's... light lighting in the room.. candles.. soft music... satin sheets.... incence... champaigne and strawberries... rose petals.. YES I'd say.. this RODEO was about to kick off wouldn't you... OKKKK excuse me... I've gotta go run and have a quickie.. just writing that has got me all hot and bothered!!!!! Am going to order.. PINE APPLE JUICE BY THE CASE...

I hear you RAYKAY... I felt unloved, rejected, fat, ugly, miserable.... you name it I felt it. I tried talking and talking. I tired the lingerie. I tried the games. I tried all of it. And NADA.. nothing .. NIX. And things just went... further... and further into the abyss. _Serendipity_ Here's the deal. You need to feel good about you. Another poster here said... concentrate on you. Go to the gym.. work out... and doll yourself up. This will boost your self confidence...and maybe get him to pay attention... and if not... HEY... you're good to go.. maybe someone else will pay attention. This is NOT YOUR FAULT.... You can only do some much... He's got to get over his STRESS problems.. instead of making it your problem. 8)

TIGRIS!!! 28???? 28??? was that a misprint... a typo....OMG.. she seduced a priest!!! Tigris LOL

Honey don't stress over it too much... it happens. I'm not a guy, so I can't quite know... but I do empathize with you. It happens to us girls but in a different way... the mind is willing but the body won't get .. WET. What the heck???? I'd say.. when this happens.. try some more foreplay... and arrousing her... if you can get her going.. then I'm sure you'll be up in no time... If I were her... I'd try oral... and kisses..and cuddles... and sometimes.. just touching and feeling... will perk things up. And you know... there are times.. when even after all this... it just HAPPENS... soooo you cuddle...and you call it a night... and you go to sleep holding each other. IT's ok.. Don't stress over it too much. And hey... it was your first time... of course you'll be nervous... I'd be surprised if you weren't. You know what they say.. Practice makes perfect.

A SNORKEL.... Fallen.... hey... I'll invest in that company... NOW we're talking! Need to buy Pineapple Juice by the gallon! Yiiipppeeeee OK.. I'll share the spotlight Fallen... have to 2nd that.. 69 is wayyyy to much fun when a partner is into it...and you can nock is socks off... lol

GOOD NEWS!!!!! Hey... ya know... someone should market a necklace... like a "RABIES VACINE TAG" that marks you as BEING CHECKED... have a date on there... a lience number... then you wouldn't have to present papers... yikes... what has this WORLD come to... when we have to go in for TESTING like animals...and ask our partners for thier papers.... "nope nope... no paper work.. no nookie... sorry. bye bye"

I understand she's asking for advice on HOW TO. And I don't feel comfortable giving it to a 15 year old. But I will give her advice...woman to woman.. sister to sister.. and teach. Its my responsibility as an adult. Its my responsibility as a woman. I'd much rather spare her the feelings that can come from NOT having a good experience at such a tender of an age. YES... she will do it. And yes... there is information up and down this forum that will instruct her in the Erotic Arts. However, maybe I can impart some wisdom....and tell her WHY it may not be a good idea. Ever heard the saying.. "Its all fun and games until someone's eye gets poked out..." LOL. To the poster... knowledge is power. And I applaud your tenecity and verve in getting information. Collect the data... Anaylze it...and then do what thou will. BE SMART... and BE SAFE. And above all To thy own self be true... BE PARTICULAR.

Thats what I thought ASDF.... You have no idea what you are missing...lol... a woman who is happy... gives back 100 fold friend. Healthy piece of advice for you.

YIKES... I'd like to tell you NOT to have sex yet...and WAIT.. But.... hey... you'll do what you want to anyway... AM glad you are using precaution... I'm still embarrassed to buy them..and I'm... well.. I could be your mother. ok.. going in and buying a bunch of stuff works for me. Yes... And your boyfriend really should learn to buy them on his own... tell me he's paying for them.... at least give him some responsibility. OK... and is there a PLANNED PARENTHOOD near-by... look for it. They can help you with Contraceptives... or help you with anything you need information wise...and YES... its very confidential. I walked into Planned Parenthood..and nearly died when one of my GF mothers worked there. And here.. I came in and used an ALIAS...a different name..and she knew. BUt..she called me by what I told her..and was very nice..and caring.. its her job to help provide support and help. So do not be embarrassed to protect yourself..and to look for information. And... do consider waitng.. its sooooo much nicer when you are more mature..and ready mind, body and spirit. It will mean more to you if you lose your virginity to someone who loves you and is caring...and has a little bit of finesse. The first time.. is.. somewhat scary..and uncomfortable... and really... don't lose your virginity.. in the back seat of someones car... or somewhere like that...it should be special.. you'll remember it for the rest of your life... no matter how good or how bad it turns out.

ASDF.... yeah.. the stop.. start method... lol... Works... to build up and increase the ... end result... to maximum... and yeah.. achieves a HARRY MET SALLY effect!!!