LearningProcess

I miss you like noones business but i broke it off so we could have a chance. Im so sorry that i would rather hold inside my displeasures rather than tell you whats on my mind. I was afraid of hurting your feelings. Little did i know that doing so would tear us apart. Im not meaning to keep you hanging on. Im such an * * * * * * * and im sorry

I told her i understand that she has to leave. The thing is she is miserable down here and thats not something i can fix. She wants to be with her family and friends and i completely understand that. She pointed out that i am moving up there as well, and that if things are meant to work out for us they will. We ended up kissing a few times and exchanged an "i love you" even though i really didnt want to say it. We made plans to do a bunch of stuff before she leaves She has been upset down here for awhile, and almost seems distracted by it. I think her moving back to the environment where she is happy will help her get restored to the person i met 2 years ago, instead of this miserable nutball..lol. I just have to take things one day at a time, and have faith that we may work things out one day. I dont think she will ever find someone like me again, plus it doesnt hurt that her family is obsessed with me. She told me that i had to come visit or her sister would kill her..lol. Her sister is always talking about me. Its hard to let go for now, but in the long run i really think that this is going to be best for both of us. She can establish herself up there and start enjoying life again, and i can continue to work on the things i need to. I sincerely pray that one day we will find our way back to each other. I really feel like fate is with us, we both were visiting the same town in the same weekend and we ran into each other at a club...i mean seriously, this girl lives within spitting distance from me down here and i never saw her, then i go away for a weekend and POOF shes back in my life. I think there is a reason for this. It may be blind faith or fate, im not sure. I really dont know what to believe anymore, but i hope everyone can wish me the same luck that i wish all of you guys. Its painful, but i know its for the best. I want her to be happy, and i see this being the only way for it to happen. Until then, if anyone ever has any questions about anything, please dont hesistate to message me. I am good at helping others, just not myself. I know there are times for some of you where you just wish you had someone to talk to and i want it to be known to all of you that i can be that person for you. My AIM is LearningProcess6 and my email is link removed[/i]"]LearningProcess6@link removed. Please feel free to drop a line anytime you would like. Id be more than happy to help fix up whatever i can. I'm chilling with her tomorrow. Im thinking of cooking. Gotta enjoy it while it lasts for now i guess... -Lp

Well im getting together with her tomorrow night only something very bad has happened. Basically she told me that she wanted to move back home around november, which was funny because i had been seriosuly considering moving to the same city around the same time (coincidental i swear to god). Well she has been spending a few weekends up there in the last month and tonight pretty much told me she wanted to move back as soon as she can ditch the lease on her apartment. I told her i didnt want to talk about it and that i would talk to her tomorrow. I have been very upset about this all night. It is selfish for me to want her to stay becuase i know she misses her family and is not liking it down here. I am just very dissappointed....no * * * * that...im going to be honest here for a second ...im flipping my * * * * right now. i was hoping we would have more time to continue to develop our relationship but the distance is going to be a huge strain. I really dont know what to do right now. Its 334 am and i cant sleep, just knowing that tomorrow night i stand a very good chance of just lying everything out on the table just to find out where we stand. We had an AWESOME time the last few times we hung out and it was honestly better than any time we have spent together in the 2 years we have known each other. I really dont know what to do right now. I should support her because i want her to be happy, but at the same time i dont want her to leave until i am able to. This is the girl i want to marry for christs sake. Chai knows more than anyone, he knows the specifics and what not. But its like once i clear a hurdle another one comes along that is higher. And i refuse to break or give up for some stupid * * * *ing reason. I went out tongiht. Its spring break and i went out to a place filled with girls and not one peaked my interest in the least bit. Is it because i know what i want? Is it because i have given my heart and dont want it back? This is not cool in the least... ..opinion time folks..

Update! So far so good. We went out a couple of times and i really think we are working towards something. Im still facing a couple of issues though. Im trying really hard to fight the urge to call her all the time. We started talking again and i always want to be talking to her when i can, but im trying to make sure im still occupied and going about business as usual. Its such a pain in the * * * because when we are around each other everything is great and then we rarely talk over the course of the week. Its like we are locked into some huge staring contest. Im trying not to take things too fast, and let * * * * develop healthily but it is HARD. We have really screwed up schedules and we only get to see each other once or twice a week right now. The urges to buy stuff and do sweet things like flowers and stuff are hard to fight but i think im doing good. Its just hard to figure out what to do next. Any input would be great Best of luck to all you guys (and girls) out there Lp

i feel like there is still some there. For the longest time at the end of our relationship, i just wasn't the person she fell in love with, i lost track of who i was and just wasnt the same anymore. I became boring, energyless and i never wanted to do anything. In short i was very depressed...but i have since separated myself from what it was that was causing my grief, and confronted my issues, i feel i have returned to what i used to be but even better than before. My life is back on track for the most part and im a lot stronger of a person. I kinda turned into a * * * * *. More like the woman in the relationship, and there was nothing i could do about it, especially if i stayed in touch. I was not happy with myself anymore and thereforeeee could not make her happy. We kinda drifted apart. But we even said when we broke up that we both hoped we would find our way back to each other. We met up last about 5-6 months ago. Thats when i told her that i knew i wasn't the person she fell in love with, and that i had problems i had to face on my own, and i was beginning to understand what happened to us, and more of what happened to me. When we saw each other recently, we had one of those very long and warm embraces, she even said i always gave the best hugs. I was comfortable being myself around her for the first time in a long time, and was just upset that our meeting had to be cut short because i had to leave...im very busy right now. We talked online for the next couple of days and we made plans to go work out like i said before, and i havent talked to her in a few days, because i have been busy and at the same time do not want to be the psycho-ex whos always calling just to say whats up. i guess i was going to use the workout thing as an excuse just for us to hang out and try and see what was still there, but i thought about it long and hard and just thought "this is stupid, i mean i would love to work out with her (because i work out like a madman now), but what am i accomplishing by this? Im just going to puts around and be all scared that im going to screw up something, say something wrong, or bring up something that could potentially ruin the night. Plus how much talking can be done while running and * * * *? I need to have confidence. I need to remember that at one point in time she was the one i thought i was going to be with for the rest of my life, and the same for her. We always talked about getting married and what not. Do i really want to have our first actual long interaction to be this? I want our first interaction to mean something, i want it to help me find out if there is still hope for us. I need to remember that, in short...im the * * * *. I need to just have a positive attitude about everything, like i used to. Its just dinner. I figure we will go some place nice, get a nice bottle of wine or something and just catch up, and see where it goes. Im not saying we need to get back together immediately, but i think its ignorant to let something like we had go. I made a promise a long time ago that if we pushed each other away, we would not let it go...we wouldnt let each other get away. And i guess i feel obligated to try and make good on it. We have been through rough rough times, but can't we learn? Can't it make us stronger than before? I know deep in my heart that noone will make her feel like i did. But its all about her remembering. I'm pretty sure she knows what my intentions are, women are usually pretty good at picking up on this stuff, and i don't think she would be seeing me at all unless part of her was curious too. Hope for the best, expect the worst. "if i fight, i win" -Sun Tzu

Ok so towards the end of my relationship i lost a lot of my confidence...i just wasn't myself. After we broke up i made it my mission to get my head back on straight and i think i did a pretty good job at it. Now my ex and i have resumed communications. We made plans to work out and i got to thinking about it Im not going to be submissive, shy, or unconfident anymore. Im going to call her tomorrow and tell her i have had second thoughts about us going to the gym and that we should go out instead. I figure its the best way. Input?

Um, well my ex and her bf broke up. I havent talked to her in months. We met up briefly the night it happened, the first time we have seen each other in a long time. I really feel like something is still there between the two of us. We talked briefly for the two days after that, and i decided not to be accessable or anything today and tomorrow, just so i can maintain the fact that i have a life now, truth be told i am very busy. We were together for about 2 years on and off, and when we broke up we said that hopefully we would find our way back to each other. Im trying not to be too pushy, be to available or anything, but i am really wanting to spend time with her. I guess what im asking is if anyone has any ideas of how i can try to nurse the spark that i feel is there. We broke up because i had issues i did not want to deal with at the time. Since then i have confronted them, excelled, and grown a great deal. Im hoping that this may be an opprotunity for me to show it. Glad to be back on the forum, kinda...i guess. haha. Thanks for any input and best wishes to all. -Lp

This sucks. its 236 and i cant friggin sleep. Heres why Well you may or may not have seen my post about me starting NC with my ex. This is what was going on the last couple of weeks. We would hang out like 2 nights in a row and have a ton of fun, and i could still see the spark there. Well, after the 2 times we hung out we didnt talk again until the next monday. Monday we hung out and the next day we went to dinner and had fun. Now all of the sudden she started acting really distant, and pushing me until i finally told her she offended me, and we havent talked since then. Its getting to be day 4 and im slowly losing my mind. i cant sleep because all i want to do is get back to working on things between the two of us. We used to have arguments about who loved who more...im just really hoping she was right, and after we get our stuff in order, we can get it right. I dont know if i am asking anything out of anyone, but i really just needed to vent. My hypothesis is this: Everytime we hang out she starts getting closer than getting afraid that i am putting up a front, and she is having trouble accepting the fact that she really misses me. So i guess i did the only thing i could do, cut it for the time being. I guess i'll just wait for her to call. I have a theory that once love starts its like a fire that never goes out...it can get very dim at times, but it never goes out. Anyone got some gas? ;[

i didn't tell her i was going into nc. i just did

I want to get back with my ex more than anything but i know we have stuff we each have to deal with first. We got into a little skirmish online where i told her she very much offended me. I know she still cares and still loves me but is afraid of me screwing up again. So now, i decided after the fight to go into NC for a bit. I figure, she knows she really offended me, she'll be thinking about it and finally talk to me when she calms down, until then im doing the hardest thing i can think of...No Contact for a bit. I need to concentrate on making myself better, so if i get another chance, i can make it right. Wish me luck guys, i need it -lp

In response to the whole needing some space thing: Some/Most of the time it is a cop out. But there are times when the space is for you guys to grow a little bit before giving it another shot. Good luck. Nothing is really over...if you want it back bad enough you need to work your *CENSORED**CENSORED**CENSORED* off.

Im not saying act uninterested, but poke fun at it if you let a cry slip out. Say something sarchastic like "im only crying because i watched the basketball game last night and the lakers are devistating me". Or something to that effect. Be confident! Hold your head up high. Be proud of the hot self im sure you are. Remember that you are a catch! Let me know what happens. -lp P.S. Please check this out for me real quick and give me your opinion

I have a little growing up to do, but unfortunately through the end of our relationship i had become a little submissive and kind let go of who i normally was. I've been going through a lot lately and i recently started seeing a therapist to help me be better with myself. Neither one of us wanted to break up and shes really sacared of getting hurt again. I know she still loves me, but i do need to grow up a bit. So after the breakup i decided to finish things that i started like school, and reimmerse myself in my passions. I got kinda boring, and i realize that now. I'm taking care of myself now. I just want to start to get to a point where i can show her that

its going to depend on how long she has been taking them. from what i understand they take about a good 3 months to start working. Condoms are always a good thing, especially if you dont know her past and what not. But better safe than sorry. I'm all for unprotected sex, when A) Shes on the pill and you KNOW shes current B) You have been in a relationship for a long time and yo uknow each others past C) you both are prepared for what may happen. Birth Control is 99.9%. There is still that .1% chance. If anything happens, make sure there is a game plan. I dont know many peoples views on abortion. Good luck, be safe -lp

First off i am really sorry to hear that you guys split. I know how hard it is, im going through the same thing right now. Wanna screw with him in a good way? Heres how Go over there and have a great time. I dont know how long you are going to go, but you have to hear me loud and clear on this. Have a good time. Make the best out of the moments that you can, don't bring up the relationship, but concentrate on having good warm moments. Its going to be a mind trip for him, you coming out there, so if you want to make it work, try to capitalize on it. Rebuilding relationships is all about cashing in on good/fun/loving moments. It doesn't have to be this way. Why do you guys live so far apart anyway?

Listen i really want to get back together with my ex. I know that there are feelings still there, i know it, trust me. im trying to do something subtle...soo....She has been looking for chocolate covered pretzels for god knows how long and she is a strawberry nut. Well i found some of those strowberry yogurt covered pretzels the other day when i was at walmart. She knows i can make flowers out of paper (oragami). So, heres the idea She lives with a couple of my friends. While she is at work i am going to stop by her house and leave the pretzels on her bed with one of my oragami flowers and inside the flower its going to say "look what i found!" Nothing more. No name no nothing, she already is going to know what it means. I haven't talked to her in a couple days, she took me out for dinner for my birthday, and we had a really great time. Im still trying to give her space, but i thought this would be a really cool thing. So Lets go! What do you think?

I mean you really need to think about this as a good thing. Roomates suck...and it does not make for the greatest living situations..trust me. The cool thing about you guys living apart is the fact that you have your own space and your own thing. The moving in thing will develop over time, but not in three weeks. Use this as a time to grow together. It will make things better in the end!

Bro, it sounds kinda sketchy. If she really wants you back she needs to earn you back, and slowly. First off, this guy needs to go (and he needs to get his *CENSORED**CENSORED**CENSORED* beaten severely for throwing her). Shes confused and you being the first person to turn to could be a good thing, or a bad thing. Good thing meaning, you are the one she can trust Bad thing meaning, you are the one she can depend on. She cant become over depenent on you just because she knows you are there. if you want to give it another chance, don't listen to anyone but yourself. Stop and take a look at the big picture, and the grand scheme of things. If you can rationally think it can work out, at least give a date or 2 a shot. But play hard to get man, im not saying play games, but dont always be there when you are needed. Get off the phone quick, make the conversations quick and condensed and you be the one to get off the phone. be careful man, but above all...Make her prove it. Don't tell her to though, see if she does it on her own. Best wishes

this is going to suck to hear, and i really hate posting negative things, but calling him crying from another guys house to tell him how much you missed him is just absolutely horrible. i know you women dont mean to play head games like that, and i doubt that was your intention, i sincerely do, but that is just hell in a handbasket right there. It is going to be very hard for him to open back up to you. Its going to take time, patience, and self control, but i am a firm believer in the whole "nothing is ever over" thing. Id read some books. Try "Id thought we'd never speak again" by laura davis. It seems to be a very good book. You sound very confused, but if i were you and your husband did take you back, you need to learn how to not run from something great, when something doesnt go right. Constant fighting usually is from a lack of communication. Also, i highly recommend reading Men are from Mars, Women are from venus to get a better understanding of how to deal with your relationship problems. Don't say you care and you have changed. Show him. Best wishes

i think the shirt is too strong of a sedimental attachment. i would send a card and some flowers. maybe an inexpensive gift

write down your thoughts as a way to vent your feelings, like a journal or somehting. What i do is i act as if its a letter to her, and i say everything that is on my mind, but i never give it to her. it will help you cope i promise. Why did you guys split? good luck

In order for us to help we need a bit of history. Who split with who and why. If you were in the wrong tellus what you feel you did wrong. If you feel he was also wrong, let us know what he was doing wrong. It is my experience that most marrages breakdown because of a lack of communication, for example my parents. Nothing is ever over, you just need to make sure you know what you are doing when you go back into it and know its right. Nothing is EVER over. As long as you two are still alive there is a chance. Have faith in that. Give us details and we can help I wish the best

She said before we can get back together we need to be friends first. And i agree on not changing who you are as a person just to satisfy someone, but i think if you actual realized you were doing something that was wrong, and you feel that it was actually an incorrect way of acting, then i think if you change who you are to be a better person, then go for it. Im not changing for her, im changing for me, but at the same time i hope she sees that and realizes it will be better

anyone else got any advice on how to make this work?

You are still being pushy even post breakup. You realize what you did wrong, but you need to take active steps to correct what you did wrong. Back off for a couple of days. 3 days later go back to her and see how she is. Dont be too pushy. Have nice convo and try to create pleasant moments. Dont argue, but dont let yourself be a doormat at the same time. good luck