LearningProcess

i hope to be able to figure out the right way. I screwed up, i know i was wrong and im sorries, and apologies will never be enough in my mind.

She went on a date, yeah. I went through a phase where i was feeling really insecure. I had nothing to find, but i looked anyway, i was just so scared of losing her. I didnt tell her what was bothering me, when i should have. That and the snooping is something i regret the most. I learned a whole new appreciation of trust, and i would never do soemthing like that again

Im just really afraid that if i give her too much distance ill lose her. But i guess i gotta have faith in our foundation

Oh i will. Last time we split i came back thinking i was doing the right thing. I have since matured and i want to do the right thing because i know i was right. I have changed so much and i want to show her that. I was starting to make progress, she just seems really afraid right now. I cant even begin to think what i could do to snap her out of her defense. I get close then she pushes me away. I know shes afraid, but i dont want her to be. If it takes time then i dont care, i want things to be better and stronger than before. It just hurts not to talk to her right now because she was my closest. I agree with the kid in the corner analogy, because that is how i acted at first, apologising without acknowledging what i did wrong, now that i have taken time to discover why, i can only hope another opprotunity will arise

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Whatever you do man, make sure to take it slow and build a foundation before jumping back into things, or else, soon down the road you will find her being your ex again Good Luck

Dude im 22 and i still dont grow facial hair. Any hair besides the stuff on my head and under my arms is gone. Most women i have met like that stuff, so dont view it as such a bad thing. Besides size is only important to women not worth your time. Be secure in yourself, not your size. If you are confident enough and proud enough of yourself, you will find someone who loves you for what is upstairs, not downstairs

if you are in love with each other, i think the whole "being friends" thing can be helpful in the way that you can be friends but drop subtlties about how you still care to weasel your way back into her heart. Sounds messed up but its the truth Nothing is ever for certain just like ray said. But that can be a positive thing too. Its not a certainty you will get back together, but its not a certainty that you wont. Lean on that man. Make your own future, nothing is set in stone, you do things right you can get her back. Visualize and win bro. You can do it Best of luck

No problem man, best of luck By the way, when my ex and i broke up the first time she told all of her friends that too. my best guess is that its a front to try and be strong, but inside she knows the truth. Actions will speak louder than words Best of luck

Alright the doctor is in... I know what you mean about the whole never stop loving me promise. The promise i got was "one day im going to try to push you away, promise me you wont let that happen". Im just trying to figure out what i should do, so i understand your confusion Yes, do a better job controlling your emotions. This sounds really stupid, but here is what i do when i feel the innner-emotional-nutball taking over. I pull out a pen and paper. I write out a "letter" to the person. What i mean is address the piece of paper liek you were actually talking to him. Say everything in that letter that you want, and sign it. Then hide it somewhere private where you know NOONE will ever find it. Lock it in a safe or something but NEVER LEAVE THEM LYING AROUND. Do a better job at controlling yourself. Show you are a strong person, and that your not going to let this bring you down. It will drive him nuts, it worked on me (still is!). Even when she tells me every now and then how much she misses me, when she acts like it doesnt bother her it drives me up a wall. Great, now im angry J/K. Anyway his curiosity will spark, but make sure to keep cool and not let your emotions take over you. If he has a problem, because you said he is going through a lot, be there to talk for him and be supportive, guys like that stuff (i think i would know). He sounds really confused, and you pushing yourself on him, though you may not meen to isnt really helping. Give him space but not too much space. Dont talk to him for like 3 days or something, hang out with some different people. Let him realize how stupid he was for losing you and he will probably come around and try to work on it. Best of luck

Ok bro heres my background: I just got out of a relationship where she also said she wanted to marry me and im vigorously working on mine, while i give good advice, i seldom take my own. I can relate bro, and i want to help Do not talk to her until thanksgiving. If you are one of those people who leaves AIM on all the time, with stupid away messages saying how hurt you are, knock it off immediately. If you are always online, sign off when your not, if she sees that she'll be like "i wonder what hes doing" .Use the next 10 days to spend as much time with your friends as you can, and have fun (even if its against you own will). Dont make yourself available because like phoenix said, no one wants someone who is weak. Be strong man. Take a deep breath for a second and close your eyes and see if you can realistically see yourself getting back together with her. I think it can happen, but expect the worst and hope for the best. You sound like me. You get together and your all confident at first, but as things progress you start to get a bit mentally weaker. Showing that you are strong enough to continue on without her will make her think...i swear this to you. The way you were before you got together was who she was attracted to at first, so remember who that guy was! Thats what im trying to do right now. As far as the kissing goes, dont let yourself get down about that man. You need to concentrate on you and her, not her and everyone else. You need to worry about yourself most of all though. Use this 10 days to reflect on what happened and where the relationship went wrong on your side and her side. Set aside maybe 10 minutes at the beginning of the day and 10 at the end to remember the good times. Your not going to win anything if you go in with an attitude that you are going to lose. I know how it feels right now man, you have to believe me, i feel the same way, i wish i could turn off how i feel and act like nothing ever happened, but i know what i did wrong, i know what she did wrong, and im making an effort to better myself because of it. Grow, dude. As for thanksgiving. I would call at about 6 or 7. I would make it extremely brief. Sound confident on the phone, and whatever you do, do not say anything about how you miss her. Say something like "hey whats up, i just wanted to call and wish you a happy thanksgiving". If she starts a convo, just bullsh-- for a bit, but do not bring up her or the past. The past is done my friend, there is nothing you can do about it, but learn from it. After that maybe every 4 days or so, drop her an email to catch up, but do not bring up your relationship unless she does it. If she brings it up, talk to her about it but dont drag it out. Women most of the time are just looking for someone to talk to, rather than have a conversation with. Ask questions that you know she will want to talk to you about and just listen to her. If i can say one thing i have learned out of this is that confidence will be your best weapon for this. It cuts them man, i know. Do it because you are confident though, not just because you think that is how you should act. Right before you call her hype yourself up. Take a second and just be like "im great at doing this this and that. Ive been with so many good looking chicks and i can get more". Just something to hype you up a bit and make you feel like your the man....thats what you are. You da man. Let me know how it works out, best of luck

NC is good, but not for so long in my opinion. There is always a cool down time involved. My advice would be to go hang out with her and some friends sometime and just enjoy yourself, try not to start talking about you guys or anything. If it comes up later on, dont put too much into it, and dont give away the fact that your thinking about seeing her again. See if she really wants it. As much as this sounds screwed up, make her work for it, make her show you that she is really trying to get with you because she cares about you, not just because she misses not having anyone. Best of luck

Dont say you dont deserve to be happy. Thats just stupid. You need to use this time to learn from your mistakes and grow as a person. Learn. Realize what you did wrong and try to completely understand it from his standpoint, only then will you be able to know what was wrong and why. I mean it when i say i wish you the best. I hope my situation works out, but in the meantime i'm really excited to do what i can to help out everyone else. I give really good advice, i just suck at following my own. Best of luck, i mean it

I really dont know if sending him a copy was the best idea though. But give it time. Best of luck

Time time time. You need to build up trust again, and that will take a long time. Nothing is ever over, if both people are willing to grow. Dont tell him you have changed, dont say any dramatic crap like that. Apologize once, and let your actions speak louder than words. If you get back with your botfriend you should never talk to this other guy again. It will make him uncomfortable for you to even mention his name, and that could be the end of everything. Actions have to be louder than words. Before you try to show him you have changed, make sure that you know that you have changed. Do what you know is right, not what you think is wright

By the way, when i said she was lying earlier, i meant that, she doesnt want you thinking shes upset, but its obvious she is telling people she is. Weather or not it has intention of getting back to you, i really dont know. Depends on her

Shes lying. She is covering up the fact that she is really still upset. My best advice would probably be the following Dont say too much too soon. Get together for lunch, i find that to be relaxing (ok..not relaxing, but the least stressful). It creates a comfortable environment where you two can talk without it being weird. Take time man, when you broke up with her she had to be crushed, and she will be petrified of opening up and trusting you again. Work on it like it was a model airplane or something, patience. If you say too much, like "i love you" or "i want to marry you" or "i miss you more than anything", its probably going to make her less accepting to you so hold that stuff back for an intimate moment. I wish you the best of luck, and ill be checking back frequently to see how your doin Rock on

Sweetie, I was freaked out for the first little bit when i was reading this because i thought i had stumbled upon a post of my ex's with some of the stuff you said. I just read this really great book called "how to get your lover back" by blaise harris. It is a really great read, and also i read that book, men are from mars, women are from venus. Reading has really hleped me calm down a lot. Reguardless of what he tells you, you have to know this, There will never be someone that can take your place. What you had with him can never compare to what he had with someone else. Right now is a trying time. I did a lot that you guys did. We got into conversations about who loved who more, and reguardless of the ups and downs i was always there. But i screwed up in a more serious way. Showing someone that you cant live without them, although it may work in the movies (and rarely in real life), is not the best answer right now. You have to make a conscious effort right now to make sure that you can gain back your individuality before you go and give yourself away again. You were in a relationship where you felt like one with the person, but now you have to concentrate on going back to the individual you were before. After that happens, you can gradually go back and work on your relationship as people. Whatever he said about his spanish fantasy or what not, is not something i buy, it seems like more of a front. As far as it being over i wouldnt quite say that much if you feel that you we're truly in love. Nothing is ever over, ever. You are never going to know what will happen tomorrow. Play it cool. Read some stuff. Be careful. Let him know you are there and that you care, but that you will still be conducting yourself normally. My ex doesnt really talk to me that much right now and its killing me. If its for you, its for you, and noone else. Good luck