glat78
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Posts
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thanks...my therapist established a direct correlation between myself and the little 8 yr old girl i care for (asst/nanny stuff) and said "giving her what you were lacking in your childhood is the first step in healing and proving to your BF you're serious about this, etc..." it was great advice, and it made me much more relaxed. i have had big issues as a child, and my BF knows that. neither of us knew how they have affected me in so many ways, but now i see that. i'm giving him space for a while, just as he reuqested. i need time to figure myself out, and when we meet again, i just know there will be a connection...what we had doesn't fade.
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thanks, your words give me hope. i'm completely distraught and don't feel i deserve to be happy. i know he is in pain, and i'm doing all i can in giving him space.
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i am sorry you have gone through so much in a relationship. have either of you tried therapy? i knew the issues were too big for me to handle on my own, and as i've said before, i had a rough childhood which has caused problematic patterns in my life, which i am now seeing. i had asked my bf if he would consider therapy and he reluctantly said "when is it?" i am grateful that there was some communication on his part, even when he said he could not see or speak with me again, and i received an email several days ago from him. he was my family, and i disrespected him. he needs time to heal and to care for himself, and i need to know that i am capable of giving so much more.
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i thought giving a copy of the letter to the bf would add credibilty, letting him know it's truly over. i kept it simple, to the point, and had one of my therapists review it to be sure it was strong enough verbally.
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thanks, i needed to hear that. i have emailed the other guy and officially ended our thing, asking him never to contact me again. he said he understands. i also left a copy of the letter with my bf, hoping that it would give him peace of mind, regardless of the situation. he wouldn't want to know i was with the other guy even if he didn't want to ever be with me again. i'm taking this time to find the answers behind my behavior and to better myself. it's not easy, since i always put my bf ahead of my needs. i love to help people and be there for them, but staying away and giving him space is the only way to help right now.
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i agree that it won' tever be the same, but it's possible that it could be stronger, given time. it's happened to other people, where they come out of this as a stronger unit. i am taken this very seriously, and i have made lists of my faults, signs of my "bad spirit", etc etc. -- if i am a complete person, i will become more attractive in every way. i'm not asking him to return to what we had. i'm hoping that one day, we can start something new, something built on honesty, trust, and love.
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i know i made a huge mistake, and my therapist is helping me out on this one. i had no intention of seeing the other guy, but i felt needed when he called saying he missed me and was going crazy, etc. - i was weak and i put everyone else's needs before my own, so i am in therapy working on every little fault. my bf of 5 years means the world to me, and i know i didn't show respect that he is so deserving of. back in aug, he found out about the other guy and said he was scared to let go and was very attached to me. when he found out what happened the 2nd time, he said "i cannot speak to you or see you again." i showed up at his place the following week with flowers and he didn't turn me away, so it's clear he still really cares. it's hard to put in words what type of relationship we had, honestly. we have a deep understanding of each other...we were trying to reconnect in aug to see if we still had something and we simply interlocked fingers and felt this amazing connection. that isn't something that can fade easily. i have hurt him, yes. i am giving everything i can to prove i will never do it again and i am leaving the deceitful, lying girl behind for someone who is sincere, trustworthy, and loving. i have all the tools to do it and all the commitment in the world. it will take some time, but if i have a 1% chance of working through this with him, i will turn that 1% into 1000%. i have sent a letter to the other guy asking that he refrain from any contact with me and i am ready to change for the better.
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hi everyone, i'm in need of some advice or opinions. i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years - we've lived together for 4 out of 5 years and had a truly amazing relationship. we moved out to the west coast together, hated it and had a tough time with everything, including each other. i ended up seeing a guy on the side and cheating on my boyfriend. he found out and said it was over, but then decided he was willing to give me a second chance. we got separate apartments for more space, and we saw each other twice a week. we were making progress, and i had no intention of seeing the guy on the side anymore...until he called me saying "i really miss you and it's driving me crazy. i have to see you." i fell for it, ended up seeing him one more time, and again my boyfriend found out. this time, he's terribly hurt and feels like a jerk for trying to trust me again. i told him that the issues were just too big for me to deal with on my own, and i am now in therapy and making positive changes. it's only been 2 weeks since the breakup, but my boyfriend says he needs time away from me to heal and that he isn't looking for a relationship with me. we truly had a great thing together, and i refuse to give less than 1000% in trying to make this work again. am i living in a fantasy world or does he need time to miss me and realize the good aspects of what we had?