justme123

DiggityDogg - Yeah, that's pretty much what I'm doing now. At this point, I just want to figure out why this always happens to me and how I can do things differently in the future.

teacup - I just don't understand the concept of feeling something for someone but suppressing it. With me, and I think this goes for everything in my life, it's either all the way or nothing at all. stratguy - I think you're right. I've just felt like girls don't give me a chance when I do things like this and screw up, even though I'm genuine and my intentions were right. I always feel like if I care about someone and want to show them that that it will show through in what I do somehow. But I think I need to be more tactful. Because of how I am and the fact that I don't become interested in many girls (it was about 11 months between this girl and the last one) I always make relationships the most important thing in my life and they feel like life or death situations for me. I push girls away and then they reject me, and so I assume every girl will reject me and it makes me seek some sort of confirmation from them that they aren't going to break my heart. When I do find a girl I am attracted to I am extremely stubborn. When I decide how I feel about them I refuse to ever doubt it. The problem is I would pretty much do anything for them and I am afraid of being taken advantage of, so I try to put on this fake personae and be a little bit of a jerk so that they won't know how easily they could control me. I've never dumped a girl, I am always the dumpee. I become attached easily. I don't do casual sex or random sex because for me it means a whole lot more than just sex. I need some sort of commitment because I know that I WILL fall in love because relationships mean so much to me. I've only been in love one time and she broke my heart and basically destroyed me. I think being crushed and lied to by the person I trusted most screwed me up and might be why I always assume girls will reject me. I know I must push girls away because when I become involved with them I probably come off as somewhat clingy, but I don't know how to not be like that and still be me.

Thanks for all the advice, it's very helpful to me. Poco - I'd just like to be clear about one thing. I definetely was pushing her too hard, but I was not pushing her to have sex. I was pushing her to be in a relationship with me. Yes I wanted to have sex with her of course and she knew that because I am upfront and straightforward, but what I was pushing for was some sort of commitment. It didn't even have to have a title "girlfriend". She wanted me to be around to tell her things were gonna be ok and hold her hand and kiss her on the forehead. She said she liked me more than a friend but didn't want a boyfriend. I needed something from her to tell me that if I stuck around and was that person for her that later on down the line when she is does become ready for a boyfriend she's not gonna get with someone else because I'm just her friend. I didn't want to fall into the "just friends" situation. It would hurt me to see her with some other boy. I felt like I had to be persistent in my pursuit of her. My problem, and I don't think this is an isolated incident, is that I very rarely find someone that I decide is worth pursuing, but when I do I try my best to get them to trust me and like me. The problem is that makes me push for what I want and I push too hard, I don't realize I've pushed too hard until I've pushed too hard that it's too late. I know I screwed up and if I had another chance maybe I'd be able to see the situation more clearly but I don't know how to see it before that and my experience with relationships is that you don't get a second chance to do it right, you gotta do it right the first time.

Hey, thanks for the response. I guess there's nothing I can do. I never understand how girls can control their feelings so well, I wish I could turn off the way I feel about this girl but I don't know how to do that or if I'm even capable of it. I have a hard time finding girls that I am attracted to. I've never had strong feelings for more than one girl at once, and I still have feelings for this girl, so it makes it hard to go out and meet new ones.

I was spending time with this girl I met for a few weeks. She said she liked me as more than a friend but didn't want a relationship that was more than friendship. We kissed, but nothing further than that, I had told her I wouldn't push her to have sex or anything. I kept thinking if I was persistent that she would get over whatever was stopping her from wanting to be my girlfriend and be that. It didn't exactly work out as I planned. She said I pushed her too hard and that I gave her too much sh!t so she doesnt care anymore. I know I pushed her too hard but I thought that I had to push for what I wanted or I wouldn't get it. I can see it better now but its too late. All I want is to get back to where we were when she still liked me and just wanted to hold my hand. I talk to her online almost everyday but I havent seen her in person in more than a week. She said it will never be like it was. Is this a hopeless situation for me? What can I do? I have strong feelings for her and it hurts.

Thanks so much for the responses! PavPPZ1 - I have been spending time with her and I do treat her with love and respect. It has naturally gone in that direction, but she is stopping herself from letting things happen naturally. heloladies21 - I will not settle for a friendship when I want a relationship. She is afraid of a relationship though because of what her ex-boyfriend(s) did to her. She seems to go back and forth between being afraid of a relationship and simply not wanting a relationship. She has been in many more relationships than me. Probably up in the double digits, whereas I have had only one previous relationship. I was in love with my ex-girlfriend and she broke my heart. It causes me to assume rejection and perhaps that has caused me to push a relationship with this new girl. I wish I could convince her that it would be safe to take a risk with me, because I would not be reckless with her feelings, and I have told her as much.

I met this girl and I've been hanging out with her for about two weeks. I like her a lot and would like to be her boyfriend very much. I know she likes me but she won't let herself like me as more than a friend. Her boyfriends in the past have cheated on her and hurt her badly. Her last boyfriend she trusted the most and so he hurt her the most in the end. She won't let herself like me as more than a friend, even though I would never hurt her. She doesn't love herself. She wants me to just be there for her and hug her and kiss her on the forehead and hold her hand, etc. but not be her boyfriend and not expect anymore than to just be the one who is there to let her know that everything is ok. The problem is that I like her as more than a friend and I want more than anything to be in a relationship with her as her boyfriend and get her to trust me and let down her walls and feel safe that I'm not going to hurt her like every other boy has. I don't know what to do. I can't be just her friend and do just those things that she needs from me. I want to be in a relationship and I want her to reciprocate my feelings. I think she potentially would like me that way but because of how she was hurt in the past she is afraid of getting hurt again. I don't know what I should do. I like her very much and don't want to let her go, but at the same time I can't be just a friend to her when I want more than that because I'm just going to end up liking her even more and if things aren't going further it will cause me extreme frustration at the hopelessness of the situation. I don't want to get hurt either. Any advice?

I've been talking to her on the phone a lot recently. She's been really sick so I haven't seen her in person much. I talked to her the other day for like 5 hours. It turns out she knows a lot of the same people that I do. We don't work together anymore, so that kind of sucks since I don't see her as much. Anyways, about her boyfriend. She does in fact have a boyfriend, but they have been separated for a while. They used to live together but recently he has moved away and they hardly see each other. I guess he's been dealing drugs and having problems with the police. She said that he had been lying about it and that's why they aren't seeing each other right now. Her boyfriend is a guy that she has known for like 7 years, I'm not really sure how long they have been together though. I like her a lot and it really seems like she likes me too, but the boyfriend makes it pretty complicated. I'm not too sure how I can pursue her without disrespecting her relationship.

Is it bad that I'm up at 4 am thinking about this? lol

Gilgamesh, I didn't "check" her answering machine. I called her phone number, which she gave me. What I mean by his name being on her answering machine, is that his name, along with her and her roommate, is in the recorded message that you hear when you call her and you get the machine. I've only known her since I started working with her. Around like two months. Also, I didn't start getting to know her right away. I just started talking to her on breaks for the past three weeks or so, and gotten to know her better and became interested in her. If it wasn't for the boyfriend thing, I would have made bigger moves weeks ago.

Tigris, saint_paul, Thanks for the advice! I agree with you guys about the direct approach. I'm just a little nervous about it. MetallicAguy, Her and I work together during the week. I haven't exactly hit on her, but we flirt a lot and always hang out and talk on breaks. She gave me her number a couple weeks ago and said we should hang out on the weekend. I never call her till Sunday though and we haven't had a chance to hook up outside of work yet. I didn't work last Friday because I went to a show outside of town with some of my friends and she called me on Thursday night and left a message saying to have fun and be safe, etc. What I'm thinking is that if we do get a chance to go out on together on the weekend I'll ask her if she has a boyfriend. If she says shedoes, would it be a bad idea to ask her why she's with me instead of him?

I've been hanging out with this girl a lot that I really like but, I think that she has a boyfriend. His name is on her answering machine, etc. What's the best way I can ask her if she does have a boyfriend, and if she does, how do I find out if her and I just friends or if there is something more between us. Other than her boyfriend, I would think she is very interested in me too but, I'm afraid to go any further because of the boyfriend thing.

We don't have desks or anything like that where we work, so she doesn't have any pictures in the area she works in, and she's never showed me any pictures. She mentioned something her "man" does one time and I think told me his name, other than that it's just other people at work have told me. One person at works said he has been in a relationship with her at one point and that it's not unusual for her to be in more than one relationship at a time. I definetely think she is interested because she has said she isn't the type to go out of her way to make friends.

There's a girl at my work who I have been spending a lot of time with during breaks, etc. and have been just getting to know her better. I gave her a ride home today because we got off early and her friend wasn't coming to pick her up till later. She said she wasn't doing anything this weekend and when I dropped her off she gave me her phone number and said to call her if I wanted to do anything this weekend. I want to do soemthing with her but I'm not sure when/how soon I should call her or what to do even. There's one catch though, she might have a boyfriend. I'm not really sure, but she did have one a few weeks ago. So that's really why I'm not sure what to do with her, because I'm not sure whether she just wants to be friends with me, or if it's more than that. Any advice is appreciated! Thanks. -justme

Thanks for all the advice. I think it would definetely be a bad idea to call her today based on what everyone has said. I'm not sure if I'll call her in a couple days or how long I'll wait before calling her. rainy soul, I am trying to get back together with her, but what I meant was that this phone call is not intended to try to get her back. What I want is to re-establish contact and give her a way to get in touch with me if she wants to because she doesn't have my phone number anymore. Plus it will be nice to just hear her voice and how she is doing. Marko, what fact are you saying I need to accept is not going to happen? I'm not really sure what you meant. The thing with letting her call me first is that she no longer has my current phone number and if she has tried to call me she would of gotten a "phone service disconnected" type message. If I call her I get to give her my new number and that way I'll know that if she did want to call me she would be able to. Also I'd like to know how she's doing, etc. Thanks for the great advice, it's been very helpful to me! -justme