the_tiger_striped_cat

Sorry I didn't read you're whole post because I'm pissed. did i just read that right? She says, "I'm having sex" What #$@#$@ BS! It's clear--from what I read-- that this girl has an immature, insecure little-girl complex. My ex is sorta the same way. But she would never say something like that to me. But unfortunately this immaturity is hard to deal with. You have to play games sometimes. BTW I think you're in denial like many on here. A title that starts "I feel unlucky," talks 2/3s about an ex and ends "I have never felt better." Hey I maybe wrong, but you need to grieve a little more. But don't call her. How old are you? There's much much better girls out there. I hope I'm not the only one that sees this, and I hope you see this too.

I have a similar problem but I wasn't losing erection. It is harder to feel. I usually use a thicker condom. Maybe you should try a thinner condom. Some of the reasons I can think of are: -his health: diet and excersise, the better the blood flow the stronger the erection -the condom: does this hapen when you give him oral? or other times? -isn't aroused: does he want to have sex? How often does it happen. It's true what they say, it happens to every guy. At least I hope it does becasue it happened to me once. Do more research and try and find the root of the problem. If it happens only with condoms then the condom maybe PART of the problem. good luck

I don't know that much about body chemistry. But I think I'm safe in saying that jumping rope will do NOTHING to build your upper body. Even the few upper body muscles you're using when you jump rope won't get bigger at all due to jumping rope. I mean how do your friends think jumping rope will help your upper body. But the way it will work is you're going to try and make improvements to you're exercise and diet and you'll do things flat out wrong or just won't make the best changes. For example, your attitude towards cardio doesn't look good--especially if you have a 36in waist. Believe me, I was in the same situation as you. But one day I just got on the treadmill and ran slow but long. I hit 4 miles. There are lots of types of cardio you can do. I do recommend doing it. You do sound like a newbie. And trust me, I'd imagine 80% of the population (this board included) have the wrong idea about 70% of diet and exercise. Check out some books, go to the bookstore, go to the alt.fitness.weights newsgroup and check out the FAQ. Once you understand terms like: -Ketogenic diet -ECA Stack -BF% and lean body mass -BMR -Glycogen loads (high GI foods) -Power lifts/isolation -hypertrophy you'll make more progress than 90% of the people who undertake diet or exercise. Most of the population is stupid when it comes to nutrition and diet and don't even know it. Do research. Learn what works FOR YOU. If it doesn't work, change what you're doing. It took me probably 3 years to find out how my body responds to various workouts and diets. But it's payed of, I have 10lbs of muscle more than last year and 3% less body fat, and I workout far less than the gurus on alt.fitness.weights. Good luck.

First of all her ex is in the picture so our situations are different but... I'm sorry you're wrong. You have a deluded sense of the word friendship. Call it a friend if you want, but it certainly isn't the proper sense of the word "friend". Friends don't hope for romantic relationships. Either you're her friend or your a guy who wants to get back with her someday. But these are mutually exclusive--you can't be both. A part of you will always be by her side for a reason other than friendship. And that's definitly not a friend in the truest sense of the word. I know what you're saying though, "I love her so much that I want to keep her in my life, and if that's as a friend then so be it." I thought that once too. But you're in the early stage of the breakup. When you've been apart as long as I have you'll begin to think like I do. I think you're confusing your desire with love. Maybe, maybe not. But I know one thing: I love my ex so much that her happiness is all that matters. If she want's me to be her friend in spite of my pain then so be it, I'll do that for her. But I'm not going to be her "friend" just for some silly chance to get back with her one day. I'm going to love her enough to let her go--and that is the hardest thing you can do for love. You'll see that one day. But if you're lucky, hopefully not.

a few things. I don't agree with cassiana. Do YOU think what he did was wrong? I mean I really don't know where I stand on this exactly. First of all, sure he broke the law. But did he do soemthing wrong (not a rhetorical question)?. Suddenly 18 is some magic birthday where everyone is mature. BS. What about 17 and 364 days? The law imposes a line of maturity to protect the sancity of children. But the law does a horrible job at judging peoples maturity and what goes on in their heart. If you were very mature and he was immature then I can defintily see how you could meet in the middle and maybe he is labled a "sex offender" in name only. All I'm saying is that I wonder what was going on in is heart. People hear "rape" and they think of pure evil. But law has never been directly aligned with morality. But if he did this just to get lucky then maybe he got what he deserved. Another thing is who started the process of acusing him? Was it your mom? Was it you? Were you mad at him? How many times did you have sex? I'm worried like the rest of the people on here that you have some maturity issues to deal with IF you were the one that accused him of rape, and you're motives were revenge. Cassiana is right. The fact that you can even show interest seems to say that you didn't think that whole rape thing was a big deal. To me it seems like it's just a game with you. I really hope I'm wrong.

Some of us in the forum havn't suffered the pain of infidelity, so we would like to prevent it. I want to ask some questions for you all to answer so we all can learn from your mistakes (or lack thereof) 1) What warning signs were there? Did you marry young? Was it his/her personality type? 2) How long did you date before you married? 3) Did you move into together before marrying? 4) How romantic was he? How much did she want romance? 5) How long into the marriage before the cheating started? 6) How do we all prevent this from happening to us? EDIT: Stupid spellchecker!

Bro I'm in a very similar situation. She's moving away in a couple of months to be closer to her bf (was her ex). But the funny thing is, she would rather risk the CHANCE of spending time with me over spending a week with her bf, or risk the CHANCE of spending the 4th with me over spending the entire weekend with him. And I just can't understand how she would go to live with someone who she doesn't really care for that much, and who she doesn't really care for. Are you planing on talking to her when she is in Florida? Personally, I'm going to cut all ties. I'm going to hope she will either be happy together or it will get really rocky, really fast. Because the last thing she needs is to waste any more years on a bad relationship. But back to you your situation. I would let my ex call me if she wanted to after she leaves. But I'm not going to call her. So I would never ask her to call me. But I wouldn't turn her away. I'm not going to spend any of the last days with her. Maybe take her to a nice restaurant and say my goodbyes. But the most important part is if you are going to make this a final goodbye that you leave on a good note. I'm going to tell her I'll always love her, tell her that when she thinks about me 10 years from now to forget the bad person I was and to remember that I'll always love her. And I'll say goodbye never ever to see her again. If something ever changes she MIGHT contact me, but I'm not going to wait any longer. If she's going to chase a first-love, last-chance, lot-o-history guy with commitment issues, who CLEARLY won't ever love her like I do then there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes girls can get stuck in a bad relationship and be so afraid of rejection that they would rather change who they are, live in denial, and repress their subconscious desires so much just to make it work. And about the email. I don't like the sound of "it feels right." But know this: my ex said the same thing, and one month later she had a big fight with her ex and said her feelings may change in the future for me. Months later she was calling me and leaving blank messages on my cell, wanting me to fight for her. But to strike back at my NC and to see if I would end up fighting for her she decided to tell me she was moving to be closer to him ("I might stay," she would say to get me to fight for her). So it just goes to show you that sometimes everything can be in your favor but if the girl is stuck on something stupid. Good luck though.

First my rant: Sound's like your bf is closed-minded. I don't put any stock in the opinions of die-hard atheists or the die-hard theists (esp fundamentalists). You'll see that generally see that the die hard atheists are "reaction responding" to their childhood, and the die-hard theists have been externally indoctrinated beyond belief. The most intelligent in history realize that after we die it doesn't really matter whether we believed in God or not, as long as we have something we can live and die for. IMPORTANT PART But if you do get in another discussion with him. I've always found the best case against the "you're going to hell" crowd is to resort to the fact that you're doing EVERYTHING you think is right. It's not that you're actively defying God. I mean why would God send you to hell? Seriously think abou tit. Is it because you were Wicca? Because you didn't accept JC as your personal lord and savor? You were only doing what you thought was right. Who you are is largely if not entirely the product of your past and circumstances beyond your control. So basically God is sending you to hell because you were unlucky. Don't you think that there would be a REALLY good chance that you're bf would be Wicca if he had grew up EXACTLY like you did? What if he grew up in a Wiccan convent on the moon and never heard of Christianity? Would he suddenly just know what Christianity is? How would God save him? Theses beliefs are comical. You see the Catholics, Protestants, Mormons, Hindus, Muslims, and basically all long established religions have realized long ago that arguing that only a certain group of people are going to heaven is an untenable position--because salvation is then tantamount to the roll of the dice. HA. Sorry this is mostly a rant. HA! And I'm Christian too!

User, If you just want to get bigger then running won't help one bit. Body builders avoid all cardio when "massing up." It's because cardio is counterproductive to muscle growth. You burn calories and if your calorie deprived you're body will burn fat AND muscle. Just look at long distance runners, they don't very muscular do they? Now it's not impossible to gain mass and do cardio at the same time--just look at spinters. But you should do cardio because it's good for your health and good for your heart, not because it will get you bigger. But in the same regard--and I should take my own advice--you shoudl also work your lower body. I know it's not what you're looking for, but you're back and legs are giant muscle groups. You can gain a lot of mass, and get more cut due to all the calories burned from mantaining the new muscle. People always neglect the legs and all serious weightlifters laugh at those pepople. But back to your quesiton. I don't know why you're friends think you should incorporate cardio into your workout. Some would say no, depending on your goals. But I would recommend donig it because it's good for your heart. That's why I do it. It's nice to have a 32" waist and 16" bicepts, but it doesn't seem right if you can't run 4 miles without passing out. To get big you need to lift big with low reps (7-10 reps/set) and I can't emphasize this enough: NUTRITION, NUTRITION, NUTRITION!

You are peerless my friend. I wonder if I'll feel the same way 16 months from now. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't call my ex. But then again, she went back to her ex and never said she loved me, plus she left me and has to learn from her mistake and want me back. So I don't see why you shouldn't try and contact her. Who knows, she might think about you all the time too. But be careful. The other possibility is that she's moved on with her life. How are you going to take that? Someone on here said once that the only cure for a woman is a nother woman. If you find yourself unable to start a blaze with this girl, you should take your matches somewhere else--to someone else. But good luck. Someone that loves this much really deserves the object of his desire.

Ok just playing devils advocate here. But we all know you don't want him looking at naked women. So saying that doesn't explain anything. You need to get to the bottom of your reason why? Why don't you want him looking at naked women? Realize that many other women are ok with their bf looking at naked women, so don't make it sound like it's obvious to want this in a relationship. So why do you think this is so important to you? But like I said, I do think he should respect your wishes. But at the same time, you should know why it bothers you so much. If it's not trust, what is it?

Ok I'm going to give a slightly different opinion. First of all. You need to make sure that YOU don't have trust/jealously issues with this. It's good that he asked you, it's good that he also sees it a big deal. But talking about strip clubs is tantamount to talking about abortion sometimes--it's amazing how diametrically opposed the viewpoints are. Anyways. Can you think of ANY circumstance under which it would be ok for him to go. What if his buddies took him there as a surprise, and it was all of the sudden? What if it was somone else's Bachlor party? What if it was his batchlor party? What if he wants to appreciate the female body the same way he looks at a painting of a nude woman. Ok, I know that's a strech, but I want you to make sure you understand the reason it bothers you. Is there ANY excuse he can give? Are you worried because he's going there, or is it because you're worried that he might like it? Is there something inherently wrong about going there? Is it immoral? Is it considered cheating? What about porn? What about porn when your 1000 miles away and he just want's to be with you? Do you trust him to love you, and have male emotions while there, BUT AT THE SAME TIME STILL LOVE YOU WITH ALL HE IS? But you're soooo right. If it really makes you feel uncomfortable he should respect that, and there's no excuse he can give. I can see being worried if you're relationship is having problems, or he does this on a regular basis, or that he might really want to go. Because if you love him and he loves you, yet you still don't trust that his love and lust for you can endure something as stupid as a strip club, then I think YOU have some things you need to work on. Just a "what if" that's all.

Scout I still don't really know the meaning of "toned" but I know a great pair of legs when I see them. Girls have the same problems with legs that guys have with abs. The "toned" look comes from two factors: -Low body fat in that area -High muscle density in that area No matter how much muscle you have, it wont matter one bit if you have fat covering it. So if by toned, you mean the same thing as when guys talk about ripped abs (like athletic legs) you'll have to concentrate on diet too. But this would proabably only apply to you're upper legs and butt area. IF you want to build muscle--like if you have skinny legs and want more curves-- you should lift heavy and with low reps. IF you just want to emphasize definition without gaining mass then lift light but with many reps. But like I said, make sure you understand that no matter how much you lift you can't I REPEAT--CAN'T--burn fat in specific areas. "Spot Reduction" is a myth, if you want to be more tone and the fault is excess fat, you can stay on the stair master for 3 days straight, but the only reason you would get more tone is because over all body fat loss, not because you were working your legs like crazy. So don't underestimate the importance in diet in someone's physique. Eat 5-6 times a day w/ less than 300 calories/meal for female with 1800cal/day diet to keep with your BMR(Basal Metabolic Rate), and cut back to a calorie deficit if you want to lose weight. check out: link removed Happy Workouts! And hey! I get first dibs on you modeling lingere for me once you have that body you want

Star I'm really sorry about what's going on. A couple of things. REALLY BE CRITICAL OF YOURSELF. Sometime Women don't feel appreciated and they really ask too much of their husbands. There is a thing called a high-maintenance woman. I'm not calling you one! But hearing only one side of the story isn't sufficient for me to say, "Oh yeah, it's all his fault." But before all the women here hang me. You really should make sure that this relationship is going to get better and not worse. Do like the others say and try and communicate with him. Read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Become an expert on men. But make sure you understand that if he's not inherently a good communicator when it comes to relationships, he might view your suggestions as manipulation, change, and so forth. Communication is SOOOO HARD for men to learn. They have to be born with it, or hit rock bottom due to some painful experience--such as a breakup (which should be your last, but still viable option.) Now if he's ever: -Used phrases like, "we need to talk about this problem honey," or "What can I do to make you happier?" -Is routinely romantic to you. -Says "I love you" at least once a day Then it shows that he can communicate with you. But then again it also shows that he appreciates you too I think.) So if this is the case you can ignore the rest of this post. I'm telling you though, if you say something like, "You never help around the house," or compare him to other men, or even say flat out, "I wish you would...." he probably will really defend against it. So how do you get through to him? I'm trying to think right now. For me it took a shock to my system. My ex had to leave me for me to realize how stupid I was. I would suggest passive suggestion. Read relationship books in front of him. Worship him for a week by stroking his ego. Don't tell him you love him, show him. Pick good examples of how proud you are to have him as your husband. If the very best doesn't get him to come around then deprive him. Try everything to prime him for the suggestion that he should appreciate you more. You really have to get him ready for it, because like I said, there's really no way to get him to communicate if he doesn't have it in him. But the best way, if all of this fails, is to go see a marriage counselor. Just get him to admit that you two have a problem, and be honest with him. Tell him, "If it's me I want to know." It may very well be partially you're fault. A third party would be the BEST way to get your relationship on firmer ground, and you should start it before it gets worse. Good luck sexy!

To all the good women out there I want to you to understand something. GENERALLY (for a serious relationship starting in their mid-20s or up): If you've only waited a year and you're expecting marriage, something is wrong with you. If you've waited 5 years and there is no ring on your finger, then there is probably something wrong with him. Understand that not all men fit the norm, I mean I've heard of several couples that waited 7-10 years to get married. But I would also venture to say that if after 5 years, he still hasn't proposed that there is AT LEAST a 50% chance that you're in a bad relationship. Warning signs: He was your first serious relationship (you don't know any different) He has a history of bad relationships He ACTIVELY talks bad about commitment He fought so hard for you in the beginning He has problems making big purchases He doesn't seem to love you. He doesn't communicate well with you. You've broke up multiple times in the past. I'm sure you could think of others. There's a book out there called, "Men who can't love." Now I would suggest you read it, but don't read INTO it. The cases may or may not relate to yours and sometimes we read into things we want to hear. The question arises: what if this phobia is incurable? I mean, you hear all the time about marriages that don't work--the husband losses passion. Do you really want to coax your way into that type of marriage. Understand that there are men out there that would like nothing better than to find a good woman, date for a year or two, and propose in the most romantic of ways and live happily ever after. And what about true love? What about loving them through thick and thin? What about waiting for them because you love them so much? You can call that "true" love if you want. I call it a deep one-sided love, where circumstance screwed you over. Maybe if he had a different childhood he wouldn't be so afraid of spending his life with you. Listen to all the other men on this forum give excuses like this. Please! They have acute fear of commitment too. One of three things are going on: 1) You fell for someone that TRULY doesn't believe in marriage. 2) This person really does have a problem. 3) He really is one of those RARE oddball cases who take a really long time. I hope for your sake that it's #3, but ponder 2 for a bit longer. Why WOULDN'T he feel the same way about marriage? Because men are the ones to be hitched by women? BS! Why wouldn't he want to commit and spend his life with you? Doesn't this seem blatantly obvious? The longer he takes, his reasons for not committing become more and more absurd. Don't leave a good relationship if this is only a bump, but don't wait for him forever! Good luck you great women!