saltwatergirl

I cant believe when I saw this thread. I just read a post of yours yesterday (I've been following your story) and you were saying "don't worry.....she WILL contact me, etc." and lo and behold here you are posting JUST THAT. Outstanding!!! I'm proud of you and I think you are handling it well, especially the "too busy" to bring your mail to you (honestly, that was tacky of her...she was trying to see if you would still jump through all her hoops....so glad you didn't). It wont surprise me if by the end of August this chic isn't freakin callin you nonstop. Keep it up! PS---My own sob story is posted on breakup board but to narrow it down: together 3.5 years, he says "ill call you tonite" and i dont hear CRAP from him for 2 weeks.......wont return my calls (hysterical i might add). Then shows up BAm after 2 weeks with "i'm so sorry, i was confused, etc......". And I have answered the phone every day since. (im an idiot) I have not initiated any NC since he returned crying 3 weeks ago on my doorstep. Maybe I should. But what good would that do he is already at the "wanting me back" stage, but I dont know if he is REALLY remorseful and REALLY knows he wants me back....(he has done NOTHING except call.) Not one show of anything (no flowers, letters, etc) just phone calls. And the talks are simple day to day convo talks. I'm sick of it. Maybe i"ll just stop answering the phone.

I'm confused. Do you WANT to be with her? But can't get past the anger? Does she want to be with you too? Or have you decided to end it and are just having a hard time with the pain of letting go? If it's the 2nd one, I'll try to offer some words of encouragement although at the moment I'm in a big black hole of pain myself so I'm not much help. If its the first one......and you really want to be together (both of you), here's my suggestion: Go get a dictionary, look up the word PRIDE. Then ask yourself which is worth more to you, your pride, or your girl. Because one of them you'll have to lose for the other.

Hmm. You say you 2 discussed hanging out and seeing where it goes.....is he agreeable to that? Is he willing to give you a chance and actually "see where it goes"? If so, then I think you should take a chance. Go out to eat, invite him over to watch movies, "date" each other again. If however he is going to say things like "Don't get your hopes up" that to me would tell me he is still thinking negatively about it and not wanting to actually try. If that's the case, I'd forget it for now. Maybe a heart to heart with him would be helpful. Tell him what you'd like to do, and if he is willing to do it that you are too. If he hesitates, is unsure, or otherwise reacts negatively to your interest, then you know, you just have to let it go. Realize you parted for a reason, and that reason still is there. It is common to 2nd guess yourself and your decision. For it to work out, 2 of you have to want it, and try it. Not just you. Good luck keep us posted.

It's strange to hear your voice, I did not expect for you to call You wonder how I'm doin, how I'm holding up since you've been gone Well, how am I doing since you did, what ...you've... done to me I can't lie, I sometimes cry, when I think of how it used to be I keep my friends with me, I stay busy, and I don't get much sleep Baby that's how i'm doing since you did, what you done to me Well now wait one minute, I failed to mention, those tears I cried are tears of JOY Because it was no fun, there under your thumb, and now that we're done I'm getting right, every night, with every single, every loving girl in sight Well, how am I doing..... since you did, what... you've... done to me I can't lie, I sometimes cry, when I think of how it used to be I keep my friends with me, I stay busy, and I don't get much sleep Baby that's how i'm doing since you did, what you done to me Well, when all my friends heard, what a you-know-what you were They took me out on the town But then I heard our song, and I danced along, but it felt all wrong Cause she was sweet, she let me lead, she never took her ever lovin eyes off me Well, how am I doing since you did, what you've done to me I can't lie, I sometimes cry, when I think of how it used to be I keep my friends with me, I stay busy, and I don't get much sleep Baby that's how i'm doing since you did, what you done to me Well I don't know what you were thinking, running round on me Well, now you say you're sorry.....well honey-- I AGREE So, how are you doing since you did, what you did to me?? Hey don't lie, I know you cried... cause you know how good it used to be Yeah, tell me--- does the thought of, loosing your true love, make it hard to sleep?? Baby, how are YOU doing since you did what you done to me?? Now how are you doing, now that you know how I'm doing Since you did what you What you done to me .........

No. He's an ex for a reason.

well, He called again tonite, we chatted a few minutes (nothing remotely connected to anything important).. So I say "well i'm gonna go now" He said "Oh, ok, well I can take a hint......." AUGH I'm through. He is clearly not able to do the things he needs to do, or worse yet it just simply isn't worth it to him. So in the end he managed to twist it around to make it all somehow fall onto me........ With that last sentence he left it up to ME to initiate further contact.......when it ISNT on ME. I dont know how it got twisted like this. But I am done. Salt

Reaction: He was "offended" by it.....he says its a "blueprint" and that Clearly the girl I fell in love with is no longer there. " Said it's the coldest thing I've ever said to him. No feelings whatsoever. I really dont think it was written that way, I tried to be very polite, and take equal responsibility. He said That I was never a high maintenance type girl (dont think I would be now either) and that was one of the things he loved about me, and with this new attitude, he's just not sure anymore" .....That' it read like a job application and he doesnt approach relationships with rules and expectations and standards.....and now he's going to have to "consider the new information" as he put it. He added "just so you know, I"m very upset about this email and offended by it, and now I just don't know....I'll call you tomorrow. Salt

Not much of a choice for you here. She has cheated on you. Now, are you going to allow that kind of treatment from a girl, or are you going to decide that you deserve better cut her loose. I know you love her, and I know she meant the world to you. But clearly she didn't feel the same things. I know that is a shock, hard to believe it, hard to accept it. But you really have no choice, her actions tell you so. When someone shows you who they are, don't doubt them. She has shown herself to you. Cut her loose, set your mind to it. In time, you'll look back and wonder why you were even with her. Trust me. Salt

with Gilgamesh. Is there a time frame???? I laughed outloud when I read that, I thought it was the punchline for a joke to come....but it wasn't. I'm sorry that you are being mistreated. But, you did nothing wrong here. She is clearly not at the same place that you are. I do NOT advice calling back and crawfishin' . Why would you even WANT someone who has to "think about" whether or not she can be with you. You are worth much more than that. Give another girl the chance to show you how much you mean to them and how very important you are to them. If she calls back, I'd tell her "sorry your time ran out last week" and I'd Move On. You deserve better. Salt PS I've made a post on the "breaking up" board, titled "HELP", regarding my new stance on self respect, taking back control, and gaining the strength to stand up for yourself--- win, lose,or draw. It might be good for you to read it. It's on page 3, long but hopefully will give you some inspiration.

You guys are great. OK Who paid for dinner.....I'm so proud to say I didn't spend a red cent. OK, here is an email I just recently fired off. Its the last thing I'll say. His response will determine the outcome of this relationship once and for all. It reads: "Hey, it's me. Wanted to tell you a few things. Sorry for the length. First, I had a good time with you. And I'm happy you came. I know I have, and am, going through some changes. They are good ones for me. I feel I am becoming a stronger person, and I am getting in touch with myself. I don't want you to feel threatened or unhappy about it. This is something I started after you left, and I don't want to let it go because I think it's going to be a positive thing. It already has been. I don't want you to see it as me "moving on" because it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with myself. I'm in a positive frame of mind and I want to stay that way. My guard is up around you. Way up. I am sure you felt that. The time alone has made me realize alot of my own mistakes, as well. And I feel I made many mistakes. It has also given me a chance to open my eyes and see all the things that we both did wrong, and the things that would have to change between us. The feelings of insecurity that developed within me did great damage to my selfesteem and caused me to feel and think and act in ways that I no longer want to experience. I feel as if I loved you and wanted to be with you- at the expense of many other things, mainly my own self worth and my own desires as far as what I deserved and what I needed. Hell I didnt have a "toleration" level with you, I tolerated anything and everything just to keep you. I won't do that again.I'm interested in a healthy relationship, or no relationship. I'm not playing any games. You have told me that you are aware of some mistakes you made in the past. And you have told me that you would do so many things differently. I don't have any idea what that means, but I'm assuming you do since it was your words. I feel the same way. If you want my opinion.....I think I was too needy, and I think you were too 'absent". I think if we both make changes in those areas, it would be a huge step. I'll tell you the truth. I don't want to be neglected, or put on the bottom of the list, or treated badly anymore, not just by you-- but by anyone. I don't want to be cussed at, or yelled at, or made to feel less than important. I dont want us to take each other for granted. I want to be spoiled and completely sure of someone's feelings. And I want to spoil someone in return. Yes, I said that, I want to be spoiled.....I have never asked much out of a man, but that's been one of my mistakes for many years. And I intend to give back the same thing. I want to be madly in love, and feel alive, and excited and happy. I want a relationship that will enhance my life, not bring it down. I want to be romanced and swept off my feet. But I also want to do the same in return. The days of crying, worrying, and stressing are over. Life is too short. I want to make someone very happy, but I want the same things back that I put in. If you are angry or upset, I want you to be able to see how much that bothers me. Hanging up the phone on someone just says "i no longer care how you feel". I dont want to do that anymore, nor do I want it done to me. This is just an example. I'm not a materialistic girl, so I'm not referring to that when I say I wanted to be treated in these ways. But I do want to be cared for, and loved, and respected as a woman, pretty much the same things any other woman wants. I don't expect gifts, but every other girl I know expects a card or flowers from time to time, so that is something I now require, as well. I used to not care about these things, maybe I thought I didn't deserve them, but that has changed. Girlfriends require the spending of time and money and attention, and well, I guess I'm wanting to be shown the same things every other girlfriend would want and every other boyfriend would be required to do. Regarding going out, I realize you are just starting out, but it is no longer acceptable to me to foot the bill for us. If you would like to take me out, you will need to be prepared to spend the money to do so. If you can't, I'm happy to prepare a meal at home and order movies, as long as the cost is split equally and it doesn't become a regular occurrence. Now to something you will like: I dont know what guys want, other than maybe cards, surprises of things they'd like or want, sexy outfits, cooking for them, some of those things I've done all along, some of them I haven't. So I'm sorry for my lack of effort and not really showing you how much you truly mean to me. But, I want to.....and I would love you to maybe point me in the right direction here. Like I said I'd like to spoil you and treat you with respect and kindness, as much as I am asking for I am willing (and wanting) to give. You are an awesome guy, and I was always proud and happy to have you as a boyfriend, so I want to show that to you on a daily basis. I just now require the same in return. I don't know if you're interested in this. But, just thought I'd share with you a little bit about what I think I want out of a relationship. I would love for that to be with you. But, I gave up alot of myself the past year, and I won't do that again. I didn't respect myself, and I allowed myself to be disrespected. And, that is something very important to me, now. I am extremely committed to it. I see that as a positve thing, I hope you do too. I haven't turned into some type of femme-nazi or anything, but I have found value in myself now, and I want to be appreciated and respected for the woman that I am. I deserve that. I certainly don't think that is anything you should be offended by. I don't intend to control you, just like I wouldn't intend to control any other man. I will respect you and I will be understanding of your life and the things you have going on. And I won't crowd your time or smother you. However, to be in a relationship with someone takes work, and I expect you to put as much effort as I will into the relationship. If you aren't wanting this, tell me now. No need for either of us to waste any more time on something that we know we aren't willing or able to give. I have told you about the things that I am wanting, and I would love to hear your feelings and things you are wanting, as well. This isn't a one-way street. I believe I should take just as much responsibility for repairing any hurt and making you feel loved and needed and important, and secure with me. It isn't all on you, and it isn't all about me. I would put 100% effort into mending the pain and making you forget all about any doubts or problems or pain you've experienced because of me. But, you'll have to do the same for me. I know how a man is to be treated, and I would work very hard to make sure you are treated right. But it would be nice to hear from you what you expect and want from a woman, just as I have tried to share here with you. It's time to clear the air and put it all on the table, why hold anything back now hell it's make or break time. So, I guess that's what I'm doing, and I would love for you to do the same. It's the only way I see it working, anyway. We need to improve in our communication and make sure that the other knows what we expect and what we want. Do you agree? I want to see the committment on your part, not just hear about it. Words mean very little to me, now. I'm interested in actions. I am willing to give you the same security and outward proof of committment with me. So I think I'm being fair. I hope you don't take it as me "barking out orders". But you called me, and you appear to have made the decision that you want to be with me. And, although I am cautiously happy, I do come with some 'conditions' now. And I guess I am no longer willing to compromise those. Maybe you also have some conditions and expectations. If so, I would embrace those and work hard to meet them, just as any other couple would. As I said this is not a one way street starting and ending with me. I'm just as interested in giving as receiving. If you need to take some time to think on all this, and make a decision as to whether or not this is something you are up for, please do that. I just ask that you tell me that, this time, and not just disappear. Okay? If you dont like all my things I'm wanting now, say it. Don't wait thinking I'll change, because I won't. I love you. I am so very happy that I feel able to open up and talk to you and put myself on the line. Not many men are so easy to talk to. I hope you see these things as an open door for communication, and not an attack or something to take offense to. Thanks for listening. Feel free to respond to anything I've said, or add your own ideas as far as what we are doing. I am willing to hear you and very interested in what you feel and what you think. I'll talk to you later on. INPUT ANYONE???????? THOUGHTS? GOOD OR BAD? Salt

Is it possible to change your number? This way, he can't call because he doesn't know the number, and you can't look and see if it's him because it won't be. You can also change your email, then you won't find yourself checking it because, he won't be able to send anything. And you'll know that. Yes, you're FORCING no contact this way, but sometimes we have to force ourselves into breaking away from someone. It's hard but possible. You will survive. If this isn't possible to change your number, you can always block his number and email. Same results as above. Sometimes we have to pick ourselves up and force ourselves to get to the place we need to be....... it's only been a week, but if you really WANT to get over him, take matters into your own hands and force yourself to--- by making it impossible for him to contact you, and force yourself to stop checking caller ID's and emails only to find nothing. If you had a magazine subscription and you cancelled it, you don't continue going to the mailbox seeing if it came, because you know it won't. So you just don't check it. You might miss getting that magazine, but you know you aren't going to get it because you cancelled it. So, you stop waiting around for it. Same thing. Salt

Well, yesterday he called again. The same "I am so sorry, etc". I talked for a while, then I said to him. Look, I'm tired of having this conversation over the phone. If you have something to say to me, I feel I deserve to have it said to my face. So, I'm hanging up. If you want to talk, your gonna have to do more than call me or write. He asks if he can come over and talk to me, I said yes. So he comes over, and when he gets here I ask if he would like to go and eat dinner right quick (its 8pm) he says yes, so we go out to eat. He was very nice, but I can tell my guard is completely up. He told me on the phone that he had my picture in his visor ....... when we got in his truck, I said "picture in visor, huh?" (it wasn't there)....he had a blank expression then says "i took it down cause the wind was blowing it." Whatever. He notices that I have lost weight (no kidding, I didnt eat for a week).... comments on my hat "when did you start wearing hats" and then comments on some books he saw laying on the coffee table "when did you start doing all the reading". I told him, I have changed alot in the 3 weeks since you abandoned me. I had to really focus on myself, and I feel as if I'm going through a complete metamorphisis or something. I went out in search of hobbies, things to do, discover myself again, etc. since you were my whole world and I had finally accepted that I'd never see you again. So I did make some changes, I'm working out, spending time alone, etc. and I feel pretty good. He doesn't like hearing all this at all and almost seems angry! I asked what was wrong,he says "it seems you have moved on quickly to getting over me". I said well, what was I supposed to do, I cant just lay down and die. He says "i know". Then appears sad. he was very uncomfortable with "all the changes". I asked why, he said, I dont know, you seem different and it worries me." Now, I'm not sure what he means by that. But maybe he doesnt understand how traumatic this whole thing was for me. Before he left, i told him, I'm not making any promises. I still dont know what I want to do with this......I said I'm assuming you don't either. He said, without hesitating, Yes, I do know what I want to do, that's why I'm here. I said well, what about the children issue. What conclusions have you come to regarding that issue or is it still there. He asked me if I would consider adopting down the line. I said I would think about that. So apparently, the "i want children of my own" feelings are still very strong. To be honest, Ive already done that and my kids are now 14 and 10. I dont really want to be starting all over. (sigh)......I dont know, I guess I was just looking for a bigger show of remorse and expression of feelings than what he displayed. All the crying and I'm sorry on the phone calls, he said none of that while he was here. Which was the whole intent on coming over. He should've shown up with flowers, down on his knees begging forgiveness as far as I'm concerned. Most women wouldn't have even allowed him to set foot in their house. Maybe I just expect too much. I dunno, maybe I just wanted him to grovel or something. He said he hadnt come over before then because he didnt know if my parents or best friend would be there, and he figured they'd have a few choice words for him. Of course they would, and he would have deserved it. I saw that as cowardly on his part, to be honest. Afraid to face the results of his behavior. Thats something a child does, not an adult. I believe when you have wronged someone, and you want to make amends, you are willing to face that. As a matter of fact, I feel he should call my parents personally and apologize for the agony he put on me. Is that crazy on my part to have those feelings??????? Am I expecting too much??? thoughts?

There is nothing you can do to change what he is doing. You must accept that he is not the one for you, and move on. The time has come to stop the madness, and get on with your life. Hard? Yes. Impossible? No. Do not allow his behavior to ruin any more of your life. You are freaking out, but why? This only hurts, it isn't going to kill you. You are in control of yourself. Remember that. Rule your mind. Salt

I have to agree with sn0man. Do NOT consider coffee with ex. You will destroy any hope you have of rekindling this. Trust me. Salt

My brother admitted to the family at the age of 30 that he was gay. You know what? We already knew. We just wondered why he took so long to accept it himself. Some were fine with it, others were hostile. But, he survived, and is happily living his life now, the way he was meant to live it. You will be surprised at how much people close to you may already have deduced about you. However, that being said, you need to think about this. You have a short time on this earth. I see you are already in your 30's. Why are you not living your life yet? How long do you plan to wait to live your life? When do you get to become you? When you are 40? 50? 60? You are who you are. Be happy and embrace yourself. Find your true love and happiness your own way,because nobody else will find it for you. I say get out of your closet, and into your life. Whole new worlds will open up for you and are waiting for you to come and live them. So go live them. Stop waiting for permission to be you. And give permission to yourself. Then you will see how quickly happiness comes your way. Everyone may not agree with you. Everyone may not accept you. But the one person who must accept you and love you, will do so, and that is you. BTW, I am a heterosexual woman, but I saw your post on the main page and, felt I had something to say. I will leave you with a quote: "Accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." Wishing you peace, strength, and wisdom, Salt

Thanks for the replies. He never drank before this period of time, so I dont believe he is an alcoholic. He isn't a drinker, by personality, choice, and beliefs. Maybe more of a drama king. To answer a ?, he is 25. I am 36. And we have been together 3 years. He doesn't (and has never) gone out to clubs, drank, etc. He is more health conscious and calm than I am. Most of the time I seem like the younger person and he seems old. Update: He has sent me a letter in the mail (I stopped answering calls after the one contact he made). He expresses in it that he realizes he has made the biggest mistake of his life. That the thought of having MS, the fact that I can't have anymore children and he would like to, all just hit him and he had to "get away" and reevaluate his life and what he wants. But that he came to realize (during this 2 week hiatus) that he loves me more than anything and can't imagine giving up me to have children. Doesn't know what to do with his desires to have children. Now is saying, that because of the devastation he caused me by disappearing like that is a horrible thing a person can do, and that he shouldn't reproduce because what he did to me and how he hurt me makes him not worth anything. He seems very sincere in his regrets....but I wonder if it is just the pain of missing me in his life doing the talking, and once I am back, the "i want children" issue will resurface. I dont think he has had enough time to properly consider exactly what he wants and what he is willing to sacrifice. He goes to the Dr. next week for final testing so, MS is not even a for sure diagnosis at this time. He said he felt I would not want him if he had an ailment or deserve that type of life. WHat he doesnt understand, is that I would never have left him for that reason. I would have been there every minute of every day for the rest of my life, because I love him and I cherished him. It wouldn't have stopped anything wtih me. But, to throw me away because I can't have children (and he knew this from the get-go) and he wants them.....doesn't seem to me to be the same level of devotion and love that I have for him. Maybe its easy for me to say that because I already have 2 kids (who by the way he loves and love him very much). He writes in the letter, that he has realized that his sense of "family" and "children" and "home" is with me and my 2 children. That he already had all that he wanted. Though their dad has something he will never have with them, and that hurts him. Who is to say that in a year,this whole thing won't resurface again. And telling me "i'll call you tonite" then vanishing for 2 weeks to sort things out, without even an explanation, destroyed me. I was devastated and he knows this, and says that knowing that he has hurt me this way is the hardest thing he has ever had to feel, and accept responsibility for doing. I dont know, we have had the best relationship, we seemed perfect. Our age issue was something I balked at and fought him for a long time, he finally convinced me that it would not be a problem for us, but as it turns out, it seems that is exactly what is doing us in. My fears early on that he would one day want someone his age---he managed to squash them all and made me feel very safe and not fear that, and it took ALOT of work on his part to get us over that fear....but now that this has come up, the fears are not only back, its happened, and I don't see how it would be possible to remove that again. The safety and security I felt with him is gone. Totally gone. And for that, he is devastated that he has done this to us and that is a major source of his crying and inability to function---According to him. That he feels he has destroyed the very foundation of our relationship. And maybe he has. He is at a point in life that I have already left. It's hard. But it is possible to love someone with all your heart, and still doesnt make them the right one for you. I told him maybe that is the case with him. He loves me,but doesn't mean I am the right one for him. Someone else his age, able to have children,would be much more suitable. When I said that he just cried more, and said he cant believe he has done something that would cause me to have that feeling and thought.. I just don't know. Salt

My advice: do it in person. Tell him you care for him greatly, but that you realize you are not yet ready to be involved with someone romantically. That you are still healing from your last relationship, and that it woudn't be giving the 2 of you a fair chance with your heart not totally opened up to someone else yet. Ask if he would continue to remain your friend, and apologize for any hurt you may be causing. That's all you need to do. You dont owe him anything, except honesty. Do NOT drag this out, you will only hurt him more later. Salt

SO today is day 14 since I heard from boyfriend (of 3 years), right.....well, about 1am my phone starts to ring. I answer, he hangs up (was calling from payphone--on caller ID). few minutes later, my cell rings, again same payphone, 10 minutes later, calls from his apt. I answer, he hangs up again (3rd time in a row).......this goes on until 2am....(answer/hangup). 6:00 am, it starts again, this time I decide to let it ring (caller id, it is him). goes on until NOON do you hear me NOON. Leaves 2 voice messages, but instead of TALKING, all I hear is him SOBBING........whatever. Anyway, FINALLY at 4pm I answer and this time he says "hello". I say hi, and he proceeds to tell me that he has been crying all day (imagine that, i cried for 2 weeks but anyway) and I ask what happened. He says his doctor told him he has MS (multiple sclerosis) and that he didnt want to BURDEN ME WITH CARING FOR HIM IN HIS SICK DAYS YEARS FROM NOW (my gawd how lame) and that he had so much to deal with that he just decided he couldnt talk to me, so he DROVE TO AUSTIN to stay with his friend who recently moved there (a guy) and just got home this weekend. He says he saw all my messages but didnt have the nerve to call me or the guts to speak to me after what he did (same reason he said he hung up when i answered all night)...That he is lost without me, he would do everything differently if given the chance now, that he lost the only girl he ever loved......(APPARENTLY none of this crossed his mind over the last 2 weeks). Ok keep in mind I've caught him lying numerous times, I've found pics on his computer that he says were sent out BECAUSE HE HAD A COMPUTER VIRUS that sent them (although a "hope you liek them" sentence was enclosed in the email--dont think the pc typed that for him).....based on this .......what is your best opinion???? I told him I was sorry, but I could not be with someone who showed such little care for me and would completely abandon me for 2 weeks with no word or anything. He said he understood and that he was so sorry, and that he has been drinking every night because he can't sleep after REALIZING what he has done. That he doesnt know how he will ever live without me and that he is so so very sorry for EVERYTHIGN he did in the past (though up until now he claimed innocence and a victim of coincidences---suddenly now it's 'I'm sorry for the things I've done to you the last year') and that he knows how much I love him, and he has no idea why he did this but please let him have another chance and he will do so many things differently. That he loves me more than anything and always has. He asked if I had gone out with anyone else. I told him no (the truth) but that someone was asking me out (the truth again) but I hadn't. He began to cry uncontrollably. He said he can't eat or sleep realizing he has lost me.....that he has began to drink to fall asleep, etc....Then I said I had to go....he said call anytime you want to I said ok, and hung up. He was hysterical. My gut: Another girl and he realized that he screwed up!!!!!!! What's your opinion? Just someone tell me I am doing the right thing so I dont fall for any more of his LIES!!!!!

Why would I want to read that? I don't have the time or desire to "learn" any more about him than what I already have. He has shown himself to me, hopefully he will find happiness elsewhere. That is what I intend to do. I will add this though. It is extremely cruel, to not even TELL someone that you are leaving them. I mean, I sat here at least a week calling, thinking maybe he was seriously injured or hurt. Or some tragedy struck his family. WHy would someone want to do that to another person is beyond me. Have the balls to at least SAY you are leaving. Especially after 3 years. I mean, half his clothes are still here in my house. It's immaturity at its finest, and a clear demonstration of his inability to consider the feelings of ANY OTHER PERSON besides himself. I am better off without him. Salt

It appears to me that she has/is/will soon be cheating on you with this guy. And I agree with the others, she has a responsibility to make sure you feel secure with her. She isnt' doing that. There is a reason for it. Salt

I dont' see where you did anything wrong at all. Seriously. It sounds like you were cheerful, friendly, communicative, and even showed *extra* interest by coming back out after entering. That makes it seem like "well I was shy, but I'm going to do this anyway.." which I find very endearing. I think she really did just have a boyfriend. Chin up. Salt

YOu would be surprised what people are capable of doing. I was with someone for 3.5years. All was great. He left here and said "I will call you tonite". I never heard from him again. After 3 Years!!!! No returning my calls, pages, or emails, my best friend called him and he wont even return her call. All this after begging me to "give him another chance" and "trust him" (after I stumbled upon evidence that he may be cheating on me). It boggles the mind. How can people have such little regard for the relationship and appear to care so little about someone they claimed to "love" just a few weeks ago. I have no answer to that question. And I'm glad that I don't. Because I would hate to ever come to understand something so cold. But as of today, I blocked his number from my phones. I figure, if this person has such little regard for my feelings, I dont want him. I was worried sick that something happened to him. But no, nothing happened. If so I'd of heard from someone by now. In the end, he turned out to be nothing but a phoney, a liar, and a chicken ****. What can I say. His loss. And when he realizes it, let's hope he doesn't express that realization to me. Because hell will freeze over before I ever again waste my time with someone who isn't worth a minute of it. "Do Not Cast Your Pearls Before Swine" Salt

You know her better than anyone. You should be able to think really hard, and come up with what SHE would want you to do. Because as you already know, we "shouldn't have to tell you" LOL. Personally, I would be thrilled with a demonstration and your attempt to make up after realizing the error of your ways. But, you aren't dating me. Salt

Well did you send the flowers? I think it would be a great idea. But it is only my opinion, since you have neglected her in the past it would say something to me if you were to show that you have realized that by doing something about it now. It may or may not be what she would want, but I can't see where it would hurt, can you? Salt

Thanks. Alot. Sometimes it is hard to hear these things but you all are right. So thanks and I really mean that. BTW, not that it matters but it wasn't an "all of a sudden" age issue, he is much younger than me, and my family was very disapproving of it all...it was a hard time for me. I was really beginning to believe what they were saying about "he will one day want someone his age/kids/etc"... it wasn't a careless "dumping". I just got scared. But because I was lost with out him, I finally told them all to butt out-- that I was going to be happy....on a side note, my mother now loves him dearly. Salt