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t-dog

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  1. t-dog
    I'm sorry. I agree that's it's as much his child as yours, but come on! You're the one who's carrying this child. You're the one who will either have to have an abortion or give birth. This is absoluteley your choice! It's hard enough to go through his ordeal. I think the last thing you need to do is complicate everything. I don't see any real reason why he should know. I don't think it will make the situation better for anyone.
  2. t-dog
    even if your bf cums inside you, there's still a relatively small chance you'll get pregnant. That doesn't mean you shouldn't always use protection. But it takes a lot for a sperm to reach the egg and fertilize it. Most die on their way up. Believe it or not, the vagina is a very hostile enviornment for a sperm...that's so only the fittest sperm will have the chance to fertilize the egg. You really don't have anything to worry about.
  3. t-dog
    I agree with hurt&abandoned. You made your choice. He doesn't really need to know. Telling him could just result in some awkward drama...as a young man who hasn't had much experience in this, he'll probably feel like he needs to DO something, whatever that might be, or he'll feel guilty, or, like h&a said, he could feel very strongly that you keep it. But on the other hand, if you do tell him in the future or if he finds out, he may feel very left out of the loop and possibly feel like his feelings were neglected. So, either tell him now or never tell him.
  4. t-dog
    I agree with hurt&abandoned. You made your choice. He doesn't really need to know. Telling him could just result in some awkward drama...as a young man who hasn't had much experience in this, he'll probably feel like he needs to DO something, whatever that might be, or he'll feel guilty, or, like h&a said, he could feel very strongly that you keep it. But on the other hand, if you do tell him in the future or if he finds out, he may feel very left out of the loop and possibly feel like his feelings were neglected. So, either tell him now or never tell him.
  5. t-dog
    gti337, Listen to yourself! Stop accusing her of immaturity! You admitted that you were guilty of the same crimes of commitment-phobia...except YOU initiated it. You stopped paying attention to her, you basically rejected her, and you made her feel like your marriage is based on loneliness and isolation. I bet that's NOT what she signed up for. How could you blame her for not wanting to work on the marriage after you dump her and then come groveling back to her once you realize how stupid you were being. But...on the bright side, I don't think all is lost. I think you can win her back. But it's not going to be by telling her she's a quitter for not wanting to work through the hard times. She fell in love with you once. I bet she can fall in love with you again, but you've got to work on it. You've have to start over again, like when you first met. You have to woo her, make her feel like she's the most important person in the world. Because, to you, she is. She comes before you business, even. She's your wife. Treat her that way.
  6. t-dog
    Wow, I really hope you reconsider leaving her. It sounds like she really needs you and that she definitely has a lot of emotional problems that she needs to work through. But it also sounds like she really loves you and is beating herself up for the way she acted. I agree with other posters that there is no excuse for cheating, but I also think that some people are motivated to do really hurtful things for many reasons. It doesn't sound like she's just a bad person who doesn't care about you and lives to manipulate you. It sounds like she is a very fearful person who is struggling with very intense self-esteem problems. Self-esteem issues, childhood issues, etc...tend to express themselves through sexual promiscuity and marital infidelity. But she can change. She just needs to get to the root of her problems and figure out how she can best open herself up to love you the way you need. Obviously your wife is not a well woman. I wish you could see that the way she acted was symptomatic of strong emotional problems. You're hurt, but it sounds like you really don't want to go. She doesn't want you to go. So why not work on it and see if there's any way you two can work it out and live in peace.
  7. t-dog
    It's so that the hormones are more regulated and properly distributed. For instance, if you take one pill right before you go to bed, and then take the next pill when you wake up in the morning, you'll have a huge dose of estrogen and progesterone in your system at one time. Similarly, if you take one pill in the morning, and the next pill at night, there will be a big lull in the amount of bc hormones in your system. That could slightly decrease the pills' effectiveness.
  8. t-dog
    Bleeding during early pregnancy is pretty rare. It's called implantation bleeding and it's when the embryo attaches to the side of the uterus. Usually blood is pinker in color and very light. It can last up to a few days, but it's very spotty...not like a regular period, usually. Whas that what your last period was like? I definitely think your pregnancy test was faulty. Get another one and retest.
  9. t-dog
    I've written several posts begging for advice on what to do with my husband. I'm 25, he's 44. We had a shotgun wedding in Vegas three weeks after meeting. We had a very intense and immediate spiritual bond...however not a physical one. He is absolutely amazing...when he smiles it's like the sun shines. But...our lives were going in different directions. I was too young for him and his world. With him, I felt like I was living a life that wasn't my own. I left everyone and everything I knew to go be with him, and I was miserable. So...I didn't know what to do. How is it possible to love someone so much but at the same time feel like they're just so wrong for you? So...after months of back and forth, I finally left him. I don't know if I'll regret this. The one thing I do know is that I already miss him tremendously, but I feel relieved because I can be myself again. It's a shame that this relief has to be coupled with this unbearable heartache. I'm so sad. I wish all the best for him, and I hope sincerely that we can remain good friends. He is the only person I've ever felt so close to. But I never felt like his wife. The age difference and power differential in the relationship made me feel simultaneously like a pre-maturely middle aged woman and also like a little girl doted on with gifts. The one way I never felt was as a strong, independent, 25 year old woman. Thanks for reading everyone. I just needed to write about this.
  10. t-dog
    Wow, you have got to be an incredibly strong person to deal with all this at such a young age. And I think you have the right attitude. It is only the beginning. Life sometimes throws us such excruciating challenges, but life can also bring incredible happiness if you are receptive to it. You've got your whole life ahead of you to do anything you want to do. And the best part is that you are stronger than most people. Hard challenges bring strength...after this, life can only get easier. I study Wicca, too. I think it's great that you're looking toward a spiritual center for guidance. Do you meditate with tarot? I've found that tarot cards can be extremely healing. I also hope that you understand that you are not responsible for either of your parents' deaths. Your father was very angry at the world. He didn't know where to direct his anger so he turned it on his own child. I'm just so sorry that he couldn't find the resources he needed to deal with his pain. I had a pretty effed-up childhood too. The only thing to do is keep looking forward. Don't dwell on the negativity of the past, but cherish the good memories. Everything's going to be fine with you. Just don't get side-tracked in self-defeating behavior.
  11. t-dog
    I agree, your chances of getting pregnant are really slim. They are even slimmer if you did not have sex around time of ovulation--which for most women is around 14 days after the first day of your last period. So...if there was no ejaculation, you have been using birth control for over a week, and you're not mid-cycle, then it would be almost a minor miracle if you got pregnant. But, I guess stranger things have happened before. Don't worry about it. If you miss your period take a pregnancy test--but that may happen anyway if you have just started birth control.
  12. t-dog
    It's hard to say goodbye to someone. I've gone through may fair share of super-gnarly breakups. I don't really know what to say to you, though. I'm not a big fate person, but if you two realize later on, when the timing is right, that you want to be together, you probably will. Other than that, you're mostly likely not going to be alone for the rest of your life. You'll never forget him, but you will be able to move on. Again, sorry about your situation. Six years is a long time. best.
  13. t-dog
    hurt and confused, I think you're making the right decision. I wish I could be that decisive. I know what I'm doing is cruel and I hate watching myself doing it. My heart just won't give me a direction. But those are my problems. I don't know what to tell you about what to do now. When I left my husband for awhile, I called him and found out that he changed our outgoing message to his voice. I called him later and he said he was busy. He wasn't actually applying "NO Contact" but it felt like it, and it drove me crazy. I told him I missed him and that I was so sorry that I couldn't get my act together. He is, like you, very compassionate. He's actually much older than I am (he's 44 I'm 25) and he always says he remembers what it's like to be my age and be so insecure about the direction of your life. I went back to him, and then told him I couldn't handle it. He got very sad and I couldn't leave him...but then I did. And then I didn't. And so on and so on. I think the best thing you should do is be very firm. You made the decision to leave him and you should stick to it. Because if you don't, he's just going to put you through all this again. But I think if you apply no contact, it will make him try to get you back. And you might fall for it. So, if you want, be there for him. But be firm in your decision. If you don't think it's possible to have a friendship, then you really shouldn't force yourself. You both need space from each other right now to decompress from what sounds like a very tumultuous relationship.
  14. t-dog
    Hi sweetheart. I'm writing because I'm putting my husband through the same thing your husband is putting you through. My ambivalence is driving him nuts. I'm with him one day and I leave him the next. And let me tell you, it's just as painful being on this side of the equation. I love my husband, we never fight, and, all, told we have a great relationship. But something is wrong. Instinctively, I feel weird about it...maybe I'm not ready. We got married a little under two years ago and my ambivalence has barely let up. When I'm with him, all I want to do is leave. When I leave him, all I do is want to come back. I'm desperately trying to figure out what the problem is. He has been a saint about this...I can't believe he hasn't cut me out of his life completely. So...here's my insight. The depression he's showing is real (I did the same thing) but it is ALSO manipulative. He's exaggerating. He wants to show you that he's unhappy being married. But he wants you to feel sorry for him and let him go. I think he probably loves you very much, but he knows he made the wrong decision to get married. He doesn't want to hurt you, and he doesn't want to lose you completely either. My advice is, give him a little more time to figure it out. It sounds like you have an amazing capacity for caring. But, when enough is enough, make the decision for him and stick to it. Let him go and don't look back. It's unhealthy to have to wait for you husband to give you the love you deserve.
  15. t-dog
    To me, happiness is a sense of balance in your life based on the priorities you have chosen. If your wife is having a quarter-life crisis, it seems like she just may not know what is a priority to her at all...family, friends, career, which career path to choose? She may be having trouble finding something in her life that just makes her want to get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes having so many choices in life is even harder than having none at all. That's normal for most young adults just trying to figure out what their place in the world will be. Of course, all that pressure is compounded by a long series of media images that are designed to make you feel that what you have is not enough. It's easy in this day and age to feel pretty mediocre at anything you do. You may have a job, but is it the "right one," you may have a marriage, but is it anything like "Brad and Jen's," etc... Stick by her, and she'll figure it out. You may have to be prepared to give her the psychic space to figure out what will give her life meaning. The quarter-life crisis is real and it's super hard.
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