What is true love?

[bluecastle]

It goes on to give analogies of how a doctor loves medicine and he dedicates his life and time to study and practice.
How an artist spends hours honing their skills and creating beautiful art.

I like this a lot. Where I think a big challenge comes in is recognizing the qualities in another—and ourselves—that are integral to keep that "action" mechanism active.

I've dedicated my life—or at least the years from 17 to 40, aka present day—to a single creative craft. It is love, for sure, which is hardly to say it is infinite pleasure and magic, though there are doses of that. More like infinite showing up and patience, highs and lows that bend back toward a solid base, fueled by a kind of faith and curiosity.

Reading your post I realize how much all that exists (or has come to exist, after perhaps being a substitute) as my model for both "love" and a loving partnership: a diligent, disciplined choice to commit, submit, and seek nourishment through cultivating something that is inherently mysterious.

What do we need in a person to be able to make a choice like that? What do we need to cultivate in ourselves to be able to make that kind of choice so the weight isn't on another person to routinely validate it? Answering those question requires a certain discipline in itself, given the range of factors (social, cultural, emotional, hormonal) that can spin the compass needle.

If the hope or expectation is that "love" is the thing that stops it from spinning, I think people are in for the rinse-and-repeat experience of love that DF outlined with trademark no-nonsense grace.

[Cherylyn]

True love is about everyday compatibility even when life feels mundane and ordinary. True love is not constant 24 / 7 excitement. True love is not infatuation.

True love is being always considerate, providing harmony, peace, comfort, security and stability. It's all about consistency.

[Tinydance]

Hmmmm....good question. Have read all the posts and OP I think I've commented about your break-up with Jane on your other posts. So I might just stick to discussing the true love topic.

I think that true love is not necessarily identical for all people and every single couple. Different people may not even view love in the same way. Monogamous people may believe that there is only one "the one" for them. But polyamorous people say they can love more than one person.

I think that true love is probably just meshing well together and really enjoying that person's company, where things are mostly easy and comfortable. But with love and sexual attraction also in the mix.

I wanted to say as well that if one partner becomes disabled in some way, it's not necessarily that their partner didn't truly love them, but maybe that their relationship changed due to the disability or injury. E.g. if the couple had a lot of common hobbies centered around the outdoors and sporty stuff, and that's what was at the core of their relationship. But one partner became a quadriplegic so then they couldn't do any of that together anymore. I think when a relationship really changes for whatever reason, it might not be able to go on.

Also yes the photo of the old lady "eating lunch" with her dead husband is very sweet. However it sort of perpetuates the idea that if your partner dies, if you move on from them, then you never really loved them. I understand in the case of the 90-year-old lady, maybe she was married for 60+ years and she feels she's too old to find anyone else. But if it was a younger person, even a 60-year-old, if they find someone else it doesn't mean they didn't love their partner. It just means they came to terms with their partner's death. And they still deserve to have someone else now thar their partner is gone.

[Wiseman2]

I do not believe in idealized love. People are imperfect and we just love as we love. Hoping for idealized or "true" love is a fool's errand. It's better to just be and just love.

[MirrorKnight]

I appreciate everyones' input on this topic. I have not responded individually because I do not really have the wisdom to add to it - this thread is a genuine question. It is interesting seeing different peoples' take on what is one of life's fundamental questions.

[~Seraphim ~]

True love is sacrifice. All love comes from sacrifice. Love is respect and kindness and compassion and compromise , trust, forgiveness. The list goes on and on .