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Thread: Wedding dilema

  1. #1
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    Wedding dilema

    57 year old Male due to marry the girl of my dreams next year.About 5 years ago before I met my wife to be I had a one night stand with someone I met at a party.Foolish i know ,i withdrew before ejaculation.Some months later I found out the woman was pregnant and wondered if I was responsible.The woman reminded me I didn't ejaculate and said although it was possible it was unlikely..I dismissed it and forgot all about it.Five years later I bump into the woman in the supermarket and the child is with her and to me it resembles me .Now I've convinced myself the child is mine and I dont know what to do .I've contacted the woman on Facebook and she assures me the child isn't mine.Should I tell my wife to be about this and risk ruining my life or should I just forget about my thoughts I'm having and move on? I suffer badly with anxiety.Any advice appreciated.

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    She says it's not yours. You need to believe her.

    There's no point in telling your wife to be about your one night stand. Stop having anxiety about it.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    I would not bother telling her - the mother says it's not yours.

    Even if it comes out someday that it is yours, if your wife loves you, she will probably overlook it. Love has a way of swaying people's opinions, it works wonders.

    You don't need to tell your SO every little transgression in your life, she does not need your autobiography. If you feel you need to get it off your chest, talk here or to a counselor. Positive things are better in a relationship.

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    I would not tell her unless it turns out that the child is yours and you are involved with the child-then it would effect your wife. I know it must be hard not to share it but the downsides of sharing it are too great. It's always a potential consequence of a one night stand -a guy might not ever know if a child resulted. In your case you're left with the doubt of it and while I guess there are ways to get a paternity test (I have no idea) you don't say you've pursued it, you just think about it.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Yes, if she says it is not yours... I would believe her and move on! No need to tell your new wife!

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Relax. She says it's not yours. Since you've only been dating a few months, why start planning weddings if you're not ready for that? Trying to reconnect with an old flame is not a good idea unless you really don't want to move forward with the woman you're with. Do you feel things are being rushed and you wish to apply the brakes or precipitate a breakup?
    Originally Posted by Duffymoon62
    she assures me the child isn't mine.Should I tell my wife to be about this and risk ruining my life or should I just forget about my thoughts I'm having and move on?

  8. #7
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    I think you are needlessly worrying. Trust the mother that the child isn't yours, and don't go creating problems where none exist. There is nothing to tell you fiancee.

    You mention you suffer from anxiety. Are you anxious about getting married, and perhaps subconsciously looking for an escape hatch?

  9. #8
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    The kid isn't yours. Unprotected sex with a one night stand was a dumb move but seriously, if you were the father, she'd want child support from you. L

  10. #9
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Duffymoon62
    57 year old Male due to marry the girl of my dreams next year.About 5 years ago before I met my wife to be I had a one night stand with someone I met at a party
    What are you afraid of and how would this ruin your life? You slept with this woman 5 years before you met your future wife. I guess it's about perspective. Finding out you are a father is a blessing to some.

  11. #10
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    This woman might have taste in men similar looking to you. I would let it rest - you are not the father. I mean, its hard to tell if the child is an infant who they truly look like because their features keep changing - my sister's kid looked nothing like her baby pictures at all and the child at 10 resembles her strongly. If the child was yours, i am sure she would have contacted you 5 years plus however long you have known your wife

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