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Thread: No idea what to do

  1. #1
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    No idea what to do

    My wife and I got married a little over two weeks ago. We lived together before hand, so our honeymoon isnít a true honeymoon. We are in the middle of our trip and Iím not sure what to do.

    She had a complete mental breakdown last night. We were walking around Honolulu and we were looking for a place to drink. I picked a bar and she didnít want to go. She saw this other bar and wanted to go. It was a $20 cover charge, and I didnít want to pay that as we are way over our budget already. We didnít go, but she walked away and told me she would go if she wasnít with me. I was a little hurt and she started walking away. We are both uneasy with the city as we are not big city people. I finally found her sitting by a river. She told me she hates her self. I asked why we canít compromise to find a place we both want. She said because she is defective, and an awful person.

    We finally settle down a little bit and go back to our hotel room. Iím not sure how to exactly explain it, but she just went nuts. She was sitting in the floor hitting herself with a pillow screaming she hates herself. She would just lay on the floor.

    She decided this morning that I would ďcontrolĒ the rest of the vacation because she is a mess up, and is ruining our time in Hawaii.

    I donít feel like that at all, I want her to be happy, I want us to decide to do things together. I have no idea what to do, we have 5 days left, but I donít want to honeymoon with a sad puppy that just follows me around.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Deejmonster's Avatar
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    How long have you two been together prior to getting married? this kind of behavior usually manifests itself pretty early on into a relationship. Has she exhibited behavior like this in the past? any issues with mental illness or medications?

    I find it hard to believe that a rational person would begin to act this way without some sort of underlying factors at play.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Is this totally out of left field? How had things been between you guys in the months leading up to getting married?

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    She needs immediate counselling. I would go home and take her to her dr.

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  6. #5
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    Oh dang...that's rough! And scary!

    Has she ever acted like or shown signs of this before? Does she have a history of OCD/anxiety? Were you already drinking when this happened-was she intoxicated?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    OP I went back over your posting history and found many instances of your wife behaving erratically throughout your relationship. From putting herself in strange positions with men, to being absolutely distraught at the idea of not having her male friend in her life anymore... seems like this behavior is just getting worse as time goes on.

    I would follow the above advice about getting her to a doctor and having her mental health checked... you don't want this escalating further to the point that she causes serious harm to herself or someone else.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Is this totally out of left field? How had things been between you guys in the months leading up to getting married?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Inspired by maew, I took a stroll through your past posts and, yes, it seems this moment is not out of the blue but very much in line with the dynamic you two have created together.

    I can't help but feel that you've spent a good portion of this relationship feeling that you need to "work" on your insecurities while being with someone who has given you many reasons, including last night, to feel insecure.

    I'm typically very reserved when it comes to sounding big alarm bells, but when I read this first post and came across the part where she said she hates herself, and is awful and defective, my first thought was: because she has, in some way, cheated on you and is struggling to live with that in the context of a marriage and honeymoon. Reading your past postsóabout her crying about a male friend, drinking with men at 4amóit's really hard not wonder if this is partly what's behind the outburst.

    That infidelity, mind you, might not be a conventional affair, or even what we conventionally think of as an emotional affair, but something more along the lines of "cheating" on you by cheating on herselfóbeing dishonest about certain feelings and concerns, trying to resolve them in ways that are destructive and leading to the kind of self-loathing you're describing.

    Bottom line? She needs help and, it seems, your relationship needs help. You just got married. This is not the time to pretend everything is perfect by "controlling" the rest of the Hawaiian vacation, but to take what yourselves, what you have, and each other, very seriously.

  10. #9
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    Looking at other threads you've created about her and your relationship - there is a pattern of strange behaviour with her, particularly when it comes to other men and having appropriate boundaries.

    This latest episode is certainly alarming and needs to be addressed, no doubt. But I have to wonder, what has been done to address the other underlying problems between you two? It seems this incident could well be the culmination of pent-up resentment, hostility and negativity that she has no clue how to deal with in a healthy manner.

    You two really need to get her to a doctor, and to get yourselves into counselling to untangle all the issues that seem to have plagued your relationship and now your marriage.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I'm typically very reserved when it comes to sounding big alarm bells, but when I read this first post and came across the part where she said she hates herself, and is awful and defective, my first thought was: because she has, in some way, cheated on you and is struggling to live with that in the context of a marriage and honeymoon. Reading your past postsóabout her crying about a male friend, drinking with men at 4amóit's really hard not wonder if this is partly what's behind the outburst.
    That was my first thought too, blue.

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