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RedDress

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RedDress last won the day on August 17 2019

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About RedDress

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  1. To quip or not to quip - that is the question lol! I agree that it’s completely subjective and personal - but for me - it would be less about teaching this particular guy a lesson and more about standing up for women’s rights. Which makes ME feel empowered and good (which also counteracts how he was attempting to make the OP feel). I am not an object. The woman he was gawking at is not an object. We, as women, have more to bring to the table than just boobs and high heels and whatever else he was staring at. We are people who have thoughts and feelings and interests, etc. I’m sure he was
  2. I agree. I might be tempted to tell him once how incredibly rude, disrespectful and creepy he’s being - just to get it off my chest - lol! But I agree. If he is doing this, he is simply a crass person and you can’t reach an adult manners.
  3. It doesn’t sound like you actually like this guy. The sex was bad, you don’t find him attractive, he smelled funny, you know in your gut there is something going on with this other girl, you don’t respect his approach to his « love child », etc. To be honest, I think you are just fixated on him because he is familiar and you are a little bit scared and lonely. Btw - if someone tells you they don’t want a relationship - believe them. People often act in ways that have little to nothing to do with you. Just as you were hanging on because he was « good enough » and a little lonely - he too cou
  4. I’m sorry you are going through this. I am so happy to hear that you are going to a therapist. You need support. Good for you for looking after yourself too. You are wise :) You can’t help him with this. Not anymore than you could help him with high blood pressure. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. He needs to see a doctor. Unfortunately, getting someone with depression to recognize and agree to go to a doctor is not always an easy feat.... Yes. Please keep your appointment with the therapist. They will likely have some good suggestions and can help you develop some too
  5. I agree that examples are needed here. Too general. Have other people ever told you that you are reckless, impulsive or inconsiderate? A brother or sister or friend? If no one else finds you this way, then it’s either that he’s sensitive or you are incompatible. If you’ve heard this feedback before - maybe it’s worth considering that it’s you.
  6. You don’t really mention his relationship situation... It is not at all uncommon for couples - even the strongest of couples - to go through a bit of a rough patch when they become new parents. A baby is a lot of work! Neither of them are sleeping properly. Her body’s hormones are all over the place. If she is staying home alone with the child, she is likely feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and completely isolated. If he is working and going to school and trying to raise a family, he is also likely exhausted, overwhelmed and having their needs thrust on him the moment he gets home. Couples o
  7. Oh, interesting! I don’t think I’ve ever interacted with you one-on-one and I definitely tend to float in and out of the forums over the years depending on what’s going on in my own life... so please take what I have to say with a grain of salt... ... but yes. My initial perception of you was that you were perhaps a little more on the “emotional” side. I have actually noticed a shift, questioned myself on that perception and had to do a “double-take“. It’s interesting that you posted this... Now... whether that has to do with the therapy... or what you (or I) were each going through a
  8. If ever there was a thread where marriage counseling would help - I think this one is it. I get it. Sometimes feelings are overwhelming and aren’t particularly logical. You are struggling with gender roles within the relationship. Your husband doesn’t sound like a bad guy. He was simply doing what you both agreed to and was believing you when you were saying you were ok with it. Now you’ve discovered you are not ok with it. I honestly feel that exploring your feelings with a therapist could help save your marriage. There is probably multiple ways that this could be resolved that you c
  9. Heya I agree with DancingFool Right now you are very outward-focused. You are looking around for validation from others - from your elementary school crush, to another crush, to friends, etc. You want others to show and prove to you that you are « worthy ». That is a never-ending pursuit and unfortunately you will never achieve that (no one can - not even celebrities - there will always be « haters »). What you need to do is find that validation from within. To love yourself, to walk your own path and to heck with what people think. It’s YOUR life - no one else’s - and their opinion does
  10. In my experience, trying to stay friends with someone you still have feelings for is nothing but a recipe for hurt. All it really does is keep you from truly moving on. I hate to say it like this - but a person can’t miss you if you don’t go away... I honestly think that your best shot of getting back together (or finally moving on) is to cut contact completely.
  11. If a relationship is what you are looking for (not just a good time), I would let this whole situation go. I get that you were just going with the flow and having fun (and there is nothing wrong with that)... but honestly, while I may have gone to the 2nd location, when they start to talk about a 3rd, 4th, 5th location - that’s when I would have taken my leave. It was already clear at that point that the night was no longer about really getting to know YOU... it was about the party. (Again, nothing wrong with that as long as a party is what you were looking for). I think they are likely
  12. I think what you are doing to each other is equally unfair. To say “if he loves me enough, he’ll be ok not having sex” is just as bad as saying “if she loves me enough, she will agree to have sex”. I don’t think it’s about levels of love at all - and I think you are BOTH wrong to put that qualifier on it. It’s totally unfair. It’s about competing wants and needs. Not about how much each one cares. I don’t think there is a compromise on this. I think that anything the two of you do to try to compromise will only lead to a slower, more painful death of the relationship. I think the k
  13. I don’t know why you lied about it - you weren’t doing anything wrong. 🤷♀️ I just said this in another thread but... maturity is knowing not to ask questions you don’t really want the answer to. She was being immature. And for your part - you should learn just not to answer those types of questions. Lying just compounds the issue. Just forget about it. It was none of her business anyways.
  14. It was an immature question for her to ask. As you have discovered - there is no good way to answer the question. If you tell the truth like she did, feelings will be hurt (even if no one is « wrong » to be with someone else and it doesn’t mean anything) and it can implode the relationship. If you lie and you are ever caught in the lie, it can implode the relationship. With maturity comes wisdom. Most people learn to simply not ask or answer the question. It’s irrelevant. Btw - for future reference to save you similar grief - « how many people have you slept with » is another such quest
  15. When you start a relationship with someone, it’s critically important to know and be on the same page about a number of things, IMO. Marriage, babies, the role (or lack of) religion in your lives - and actually - how to handle aging parents, etc. If you are going to walk the path of life together, you need to make sure you are walking the same path. It kind of forms the « contract » and « vision » for your relationship. I don’t think these are things that can be compromised on. It’s your life path. Your relationship « contract » was one of no babies. (Even if he expressed wanting them at so
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