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Thread: Wife is loving but constantly mean

  1. #1
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    Wife is loving but constantly mean

    i am a 36 yo and have built and sold a large business and am now an executive at a very large corporation. I知 very successful at work and lead a large team. Ive always been fit and healthy and am a well built man, I知 often asked if I play rugby. My point is, I知 confident and masculine to the average viewer. This is important context I think. I am also very caring and loving and would do anything for my wife, kids and friends....
    I致e been with my wife for 7 years and we have two young boys (3 and 1). I care about being a. Good father and husband. I wake up at 5am and hang out with my boys, make them breakfast and do something with them before I go to work. I do try to make sure I get to workout so I go to gym Saturday and Sunday every week for 1.5 hours. I vacuum, clean and make sure I help keep the house tidy...where possible I try to let my wife have a break.

    My wife acts loving and caring towards me but constantly makes little comments that make me feel utterly useless. Constantly telling me 登h going to gym again...sure have fun. We will just stay here and do nothing while we wait, 的 can稚 do whatever I want like you get too - but I tell her to think of something she wants to do or just leave me with kids and I値l supoort it.


    She constantly tells me things I did that are wrong...but inmdorectly 鍍his would have been easier if you stayed in the car, 登h god...look what you dressed him in...it痴 too green, thin, hot, cold, yellow, nice, ugly...whatever, 鉄igghhh Omg no wonder you don稚 do the dishwasher often. I値l redo it, 登h man look at all the water on the floor *there is hardly any* when you bath them don稚 let them aolash* etc etc alll the time, all day every day: to the point I feel demotivated- I cant be bothered going tot he gym or helpings roudn the house. I read 5 love languages, I致e spoken to her about it...nothing is helping and I feel unloved and like it痴 sapoing my confidence and energy. I知 sad. I don稚 want to leave my boys and I love her but I can稚 take much more of this.

    And I being a sook? Is this just normal life and I need to get used to it?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Have you discussed this with her? That should be where you start. I know what it's like to be home with small kids and the can drive a person nuts from time to time. Perhaps she's jealous you are going out more than she does, even tho you've said she should go out and do whatever appeals to her. I wonder if a lot of her issue is frustration from being a stay at home mom with small kids. I've been there done that!

  3. #3
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    First of all, does she work? Surely you're not holding down a full time executive job and doing all the housework and child care as well?

    She sounds like a real kvetch. When you say you've spoken to her about it, can you explain how you've addressed the issue? Maybe you should sit down with her and explain that you're getting tired of the disrespect she shows you and you don't think you can take much more. What would she do if you said you were leaving?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    When is the last time you had a date night? Or left the kids ate grandma's for the weekend? When was the last time you acted like you were dating? Or spent quality alone time together, rather than just worry about the kids, work and your fitness/sports? What fun things (not family things) do you two do together?

    Her backhanded remarks seem like resentment...that is something you need to address. This quickly and insidiously can turn into contempt. Try marriage counseling to tune up communication and get to the root of things.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Classic case of passive aggressiveness. Something is REALLY bothering her and she doesn't know how to tell you, so she resorts to the sarcastic remarks. You have to get it out of her, might take counselling...

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    努here possible I try to let my wife have a break.

    When is it not possible?
    When you are at work? That痴 an obvious yes.

    Outside of that , every minute is possible.
    You mentioned spending time doing things with/for your kids in the mornings and helping out with bath times etc.

    When you are at work , so is she.

    Outside of both your work hours , the responsibility of raring children falls on you both.
    Do you ask her is it cool if I go to the gym or do you tell her and expect her to stay with your children?

    It痴 a bit condescending to tell her to think of something to do and you essentially will babysit?
    Why does she have to consult you when she wants to do something and ask you to mind your children but not the other way around?

    Why do you make a point of doing household chores? Isn稚 that a shared responsibility? Or do you truly believe she should do 16 hrs work in an 8 hr shift?

    You are not her helper! You are a father so outside of your 8 hr shift that is your duty.
    I think she works an 18 hr day and you work 8 hrs st the office and 2 hrs at home.
    So, her 18 and you 10?

    I think your frustration is minimal compared to hers.

  8. #7
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    努here possible I try to let my wife have a break.

    When is it not possible?
    When you are at work? That痴 an obvious yes.

    Outside of that , every minute is possible.
    You mentioned spending time doing things with/for your kids in the mornings and helping out with bath times etc.

    When you are at work , so is she.

    Outside of both your work hours , the responsibility of raring children falls on you both.
    Do you ask her is it cool if I go to the gym or do you tell her and expect her to stay with your children?

    It痴 a bit condescending to tell her to think of something to do and you essentially will babysit?
    Why does she have to consult you when she wants to do something and ask you to mind your children but not the other way around?

    Why do you make a point of doing household chores? Isn稚 that a shared responsibility? Or do you truly believe she should do 16 hrs work in an 8 hr shift?

    You are not her helper! You are a father so outside of your 8 hr shift that is your duty.
    I think she works an 18 hr day and you work 8 hrs st the office and 2 hrs at home.
    So, her 18 and you 10?

    I think your frustration is minimal compared to hers.
    I may have missed it, but I didn't see any mention of her working or not working outside the home. If she does not work outside the home, then I would say KC is doing an "above and beyond" job as a Husband and Dad. If she is working outside the home, then yes, it is a shared responsibility and he is doing what he should. However, she does need some "me" time regardless!

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    努here possible I try to let my wife have a break.

    When is it not possible?
    When you are at work? That痴 an obvious yes.

    Outside of that , every minute is possible.
    You mentioned spending time doing things with/for your kids in the mornings and helping out with bath times etc.

    When you are at work , so is she.

    Outside of both your work hours , the responsibility of raring children falls on you both.
    Do you ask her is it cool if I go to the gym or do you tell her and expect her to stay with your children?

    It痴 a bit condescending to tell her to think of something to do and you essentially will babysit?
    Why does she have to consult you when she wants to do something and ask you to mind your children but not the other way around?

    Why do you make a point of doing household chores? Isn稚 that a shared responsibility? Or do you truly believe she should do 16 hrs work in an 8 hr shift?

    You are not her helper! You are a father so outside of your 8 hr shift that is your duty.
    I think she works an 18 hr day and you work 8 hrs st the office and 2 hrs at home.
    So, her 18 and you 10?

    I think your frustration is minimal compared to hers.
    He made it a point to show he was sharing in the responsibility.

    And no, she is not working an 18 hour day. I was a stay at home dad for a long time. It was much easier than going to work for 8 to 10 hours and then coming home and being a dad as well.

    Frankly, I get tired of the assumption and idea that no-one shows stay at home mom's respect when most people do. I've been there and done it. It was actually pretty great.

  10. #9
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    He made it a point to show he was sharing in the responsibility.

    And no, she is not working an 18 hour day. I was a stay at home dad for a long time. It was much easier than going to work for 8 to 10 hours and then coming home and being a dad as well.

    Frankly, I get tired of the assumption and idea that no-one shows stay at home mom's respect when most people do. I've been there and done it. It was actually pretty great.
    Amen! I've done both, and trust me... being home with kids is FAR less stressful than having a career with all the deadline pressure and back stabbing. I have to wonder, if people are so hell bent on how terrible it is to stay home with the kids (and I'm NOT saying it is easy), then perhaps they consider it a job, and they don't enjoy their children... Shame they make it sound like a chore they don't want to do!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Your wife is passive aggressive, the glass is always empty kind of a personality. Which means you'll need to grow a very thick skin to get along and also learn how to respond to her without rewarding passive aggressive comments. In other words, when she makes these comments, don't appease her or try harder to please, call her out on it. Ask her what her problem actually is. It's a long road but the more direct you are with her, the more you discourage passive aggressive communication, the better it will be for both of you. It's a personality trait and a habitual manner of communication that can be somewhat changed when being passive aggressive doesn't work and she has to seek other ways to communicate.

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