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charity

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charity last won the day on August 31 2018

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  1. To answer your question, I would be annoyed if an ex I disliked contacted me. There is nothing they could say that would make me smile or reminisce. I would simply feel irritated. I actually have an ex that still insists on contacting me about once a year. Every time he does it I do not respond. I think to myself 'Get a life'. I know it sounds mean but I don't like him and I've made it clear I want no contact. Him going against my wishes is immature and selfish. I suspect you ex feels the same about you.
  2. Very interesting discussion! First of all, I love ENA. I find people's situations and problems fascinating. I have learned so much from being on here and listening to other people's advice. I hope that when I give advice it offers something to somebody. As a rule, I don't offer advice unless I really feel that I can offer something worthwhile. Thus, I stick to what I have experience in and I veer away from problems I can't relate to. I totally get what the OP is talking about though. There are people that answer on almost every single thread regardless of whether of whether they can relate to the thread or not. And you can tell by their response that very little thought has been put into answering the OP. 'Go to therapy' is suggested way to often, as is 'break up'. Those two answers are so useless to the average person online looking for advice. I just wonder why people come on here every day and give a one or two sentence answer that is rude and berating to the OP. I guess they are getting something from this? I have to admit at times I've actually gotten cross at how insensitive people can be to people who are hurting but yeah its the internet and on the plus side it can help one develop a thicker skin. All that being said, there are wonderful people on here that I really respect and admire and I do believe the good ones far outweigh the bad.
  3. If its convenient for you to do it (ie you're literally near the schedule) then do it. If its not then don't. Sometimes its just nice to be nice especially if the person isn't being deliberately annoying, they are just a bit forgetful or disorganized. Sometimes its clear that you are being used. If it is clear to you that the person is using you, you just claim you 'didn't see their message' or 'forgot all about it'.
  4. His fear of dogs ....it's not a huge problem. I probably should have explained it more. It's more a nervousness and wariness that he has. He's handling the puppy's biting way better then I expected. He doesn't shower her with attention so the puppy doesn't really get the chance to hurt him. He finds her cute and seems ..I guess interested and amused by her? My daughter adores her. She wanted a dog since she was 6 and she's now 11 so you can imagine her delight. Hence she gets the brunt of the puppy bites. I've now become a lot more serious about making sure she gives puppy space and isn't lifting her every time she feel like it. As for me, I am figuring out that the pup and I are both learning as we go. I've become very consistent with redirecting her to chew toys when she starts the biting. It doesn't always work but it is working a lot of the time. I realized that she means no harm, its not aggression its just really rough play. And I've learned that being too firm with her makes her worse. And like children, it'll take a while before all the positive reinforcement will kick in. We have her 3 weeks tomorrow and there's definitely been progress and learning for both of us in those three weeks. For the poster who asked was I too sensitive (I can't remember who said it). You were right. I was. I thought she'd take direction immediately. I thought she'd know a firm voice. I knew puppy's bit. I did not know how hard and how much. I had done the research before I got her but living it was different. But she is just a normal puppy albeit a bitey one! So we are keeping her. We love her even though its only been three weeks. And her behaviour this week has shown me that she is capable of learning what she is allowed and not allowed to do. Thanks everyone for you're advice.
  5. It's more than that I think. She is not refusing to be part of their lives. She is not refusing to have them visit her. She is refusing to childmind them which she knows he needs. Her withdrawal of support, as I see it, is a tactic to get him to do what she wants. She knows he needs her and so she is using this power. A non controlling person would still mind her grandkids while being annoyed at son's private choices. Or they might decide not to mind grandkids because they are so uncomfortable with it. However, stipulating that you will mind them if the son changes his private life and you won't mind then if he does...that's control.
  6. Again, yes she has a right to her views, not saying she doesn't. Where we disagree is that I don't think she has a right to literally attempt to ensure he lives by her beliefs. This is what she is attempting to do. They are clearly not his beliefs. And he has more of a right here. Its his kids. His family. She is extended family.
  7. No she wouldn't just 'rather' they don't do sleepovers when the kids are there. 'Rathering' would be just fine. Having a belief system is just fine. She has gone beyond that. She is attempting to ensure that they actually do what SHE wants and believes in regardless of what her own son's belief system is. Attempting to make grown up adults change their life to suit your preferences is not fine.
  8. Stay close to your family. Its clear that's where your heart is. You'll find a way to make it work.
  9. If anyone was attempting to control the decisions I make in my life by withdrawing support I would do all I could do to make do without that support. These are two adults living their adult lives. The mother has been asked to help with childcare. She can say yes or no. But stipulating that she will only give support on condition her adult son changes his private life is very controlling and very arrogant. If he goes along with this he is showing acceptance of her conditions. He is showing that she is the mother and he a child that has to abide by her wishes as if he was a 17 year old living under her roof. She clearly doesn't see him as an equal. I would not have her minding the children. It comes with too high a price - control and meddling. Of course, it's up to your boyfriend to know this and enforce this. But chances are (since she raised him) that he is somewhat afraid of her and still under her thumb.
  10. Okay thanks Rose that's very helpful advice
  11. Well she can 'sit' and give the 'paw. I do obedience training every day. So I think she probably knows what 'no' means. She just doesn't want to do the 'no' if that makes sense. 'I really don't want to bring her back. I'll look into the socialization classes to get some help.
  12. I've raised two children on my own. I can confirm this puppy is wayyyy more work. I was not prepared for this at all.
  13. I do think i might be sensitive actually. Well that's what I'm trying to figure out at least. I believe her growling and biting are part of her play. But when i say ' no' or dont play along due to the bites she becomes more determined and headstrong, chasing us and lunging with mouth open. I'm not scared of her, like i said she's lovely as well and she does control her bites. I'm just worried that she's extra difficult.
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