P-Frenchie

This situation seems to really mirror the conflict I have in my relationship. Both my gf and I get the same way... I tend to keep things to myself and she knows something is up, but I just figure what I have on my mind is too trivial to bring up and discuss as an issue (I don't want to seem whiny). Anyways, usually I just get insecure as a result or in a bad mood and then we end up going through the same sort of steps as you guys. Any advice that you get might help me out in my situation too... I feel for you, this girl seems to be perfect for me and I know I want to grow old with her (we have also both discussed this and say it with all senserity) but the fact that she meens alot to me makes it hard to always remain optimistic. It's as if sometimes you try to shelter yourself because already have found the one thing in the world that seems to fit with you so perfectly and the fear of losing that makes you act irrationally (since you may have discovered it early on in life and know that young love is difficult when you encounter hurdles that you've never faced before). Anyways, I feel for you and hope things work out. I would also like to see feedback on this issue eNotaloners (heh heh).

I think that perhaps you are being a little too controlling when it comes to telling your boyfriend what he can/can't do. If he's 21, you should trust him to be responsible enough with alcohol. I find it pretty rash that you don't want him swimming if there are other girls there... you need to trust him (and his ability to handle himself in the company of other females) or you will drive your bf away with such a controlling attitude.

After reading this post it got me thinking. Someone was mentioning they dated a guy and thought they just had a low lobido but really just weren't attracted to their man. My gf also doesn't have sex on her mind as much as some other women, and it got me wondering if this could be due to a lack of attraction. We've been together for almost 2 years now, so it would seem strange to me if this were the case... I know we love each other, but I really don't want to continue things if she doesn't find me as attractive as I find her beautiful.

Well it seems to me that people celebrate alcohol in all of its glory. Festivals like Octoberfest are based on the consumption of beer, and alcohol seems to be widely accepted as a drug to party or "celebrate" any special occasion with. Why not pot? They're both drugs, but when you look at any non-biased research alchol is more detrimental to your health and well being. Alcohol impairs people far more, it does way more damage to the brain (although people commonly believe pot is far worse, this isn't the case... cat scans have been done to people who have been drinking compared to people who are high and the results are scary. If anyone has seen what the brain looks like after binge drinking they might rethink their championship title match to see who can down a 26 faster). The kidneys and liver are also not big fans of the sauce. That being said, the only reason a majority of the people on here are against pot is because Western society has made it taboo... pot is considered an illegal substance. Since alcohol is legal, people don't mind if you drink up. Pot used to be legal until the jazz era introduced intermingling of white and black folks. White girls would be listening to these talented black jazz musicians and (well we know the whole groupie stories) one thing led to another... white women started having colored children. Since they couldn't face the consequences at home from their strict conservative families, pot was believed to be a date rape drug that seduced these women. Now anyone who has ever smoked pot knows that when you're stoned you aren't a target for rape. In fact, when you're drunk it is far more likely that someone will take advantage of you. That being said, that is one of the main reasons that marijuana was made illegal in the United States... the whole reefer madness movement. Any substance you put into your body should be your right... research it beforehand, but just because one drug is more socially acceptable than another doesn't mean it's less harmful to you. I've smoked pot before and still do, and I can tell you that it hasn't harmed me anymore than when I drink. I graduated from highschool with a 96% average and got a scolarship to University. Just a rant... too many people are blinded by the Unites States' influence on what they say is right or wrong. Although Canada is slowly becoming more tolerant of marijuana (particularely in BC where they've opened pot coffee shops and bed and breakfasts) the influence from the US is too great for Canada to make any changes in legislation. If Canada were to legalize pot, the US would have a sh*t.

I'm confused... Did your girlfrind lie to you that nothing was going on when really she had been sleeping with someone else (or slept with someone else once)?

I really find it amusing when I read posts that take the side of cheaters... to me it makes no more sense to defend someone who would cheat on their significant than to defend someone who would break the rules of a game or disobey the law. If a person is in a committed relationship, there's no excuse for cheating. Obviously these people don't "love" their partner if they are prepared to jeopardize their relationship with them. Furthermore, cheating is a conscious method of causing harm to your partner, and if you truly loved them, why would you want to cause them pain. I understand why people cheat, but it isn't something that can be defended justly. If you loved your partner, cheating would not be an option. The excuses of, "not being fulfilled" in a relationship is a valid one, but still puts the responsibility on you to fix things by talking things through or, if it's that bad, breaking things off. This post may seem like I'm just venting, but this is coming from someone who has never been affected by cheating. I guess I find it shocking that there's a book that justifies why women cheat. What justification could there possibly be? Have the decency to call off your relationship if you need to get sex from an outside source.

I would go up and talk to the girl in person, even if you are really shy. Having a face to face conversation will make more of an impression and show that you have some confidence... and confidence is a good thing. If you tell her up front that you think she's too great, then she won't have any fun or exhiliration of a fresh relationship... One more thing, everyone knows face phone numbers start with 555-5555 (the last for digits can be anything). Heh, just joking.

Somewhere in the dusty old depths of the forums, there is a post about I made about this same topic. Two months into our relationship I had such incredible feelings for my girlfriend and knew that I was in love. One night we were lying down on my couch watching a movie. I looked into her eyes as I held her and the words just slipped out. Heh heh, when she said "What?" because I whispered too quietly I thought I was gonna die having to repeat myself (I was so nervous as to what her reaction would be). She gripped me tight and said, "I love you too. I really do." And then I think we had one of the best kisses ever. So I guess it was 2 months into our relationship and now we've been together for a year.

There are many rumors that are spread about Marijuana by the government and others that are quite false. Many people are quite narrow minded when it comes to the topic of weed and think that it's a drug that is quite damaging to your health, memory, etc. Have you ever stopped to think that alcohol is a drug, caffeine, Tylenol? All of these LEGAL drugs are more dangerous than pot yet are accepted by society because they aren't considered taboo. Nobody died from smoking pot last year. However, many people died from alcohol poisoning... even tylenol has cause deaths in the past. Marijuana is a natural herb; a plant that was put on the earth for man to use as he sees fit. Alcohol, cocaine, heroine, Tylenol... they're all man-made.

My girlfriend won't go down on me. Is there something wrong. We've been dating for quite some time now, and i know she's given her previous b/f head. She says I'm the first person she's ever fallen in love with and loves me so much. I've gone down on her before. The one time she offered she had been drinking and i told her I didn't want her to if she was drunk. I don't know what the problem is.

Hey. If neither partner is HIV positive, then there is no way of catching the virus as long as you two don't have sex with other people (this means oral too) or shoot up with people who may have HIV. That being said, you and your partner should go get tested, because that's the only way to be 100% sure that neither have it. It's fine that you're partner claims to not have any STD's, but safer is always better. Condoms are also always a safe bet, but if you're girlfriend is on an alternative form of birth control (such as the pill) and you both test negative for STD's, then you can choose to not use a condom. Like I said though, you can never be too safe. Hope that helps.

I was writing my girlfriend a love letter, which I do from time to time to let her know how special she is to me. I went to grab some paper from her locker, and ended up finding her notebook. I know I shouldn't have been looking, but I needed some paper and had no idea what I'd find inside. At first, I started to read alot of notes that were about me... they were mainly from when we started dating and even before. One of them was a letter to me about how much she loved me, etc (but it was never intended to be sent, she was just writing to herself. also, we weren't even dating then... so she wouldn't want to freak me out). Anyways, I would have stopped there, but (there's always a but, eh) I was hooked by the sweet things she was saying. After Christmas she started getting distant, and in the letters it said she "connected" with a guy she met when she went away on a trip. She said they were watching a movie, and their feet touched and then their hands, and he sort of put his arm around her... at the end of the night she hugged him. She said that he was really hot, and would have been all over him if it weren't for me (she said she'd never cheat). After reading this, I was shocked... the girl I am so in love with was thinking about another guy. I know they've been in contact a little (because he's a friend of her best girlfriend), but it was friendly in nature. I would also like to add that she's been going through depression... but this is killing me, I've been with her for 8 months and I don't know what to do. Do I confront her? Am I overreacting?

I'm currently going through the same thing with my girlfriend. She's been suffering with depression, and I've been doing my best to be there for her. It is definitely a drag on the relationship, but I guess there's always part of me that is determined to get through this. After reading your post, I wonder if I'm just wasting my time and if I will ever be more than her rock. This girl was the first to ever make me feel incredibly... in love? But if that's the case, why is it so hard and why am I hurting? I guess, I would feel the exact way you do... and maybe I'm going to be in your position sooner than I think.

I know... it's just so confusing at times. And especially when I question whether or not she actually wants to be with me when she seems distant. Sometimes I figure, "Maybe she's just too scared to hurt me by breaking up with me..." But I guess I think differntly than a depressed person, and when she seems down and no talkative I jump to conclusions. I just long for the day we reach the light at the end of the tunnel... together.

Hey everyone. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months now, but lately she has been suffereing from depression. Her doctor perscribed Paxil for her condition, however, she still hasn't been her same old self. Sometimes she seems so distant and its hard for me to deal with. I love this girl more than anything, and I know I've fallen hard for her. She does always tell me she loves me, and I believe her, but it's hard to deal with her conditionbeing depressed means that sometimes you don't even want to wake up in the morning. I guess it's just hard for me when she hits her lows and there's not much I can do. I just try and be there for her; if I ask her if she's feeling okay she gets more bummed that she's a burden on me. I know we love each other, but the terrible disease makes things hard sometimes. She old me that I've been her rock through a really tough time, but am I actually helping. Sometimes I feel so unattractive because her sex drive is so low, but I eventually rationalize things and make due because I love her. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone can comment or offer advice. Am I doing the right thing? Am I a sucker for fighting for this love to stay strong? Should I drop everything? I love her... that's all I truly know.