Are women typically insecure about talking a lot?

[MrNobody1111]

For some reason, every time I have a first call or a first date with a woman, they typically send me a message after the call/date saying "Sorry if I talked too much". I didn't think much of it the first couple times, but I've noticed it become a consistent pattern over time. To the point where it's borderline eerie. I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this (either being told this or having told this to someone else) as at this point, I've heard it too many times for it to be a coincidence.

[TeeDee]

A little bit.   I talk more when I'm nervous.  If this only happens on the 1st call / 1st date give the person the benefit of the doubt & don't dwell on it 

[yogacat]

Maybe it means that you have a great personality and are a good listener, so the women feel comfortable opening up and talking a lot during the call or date.

[Lambert]

Hi @MrNobody1111

I have actually thought this and have said but rately... Go watch America Ferraro in the Barbie movie. She has a whole speech about the bs women are told from day one about every possible thing.

so it's  probably her criticism of her self not being perfect. 

There.  I just explained women. lol. JK.

did you think she talked to much?

[MrNobody1111]

3 minutes ago, Lambert said:

Hi @MrNobody1111

I have actually thought this and have said but rately... Go watch America Ferraro in the Barbie movie. She has a whole speech about the bs women are told from day one about every possible thing.

so it's  probably her criticism of her self not being perfect. 

There.  I just explained women. lol. JK.

did you think she talked to much?

I've already seen the movie, so I'm familiar with the monologue you're referring to. And to answer you're question, no I didn't think so. She certainly talked more than I did (as is the case with most of my dates) but I feel this has more to do with me trying to listen and not interrupt rather than my dates being excessively talkative

[Coily]

I think sometimes it can be a false humility, a "I didn't mean to suck the conversation out of the room."

But overall it's a genuine, oh scrap I didn't mean to occupy the whole conversation.

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, MrNobody1111 said:

 I feel this has more to do with me trying to listen and not interrupt rather than my dates being excessively talkative

Since you're the common denominator, maybe you're just a good listener?  Maybe they're nervous as well and feel self conscious about the nervous chatter. 

[Seraphim]

I can be a big talker in person but it doesn’t make me insecure. 

[LootieTootie]

Thats nerves and complimenting you for being a good listener 😁

[Capricorn3]

Or maybe the girls are wondering why you don't  talk much, so they feel they have to keep it going? What do you think OP?

[MrNobody1111]

2 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

Or maybe the girls are wondering why you don't  talk much, so they feel they have to keep it going? What do you think OP?

I certainly hope that's not the case. I always have something to say, but I always let my date finish talking first before I begin talking. Plus, awkward silences with people I'm seeing honestly hasn't been an issue for me since my teenage years

[Samantha Atkinson]

I totally get what you're saying! It's weirdly common, right? I've had the same thing happen, where women apologize for talking too much after a call or a date. I used to brush it off, but it's happened so often now, it's kind of freaky.

Wonder what's behind it? Maybe it's just nerves or trying to make a good impression? Either way, you're not alone in noticing this pattern.

[kim42]

I would apologize for talking too much in the past because I felt insecure about myself and was nervous that me talking too much would scare the guy.

Now I have become much more comfortable with myself and I don't 'hide' my personality anymore. If a man doesn't like how much I talk, or he thinks I'm too bubbly for him, then we're simply not a match.

That's just my experience, maybe the women you've interacted with had different reasons for apologizing.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, kim42 said:

I would apologize for talking too much in the past because I felt insecure about myself and was nervous that me talking too much would scare the guy.

Now I have become much more comfortable with myself and I don't 'hide' my personality anymore. If a man doesn't like how much I talk, or he thinks I'm too bubbly for him, then we're simply not a match.

That's just my experience, maybe the women you've interacted with had different reasons for apologizing.

Yes!! (Good for you!). 

Many years ago I was being my bubbly self on a first meet with a guy who I found quite attractive -so maybe I was being even more so?? Anyway -only time someone ever said this -he said "you know you're very forward" (nothing I was saying was flirtatious). Then I knew we were not a match. I didn't feel forward at all.  He was kind of "alpha male" so maybe he preferred sweet and submissive LOL.

[redswim30]

In my experience as a woman, YES- most women are insecure/worried about talking too much around someone they like.   Why?  Because we are often silenced, shushed, told to minimize ourselves, told we're "obnoxious" if we talk too much.  Honestly, my own husband "shushed" me the other day.  When I was single, I would often apologize for talking too much, worried a man wouldn't like me if I did.   Even with close friends, I sometimes do this.  Part of it is just cultural for all the reasons I mentioned above.  Part of it is nerves, I talk more when I really like someone- so, I'd take this as a strong sign that she likes you! 

[smackie9]

Maybe these women haven't had much luck and wonder if it's because of they are talking too much, making it a big turn off. 

[rainbowsandroses]

5 hours ago, redswim30 said:

In my experience as a woman, YES- most women are insecure/worried about talking too much around someone they like.   Why?  Because we are often silenced, shushed, told to minimize ourselves, told we're "obnoxious" if we talk too much.  Honestly, my own husband "shushed" me the other day.  When I was single, I would often apologize for talking too much, worried a man wouldn't like me if I did.   Even with close friends, I sometimes do this.  Part of it is just cultural for all the reasons I mentioned above.  Part of it is nerves, I talk more when I really like someone- so, I'd take this as a strong sign that she likes you! 

I agree with this^ especially about being silenced, shushed, don't be loud, act/be reserved, demure.  This has been drilled into my thought process ever since I can remember!

However for ME when I'm really attracted to a guy I don't talk, I clam up, I feel nervous, anxious and tense.

But I know women who go the other way and talk to too much!

It's hard to know for certain what it means exactly, how did the date go in general, did you feel a mutual click/spark?

Did her talking turn you off?

[catfeeder]

It's probably common for people to reflect after they've fully immersed themselves in an experience. People who play sports do this all the time to take a more critical look at their performance. Same with entertainers or people who request 360° performance reviews on their job. Sounds like these women are running their self assessment by you.

Another consideration is whether or not you are an 'active' listener. You can look up this term and incorporate more of it into your listening. Sometimes people believe that they are being polite by offering a silent floor to one who is speaking, but if the speaker can't read enough feedback from you, they might grow uncomfortable. Some people ramble in response to the discomfort, while others just wonder what you think about what they've just said. This might cause another to wonder whether they've spoken inappropriately.

[Cherylyn]

I'm not insecure.  I enjoy talking but I'm mindful not to monopolize conversations.  I don't interrupt either.  I make sure there's back 'n forth dialogue with whomever I'm engaging in a conversation with. 

I enjoy conversing with others but I do NOT like people talking over me,  cutting my sentences off,  finishing my sentences,  assuming what I'm thinking or about to say,  gaslighting me by throwing me off track,  trying to confuse me,  controlling the narrative,  expecting me to conform to them,  changing the subject or any of those typical,  old tricks. 

I enjoy talking but I give courtesy to the listener and give him or her a chance to be fully invested in the conversation, too. 

I've known people to be conversation hogs to the point where they don't come up for air.  You can't get a word in edgewise.  I tend to avoid those types like the plague.  😡

Even though I enjoy talking,  there's an art to it.   I make sure it's not all about me.  I ask the other person a lot of questions,  make it about them and I enjoy listening to them and hear what they have to say.  At this point,  I let them talk because it's less work for me.  Suits me just fine, too.  😉

[poorlittlefish]

I've been on dates where I've barely got a word in edgways because the guy hasn't stopped going on about himself.  Maybe she's had experiences like that, she was surprised it was different with you and now she's second-guessing herself.