Ugh, why do men do this after the first date?

[Wiseman2]

Nice guys do not want princesses.👑

[jul-els]

Who knows? Sounds like he's got a pretty full schedule. If you're still interested just wait and see if he asks you out again. Or you could ask him out, but I know most women don't like to do that and I get why. I'm traditional/old fashioned too, and I personally think the man should be doing that. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with you taking initiative either, if it's something you feel inclined to do. I personally would find it to be a breath of fresh air if a woman were to ask me out. At any rate, if he doesn't ask you out within the next week or two, then you have your answer.

[smackie9]

My guess: He had another date with someone else, so he chatted with you to keep you on the hook if it didn't pan out with this other chick.

 

Like I always say, an interested man asks you for another date right away. This guy may have acted interested, but doesn't mean you are first on his list.

[Batya33]

Thanks. feel a little worse now because I forgot before an hour before our date he texted me asking how I was. I said I’m good and then he asked if I was still on time for our date because of the other times went he wanted to double check. I guess if he wasn’t really interested he wouldn’t have been worried about the date falling through, right?

 

However, I thought I was showing interest.

He gets of the car to drop me off and he said we should do this again and mentioned going to that spot I wanted to try to which I replied either yea sure or yea we can do that. He comes in for a hug, kisses me on the temple and I go inside. All that seems affirmative enough to me?

 

Yes. Until there is a time/place for the next date assume there is no date.

[BecxyRex]

I'm legitimately confused. Why aren't you asking him to meet up again? He seems really interested, but may not want to initiate everything. I've never understood this mindset to be honest.

[reinventmyself]

says he wants to do this again and said maybe we can go to that restaurant you haven't tried yet. I said yea sure that would be cool.

 

 

He texted me two days later asking how my day was going and we texted for a bit, but he didn’t bring up the date.

 

So why do this?

 

I haven't read entirely through, but I am confused. You had a great date. He said he wanted to see you again (soon) and he texted two days later to chat?

Maybe he wants to make sure you are still interested. After all, it often happens face to face, when asking for a future date people say yes just to avoid that awkward `no' to their face.

 

It's been 2 days. When did you expect to see him again? He may not ask you out for a couple weeks for that matter. It is just dating afterall and he's not your boyfriend. You don't owe each other anything at this point.

 

I don't see anything cryptic going on here.

He just seems like a nice guy.

[Beckydee90]

I haven't read entirely through, but I am confused. You had a great date. He said he wanted to see you again (soon) and he texted two days later to chat?

Maybe he wants to make sure you are still interested. After all, it often happens face to face, when asking for a future date people say yes just to avoid that awkward `no' to their face.

 

It's been 2 days. When did you expect to see him again? He may not ask you out for a couple weeks for that matter. It is just dating afterall and he's not your boyfriend. You don't owe each other anything at this point.

 

I don't see anything cryptic going on here.

He just seems like a nice guy.

 

No, it’s been 2 weeks.

[ninjabib]

Thanks. feel a little worse now because I forgot before an hour before our date he texted me asking how I was. I said I’m good and then he asked if I was still on time for our date because of the other times went he wanted to double check. I guess if he wasn’t really interested he wouldn’t have been worried about the date falling through, right?

 

However, I thought I was showing interest.

He gets of the car to drop me off and he said we should do this again and mentioned going to that spot I wanted to try to which I replied either yea sure or yea we can do that. He comes in for a hug, kisses me on the temple and I go inside. All that seems affirmative enough to me?

 

 

As Batya said until there is an actual date scheduled with a time and place then don't count on anything being confirmed.

 

 

If hes a successful business he's not going to have much free time. If someone is more direct with him i would imagine he would appreciate that.

 

If i were you i'd ask if he wants to see you again and suggest a time and place. If he says no then he's not interested i'm afraid.

[jul-els]

No, it’s been 2 weeks.

 

I somehow didn't see that part. If it's been two weeks since he's called you, that's it. I wouldn't spend anymore time wondering about it. Just write it off to a nice person who wasn't interested and continue on your search.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry it sounds like he moved on. Do not call him. He has your contact info and simply lost interest. Next time reply to people in a timely fashion rather than blowing them off repeatedly.

No, it’s been 2 weeks.

[Beckydee90]

Sorry it sounds like he moved on. Do not call him. He has your contact info and simply lost interest. Next time reply to people in a timely fashion rather than blowing them off repeatedly.

 

Sorry, for the confusion. The date was 2 weeks ago.

 

After I took 17 hours to reply, then eventually didn’t respond I contacted him a week later. He was very responsive. We teased/kind of flirted. The next day he told me good morning. He ended up working that weekend in preparation for his big new project. This was Saturday.

[Lambert]

I somehow didn't see that part. If it's been two weeks since he's called you, that's it. I wouldn't spend anymore time wondering about it. Just write it off to a nice person who wasn't interested and continue on your search.

Idk.... if you're still thinking about him two weeks later, why not give it one text....

[Beckydee90]

Sorry it sounds like he moved on. Do not call him. He has your contact info and simply lost interest. Next time reply to people in a timely fashion rather than blowing them off repeatedly.

 

The date was 2 weeks ago. After I took 17 hours to reply, then eventually didn’t respond I contacted him a week later. He was very responsive. We teased/kind of flirted. The next day he told me good morning. He ended up working that weekend in preparation for his big new project. This was Saturday.

[jul-els]

Idk.... if you're still thinking about him two weeks later, why not give it one text....

 

She could. I wouldn’t. If neither one of us has bothered to contact one another in two weeks, then it’s not worth pursuing, imo. I would let it go at that point.

[jul-els]

The date was 2 weeks ago. After I took 17 hours to reply, then eventually didn’t respond I contacted him a week later. He was very responsive. We teased/kind of flirted. The next day he told me good morning. He ended up working that weekend in preparation for his big new project. This was Saturday.

 

Ok, sorry, I’m confused again. So the last time you talked was last week? If so, call him! You’re obviously interested, so show it! Life is too short to play games and you’re too old for that, frankly. You’ve found someone you like; show it.

[reinventmyself]

I personally don't believe that anyone should have a perceived expectation of another after just one date.

 

He asked if you would like to go out again. Why get twisted that it hasn't happened yet? He could very well be dating others and that is his prerogative. You should be dating others as well.

 

If at some point if too much time has passed and you feel the momentum was lost, then let it go.

But it's hardly worth getting bothered about.

[waffle]

 

So why do this?

 

Tl;dr Why say you enjoy spending time with her during date? Make an hour round trip just to drop her off? Why say you want to see her again? Why contact her a day or 2 later?

 

Why do that if you’re just not going to follow through with second date? Why not have just kept all those things to yourself after the date and just disappear instead?

 

I understand the frustration.

 

What I found with "online dating" was that the better the initial meeting went, the more likely you'd never get together for a 2nd meet. The worse it went, the more I could be sure they'd be blowing up my phone before I even got home. My theory was that a good meeting gave them confidence; I envisioned them saying to themselves, "she's pretty great but there are thousands of other women online looking also, maybe I can find someone even better." Otherwise known as the Candy Shop Mentality, and believe me it is alive and well.

 

If there's any game playing going on at all, it's this nonsense of acting like it's all systems go, and then petering out because they want to take their chances with the next best thing online. Nothing wrong with that but they should keep their mouths shut during the initial meeting. Minimal BS = a better online experience for all.

[j.man]

Gonna keep it real with you, chief. "That would be cool" is something I say to my wife when she suggests going to brunch at some place, some time. Ain't gonna happen, toots. If you're going to be taking on a passive role, you need to at least reciprocate with some enthusiasm. It might come off as semantics, but when someone's planning, (forgive me if I assume wrong) paying, and then driving you 60 minutes round trip out of his way to get you home, you can at least employ the effort of a few extra neurons to adequately show some interest on your end. Obviously he's not entitled to anything for having volunteered his own effort, but "I'd love that" or even "That sounds great" gets you much further. Even better, if you wanna show interest while keeping it "old fashioned," you could agree and tell him to shoot you a call to set it up.

 

Even your delays in replying aren't inherently bad so long as you're actually moving the ball forward with what you do provide. OLD is rife with folks who are more than happy using it to inflate their ego or having someone somewhat attractive to text while you're bored taking a dump. And fair or not (not at all suggesting they're the norm), the archetype of women expecting to be courted and treated at very little expense or effort for their part is a real thing. Lot of guys nowadays are plenty willing to initiate and play along with the whole "my time is less valuable than yours routine" for the first date, but fully expect some form of reciprocation or effort afterward. Reading what you've described in your own account, I know I'd have little incentive to invest my time or money on a second date.

 

It's easy to brush it off as a lack of legitimate interest when assuming it's only you out there. But man or woman, there are plenty of folks who don't come off as particularly interested or enthusiastic. Investing in them is a pretty losing strategy.

[maew]

I'm legitimately confused. Why aren't you asking him to meet up again? He seems really interested, but may not want to initiate everything. I've never understood this mindset to be honest.

 

Same.

 

Playing it cool is risky... and off putting to a guy that has self-esteem and confidence.

 

Not saying you have to be all over the guy, just that showing interest from your side will let him know he is on the right track.

 

Did you contact him at all in the 2 weeks?

 

You can always give it a go if not... and if he doesn't respond or the response is lukewarm, you will have your answer.

[catfeeder]

He texted me two days later asking how my day was going and we texted for a bit, but he didn’t bring up the date.

 

Why didn't you? Dating is reciprocal, not a one way street.

[Beckydee90]

Why didn't you? Dating is reciprocal, not a one way street.

 

Because growing up I was always told if a man is interested he’ll go after what he wants, and in this case a second date.

[reinventmyself]

Because growing up I was always told if a man is interested he’ll go after what he wants, and in this case a second date.

That might explain why you haven't heard much from him.

The days of waiting for men to ask you to dance are gone.

Reciprocate. Your competition is.

[bluecastle]

The impression I'm getting is that you're not really interested in him so much as interested in knowing if he's interested in you—that his level of "into you" is basically your own gauge of whether or not you're into him.

 

Not sure if that's a general approach to dating, though it certainly seems to be, but speaking for myself I really struggled with this energy when I was dating: the sense that my role was to be super duper into someone—to chase—so she would feel super duper good. Makes connection feel like a kind of test, or game, which just gets tiring.

 

From what you've written? Dude sounds interested, and sounds like a dude who has show that. In response, he has gotten very, very little from you. Imagine if you spent just 10 percent of the energy that has gone into wondering about him into showing him you're wondering about him, down to see him again. You might end up getting what you want, both from him and in the bigger picture of connecting with people.

[ninjabib]

Because growing up I was always told if a man is interested he’ll go after what he wants, and in this case a second date.

 

You need to move with the times or miss out, even if it's too late with this one.

[LootieTootie]

Because growing up I was always told if a man is interested he’ll go after what he wants, and in this case a second date.

 

What you just said, applies to the lady too. If you want to show you are interested, you have to make the moves too. You are a player in this game so don't be a wallflower. Unless you are just interested in casual dating.

 

As others have said, he may very well be dating multiple people and trying to juggle that along with other responsibilities. I went out with a guy I met online and after 3 months told him I liked him more and would like to pursue exclusivity and he said no. He said he didn't want to put all his eggs in one basket. So we parted ways and I ignored his calls and messages after. It is one of the best decisions I've ever made because it opened me up to meet other people including my now-husband.

 

You want to enjoy dating but you don't want to waste your time thinking of the whys, how comes, what ifs, s. If you don't want to waste your time or over-extend yourself to someone, you need to be brave enough to stop beating around the bushes too.