maew Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 Because growing up I was always told if a man is interested he’ll go after what he wants, and in this case a second date. That doesn’t mean sitting passively by while they do all the work... you have to drop the hankie to pique his interest! Link to comment
j.man Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 That doesn’t mean sitting passively by while they do all the work... you have to drop the hankie to pique his interest!I gotta emphasize. As much as I was raised by my single mother to treat my dates as equals and to expect the same effort, I've dated women who were far more open and forward in their reciprocation than another woman's initiation. Not saying one is better than the other. I simply appreciate both. And frankly, it gives those women a bad name when others hijack the old fashioned / "how I was raised" route to justify a passive approach at dating to boost their egos. As has been said in the thread, that age is over. Plenty of women know and act better. You're gonna get dusted every time. That you're more generally lamenting men "doing this" after a date speaks much more to you being the common denominator. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 That you're more generally lamenting men "doing this" after a date speaks much more to you being the common denominator. I was pondering the same thing, j. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 Because growing up I was always told if a man is interested he’ll go after what he wants, and in this case a second date. This doesn’t wash anymore. When my mom was young and when I was a young teenager that was certainly the case but not anymore. If we expect the equality that also means a equality of effort from us. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 What happened to the guy you were on a date with this first time you waited to communication? Did he ask you out again? What about others you are talking to and meeting from the dating apps? Are you using quality (paid) dating apps? Apparently he lost interest from your hard-to-get hardball. I was always told if a man is interested he’ll go after what he wants, and in this case a second date. Link to comment
Beckydee90 Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 I was pondering the same thing, j. Yes, majority of the man have wondered if I was interested or not. However, they still all pursued. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 If they are pursuing you despite your apathy, why are you still single and out dating? Why hasn't it led anywhere? Are you just dating for attention, fun, meals, rides, being entertained, etc? Are you scheduled for an arranged marriage or is it the norm in your culture to play the indifferent game?majority of the man have wondered if I was interested or not. However, they still all pursued. Link to comment
Beckydee90 Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 What happened to the guy you were on a date with this first time you waited to communication? Did he ask you out again? What about others you are talking to and meeting from the dating apps? Are you using quality (paid) dating apps? Apparently he lost interest from your hard-to-get hardball. He asked me out again. I just wasn’t interested. Who lost interest? The guy from the OP? We talked last week, the date was 2 weeks ago. Link to comment
Beckydee90 Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 If they are pursuing you despite your apathy, why are you still single and out dating? Why hasn't it led anywhere? Are you just dating for attention, fun, meals, rides, being entertained, etc? Are you scheduled for an arranged marriage or is it the norm in your culture to play the indifferent game? I just got of a relationship 2 months ago so I’m getting back into the dating game. Not every date has to lead to a LTR. Link to comment
ninjabib Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 So why all the fuss over this guy? Somethings not adding up. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 Yes, majority of the man have wondered if I was interested or not. However, they still all pursued. Why should anyone chase -you or the man - asking someone out on a date is not pursuing or chasing. It's "asking someone out on a date". So it's totally fine to let the man do all or most of the asking out in the beginning but you need to show your interest and enthusiasm so that he's not 'pursuing" -he's pretty comfortable with what the answer is going to be. Like this - I dated a guy who I really liked and when he would say "so, um what are you doing this weekend?" I'd say "going out on a date with you!!" Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating? Are you still communicating with him? Are you ready to date?I just got of a relationship 2 months ago. Link to comment
bluecastle Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I'm also now wondering if maybe you're still hurting from your breakup—sorry about that!—and approaching dating more from a place of pain than curiosity and openness. Limited approach, that. Something to think about in the big picture: It takes a certain kind of person to avidly pursue someone he or she does not believe is interested in them. Key ingredients there? Big ego, low self-esteem, which is to say an unlikely set of variables to make for, you know, a fun connection. Not sure about your age or relationship history, but now might be a good time to reflect on whether this approach has led you to connecting with the sort of people you want to be with romantically. Link to comment
Beckydee90 Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 Why should anyone chase -you or the man - asking someone out on a date is not pursuing or chasing. It's "asking someone out on a date". So it's totally fine to let the man do all or most of the asking out in the beginning but you need to show your interest and enthusiasm so that he's not 'pursuing" -he's pretty comfortable with what the answer is going to be. Like this - I dated a guy who I really liked and when he would say "so, um what are you doing this weekend?" I'd say "going out on a date with you!!" I like how you responded-it was light, fun, and flirty. That, I have no problem with. It’s the days passing with NC asking out that just feels like chasing. I know the odds are stacked against me. When had something ever fizzled out, the woman asks to go out, and the guy accepts? I’ve never heard of that happening before. Link to comment
hooksings Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 I think you need to take a breath and ask yourself why you are feeling so anxious about this. It is certainly nothing as far as I can see that he has done or not done. It is simply YOUR expectations of what YOU feel he should have done...calling and setting up another date. He may have had a great time with you that night and may be considering what to do next. You said yourself that at some point YOU had another date and couldn't get back to him right away. So why shouldn't he be allowed the same courtesy? Be patient. When we accept how things are we are not going to be disappointed. If we expect things to happen the way we want them too you often will be disappointed. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 They may be picking up on the fact that you just came out of a LTR and are dating as a distraction and to be entertained. This comes across as insincere regardless of who chases who, who ignores who, who plays a hard to get, etc. I know the odds are stacked against me. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 I just got of a relationship 2 months ago so I’m getting back into the dating game. Not every date has to lead to a LTR. Well, if you told the guy this, he may have ditched the idea of setting himself up as a rebound. Link to comment
Beckydee90 Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 Well, if you told the guy this, he may have ditched the idea of setting himself up as a rebound. I didn’t tell him. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.