Attracted to another man....

[Batya33]

I'd be very careful about feeding the ego/intrigued feeling you have - it's not worth your marriage.

I love the idea of asking your husband -and if you can't, that's your answer. I asked my husband in a situation where a former acquaintance (nothing romantic, back then I thought he was cute -we sat on a jury together, we chatted, no flirting whatsoever) contacted me when he was separated from his wife - seemed like he wanted me to refer him to an attorney for the divorce but the email also contained some personal info. So I responded to the professional part and the responsive email was quite personal although not outrightly flirtatious. I showed my husband and we decided that I could respond again with whatever other referral I had to a legal person and not respond to the personal part (because it was worth maintaining the acquaintanceship for business reasons). I did so, received a polite thank you, done. Out in the open was best. I have not shown my husband other emails from exes where I resolved it in the same way -meaning, why bother him with hit if I was going to cut things off before any playing with fire could result. It depends. In this case, why not show him? If not, why not?

[abitbroken]

I'm just more intrigued as to whether this guy actually does like me, or if I'm reading it wrong.

 

the fact that you are even wondering is deeply troubling

[smackie9]

Emotional AFFAIR If you are doing it in secret, you shouldn't be doing it. This will destroy any trust your husband has with you. CUT IT OUT. This has gone way too far. Things are not weird with your husband, you have gotten weird with this guy, and it's making you look differently at your relationship with your husband. Your emotional intimacy with this guy is pulling you away from your husband. Snap out of it, and stop texting this guy...end it!

[LC8328]

I can understand this to an extent. Sometimes, a friendly (and yes sometimes handsome) face can get us through the day. Even looking forward to a text at the end of your day... ehhh bit of a grey area if you ask me, but fine.

 

Honestly though the part I had trouble with is this:

 

On one evening, after a row with my husband, my instructor texted me when I was feeling totally fed up, and I told him that I had caught feelings for him, but that I hoped it wouldn't affect our friendship, which it hasn't.

 

So having a crush can be normal (according to various magazine articles I've read ), but once you tell that person, it ups the ante. You're now asking this man to *do* something about it, and therefore your crush is no longer innocent.

 

I also can't help but notice your questions.

 

Is the guy interested in me as more than friends?

 

If not, is it normal for a guy with a partner to text a married woman, multiple times, every evening?

 

Finally, the biggie.... what should I do???

 

There is something missing here. Can you find it? Here's a hint:

 

At the moment, things are a bit weird between my husband and I, whilst he adjusts from finishing a long self employed job, and to me going out at random hours in the morning, or finishing late at night.

 

You didn't ask a single thing about your husband. 'while he adjusts.' While HE adjusts. He's going through something right now. He needs you. And not once did you think, how can I do better by the man I swore I'd stick it out with? Yes, you mentioned his troubles in an offhand manner, but your narration went right back to this other man. It's a selfish thought process.

 

Also I have a feeling I'm wasting my time writing this, since you've already asked this question in a previous post. I'm assuming you're posting in the hopes that we tell you that this other man wants you. I think this is what your posts are centered around.

 

I know I have to support him through the rough days of not having any work booked.

 

Today's a good day as any to start. Going No-Contact with the guy you have a crush on would get you off on the right foot.

[ThatwasThen]

No, my marriage is important to me, and so is my coworker's partnership with his missus and kid (I don't have children).

 

I'm just more intrigued as to whether this guy actually does like me, or if I'm reading it wrong.

Will you please kick yourself and stop with your shady goings on? You know he has a partner and has had a child with her so what does it matter if he likes you or not. You're being a real piece of work by texting him and he you when you and he both know you are crushing on him since you were silly enough to tell him that. Did he tell you he likes you back too?

 

Smarten up, you are married and he is just as committed as you are even if he doesn't have the license. How he plays you when he knows you are crushing. If he were as the bees knees you think he is he wouldn't entertain the contact after your confession. He uses you for that attention you fawn over him.

 

 

I like him a lot, and he's an absolutely top bloke. I'm so far out of the game, that I have no idea when someone is flirting with me, and when someone is just being nice.

He HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND A CHILD. That is enough knowledge for you to put a stop to the texting and everything else outside of work. It's time to keep it professional and to back off. Its no wonder you are finding fault with your husband when the reality of him knocks you out of your fantasy thoughts of another man.

 

I think that's why I caught some feelings for him, as him being a nice bloke made me feel better at a time when life wasn't easy.

That is no excuse for you to be horning in on another woman's lifemate. Nor is it any reason for you to disengage emotionally from your own husband because you have a childish crush on another man. Leave him alone and either get back to bonding with your husband or leave him but leave that woman's partner alone.

 

He's never indicated any romantic intention towards me. He's just very confusing.

Its not confusing. When you told him you had a crush on him (stop calling it "feelings") he didn't do a thing about it (did he?) but continue to bask in the attention you give him.

 

What should you do? Time to grow up, stop fantasizing and view this with glasses coated in reality. Zero contact outside of your job. Quit pursuing another woman's life partner and work on your own marriage or leave it.

[boltnrun]

When you fantasize about the two of you leaving your current partners to be together (and I know you do), how do you envision it all working out? Does your fantasy include his devastated partner and child? Do you just gloss over the part where you have to tell your husband that #1, you've been having an affair and #2, you are divorcing him for the other guy? How about all the families, do you pretend no one will be hurt?

 

You do realize no matter how much you crush on and fantasize about the other man he hasn't said he wants you too.

 

Is this really worth losing everything?

[lostandhurt]

Lets be real here. You like the attention and don't want it to stop so you are here basically asking if it okay to keep texting this guy. By the way you need to admit to yourself the reason you admitted you had feelings for him is because you hoped he felt the same way and would tell you as much.

 

The answer is NO it is not okay. Why? Because you have a crush on him and are hiding this "friendship" from your husband.

 

You know this is wrong so it is all on you. If your husband had a female "friend" he had a crush on and liked the attention you would be pissed.

 

You are already emotionally cheating so if you want to physically cheat you will do like all cheaters do and find some excuse or justification. There is NEVER a good reason to stray and turning your emotions towards another man is not helping your marriage at all.

 

Do the right thing and tell this guy the contact needs to stop.

 

Lost

[Camber 2019]

This situation would never have even started if both of you were happy in your current relationships. But you both have (even if distant and fleeting) thoughts of how "fun" it would be with someone else...

 

It's that simple.

 

STOP! You are playing with fire!

[Betterwithout]

Attraction is a wonderful thing isn't it?

Feels great to be appreciated, noticed, complimented.

 

This is one of those situations where you have to put yourself in your husbands shoes.

Would you be happy and supportive of him texting a co-worker every night and flirting with her at work?

 

Have you considered that your relationship with your husband is the first problem you should tackle?

 

If you are looking for justification for your actions, you've come to the wrong place.

The decisions you make are yours and you have to own them.

 

Remember: being "friendly with co-worker" can turn into "flirting with co-worker" can turn into "f$#!ng with co-worker"

 

Please do all four of you a favor and see a marriage therapist. Better than an attorney, no?

[Wiseman2]

Replied in your identical thread: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=558768&p=7116236&viewfull=1#post7116236

[Capricorn3]

Threads have been merged.

[EternalOptimis]

You are having an AFFAIR!

That you ask "Is the guy interested in me as more than friends?" sounds like you very much want the answer to be yes.

If you're not comfortable sharing details of your "friendship" with your husband, whom you claim to love, then it is not a friendship.

You may want to look into why you are looking outside and whether you want to stay married.

[wgmitch]

I'm not married and have only been dating my GF for just over a year. I have posted here about how I think she is cheating on me and for the most part it seems to be all on her phone. It is making me sick to my stomach.

 

So if the tables were turned and your wonderful husband was texting another woman in the middle of the night even just friendly little pick me ups, like you describe, are you okay with that? You are not showing your husband what you are doing, right? You are hiding things from your husband because he will be upset, so I would think. This is deceitful. That's not what marriage or relationships are about. They are built on respect, trust, communication and respect. Did I mention respect? Respect yourself and your husband. Go to counseling for whatever is missing or ailing your relationship with your husband, but don't resort to cheating. If that doesn't work get a divorce and let him find someone that respects him. Hard truth there right?

 

Please, don't cheat. Someone, most likely you, will be very hurt in the end.

 

Mitch

[Annia]

He's texting you at 23.00 because that's probably when his partner is sleeping. If you don't want to cheat on your husband and you respect him, then stop the messaging him and if possible change instructors.

[Buffer01]

Yep you are an having an emotional affair with this married man. How will your husband feel when he finds out? Or If is was reversed and he was doing everything you are, would you be as accepting? Stop it now and open communication with husband. Keep your work friends for work. You could loose your job as well.