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LC8328

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Everything posted by LC8328

  1. It is absolutely sexual assault, and I am so very sorry you had to endure this! This man is sick and twisted, and quite frankly angers and triggers me a little - especially the bit about the pinching. I suggest you find ways to love yourself again, and learn that you deserve the best. None of this is your fault. Again, I'm sorry. There are some really good online therapies and even online inexpensive group therapy. All kinds of things available. Please take care of yourself.
  2. Physical attraction is pretty important in a relationship. Personally, I wouldn't settle and to be honest I would be turned off by his poor hygiene too. It's great that you guys connected online really well. However, as you know, mental compatibility is just one aspect of a relationship. So yeah, I'd just stop seeing him together. Good luck out there.
  3. ETA: I know you technically thanked him but your entire response was very formal and kinda buried under your other stuff.
  4. When I read the part about him inviting your son to the park, my first thought was, omg, that's so sweet! Had I been you, I would have thanked him for being so sweet and obviously trying to help. Your response to that was mechanical, bussinesslike. It might have made him feel like his gesture was overlooked/ not appreciated (on top of everything else mentioned on this thread). My advice, try responding with a bit more emotion/ appreciation. If setting up a date was this businesslike, how much "fun" is a date going to be? Just my two cents. FWIW, I know what it's like to be dating later in life and I agree it's rough. You'll do fine, just relax a bit.
  5. I agree with Tinydance; it would have been considerate of your friends to take some time to do something with you without their partners, especially knowing your situation and your feeling a bit lonely. Sorry you're feeling this way. If it helps, many people are going through a tough time right now. Take care of yourself.
  6. I won't judge you for gaming as I am a gamer too and I understand that life. However, the most important thing you said was this: There are too many things amiss here. Honestly, he seems like he's on his way out of this relationship himself. I met a guy some months back (been single for over a year) while gaming. We hit it off and there was a major connection. But he dropped the ball somewhere and stopped communicating. I consider it to be over and have moved on. It only would have worked if he was willing to come meet me and make it a real relationship. Anything other than that is not going to hold any water in real life. That's just the reality of the situation. Please move on and find someone you're happy with. Good luck.
  7. Hi, I've been reading your posts for a while and a lot of things are starting to come together as far as insight on some of your past posts. For starters, it doesn't look like you had a fair chance with this guy. His heart seemed closed from the beginning. I'm sorry that he treated you like this. If any man I dated told me that all I had to do was cook, clean, and have sex with him...well, the things I'd say in response would be censored out of this post. I'm disgusted and saddened for you. It's quite normal to want to be in contact with him, all things considered. But that idea, much like your former relationship, is not a good one. You're an adult, however, and I'm confident you'll make the choice that is right for you. The only other thing I want to add is that I wish many things for you...completeness and strength, for starters. I would like to see a day where, if a man says that you're not good enough, you'll tell him in no uncertain terms to GTFO and never look back. I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. Time will help it hurt less, I promise.
  8. Wait... are you hesitating to break up with your BF because he's bought you things? Because of material things? And/ or because you live with him so you want to keep that life, while screwing around on him? That's what your words here seem to say, and if that's true, then... WOW. Complete and utter self-centeredness. Of course, even without this bit of info, one can easily say that. You're 25 and, not to offend others in your age bracket, but your immaturity is showing big time.
  9. I think the bigger question is why you spent so much time thinking about how hurt you are, when he hasn't even had a chance to impress or disappoint you yet. Day after Valentine's you can come back and tell us your feelings if indeed he didn't do anything. We'll talk about it then. But IMHO, the real question is, why do you expect him to disappoint you, and why have you already decided that he will?
  10. You are not stupid and you are not overreacting. You chose to give this man your trust again. HE is the one who failed here. Don't think about this any more than you need to. Use this information and grow stronger. Let's start with ending your relationship for real this time, yeah? You deserve someone way better who doesn't play games, whose actions fall in line with his words. Good luck.
  11. Wow! I don't even know where to begin, but how about- gross! Clipping his toenails? His ex "lasted long" with him because she was more obedient? You will never be happy with this misogynistic loser. Know that you deserve better, to be treated like the beautiful human that you are.
  12. Yep, I agree with this. I'd like to add that I'm happy you two have decided to go to counseling. Now I have a question, and I'm sorry if it's too simplistic or insensitive. Do you think you might have some post-partum depression? I know someone who had it for a very long time after her first child was born. It could explain some of your amplified reactions and feelings.
  13. Although I guess emotional affair and emotionally dependent could be very similar things. Hmm.
  14. Hi OP, I don't think this is an emotional affair. I do, however, think he is emotionally dependent on this woman, your "best friend." And you don't have to have your pants off to betray your spouse. Your lifelong partner is supposed to be a safe place - physically and emotionally. He has proven that he is not that safe place for you, that he will leak out your private conversations to a third party - which you have specifically asked him not to do. And if he has issues with your anxiety etc, he needs to talk to YOU about them. Help you through it because that's what a decent friend does, never mind a life partner (or at the very least, not cause you more anxiety!!!!). My point is, you deserve to have that safe place. You deserve to be with someone transparent, and he is the polar opposite of that. I'm so sorry. He is not going to change and I really think you'd be happier apart. It seems like all he will do is whine about how horrible he is and shouldn't have done that, then continue to do so. Sorry. Good luck.
  15. There is no reason to judge you. It was your body, your right, and it is never an easy process for anybody! I think you were correct in that he is also going through his own emotions. Perhaps when you wanted to end things with him, then changed your mind, he felt like it was too much of a roller coaster ride right now with his emotions and yours. I'm sorry you have to grieve for two losses. I really wish you the best; know that you WILL get through this.
  16. Hi OP, I do have to agree with the others. You seriously can't sleep or eat because of this? I'm trying to say this as gently as possible, but...this is not quite healthy. I honestly think you need to take some time for yourself, heal yourself emotionally. You are not ready for a relationship. I know that wasn't your question, but your emotional health comes first. Good luck.
  17. Hi OP, I'm speaking from experience, in being a cheater and being cheated on (and YES - also semi-cheating or intense flirting at work), that there is a certain immaturity level required for downplaying the hurt you've caused others (as lostandhurt said). And you would tell me, "But LC, I told my husband what happened. Isn't that owning up to what I did?" Here's the problem with that though: It seems to me you told him not to be fair to him, maybe not even to absolve yourself, but because: This "confession" seemed little more than you basically saying, "See, you babied me so much that I almost stepped out on you, so stop it!" Which is odd, because all those times he sweetly took over your chores for you, you were free to say, "Honey, I appreciate it, but I'm going to do this and YOU can just take care of me later in other ways," wink wink, etc. If indeed it got to the point where you felt babied as you said, then something more assertive could be in order: "No, I got it. Really, I'm doing this and I need to do this." Unless he held a gun to your head and forced you to sit down while he did the dishes? I could be missing something since you were in a hurry when you typed this all out. But am I correct in saying that this confession was the first time you stood up to him (really stood up to him) about being babied? And it was coupled with the slap in the face of "btw I exchanging suggestive flirting with a guy at work"? If that was really why you flirted with Work Guy...then you should have spoken to your husband about this pressing issue FIRST. It's completely unfair to your hubby to be secretly upset about a dynamic between you two, and then run to flirt up the boss's nephew. "No, LC," you say again. "There were things that led up to it. That's not how it was." Yes, I know. You don't think it was "that bad": But the most important part out of all your posts is this: That's the problem. That's the crux of it and why so many fine folks on ENA are saying what they're saying. You knew the stakes and chose to do what you wanted. It got to a point where you had to "confess" to your husband and he is hurting. So call it an affair, not call it an affair -semantics are the least of your worries right now, especially semantics discussed with a bunch of strangers on the internet -you did a thing, he's hurt, you have to fix it. But even in confessing to him you lashed out at him subtly, hinting that it's HIS fault that YOU flirted with the boss's nephew. If your confession came from an unselfish place with only your husband's feelings in mind, you would not have said it that way. Because I like to think that in spite of your words, you know very well that it is not your husband's fault! That was your choice. You wouldn't believe the things that actually-committed married couples put up in each other because they refuse to break their spouse's trust. So while you believe you are being mature about it while "owning up" to the flirting, in the end it was just more selfishness. It was just dressed up a little differently. Why am I bothering to tell you all this? Because your mindset is hurting your poor husband. Your marriage has a chance of making it IF you stop this selfishness BS right now and literally only think of what would help your husband heal. Because it certainly takes priority over your being babied because HE wants to do YOUR chores.
  18. Billie - Are you saying that if I were your patient, and I had some rare disease, you would tell everyone about it, "as long as you don't use my name"? In other words, you'd post my race, age, how many kids I have etc - so in other words people could figure out who you were talking about? And that's seriously ok with you? That's very concerning to me.
  19. Agree 100%. This is not about the legality of what happened. As Batya said, it is about common sense and decency. It doesn't mean OP is a horrible person. Far from it. The inconsiderate things I've done when I was young is a long, long list to be sure. But I've grown from it. OP will too. ETA: Though it is true that it was a poor choice of her boss to share that information as well. Moreso since that is his wife's business. I wonder if he apologized to his wife for this.
  20. That's what I was thinking too. OP, you probably have a different idea of what flirty means than I do. And we together most likely have different ideas of what flirty means than everyone else on this thread. Devil's advocate: My ex, when inebriated, would be friendlier than usual to female staff at the restaurant. He would compliment them, but not in a way that was crossing any boundaries, in my opinion. He would just say things like what a great job they were doing compared to how he would act in a similar situation, and he would do it in a way that would make them feel like he really appreciated them. I'll admit he didn't talk more than he had to with the male staff, and yes my ex is attractive so women would be open to some friendly conversation. However, it didn't bother me because after a couple minutes, it would be over -he didn't focus on them. We would all move on with our day. If ever he said something to them that made me feel that I was less important them they were...then yes that would have bothered me and I would have spoken up immediately. So I hate to micro-analyze the type of flirting your BF is doing, but I would honestly have to chalk this one up to "it depends." With your BF grabbing a bridesmaid's hand (per Wiseman's reply)...I would like to know the context. Because when I was younger I used to oversimplify in the retelling of stories to change context. I'm not saying you're doing this purposely of course. But sometimes when our feelings are hurt, our vision gets cloudy. "He grabbed her hand" is quite different from, for example, saying that they touched hands for a couple seconds. I'm not saying that necessarily makes it okay if that were the case, just pointing out that there are many possible variables here. With all that said, if you have talked about all this and he knows it bothers you but continues to do it, then obviously something's gotta give. As Wiseman said, time to reevaluate. Good luck.
  21. OK -I'm going to sidestep everything else and just talk about the trip, just for the heck of it, and come at this from a different angle. Let's say I go out with my siblings every month to a Broadway show. You and I are dating, and you ask me if I would like to go with you to this show. I say no, that it doesn't sound fun, because I just don't feel like it. That doesn't mean I don't love you. I do plenty of other things with you. Then you discover that I am going to that exact show with my siblings. This hurts your feelings, but here's the thing. It is natural for me to go to see a show with my siblings because it is something I have always done and is a natural part of my life. It isn't rejecting you by saying I don't want to go to this show with you. I could have had any number of reasons. Maybe...when I see the show with you, I want it to be a certain way. Special or at a place in my life where I can enjoy it more with the man I love. Or maybe I compartmentalize my life such that there are certain things I do with you, that I don't do with anyone else. And rearranging all that would be chaos for me. So with you I will go dancing and do some amazing things that are just for us. Do you see what I mean? Now having said that...I would feel the same way in your shoes. I would just think over how you relate and interact with each other on a normal basis, and that could tell you how to proceed. Is there mutual respect? Do you listen to each other? Or are you constantly being put on the backburner in her life? I also want to note that you saying "maybe it would be fun if we went to Hawaii" isn't exactly the same as letting her know you'd like to go there with her. So it's also possible that she didn't realize how seriously you intended that comment to be. And maybe you sort of planted that idea of Hawaii in her head, and she planned with with her friend because, well, it's easy for her to travel with someone she always travels with. Just playing devil's advocate. However I just want to slip in that her showing you pictures from her vacation is not proof of her loyalty to you - not in any way, shape, or form. You have to know this. I know you've been a bit wary of the advice we've all given you, but hopefully it'll help you to have very different, objective thoughts on this. Good luck.
  22. I mean, honey, if you'd like to see him again, then ask him out. You don't have to wait for *him* to approach you first. He'll accept if he wants to see you. I haven't seen your previous post but it seems like you're overthinking it. You had a fun one-night stand kind of time with someone new, now you can see if he'd like to see you again.
  23. No I totally get it. I love kids: have my own, nieces and nephews too, and even strangers with kids - if I happen to have interaction with them I would just love them. BUT there is one little girl I used to be neighbors with that I COULD NOT STAND. She grated on my nerves and I had zero affection for her. I don't even live there anymore but just the thought of her now annoys me and I have no clue why. Hope it helps a little to let it off your chest.
  24. Hi, I feel like he sent you that meme as a test - since he sends you so many, it was like "ok now I'm gonna send a slightly suggestive one and see what she thinks." Sort of the equivalent of saying "just kidding" after using a pickup line in case it doesn't work. Basically, he's being coy. But the point is, do you WANT him to make a move? He doesn't seem like great boyfriend material, at least to this extent: I mean, if you do get back together I certainly hope you'll be happy, but in my experience: people don't suddenly become loving and attentive if they weren't previously. But I don't know you or your friend and there could have been plenty of other factors that affected him at the time soooo.... basically, he could be sending a flirt because he's unsure how you'd take it, but please evaluate if being with him again is really what you want.
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