Question for the ladies. Honest answers please

[mandeelove]

If ur in a committed relationship , would you be ok with your boyfriend going to Las Vegas for a week with a large group. No not a Bachelor party... But a regular vacation. I never trusted big guys trips but Las Vegas is just asking for trouble in my opinion. I know u all will bring up the question of trust. But Las Vegas in my opinion brings out the worst in good guys too. So would this be a deal breaker for you? Would u let them go or just break up? Am I overreacting if I break up with my partner over this.

[mandeelove]

I said boyfriend but anyone who is married can answer this too. Thank you

[arjumand]

My husband went about ten years back with four old friends. It was actually my idea. They had a great time. Never crossed my mind to worry about it.

[Maggie Smith]

Have trust in your guy. If something happens it’s on him and you will know what kind of person he is. If you try to prevent it, you might come across as controlling in his eyes. I don’t think it’s wrong to voice your concerns to him and he should respect that. Communication is key.

[DanZee]

I guess if you're against smoking, drinking, eating and gambling, you won't like it the idea much. Otherwise, it's a blast. And the city's changed quite a bit. There's even museums there now and lots of other things to do such as sports, Broadway-type shows, and plenty of concerts. If you're suggesting he's going to cheat on you, you have to really search for that. Prostitution is illegal in Clark County where Las Vegas and Paradise are.

[Snny]

You’re*

 

Yes it’s ok. Guy trips are ok whether you both are dating or married. He’s with friends that I would trust to have his back. My husband likes going to casinos every once in awhile to have fun and has control over his spending.

 

I’m planning a cruise getaway trip with my girlfriends after I have my baby and finish breastfeeding. Husband is fine with it and doesn’t have a problem.

 

It’s important to have some time with yourself. Just because you are together/engaged/married doesn’t mean you’re connected to the hip.

[Birdie]

I would be totally fine with it.

 

Honestly he’d probably just spend too much gambling, but whatever it’s his money. I trust him and know him, I would have zero worries.

[boltnrun]

Is this a brand new boyfriend?

 

I find the term "let" to be off putting.

 

And no, it would not bother me. Vegas is not entirely hookers and getting drunk, although for some it is.

[MissCanuck]

It would not be a problem for me, no.

[Wiseman2]

Do you think threatening to break up will force him to assuage your distrust and not go simply because you don't want him to?

I never trusted big guys trips but Las Vegas is just asking for trouble in my opinion.But Las Vegas in my opinion brings out the worst in good guys too.

[glitterfingers]

Recently my boyfriend told me he was going out for a buck's night and I responded by asking which strip clubs they would be going to. So, yes, I'd be ok with it. I'd never dream of trying to restrict a partner's freedom or "fun with the boys". If I feel insecure, it's either a problem with me or a problem with the relationship, and if it's the latter, then the relationship probably needs to end

 

But, I do make sure I clarify what kind of person I'm dating by encouraging openness and honesty and probing their moral character through various conversations. I know if I responded poorly to such things he would just think he has to hide the truth from me, and that's not conducive to a healthy/trusting relationship

[greta96]

To me, it totally depends on how long I've known my man, how well do I know him and how much I trust him.

A boyfriend I haven't been with for that long (under a year) and who's not all that committed to me, heck yes I would worry. A husband I've been married to for 10+ years and know him inside out? Nah, I'd be happy for the break and for having the house all to myself.

I really think it depends on the individual and the situation, this is not a "one size fits all" kind of answer.

 

I would understand if you were worried and upset, because it's only natural in some situations.

 

However I don't think it's something to break up over, and I'd advise you not to even threaten to break up (especially if you don't mean it!) only as a way to scare him into backing off the trip, because that would only make you look manipulative and controlling in his eyes and those of his friends, and while he may not distance himself right away, it will chip away at his attraction for you as time goes by and resentment starts building.

 

Sometimes you just have to keep your feelings to yourself and not sweat the small stuff. If the guy wants to cheat and is the cheating type, trust me, he can cheat on any given night, when you think he's in his bed fast asleep. I've seen it a million times.

[Lambert]

frankly, i don't think you have a choice. you can't let anyone do anything... maybe if youre married there's more of a decision/discussion because of cost and mutual plans. but really if you're just dating and you put up a fuss, he might still go.

 

ever hear the expression 'better to ask forgiveness, than permission"

 

dont be petty... you either trust the guy or you don't. or rather, the guy is either trustworthy or why are you with him?

 

I'm not sure i understand relationships that are so controlling. if the guys actions make me nervous that he's gong to cheat then i get out of it. you don't have to be pin a guys/girls trip to cheat.

[mustlovedogs]

I would be totally ok with it.

 

And the idea of “letting” someone do something... yuck.

[thealchemist]

Where I live we can do a round trip flight to Vegas for less than $150.

 

I have gone a few times.

 

If your boyfriend isn't a POS it doesn't matter.

 

It doesn't "corrupt" good guys. It just shows you that he was full of sh*t to begin with.

 

When I went I never did anything my wife would worry about. I would rather drink, party and gamble than sit around at a strip club or go get a hooker.

 

I have been with guy friends who are married and they disappear halfway through the night. Pretty sure their wives would leave them if they knew what they did. Not that I do know what they actually do...

 

But it is very scary how much you think it is your right to determine his ability to go.

 

If I was dating a woman and she got weird about it, it is only because she doesn't trust me.

 

If I was dating a girl who didn't trust me I wouldn't be dating her for much longer.

[itsallgrand]

I'm totally ok with it. Actually, my partner is headed that way in a few weeks. He goes every year. Few days in Las Vegas, few in LA area, some time in Palm Springs area.

 

Very honest answer here, I will worry more about his safety than anything else. He was in the area of the shooting in Las Vegas only a week before. I get scared sometimes about that kind of thing. But him going on trips in itself - I want him to enjoy himself and for us to be able to each take trips that aren't always with each other. I can't imagine a long term relationship with a tight reign on that kind of thing- I'd be miserable.

[Starlight925]

I’d be not only fine with it, but excited for him to have a fun guys trip. I do a lot of trips with my friends, and if a guy ever had a problem with it, we’d be done.

 

What’s the deeper issue? Why is it that you don’t trust him? Has something happened, or is it a general distrust? I was in a relationship where I just never trusted him, due to his secrecy, phone hiding, etc. I ended the relationship, as I just can’t live like that. What is it for you?

[mandeelove]

I’d be not only fine with it, but excited for him to have a fun guys trip. I do a lot of trips with my friends, and if a guy ever had a problem with it, we’d be done.

 

What’s the deeper issue? Why is it that you don’t trust him? Has something happened, or is it a general distrust? I was in a relationship where I just never trusted him, due to his secrecy, phone hiding, etc. I ended the relationship, as I just can’t live like that. What is it for you?

Vegas rubs me the wrong way. I always feel it could cause issues. Thats why if Im in a relationship I wouldnt go there. Id choose a different location for a trip.

 

But yes. He hides his phone, tilts it to the side when typing the code, wont say who hes texting. Hes not open with communication when he does go out with friends. He omits facts. He also has a roaming eye in front of me. So I wonder if hes loose in Vegas would that eye lead to a convo. Hes a very friendly/flirty guy. I only trust him like 60 percent.

[Starlight925]

Vegas rubs me the wrong way. I always feel it could cause issues. Thats why if Im in a relationship I wouldnt go there. Id choose a different location for a trip.

 

But yes. He hides his phone, tilts it to the side when typing the code, wont say who hes texting. Hes not open with communication when he does go out with friends. He omits facts. He also has a roaming eye in front of me. So I wonder if hes loose in Vegas would that eye lead to a convo. Hes a very friendly/flirty guy. I only trust him like 60 percent.

 

Then this isn’t about Vegas. It’s about the fact that, as you said, you only trust him 60%.

 

If he was going on a hiking trip to Colorado with his buddies, he could cheat with a cute girl on the trail.

 

I’ve got news for you: there’s alchohol, strip clubs, and cute girls in BFE anywhere.

 

He’s not the guy for you. I will NEVER again put up with a guy where secrecy, shady phone behavior, etc. is present.

[Lost 73]

If you trusted him yup no issues. I agree with whoever said this I have a real issue with you saying LET him. He is a grown man he can do as he pleases. sounds very controlling.

[Liraele]

Yes. If I can't trust him to go hang out with his friends... well, I probably shouldn't be in a relationship with him.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately this is a dating problem, no matter where you or he is.

He omits facts. He also has a roaming eye in front of me. So I wonder if hes loose in Vegas would that eye lead to a convo. Hes a very friendly/flirty guy. I only trust him like 60 percent.

[j.man]

I know others have already driven the point, but I always have to take someone's take with a grain of salt when they use language such as "letting" their partner do something.

 

He hides his phone, tilts it to the side when typing the code, wont say who hes texting.

I see this a lot on these forums, people lamenting their partner's phone habits. It's difficult for me to relate because, being completely honest, after 4.5 years, I couldn't tell you what my lady's phone habits are other than losing it every morning while she's getting ready for work. I don't look over at it when she's using it or texting anyone. I don't ask her who he's texting. I don't have her passcode and have never asked for it. Admittedly, I've never particularly noticed her hiding her phone to enter a passcode, but, again, she also knows I'm not the type to peak over to notice her code. I think in cases like this, it's very difficult to discern what came first between the chicken and the egg. It's difficult to tell whether someone is asserting their privacy with their phone in light of their partner / date notably glancing or otherwise being intrusive, or whether they're shielding it because they genuinely are being shady about something.

 

Hes not open with communication when he does go out with friends. He omits facts.

What are some examples of these?

[katrina1980]

Agree with everyone, my ex and I took separate vacays frequently, so did my dad and stepmom, so do many couples.

 

There are beautiful women and temptations *everywhere,* Vegas doesn't have the market cornered on that, that's for damn sure!

 

I would venture to guess the reason he hides his phone is because he can sense your distrust and knows you're hovering over his shoulder checking to see who's calling, who he's talking to, etc.

 

Even if he had nothing to hide, that feels intrusive and oppressive and will cause him to hide things from you if only to maintain a sense of privacy!

 

I also think your attitude is precisely why many men are so wary of committing these days. Commitment phobia if you will.

 

Relationships should not be so oppressive, mandee.

 

There is no "letting" your boyfriend do something, you are not his jail warden or worse, his mother!

 

If you have trust issues, then seek help cause those issues will poison every relationship you have!

 

Chill out, tell him to have fun and you will see him when he gets back!!

 

And work on resolving your trust issues!

 

That's my advice, good luck!

[Starlight925]

The phone habit thing goes along with something else. In the OP’s case, it appears he leers at other women and she feels he’d be compelled to cheat.

 

In my last relationship, the only reason I ever noticed the phone habits was because he took such great care to hide, silence, take it with him, and turn it away. Turned out, he was hiding things. In prior relationships, I never even noticed their phones because it was such a non-issue.

 

I’ve been dating since cell phones first came out, and have been married once, and engaged another time. Not once, ever, did I even notice anything about their phone.

 

But when you notice deliberate hiding, moving away, shutting the phone down suddenly when you enter a room, well, for me, it was a signal that something was up. And it was.