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thealchemist

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Everything posted by thealchemist

  1. She seems immature and craves attention
  2. Sure. She might feel the need to come back for some validation only to rip your heart out again. But come back for good? Nope
  3. He sounds like a douche bag. Why cry over such an incentive jerk like that? That isn't how you treat someone you care about.
  4. You forgave her and gave her another chance. Now she did it again. What do you think your future will hold? I honestly don't understand why she wouldn't give you some reassurance. When my wife and I were in a LDR we would frequently reassure one another. Her talking to an ex speaks volumes though. When pressure is put on your relationship, instead of talking with you and addressing it, she turns to a former lover for a distraction. She very well could still love you. That isn't the problem. It is that she doesn't know what she wants. That is why she will continue to hurt you, loving you just makes her motivation more sincere. If she loses sight of what you guys have every time you aren't around, you either need to end it because you can't trust her, or you have essentially constantly mark her as your territory, which is beyond rediculous.
  5. This guilting manipulation tactic is such a HUGE red flag. I would NEVER marry someone who is so immature they resort to these tactics. This is how a spoiled brat gets their way. If you acquiesced with this she will use this tactic to manipulate you from now until your eventual divorce.
  6. You seem well aware of your errors in dealing with this situation so no point going there. You behaved in a pretty clingy way, but it also sounds like you were reacting to something very real. Now, I don't think you handled it well. However, I also don't think you handling it badly actually made any difference with the situation. To me it seems like you sensed her pulling back and freaked out in a not so mature way. I can understand your reactions. But she pulled away a lot. Was in communication with and ex, with the tone of reconciliation. Then told you some pretty hateful things, whether true or not, it doesn't really matter. Sorry buddy, but o see no way that you could work it out. She seems done. Even with giving it time, it sounds like that was her way of softening the blow to you. I would imagine she has no intention of getting back with you. Life is too short to try to convince someone to see your value, it is also vert futile.
  7. You and me both buddy. That is a crappy situation OP. Nothing you can do now but learn from it. You are heavily fantasizing about something that wasn't a given. Take her off the pedestal and you will have a easier time getting over here.
  8. He didn't come on to you with the plan to create a meaningful and loving relationship. He come on to you for sex. Assuming that ANY sexual advances are coinciding with the intention of a relationship will leave you wrong a lot more than right. Never assume someone's intentions.
  9. It doesn't matter if you are an addict or not, actions speak louder than words. Words without any actions are meaningless. Don't get delusional thinking about his words and their potential. Without concrete actions they are just a fantasy you are buying into.
  10. People rarely give a real answer as to why they are breaking up. In the end, he didn't think you two were compatible, and that is all that really matters. But that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either of you. It just means you two are different. He probably cut all contact because he thought it was best for him to get over you that way. It isn't a mark against you, he just needs that space to move on. To sit in the sun and cry. It sounds weird but it helps me when I feel hopeless or depressed. Get out and walk some. Try to be active. Exhaust yourself with a physical activity, it will help your appetite.
  11. I seems pretty obvious all he is interested in is sex, you will get his attention because you are convenient. Not because he has feelings or wants something more.
  12. That kind of victimizing attitude would be very draining on me. She wants to get married to you, yet refuses to empathize or compromise with her prospective husband? Sounds like a bad attitude going into marriage. Marriage cannot work with such limited empathy/understanding. She sounds like she tries to redirect your very legitimate concerns by making you feel bad about making her upset. She sounds manipulative and passive aggressive. And now, even if you did give her want she wants and get married, she will now know that she has an effective tool to get what she wants. You won't see the last of her trying to victimize herself to get you to concede a point.
  13. If she is guilting you into to marriage you need to RUN. You are 21, and have only dated 1.5 years. You are not ready. She is ignoring your very rational concerns, being pretty irrational herself. I see no way to comprise, especially since you stated she actually said she won't. This is coming from a guy who married his high school girlfriend at a young age and is very happily married still. I'm totally supportive of young marriage with the right circumstances. ... This is nothing close to the right circumstances. PS. You are not giving up everything in your relationship and everything it was. It will always be a part of you and will shape your attitude towards all your relationships, your first really LTR. Like a benchmark all others are compared to. But that doesn't obligate you to get married anymore than it obligates a woman to have sex if a man paid for dinner. Totally inconsequential.
  14. People, in my opinion, end relationships 99% of the time because of THEIR issues, not that of their SO. I would really strive for NC and not text him. You will only be hurting yourself if you do.
  15. Well I personally developed a lot of my sexuality by myself before I ever experienced it with another. Can you get yourself aroused solo? I am not some sexpert here, but I think I would try to get a worthwhile sexual experience by myself before I attempted it with others. Then work to incorporate another into it. I am a guy and I honestly don't get sexually aroused by many woman at all. Definitely need a good connection to allow myself to have that lust for another. You might just be similar to that and you haven't allowed a good strong relationship to blossom before having the sexual component added. Asexuality is really just the lack of sexual attraction. It doesn't seem to be your case. It is more like your sexuality is trapped and doesn't manifest itself typically.
  16. Do you think you are just very asexual and you are trying for something because of social pressures but it isn't something for you?
  17. Sorry but you don't really get to determine the gender of people who respond. I am personally a pro-life individual. But what my wife and I decide to do is our business and no one elses'. Just like what you decide to do is totally on you, no one else is going to have to deal with the consequences. If you can't support or deal with a new child then get one. I have supported a couple friends who have and the procedure wasn't an issue, just helping them with emotional support was the biggest thing. Especially with already having all the weight on your shoulders of a newborn, keep an eye on your mental state.
  18. I see NC as the only way to go. I'm not saying it is any sort of an attempt to erase the past, obviously that is not truly possible. But the reason NC has so much support is because if you had such an intimate connection to a person it is nearly impossible to move on to another romantic relationship ever if that relationship is not severed. People who never cut their close ties very typically collect exs. People who cannot let go of a previous partners have a huge time committing to a new relationship. I feel that they are essentially crippling themselves and any future prospects of happiness. If you don't have children with a previous partner, it is a pretty huge red flag to still have them as a significant part of your life. But everyone is entitled to their opinions, and if you don't want to go NC then don't. Luckily for all of us that is typically our choice. But if someone who refuses to go NC gets on this forum and complains about not being able to get over an ex, pretty much everyone is going to tell them the exact same thing, and with good reason. But if you are doing great and don't do NC, then great for you. We typically only say go NC when people complain about common issues linked to not going NC. But I don't think many people think NC mitigates the pain or loneliness. It just gives you a cleaner break and sets the stage for a much healthier future relationship. In fact, I feel people don't go NC because it is HARDER initially, and keeping the connections makes the person feel a little better and it is the easier path. Frequently though, the easier path is not the healthiest in the long run.
  19. What I would give to have only "a" problem family member...
  20. I met my wife when we were very young and have been together more than half our lives and we are just getting into our thirties. I have never even been remotely interested in any woman other than her, and we have been insanely in love for such a long time. So many of our friends say we are soul mates. You don't find your soulmate, you create one. Your over infatuation with this girl is too much. You will cripple your potential relationship by being so overboard.
  21. I think finding love on tinder is also an exception to the rule, not the norm.
  22. Well I don't live in a city. There are no dog parks and I don't live in a neighborhood, much less one with walking trails. There are a large number of very old cemeteries around. Our unincorporated community voluntarily maintains them and we use them as our walking areas. I obviously agree, just because others do it doesn't make it ok. But I don't do it because others do, I do it because I want to, and see no disrespect in it. Before our area started taking care of it, it was used by junkies for meth purposes. I would like to think that the grounds are nowhere near as disrespected with our responsible use. We signed a petition and got county approval to maintain it, with their full knowledge of our intentions. With our sheriff so hard pressed they were delighted we ran the junkies off and maintain it, keeping them at bay. So we are also totally supported by our law enforcement. And it is my communitie's ancestors that are buried there, and their great grandchildren are the ones who signed a petition for this. We made the choice to use it as a pseudo park instead of letting it be overrun by drug addicts. You are entitled to your opinions, as am I.
  23. In my community many people walk their dogs in the cemeteries. But they are all 100 year old civil war cemeteries that haven't had any need additions to them since way before I was born. I do not see people walking them in regular ones.
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