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mandeelove

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  1. Im not sure his side in everything but everytime I have left, he has chased me immediatly or a couple days later and making some "in the moment" changes or a few weeks of it, then back to being mean again. But like I've said, Im never mean back, I try to talk logically to him or just walk away. The walking away is what gets him to change but its only for a moment. He even admits hes an Ahole or that he has issues. He will tell me how hes been this way with other exes. I even told him to seek help because I actually cared to see him improve overall. But he says he doesnt need therapy, he knows what to change and he'll change it on his own. Well he never does in the end. This whole HOPE that hell change and finally gets it, is what keeps me going back. His apologies are always so nice and believable. I always say to myself if he has this self awareness or can suddenly be so nice, why cant he show that everyday? If its in him? Thats why Im in this cycle.
  2. You don't technically have to respond to any of my posts if it causes you any misery.
  3. He told me point blank he will not move in together nor ever get married until I make more money at my job or switch my career entirely. He is well off, doesnt need a cent of my money. He can support himself X 20 so it was odd to me why hes so fixed on my salary. Its like all he cares about. I dont want him to buy me gifts or pay my bills. I do that for myself now. Im speaking in reference to another poster's comment who said I wasnt really living in his rich lifestyle, I didnt get anything from him. This poster said I was just attracted to the potential dream of it all. So this is why I said he doesnt buy me anything anyway, its not like Im showered with all these perks. Im not getting anything out of it. Im not in it for money.
  4. I really want to leave this guy. I dont want to exprect less or live with it, or just complain and not get anywhere. I really want to leave him and stay gone. Im not planning on going out and dating. I agree with most posters. I should fix myself first because I stayed in this for 3 years and thats an issue with me. I have to fight my fears of being alone, dreaming of the what ifs with this guy. I have to fight my fears of not being married or having kids in time. But Im miserable now so better to be alone and eventually I'll feel better and grow as a better person. Right now this situation has ruined me. Im not making good decisions. This post about a year ago about his money was very stupid. Since then I really changed my opinions because I would rather a man making less money but treat me nice, then a rich guy treating me bad. Youre right. It wasnt my life. He didnt buy me gifts, or pay my bills. We didnt live together ever, he was very stingy with his money. If we were to get married I dont even think he would share his money in any sense. Hence why he wanted me to make more money.
  5. Ive posted about this on here once before. I think hes using it as an excuse to not commit.
  6. Its not so much society... I want these things for myself. I always have. So as I get older and see its not happening, I get fearful. Having a partner is not the only thing to make a person happy. But I def want that family and stability.
  7. We discussed living together only. He said he will not do that until I make more money etc. My job isnt paying what he thinks is good. And as far as wedding/kids, I bring it up yes. He knows what I want. When we got together he said he wanted the same things. However, whenever I duscuss it, its like Im from another planet. He acts like Im discussing something out of this world crazy. So yeah, all this combined is why I need to move on. I certaintly want my future to be happy and with the right person. Theres just still a fear of not getting there and winding up alone.
  8. I didnt take offense. No worries.
  9. Im afraid at my age I wont find anyone. Im not getting younger and my biological clock is running. Its more of a fear of never meeting someone,not having time to start a family etc. Plus to find a good one takes time/effort. If I was 10 years younger this wouldnt even be a thing. But its the fear overall. Everyone around me is married with kids. Its hard to even go out with friends anymore because their lives are very different now. So where to meet people is another fear.
  10. This is totally normal. For me as well. The main thing is never take it out on yourself and never make her feel bad if she needs something extra like clitoral stimulation. Alot of it is mental too so try to always be calm with her, no pressure. My ex bf used to take full responsibility for me not being able to. I tried to reassure him it wasnt his fault, but it never worked. It made everything so tense so then it really never happened. Sounds like you are understanding and took a good approach to it.!
  11. Wow funny you say that. In the midst of a break with my current guy I had been persued by someone I had met out . Since I was on a break months ago, I gave my number. We actually had a few nice convos, he wanted to take me out or persue further. Not sure if it would of went anywhere but since my mind was so messed up and no position to do a thing, I backed off. That was it. Then I was back with my current guy, I told the other guy about it, and he never persued again. I can see where timing is important. Im wasting years and getting older. I do need to just split up. You're right, I am alone anyway. I attend most things alone because he is very one sided. He likes doing things with his family only so holidays/big days, we are apart. He doesnt bend on it... And I stick with my side. So yup Im already alone .. And in other ways. Thanks for this insight.
  12. Im not sure if you were the one who said it or another poster,but my self esteem is low due to all these years Ive been around this. And there is a fear of being alone forever. Im not in denial about it. I have fears of being alone. So that combo and along with other things regarding him specifically(feelings, hopes he'll change) is why I have stayed this long.
  13. I think my current bf doesnt like that I like him so much. Actually repulsed by it. Doesnt like kissing, cuddling or love expressions. Even gets uncomfortable if I buy him a birthday gift. Doesnt say I love u to me, not even to parents.
  14. I agree with seeing me as a doormat. I also think its too late to gain respect back and now Ive seen the worst sides of him. Its too late overall. Thats why he changes for 2 weeks and then returns to the same behaviors because 2 weeks is usually how long it takes me to forgive him. If I had walked away right away maybe he would of changed, treated me better . Then again idk. I think this is his personality. Wont change for anyone type attitude.
  15. I don't think its a dom/sub dynamic because even in those theres a caring aspect. I used to think he cares! If he stays, always comes back there must be something! etc. But now Im a bit smarter, I stroke his ego and Im always giving in. He knows thats rare to find. I complain like crazy , always speak up believe it or not,but in the end I give in so he knows that. Its very dysfunctional. I dont think we would benefit from couples counseling. Maybe a year ago, yes. But I think its too far and he will not change. @Katrina, no the sex life isnt good. He doesnt have a high drive, never did. But since Im upset alot, Im not seeking it either. Its luke warm ,so def not the glue holding it together. I have to get out of it and I think thats the only thing to do now. I always waited for that long trend of 6 months or more when things would be consistant and he'd change but it never came. He has a very big family whom I love them all and vice versa. Most of our interactions are with his family so thats what really strung this relationship along too. Hes a different person in front of friends and family. A very diff person! Someone I like. So we'll be great if people are around. One on one it changes though. Im not dating his family though and I have to be prepared that when I give him up, Im losing like 50 people I actually get along with. Its a shame but Im not dating them. And I have to tell myself I will meet someone better for me with a good family too.
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