Krankor Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I'm a male who's about to turn 40. A couple of months ago I met a 34 year old woman and we started seeing each other. Things have gone well; good chemistry, good conversations, we really enjoy each other's company. A couple of weeks ago she let me know that she wanted to go "all in" with me, i.e. become an exclusive couple if I was on the same page. It felt a little soon but my instincts told me that I should take that leap of faith with her, and so I agreed. When we first started dating I was still not 100% over the last woman I was with. She was 9 years older than me but I was really into her. Looking back, it was more a fling than a relationship but that's not how I saw it at the time. But the new woman really helped me finish pushing her out of my mind, especially when we started having sex. So, last week she came over. We were doing the "Netflix and chill" thing. We ended up having sex and then afterwards while we were laying in bed together I can't remember exactly how it came up but we were talking about exes for some reason and I mentioned how my previous girlfriend was 48. She got this almost shocked, horrified look on her face and immediately started asking me all these questions: "Why would you date someone so much older?" "How did it even happen?" "Were you even attracted to her?" Within a few minutes she seemed to sort of laugh it off, but I could tell it honestly bothered her on some level. Since then, she'll sometimes text me things like "Why were you wasting your time with old ladies when you could have been with me much sooner?" Or "Well now that you are done with old ladies we can have some fun." It's always with a smiley or winking emoticon but it's obviously something that's on her mind. What do you think that's about? Would such a revelation bother anyone else? Link to comment
gebaird Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 It sounds to me like she wants to feel superior to your ex (it's human nature). If it bothers you, then kindly ask her to stop. If you're okay with it, let the ex-bashing continue Link to comment
ChellyV Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I do not know why your choices would be a problem to her, specially it is in the past, where she was not in the picture yet. This is disrespectful, I am so sorry. You need tell her that you would appreciate not to hear about it. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I think she's being flirty and teasing you a bit. Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I'd say just keep your eyes open. Its fine you were honest. If this doesn't stop or goes to her wanting to see this lady pics FB ect. Or if she wants to know all you past lovers then it could be a problem. My ex stalked my past gf's it was very strange Link to comment
derroax Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 It's a bit rude. It sounds like she is a little bit jealous that you went out with someone more experienced, but regardless of the reason that's a bit rude. I would say - look what happened in the past stays in the past, I am with you now and only interested in you. Please stop saying those things - if you and I ever broke up, I wouldn't allow my future girlfriend to speak negatively about you. I respect people who crossed my path even if things didn't work out, and I think our energy is better spent focusing on the future, not in the past. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Well coming from an old lady here *sigh ....just let me pin my face up before I type ... Jealous ..... feels like you have had a mature and experienced woman and it makes her feel inferior , not woman enough , so she puts her down to make an older woman be a bad thing in her mind to feel better about herself . Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 "When we first started dating I was still not 100% over the last woman I was with. " My guess is she figured this out and is feeling insecure and jealous as a result. She fears you still may not be "100% over" the other woman, so she slams her hoping you'll think she's right and you were crazy for dating someone so much older. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Yes, if she's really slamming your ex like that, it's because she feels threatened and insecure. If she's someone who feels she gains points by being younger than you, it will be something of a wakeup call to realise that older women can be attractive, too. (Serves her right ) Seriously, though, this kind of chat will start to get irritating if it continues. Let her know that she'll be 48 one day - hopefully - and that she's making herself sound silly and immature. Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I would tell her to grow up. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Wow, that's disrespectful and it makes her look sooo insecure!! Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Wow, that's disrespectful and it makes her look sooo insecure!! Agreed. At 34, she ain't no spring chicken. Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I can't remember exactly how it came up but we were talking about exes for some reason and I mentioned how my previous girlfriend was 48. She got this almost shocked, horrified look on her face and immediately started asking me all these questions: "Why would you date someone so much older?" "How did it even happen?" "Were you even attracted to her?" Within a few minutes she seemed to sort of laugh it off, but I could tell it honestly bothered her on some level. Krankor, you should have kept quiet about your exes. There is little gained by going into details about anyone from your past, if it has no impact on the present. Even though you're now exclusive with her, you're still getting to know her and understand what she's about (e.g. if there are any insecurities,...). Link to comment
Krankor Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 Agreed. At 34, she ain't no spring chicken. It's all relative. Link to comment
Krankor Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 Krankor, you should have kept quiet about your exes. There is little gained by going into details about anyone from your past, if it has no impact on the present. Even though you're now exclusive with her, you're still getting to know her and understand what she's about (e.g. if there are any insecurities,...). True. As I recall I think I was paying her a compliment about being athletic, but that was stupid and I don't know what I was thinking. Even favorable comparisons to exes are never a good idea. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 She may wonder if the ex is still in the picture. But it sounds like it's going well, so just don't talk about exes again.We were doing the "Netflix and chill" thing. We ended up having sex Link to comment
Clio Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 She is insecure about her age. She feels that a woman's age somehow detracts from her value so she can't handle the thought of you going for an older woman, thus, ruining her theory and false sense of security in being younger than you. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I would tell her the topic is boring, you regret saying anything, and it's done. If you hear about it again she can find someone else to date if it bothers her so much. Honestly, this is starting to reek a bit of manipulation and making you feel bad you had a past with anyone else. And that's a red flag regardless. In other words cut this jealous sniping off at the knees and keep an eye open for if she starts to take offense at you being in contact with other women that make no sense - your boss, the clerk at the store, your mother. If so run, don't walk, for the nearest exit. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 40/48 isn't a very big age gap, so not sure what she is so weirded out about. Lots of sexy 40-something actresses out there too!!! gf needs to realize she will be in her 40s soon as well!!! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 It sounds like a case of providing TMI, (lesson learned) and a girl who is not fully mature. JMO... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I agree she probably feels threatened and insecure. I wouldn't feed it too much and hopefully she moves on from it quickly. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 gf needs to realize she will be in her 40s soon as well!!! I guess she plans to lose value as she gets older! Link to comment
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