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ChellyV

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Everything posted by ChellyV

  1. I say, cut ties. I know you probably feel like it is your moral responsibility to stick around, but in the best interest of your own marriage and your own "sanity", please distance yourself. She has to deal with the consequences of divorce independently of you, more so after 7 years. I tried to be friends with my ex-husband post divorce but he was not open to it. He remains in contact with my kids though (his stepkids). Fully understood and respectfully so. Really, it simplified an otherwise complicated divorce recovery process.
  2. Such chaos. Run and dont look back. If you are meant to be, it will come. In the meantime, move along...
  3. Reality is, $ is a strong presence in each home that fuels every action you take....vacation, studies, internet speed, order food or cook, turn heater on or just dress in layers... Love, and of course sex, flies out of the window without $. And oh, an idle mind is the devil’s workplace, there is a good chance he is in that mind of yours?
  4. I actually do, my bestfriend, but she is recovering from COVID. 😔 And gave me feedback about him being difficult sometimes. Ayayay.
  5. I thought this was a non-issue to me but I will be a hypocrite if I say it does not bother me. I thought I would be indifferent by now, but I am not! Grrr at myself. Ex-husband of 10 years separated in late 2019, and in the process of divorce. The cause of the demise is quite complex - a stepson who is a chronic thief (not sure what words best describes), lazy, disrespectful, and by year 7 of marriage, ex-husband would say “he does not love me, and will never love me”, slept separately for 3 years before the final kaput. I stayed hoping things will change, but its true what they say, you wake up and suddenly you are so tired of it. I asked him to leave. He admitted he was not ready for that, but I said, you will just have to figure it out. Just a week ago, he was stalking me on social media. Then, called me to say he will pay off our credit card. I said, I cannot make a lumpsum payment of my share, so we have to do a payment plan. He said, I can pay whenever. Called again about his covid scare, his union, his job, etc. Then today, called me ..his typical sarcasm over my text request for him to be present on a zoom call with our immigration lawyer, for my daughter’s I-130. I thought a simple smh reaction would do, but I was 😡😡😡😡. I did not articulate what I was feeling, I simply pretended not to hear it. The worst part is having to stay on the line for him to finish $@)*#)*!!@@## just so I can say what needed to be said, that his wet signature is required on one of the documents, and when may he find time to do it. Ah just venting. I am friends with most ex’s. This one is a challenge. May be a problem on my end too.
  6. I would love for someone to call me every night, specially in this pandemic! 😉 Compromise, and invest. Consider her time if you would like for her to consider yours.
  7. I am sorry for this. Maybe he sincerely thought the relationship with you would work, no intention to string you along. But 3 months is indeed too soon. Now, live and let live, I hope you find the right one for you. Of course that is easier said than done...but don't be in the space of jaded please. There are good people out there....
  8. Friends are not perfect, like us, but the moment they are disrespectful of your choices, it becomes stressful. You don't need that in this pandemic.
  9. I primarily made sure my kids are taken cared of, feeling the love between both parents, and did my utmost best to be the single provider and a mother at the same time. It was like putting my life on hold so my kids get adjusted to the new. After a couple of years, pursued my M.A. in an attempt to improve economics for me and my kids. A good 11 years after, re-married. I was around my family a lot, which aided me in making short term decisions. What you want to do as a person will get to you as you thread along. My kids are both grown ups now, and here I am, re-planning what to do on the long term but with a sense of peace that they grew up to be great invidividuals.
  10. You definitely did the right thing not inviting him in. And unfortunately, his reaction made the intent of the first date obvious. Let it go and re-consider your action of inviting him anew. If and when that happens, these are the assumed facts that should then be spoken, just to be clear with expectations. I am an “online dating pro” (which of course, decelerated with this pandemic) and I have never given my home address to anyone on the first few dates. Something I learned not to do, because I mistakenly gave it to someone on the 2nd date and he started showing up unnanounced. Not cool. Goodluck on your love hunt!
  11. I hope everyone is doing ok. I too have struggled so much being away from family. I live alone, and separated in 2019. While I typically find activities to keep me from being melancholic, sometimes you just need to stop and accept it, and just find ways to make it better. I hope this pandemic will be over soon.
  12. Hi Macro, Like you, I live away from my parents and have to take care of them financially, almost since I graduated college which is a good 30 years now. Like you, they have idiosyncracies that makes it challenging to be away. However, I suggest you pray and trust the Lord for we cannot do everything! It is just impossible. I gather that your mom is not living with you right now, why not ask other distant relatives for help and pay for their services? They key is them knowing your ability to financially sustain her care, sadly, money still propels action..in fact, a lot of action. You also need to take care of you. Whatever happened in the past is not lost time, it is preparing you for what is to come. I suggest open your heart and mind and take the leap of faith! Please keep us posted.
  13. Almost all public agencies I know (I work for one) has a Media Affairs department, or an External Affairs Department, in the private sector there is Marketing Graphics Department, where your skill is absolutey required! Try to sign up with a head hunter to explore opportunities while not completely abandoning your passion. Hunt for anything that will showcase your talent, specially in the online spectrum where WE all turn to these days. I am absolutely certain you will find one. On the interim, just get whatever is available to get you updated with your bills and stuff. This may be hurtful but my Mom once told me, when there is no $, love flies out of the window. Having had an ex who simply did not want to keep a job and raising small kids, it happened..in my case. Love flew out and running. Financial independence empowers you. Try to be there, not only to be treated better by others, but also for you to feel good about you.
  14. I have been working from home for a public agency, extremely thankful to still be employed. My 2nd job paused, which causes mild hardship. Only problem is weight gain, things are ok on my end. Consciously enforcing positivity everyday. I live alone and initially it was hard. Slowly I developed a routine, have a number of close friends and my kids to talk to everyday. I dread returning onsite, which was announced to happen mid July. Neighbors across the street caught COVID, so I am very cautious of my outdoor activities. I can’t give up 3 mile walks everyday and 30 minute Beach Body workout, I feel its better than vitamins for me right now. These neighbors are high risk and appear to be getting better now, just not yet allowed to be out of their home till the 27th. Please hang in there. Look for gigs, if that appeals to you i.e. Instacart delivery agent (high demand these days). FEMA is hiring, though slow.
  15. My ex husband is the same person you are describing. In the end, the absence of words you want to hear and the hug you want to get on bad days, outweighed the rest of what he brings.
  16. I am friends with all my ex's meaning, I talk to them when needed but they are not in my immediate circle. I also allow to fully heal before contacting or responding again. Be polite in case you see each other, but go NC for now and block them on social media. You can "friend" them again once you have truly moved on.
  17. I admit, I do. But I assure you, am working so hard on them. I journal, I joined Divorce Care, I see a therapist. Im still angry but am not actively pursuing an outlet, simply praying it will go away in time. Thank you wonderful people. I wish these can just magically disappear. 😔
  18. It’s time to share as it may help with my precarious state of mind and emotions. Background: my son left for the US Navy in Feb 2019, my ex-husband left our home in October 2019, we are now sheltering in place, and my beloved Boss announced he is resigning, last day May 25. 2 weeks ago, my Dad called me saying the ex-husband called him from out of the blue, just to ask how he is doing. Prior to this, they never communicated like that. No text, no phone calls. To me it was odd, but I left it alone. It was, I think, no longer my business. I have decided to cut communications with him completely because we have nothing “conjugal”. I felt like I can heal better that way. We had a history of on and off relationship for 4 years and always, we go back to each other and the cycle repeats. This time I am just so done and ready to move on. Being told “I don’t love you and will never love you” was a repeated language I heard through the years of being with him, I am convinced nothing I can do will ever change that. The only challenge I have right now is his desire to remain in my family’s circle. My family respectfully try not mention in conversations with me, but there are times they do. On Mother’s Day, he personally delivered food that my daughter in Manila requested be ordered for me. Thank you for being nice. That’s it. A week ago, my Boss announced he was leaving which triggered extreme sadness and again, hopelessness. I work in the public sector where it is hard for projects to come by without much politics. I am losing a Boss that I learned a lot from and considered my friend. A sadness that is so unfamiliar swept all over me and now random tears throughout the day. I am struggling. I am not sure how to cope with the many changes anymore.
  19. If you are afraid of losing her more than the impact it will have in your life (empty home, will you find someone), then ask for some space for now. Usually distance puts people in perspective. I understand there might not be an option of places to go due to COVID19, but put this as an option right now. Cases like this, she needs to help herself not a partnership effort. Please be well.
  20. I think you are a closet girlfriend. Before that thought completely poisons you, have a conversation with him and say how you feel about it. It is however time to meet his family.
  21. Back when I was living with my husband, I put a lot of effort to be "indifferent" to his mess, and do my deep cleaning twice a week. I understand it drives you crazy to see it as a constant in your home now, I probably will be too. It took me a lot of looking away to be at peace with myself at night before I go to sleep. LOL. Mostly he also got tired of my constantly reminding him aka nagging, something I hated doing, and cleaned up after himself. In the end I just had to accept it....pick and choose my battles.
  22. Our ex's turn into a different persona in front of friends. This is also the phase you can see who were your "so-called" friends. Mostly they want to give that image that they are right, they are angelic, can never do wrong. Only a few bold friends will call them out if too much negativity is being said. Why not ask him about it? But be prepared for the answer. On the other hand, just after a break up? Wounds still fresh. Go NC fo now, which includes social media.
  23. This is just the reality of online dating. One minute they are in hot pursuit, then disappear completely. The best way to tackle online dating is to remain detached, and initially keep friendship in mind before anything romantic. Am on online dating right now and have no interest in meeting in person until we are "allowed" to do so which clearly sets the boundaries to "maybe friendship" zone. And I am forthcoming about that to people I meet. Some stick around for a chat, some do not. I say let it go, and move on.
  24. NOTHING justifies cheating. A relationship will struggle getting back from cheating. How much do you want to invest? And talking to girls, that already tells you the depth of commitment he has on both of you.
  25. This crazy situation we are in now do propel you to a place of doubt sometimes, do people care about me, if yes why are they not reaching out? I text them anyway! Mostly gibberish but always in a happy tone. :-) I do not feel like doing that everyday, but I reach out to make it known that I am still alive. Some respond, some do not. For those who do not, what can I do? Last weekend, I allowed myself to grieve over the realization that, they simply do not want that type of contact. When this Shelter In Place is done, you kind of have a good grasp of who will really be there for you. How about family? Whatever happens, reach out. Never mind if it is always you, just reach out.
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