Jump to content

Krankor

Platinum Member
  • Posts

    1,106
  • Joined

Krankor's Achievements

Rising Star

Rising Star (9/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Posting Machine Rare
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done

Recent Badges

42

Reputation

  1. OK, so a guy is attracted to you and after 3-4 months of apparently dating he started asking for sex. When you asked "why" he paid you a compliment; albeit a (very) marginally crude one but a compliment nonethless, and that made you feel ugly? What? I am 41 years-old and I've never been in a relationship in which I've had to wait more than 2 months for sex. That is admittedly possibly slightly unusual but hardly bizarre. Let me tell you: this guy likes you. He likes your personality, he likes your face, and, yes, he likes your body. If he were just going for sex he would have lost patience by now. Yeah, he's starting to push for sex--I'm surprised it took him this long--because he's a dude and he has hormones. But he also just really likes you. The longer a guy is willing to wait the more he likes you and the more attractive he finds you.
  2. I do have one rule: if we would consider certain behavior from men abusive then that behavior is by definition abusive coming from a woman. If you find yourself making excuses for that woman that you wouldn't make for a man then you are guilty of applying a double standard. Being (apparently) the father you do have to be careful given our current societal and legal climate. I would speak to an attorney to get a realistic autopsy of your rights and responsibilities, but under basically no circumstances would I put up with an abusive relationship like the one you currently occupy.
  3. It sounds as if she is feeling smothered in your relationship. It could be that you push for too much of her time, she may just be the type who needs her alone time, or, unfortunately, it could be a sign of waning interest on her part. I'd recommend just giving her her space. Go and do your own thing, don't inundate her with texts and calls, and wait for her to suggest getting together the next time. However, you do have your needs that must be kept in mind. You say you are feeling neglected, so if this continues it may be time to figure out whether you two are compatible in terms of time together vs. alone time.
  4. Well, this isn't going to get any better. Ever. This will never...get...better. I'm repeating myself because it's important that you understand this concept. As long as you are with this woman this is how your life is going to be and this is what you are going to have to put up with. I was in a very similar situation to yours several years ago with a controlling, smothering, clingy woman. I don't think we had a single evening out that she didn't end up ruining with her pettiness. However, as nasty as she could be to me I really did care about and love her. I still do really care about her and want her to be well. I saw the pain that lay beneath her actions. But she was impossible to live with. She was impossible to have a relationship with. When I finally ended things I felt bad about it and even missed her, but I never once regretted it or felt as if I'd made a mistake. Life is absolute hell with a controlling, smothering, clingy partner.
  5. Well, this is what domestic violence actually (usually) looks like: men and women arguing and escalating until they end up in a physical altercation. People have an image in their heads of domestic violence as some hairy, stubbled guy in a wife beater slapping the lady around because she overcooked his eggs, and while that scenario does exist it is actually relatively uncommon. So, no, you aren't that guy. But you are in a (probably) toxic relationship that you are contributing to with your drinking and reciprocal violence. Your girlfriend didn't have any right to try to restrain you from leaving and she sure as hell had no right to slap you, even if she had someehat good intentions--from what you describe she may have been trying to stop you from driving drunk. But you are also culpable; you drank too much for one thing. For another you should have just disengaged and let her leave instead of inflamming the situation farther, and you shouldn't have slapped her back unless it was turning into a self-defense situation. Instead of beating yourself up over this let it be a wake up call. For one thing you are with a woman who is willing to resort to violence which pretty much disqualifies her as a partner. For another you may need to look at your drinking. For a third you need to work on some healthier conflict resolution skills.
  6. As long as you are in this relationship you are going to have to deal with men trying to poach her away from you. That is just the reality of dating a highly attractive woman. The wolves are always going to be lurking around the cabin and it doesn't help that your girlfriend--intentionally or not--likes to throw them some fresh meat fairly often. So, again, just something you are going to have to deal with. I would just accept that whatever is going to happen is going to happen, assume you have something going for you that the other guys don't, and don't worry about it. Don't be an idiot or a doormat, however, if you ever feel that she is crossing a line. There's jealous and controlling and then there is having reasonable boundaries. Which leads me to the issue of the ex-husband. Look, you've walked into a situation that is working for your girlfriend, it's working for her ex, and it's working for their girls, perhaps most importantly. And you are left feeling like a fifth wheel in your own relationship. I don't blame you one bit. I think I would feel the same. But you've raised your hand and voiced your concerns and were called "jealous and controlling." Now I think that's unfair. Again, reasonable boundaries aren't jealous and controlling and you just want to see her make a few reasonable accommodations for her new man. I mean, if she's not willing to do that why even enter another relationship, right? Hell, why not just remarry the ex. But that's just not how she sees it. She has put you on notice that this is how things are going to be. Your mind has already run a cost/benefit analysis on this situation and has decided that if this is the price of having your beautiful, model girlfriend then so be it. As time goes on your mind will keep running that analysis. Eventually you may come up with a different answer.
  7. This post is a textbook example of female hypergamy. Women tend to look for a man of at least equal status--preferably higher--and are rather loathe to date or marry "down." Men tend to be far more flexible. It's not at all unusual to see a male doctor married to a female nurse; it's pretty unusual to see a female doctor married to a male nurse. The problem is that in our modern world--a world in which 62% of college students are women and women under 30 are now out-earning men their age--many women have unfortunately largely priced themselves out of the market. Unfortunately for you, that tall, handsome, successful 40-year-old man who you feel would be at your level is focused in on the under 35 crowd, because, frankly, he can afford to be. So what is the answer for you? For one thing please let the man you are seeing go. Nobody needs to spend his/her life being looked down on. Then just keep trying while not being obsessed over it. There are so many niche dating sites out there now that I'll bet you can find one that caters to your needs and wants.
  8. Ahh, I stand corrected then. The study I read about looked at what women reacted well to in men, but it makes sense that it would work both ways.
  9. You've gotten some good advice here: I would cut out the "drama-free" bit too. I know what you mean; most men do. But I think some women may find that kind of insulting, like you're the sort of guy who labels all his exes as "crazy." Also a piece of weird, random advice: post a picture of yourself in a red shirt. Studies show that gets good results. It sounded very odd to me but I tried it and my responses and "she likes you" doubled instantly.
  10. I would just say "Hey, you remember how I told you I wanted to keep things platonic? Yeah, about that..." My guess--and I could be way off--he'll be very glad to hear it. I mean, the guy is still going way out of his way to spend time with you. It sounds as if he's still hopeful. However, TWT does have a point: could this really work out given the logistics? Just something to think about before you go forward. But if you do decide to go forward, just be direct.
  11. Well, even though it was only a few dates and not a relationship, I think it's a lot of the same sort of thing. The guy was probably starting to really like you, probably thought you were on the same wavelength, you disappointed him, and now his attitude is "I don't need or want your pity friendship or even friendliness." Probably not the most mature response but I think that's probably what's going on there. In a way getting rejected after a few dates can be the toughest blow to the ego. It's one thing to ask a woman out and get rejected: "Oh well, you are going to swing and miss more often than hit. Her loss; she'd have liked me if she'd have given me a chance." Getting dumped after several months obviously hurts more but it isn't quite the same blow to the ego: "Well, her feelings fizzled eventually but at least she thought enough of me to enter a relationship with me." But getting rejected after a few dates? That one's rough because it's easy to take it like "Well, I gave you a shot and you didn't make the cut. Sorry." Not that you did anything wrong, of course. I just think that's what's going on.
  12. I got dumped once by a woman I still work with. I ignored her for a while as much as possible while still doing my job. Was there some butt-hurtness behind that? Yeah, there was. I admit it. There was a sense of "you don't get to dump me and then have me still be friendly with you. That's not how this works. I have my pride." But I also was legitimately just trying to get over her. I will admit that once I let myself be friendly with her again I actually felt better about everything. But I had to be ready for that.
  13. I'm far more friendly about it but that's pretty much the stance I take with any woman who dumps me. "Not interested in friendship; contact me if you ever change your mind about things."
×
×
  • Create New...