SooSad33

Okay, first, he's your 'ex' .. so you really aren't together now. Why? Second, you two were only involved for a year? IMO, IF he's so uncertain at this point, I'd let him go. In a years time, one should know if this is what they are truly into & wanting.. or not. So, I think he does still fancy you and still wants you ' in his life', but that is it. Then don't go there anymore.. If you can accept him as a 'friend', then leave it at that. * when a couple splits up and for reasons, if they do get involved again and those 'reason' have not been dealt with, the relationship will fall apart, again. * Do you think it's maybe just best to leave as is now.. and move along?

Fine, if one is 'busy'. . BUT, it does sound like it's mainly you trying to 'give' in this. Waiting a cpl days then texting her again? IF someone is truly interested, I am sure they would gladly keep up communications. Having time with kids is all normal when dating someone with kids. And as already asked, what's the red flags re: her ex and kids?

It's only been 4 months.. I think this has all come to it's end. Communication & respect is lacking. He's not all in it, sorry. Stay in the relationship? Honestly, sounds like there really isn't one. Move on.. leave him be. Expect no more.

You are NOT happy with your marriage. You have too much going on ( between 2 men) and a loss of a child 😕 .. so sorry. I feel you NEED to be on your own for a good while... get out of this marriage and get your own self back together. And no, your parents are incorrect. If you do not feel 'real love' for your husband by now, you never will. The relationship will not improve. Please get out of this with both of them, and take some serious down time to focus and take care of YOU here ❤️ . Maybe seek some therapy to help you along with all of this.

Yeah, all the red flags.... He is insecure and talking in an odd sense. PLUS, he is driving you crazy. So, get out of this! Simple.

It was basically a summer fling.. she was using you, I'd say. I feel you KNEW inside this was a gonner, soon enough. So, is best to leave it all alone and yeah, get her off your 'friends' list. She is so far from recovered from her last relationship & 'able' to give in a healthy manner. She's moved on now and most likely will keep doing so, for a while until her emotions are depleted 😕 . Someone like this needs some serious down time after a BU. Have no more to do with this chicklet for your own mentality.. forget & move along.

Living together as friends.. nothing more. Is very selfish for everything going on here. You should have split up 12 years ago, not make this non-relationship carry on as it has.. wasting his time. 😕

You need to proceed with caution... be careful NOT to just jump in with both feet in these circumstances. You were only chatting over timespan of a month, then went on a couple dates. If things slowed down, so be it. Do not react in negative ways... you respect their choice and just walk away. Leave it. If you choose to 'delete' someone, then that's it. Think before you act. IF someone is truly into you, you'll know it.

I agree,, how about you seek some prof help, as you sound confused about it all. IMO, you are female and you do like boys... despite what your father has said/ done. Is all in what/ how YOU feel. I was a tom boy, growing up. I never fancied dresses/ dressing up, but I did get into nail polish by HS 🙂 . So, if you are so confused on all of this, look into some help.

Well, he has brought up the thing you were concerned about... the cultural differences, which seems to have now surfaced. Plus the distance issue? then you speak up and say there is no moving forward in this.. and you've wasted enough time. How do you mean he is not accepting it? he has no choice. If you're done, you're done. If you have explained yourself ( as HE has pretty much admitted it all), then you have every right to leave all of this behind now. You remove all parts of him from your life. Do not give in.. No reason to keep talking anymore.. Nothing. And you move along.

Yeah.. this is all one hot mess 😕 . I feel you are more hurt over your own experience with him.. and so ticked off, you're acting our in vengence. You know that saying . . Never do something you're going to regret? Okay, so with YOU knowing he was hiding you, did that not set off red flags? And, him saying he wants no relationship or commitment? And you remain.. why? All he has done is leading you on.. and on. And he has possibly, another woman hanging in the shadows? And still deals with the wife? Wow.. talk about a soap opera. I'd be long gone by now.. as I am not one to be messed around this way.. So, how about YOU stop all of this. Don't deal with the loser anymore and also gain some control - Is never a good idea to feel the need to contact the wife. of course that'll set him off. Like other's have said... why do you care? It's just a mess... I would take the high road and be long gone from all of it! I suppose you'll now take this as a learning experience, to not go near a married man.

First off,, If you do have feelings for y, then don't go back to this with x. And he has NO idea what a relationship with you would be like! It has been 10 years now. He's going on fantasy. As for your differences, no, he can't change any of that. You already know your differences and that's also what is affecting you isn't it? Then do not drop y.

When involved, yes, you need to 'give' a little. A healthy relationship takes your time & energy. You should be respectful, trustworthy, present ( meaning being there with them at times - do things together) and you need to communicate. Not sure how SHE is in all of this? if she is just more 'needy' or if you are actually lacking in a few area's? THIS Is where we learn. We learn if we're truly compatible, if we mesh okay. Has she explained what is bothering her?

Friendly is good. IF she understands these are 'dates', then she is aware you are interested in her that way. As mentioned, do you guys flirt at all? Maybe approach with hand holding first, see how she responds - if she accepts that much, then I feel in time, a kiss/hug can proceed after that. And try to work on your confidence more .

Then eat in 😉 ... and if this money things a problem ( and since you moved in together.. then move out) . 😉

Yeah, it can very well affect how YOU see yourself.. So, are you talking about more 'self love', etc? I have pretty much accepted who I am. I know I am caring to many, I also know I am very emotional. In ways, I am sure we are all hard on ourselves at times. So, is maybe a good idea and try to 'accept' who you are. Remind yourself regularly, how good a person you are ( change your frame of mind). And also take care of yourself... eat well, get your sleep, hang with good people ( less toxic the better) 😉 . Unless, you find your life too overwhelming, where it's getting the better of you, then consider some prof help? I did therapy a few times over the years, when I felt myself chlallenged too much and falling. Not sure how you mean about 'striking the right balance'? A lot of it is in how we've been treated, our frame of mind, etc. ( w/ depression, one is VERY challenged & fight that mind battle heavily) 😕 .

Sadly, it is true. You do not have control of her this way, as she has her own choices in this matter. My son chose to go to his dad's as well around this age, I said fine, this is your choice.. It lasted about a year ( longer than I assumed), but it's something HE wanted & felt he needed to do. I remember a saying, ..When they are young we 'raise' them, as they hit their teens, we 'guide' them... Meaning no matter what you say or try to do with them.. they can easily find a way. Yes, they can & will deceive you. They will go against your word. They are challenging. So, don't try to damage your own self too much here. Let her explore and let her learn, on her own. Only so much you can do . I am sure, eventually she'll come back. As for past abuse with him. did either of you seek prof help? My son was damaged a few ways & did need some therapy etc. Keep watch on this.. Teen years can be very stressful with all the changes & stressors ❤️

You know you, yourself needs work. Accept she has pulled away and just walk away from this now. Focus on you. . leave the idea of getting involved alone. It will take you more than a couple of weeks to 'improve'. Remain single and deal with your own issue's.

Yeah, you already know what your insecurities will do 😕 . is time to look for some prof help... therapy and speak to your dr as well for some help with your anxiety. You need to feel okay about things.. not cause issue's, when maybe is totally unnecessary. And it may be best to remain single for a good while, so you can work on all of this. last thing you need at this time is more stress. You can't give what you don't have....

Yeah, it never works a second time...because what caused the problems were never resolved. 😕 I know it stings.... No, you've now hurt 'your rebound', so trying to get her back as well... will cause you even MORE issue's ( Pain of the BU plus trust issue's I'm sure..). WHY are you even looking for someone else right now? You can't do this to try & get over an ex. You NEED to work through your emotions on your own for a while... don't use people. stay single and give yourself some time to heal & accept the BU's. Get a life. Get out there, hang with friends.. maybe a hobby? But, avoid dating again for a good while.

Yeah... NO should say enough. And ask him to keep these 'ideas' to himself. You don't want to hear it anymore. I have an ex who'd mention something like this occasionally.. NEVER this often! And never about my family members, fps 😕 . Maybe suggest you guys view a little porn together, before sex, as that can also keep him going? and is something for you both to share....

Wow, sorry you're having such challenges 😕 .. and nastiness to boot! My son's autistic and yes, they were aware, when he began schooling.. he was also triained to use a computer 🙂 . He has his quirks and he knows it.. he is 'limited' in a lot of area's. So, he can only handle so much. he is presently working with a decent boss- which happened when he was sent out for co-op thru school. You say you've been through therapy? ( or psychiatrists?).. No one should be mistreating you there! if they are, you speak to their superior. And ask to see someone new. As for online etc, maybe limit yourself, so you don't get overwhelmed? Not sure how people can see how you actually are on there? But, yes, is best to avoid that type of situation if it's not doing you any good. And as Seraphim mentioned, ^ , your communication shown here seems fine. And yes, when my son was diagnosed, they emailed us support page re: groups and employment. So, learn your limits, but do not stick around those that you feel are not being nice.

IMO, If he were 'over her', she would not be a topic of discussion. He is not being very respectful, there are NO boundaries.. If he's into you then be clear on this. No games. ( but then again, he's just reaching puberty & needs to learn a few things.) I have a feeling you are ALL just learning how to handle your thoughts, emotions and changing minds/ bodies. And maybe you should NOT go ahead with any plans on truly getting involved with this guy. He see's you as his 'friend', like a buddy.. And if you cross those lines, it's risky, in the way that things will in fact be different 😕 ... and it will affect your friendship - and not in a good way. Can you not distance yourself from him a bit and actuallly look at finding a guy out there who is not your 'friend', you've had for a while? You can always sit & have a decent chat with him about all of this 'touchy' and how it's bothering you. In the end, it's your choice, just know the risks. If you want to remain a good friend of his, remain as you are.

Hi Alice, First off, I am sorry that you've had such challenges.. and on top of it, the pains of having to struggle along for too long w/out any real support 😞 . Not sure your age, but yes, it can take some to actually be 'diagnosed' properly.. Yeah, I've been there on & off for years. I had to learn self care along the way as well though.. In my teens was depression ( due to a damaging upbringing as a child) ... I improved for years 🙂 .. But, yes, it hit again when more negatives hit me and i hit bottom hard, again. Back on med's (diff ones) and 4 yrs of therapy ( one on one & group). I feel some things can be improved yes ( the wait times).. Unless you are risk of harm to self or others- then you're in someplace immediately). My experiences, I don't think I have had to await overly long- possibly because I live in a smaller community ( not a large city). But, along the way I had to learn self care.. I had to learn my triggers and how to learn those that were toxic to me and avoid it best I can.... so there's a lot of factors in there. Presently, I am on a mood stablizer ( was previously on an anxiety med), I do also struggle with sleep - which is very important- but I have my 'nightly ritual' to make sure I DO get some sleep! ( I used to take melatonin, but am off that now, I have resorted to tea before bed, i lay down & watch one last show.. and settle. I also have a fan running , which is white noise)... I also do 'my own thing', a lot... I did isolate for a while, but I also managed to get my anxiety under control- to where I was kinda 'able' to handle things out of my home better ( more functionable). But, over time, things have improved with me learning how I function and my triggers, etc. I have not been to therapy in a good while, as I feel I am fine with all I know and how I deal with things now- with help of my meds. I have a small circle of friends I hang with ( yeah, I have ahd to remove the occasional one), I do a lot at home, on my own, my tv, music & crafts- I'm doing okay there :). Thankfully, for the most part, I am sitting in an alright place now.. I don't like sudden 'expectations', as that sets off my anxiety- so many know to give me warning.. give me time.. Is just how I am. As for needing a DX, yes wait times suck! My youngest had to wait to get his diagnosis for about 2 yrs. 😕 ... What is most helpful is to have BOTH a med that's helping and therapy - not just meds. And I came to realize ( for myself), that anti depr's never really helped me, so I weaned off them & went back to doctor's repeatedly over a cpl yrs time and is when I hit bottom, is when i was put on the anxiety meds for a cpl of yrs, weaned off them, then went on the mood stablizer -so this can take time... to see what helps us. ( we're all wired differently). Another things re: self care is not just meds & needed sleep, it's your environment & what you eat - gutt health, I have learned.. I eat & drink better now. Our mind & body is a whole.... So, yes, it's a few things that can affect us... ( On FB, I have a mental health group and a Page on what's good for the Body). So, is maybe an idea to sit back and look at yourself & your own world. Are there triggers? Reasons for your challenges/ things affecting you in a negative? Or is it just within yourself? I know, the worst place to be is in your own head 😕 .. Many of us have that challenge.

You tried... but got fed up with his 'life'. he is not trying to get out there again - his choice. You are not his mother. He needs to be a responsible adult, but at this time, he's enjoying his 'long term holiday'. I can understand you can't see anything successful in the long run with someone like this. Don't feel guilt. Maybe, this will wake him up a bit.. and try to get motivated again. ( and as for his mental health, is up to him to work at dealing with that as well. There are professionals & doctors he can reach out to....). Anyways, not your problem. Yah, it's okay to walk away from this. Was not doing you any good.