HopefulButScared

You guys are right. I'm done. I'm not reaching out anymore. If he doesn't want to be with me then he doesn't get any part of me.

I suppose you're right.

Honestly, I want to be with him. Before 4 months ago, we were both 100% in. Never any doubt. This life event is a major thing. Sorry to be so vague, but that's the most I can say. That changed everything and brought about the "no relationship" conversation. That is why I can't seem to let go yet. Because he said that and we haven't been able to talk about it. Sounds dumb, I know.

I actually had stopped reaching out to him. He made the initial step to contact me again and told me how much he missed me. He makes sure he reaches out every day, he calls me, still shares things with me. The only thing that has changed is the communication has gone down a bit since his program started and the affectionate pet names don't happen as often. He's not 100% in and I know that. I need to talk to him about the reasons. If it is because of ABC, then it is something that can be discussed and worked out. If it is because he no longer likes me, then there's no changing that and I will move on. If I didn't truly believe it is because of ABC, I would have given up long ago. Maybe I'm fooling myself, but it just doesn't feel like it. Any idea on how best to bring that up?

The distance is part of his concern because he is afraid I wouldn't be happy in his area. He's worried that things might not work out, but these are just regular what if things. Things could not work out for many reasons, but that isn't a reason not to try if you want that person. He has never said his feelings for me have changed (to anyone) otherwise I wouldn't be so confused. If he was talking to or seeing anyone else, he would tell me. He isn't one that would hide that, especially since we're "just friends" right now. I know most people would lie about that, but he's one of the rare ones that wouldn't. He doesn't pull punches for anyone.

Unfortunately, I'd say you ghosted him and he is now not interested. You guys talked for a week, met up, had sex, then you stop replying to him. There's a difference between chasing a man and engaging like an adult. It sounds like you let your insecurities get the best of you so you didn't reply to him to see if he would put in the effort without thinking how he would take your response. Let it be a learning lesson. Do not play games and do not assume to know what someone is thinking. Yes, it is hard not to let insecurities get the best of you sometimes, but it can stop a good thing from happening.

My ex-boyfriend and I were together for about a year and things were going really well. About 4 months ago, life happened and it led to him saying that he couldn't be in a relationship because of the uncertainty of what lies ahead. He told a friend of ours some other concerns and they were all more "what if" things, which every day has "what if" possibilities. "What if it doesn't work out" "What if her expectations can't be met", stuff like that. We still talk and I can see his indecision. There are days where he falls back into being affectionate and days where he is distant. I've tried very hard not to read into things because I don't want to fool myself into thinking things will change with a little bit of time. He makes sure he lets me know that I am on his mind, that he's so busy with everything that he doesn't have time for much so he doesn't want me to take his lack of communication personally, but that he reaches out to me more than anyone else. I know I need to talk about things with my ex. If he doesn't want to be with me because he no longer likes me, then I just want him to tell me so I can accept it and move on. If it is because of his "what ifs" and his belief that this is the right thing for me, then I want to at least say my piece. He has a lot going on right now with work and getting his Masters and I hate to add more to it, but I can't go on much longer. Does anyone have any advice on how best to bring this up without making him feel defensive? I don't want him to feel attacked and I can't really straight out mention his "what ifs" because he didn't tell me directly. Unfortunately, we are at different colleges for our Master programs so the distance makes things a bit more difficult. I'm scared that I'll somehow ruin any possibility if I say the wrong thing. Any advice or help would be greatly welcomed!